What if your child refused to do schoolwork?

[steffanie3]

I have a friend considering homeschooling. Her son sometimes goes toe to toe with her on things, he is pretty stubborn and has had a lot of behavior issues in school (a reason of hers to bring him home). She is wondering what if he won't do his work? What should she do? He is in 5th grade now.

Thought you might have some ideas.

[Joanne]

Refusing to do school (or homeschool work) is secondary in this case.

I'd encourage the mom to work on character, obedience, respect, heart issues.

I'd have her focus on the behavior issues primarily and worry about formal academics later.

[steffanie3]

I'd encourage the mom to work on character, obedience, respect, heart issues.



How exactly?

[jghomeschooler]

Is she a GCM? Or open to GBD?

[steffanie3]

She is not, but may be open. I have noticed a lot more patience and understanding from her than she had before.

[CelticJourney]

The other thing, in addition to Joanne's suggestion, is that boundaries are boundaries - homeschool or public. Is the problem permissiveness that has gotten out of hand? Or the swinging from permissive to punitive and back that sometimes happens?

[jghomeschooler]

I would suggest she do some reading on positive discipline, give her the link to GCM if she has internet access, and that way she could ask specific questions in the GD forum, and she could get specific help.

[fourbygrace]

Her son may need time to "deschool" (to get rid of all the baggage he may have in regard to doing "school work") and I totally agree that she needs to focus on the heart issues. She needs to find ways to build their relationship by really getting to know him (that is harder to do when your child is at school all day), including him in her daily activities and doing things with him that he enjoys. His heart needs have to be met first. Does he feel loved, valued and respected by his mom? Relationship has to come first.

You can't MAKE someone learn. He has to want to learn. She needs to show him that learning is part of everyday life and show him a thirst for knowledge, by being interested in things herself and showing him the world of opportunity available. Then they can work on the academics as they work toward the goals they set together.

[booboo]

What we've started doing, to make the day go smoother (my dh suggested it) is any schoolwork they refuse to do, they have to do with their daddy. This means taking out time that could have been used for fun with dad to do schoolwork instead. I don't see it as a punishment. It's saying, "you won't do your schoolwork now so you'll need to do it later. If you do it now, you can have fun later." It's giving them a choice and since they are very close to their dad, it works. The same can go with whatever activity they were to do later in the day, do the schoolwork in place of it. (that doesn't sound punitive, does it?) :think

[ArmsOfLove]

One thought I had in addition to all the great ideas in the thread already is that there were many things in school that were confusing to me because they didn't fit my learning style. Being forced to do something so difficult led to much conflict. When homeschooling she can explore curriculums that fit with his learning style and he may be able to move beyond issues like feeling stupid or frustrated or whatever else may be going on. If he's having problems at school I'd really encourage her to avoid trying to do "school at home" and suggest she explore homeschooling styles and learning styles so that she can structure something that will work best for them

[Momma of 7]

Neighbor across the street had the same issue. 5th grade son not behaving in class. Very strong willed. They thought of bring him home and the did try for a few months. She would have him go do some chores (actually more physical ones) before any schooling. He would do his reading while walking up and down the stairs or walking around the backyard. He did much better when he could be moving around. When he had to sit to do something, they put a ball under his feet so he could bounce his feet up and down on the ball while working. This helped out alot with the schooling side. When he was being disobedient, she would send him out to the back fence and tell him to go pound nails into the fence board until he cooled off. This worked well for him and her. When he got that way again, he would go run in the back yard or go pull the nails out of the fence

[Heather Micaela]

Neighbor across the street had the same issue. 5th grade son not behaving in class. Very strong willed. They thought of bring him home and the did try for a few months. She would have him go do some chores (actually more physical ones) before any schooling. He would do his reading while walking up and down the stairs or walking around the backyard. He did much better when he could be moving around. When he had to sit to do something, they put a ball under his feet so he could bounce his feet up and down on the ball while working. This helped out alot with the schooling side. When he was being disobedient, she would send him out to the back fence and tell him to go pound nails into the fence board until he cooled off. This worked well for him and her. When he got that way again, he would go run in the back yard or go pull the nails out of the fence

He doesnt sound stron willed - he sounds like a kinesthic learner (needs to move) and it seems like she is finding trinks that work. That nail poundin could easily be channeled into wordworking rather than a way to let off steam :)

[r2dab2da]

My son gives me a hard time about school work too. He's an artsy craftsy kind of kid. I let him choose what he wants to learn. He can pick the country he wants to learn about etc. The only thing that follows a schedule is math. I also just fell in love with lapbooking. Maybe it's just a matter of what works for him and what interests him. HTH