"I hate school!"

[MamaCare]

Ugh. I've decided for sure that we're pulling Bennett home next year, probably going to do virtual school to start, then maybe home/unschooling eventually. But I just feel like he needs to finish out this year... I am going to be having this baby anytime now, and know that there is no way I can pull together any kind of structured learning environment at home the next couple months. But every day, I have to *convince* him to go to school. He does end up having some good days (and lots of mediocre ones) but the bad ones are the ones that stick, and all he thinks about when it's time to get up and go. (And, of course, it's especially hard after a week off!) It is beginning to wear me out, though... and I'm worried that when the baby is here, and he gives me a hard time about getting up and getting ready for school, I'll just throw up my hands and say "fine." I think he believes if he stayed home, though, that he'd have free access to the computer, TV, and video games... which would definitely not be the case. (Or at least, I'd like to think I'd be strong enough to keep those boundaries... but again, w/a new baby...????)
I've talked w/B about next year doing something different, but that I really need him to pull it together and get through these last couple months. (He's out in mid-June.) Then I wonder if he really does need to be there. The world wouldn't end if I just pulled him now, would it? Even if I know that he'd be just hanging at home, w/no structured curriculum or anything? Of course, then I worry that it would be super difficult to get him back on track w/virtual school in Sept.... if he's had 5 months of no schooling. --sigh-- I'm feel at a loss. :/

[jghomeschooler]

Well, I wouldn't make my kid finish a term if I knew I'd be hsing for the next one. But, I'm not one who thinks you are obligated to finish something just because you started it- I want my dc to learn that if/when they discover something is NOT for them- they are free to be relieved from that thing and move on to something that IS for them, kwim? If you bring your ds home now, he'll still be learning. Not "school" stuff, but he'll be learning. And, even if you do enroll in a VS in Sept, you can still "do school" during the summer- read lots of stories, do some writing to relatives (he can write about how he feels having a new sib- IF he's writing yet), sorting things (math), etc. HTH

[Katherine]

I don't have real world hs'ing experience yet, so keep that in mind. ;)

Maybe it would help if you could articulate (for yourself) *why* exactly you feel like he needs to finish up this term? :think If there are solid, logical reasons then saying them out loud might help both of you get through what's left of the year. If you come to the realization that it's just a vague "principle of the thing" type issue, or that there really aren't any good reasons, then you might feel more confident about the decision to pull him out. :shrug

[arymanth]

The world wouldn't end if I just pulled him now, would it? Even if I know that he'd be just hanging at home, w/no structured curriculum or anything? Of course, then I worry that it would be super difficult to get him back on track w/virtual school in Sept.... if he's had 5 months of no schooling. --sigh-- I'm feel at a loss

It usually takes kids several months to "de-school" after public school.... that means giving them a break from any kind of formal teaching. A common rule of thumb is to allow at least one month for every year they have been in public school. There are several good reasons for this, including giving them ample time to adjust to a completely different schedule and way of doing things. Expecting them to transition immediately from one form of "schooling" to another can be extremely stressful and can quickly lead to a lot of tears, frustration and burnout. I think 5 months of "de-schooling" may be exactly what your son needs, especially with the addition of a new sibling, which can be stressful all by itself.

If it were me, I would bring him home NOW and give him plenty of time to adjust to your new way of life. There's no reason to worry about structure, making things "educational" or any kind of formal schooling for the next few months. And to be honest, it is going to take at least that long for you to really wrap your own mind around the new concept of at-home learning. It is a completely different way of looking at education and it can be difficult to let go of old ideas about how things "should" be done. I've been doing this for 8 years, and I still find myself struggling with certain old habits and ideas about education. Have you read John Taylor Gatto's articles? They really give a different perspective on education from a teacher's point of view. (here's a website with quotes and links to many of his articles http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theory/Gatto/Gatto.html )

Relax, enjoy your new baby, and give your family a break. School can wait.

Stephanie
mom to six sensational kids

[readermom]

I am not a homeschooler, my son is enrolled in kindergarten for next year BUT I had an awfull time in school in grade 7 and 8. I would have been so much happier if my parents had just pulled me out immediately. I know that the harm school caused in those years far outweighed any gain.

[ozmummy]

My ds hated school too. We ended up pulling him out with 3 months of Kindergarten to go. Just wasn't worth it. And I had been told about the need to "deschool". We had one month off, but I wish I would have taken more off....You ds is still so young, give yourself permission to relax about it all......I find my son (now 7yo) learns *so* much more in the time we're not "doing school". :heart

[MamaCare]

Thank you all for your thoughts and support! I talked w/DH (who is having a really hard time wrapping his head around the idea of homeschooling at all) and we really couldn't come up with a good reason that he *HAS* to finish this year. (DH says "Well, I hated school... I got picked on... I still had to go. It's like school is his job. You can't just quit because you don't like it.") He also thinks that 5 months of "deschooling" would be *way* too long.
(Granted, he hasn't done any reading/research on homeschooling... that's been my territory, and we haven't had many discussions about it beyond my insistence that school is *not* working for Bennett, and we need to give this a go.)
Anyhow, yesterday B had a day that was "just like every other day" but came home and did homework (a final draft of an essay and wrote a speech to give today) with no prompting beyond "time to do homework" which has me :hunh This kid mystifies me sometimes. I still feel like we need to be prepared to pull him now if it seems like that would be the best. (We have another special ed meeting the 17th, I'm waiting to see what they've decided re: all the testing he's been through.)
I appreciate hearing your experiences... as a child who loved school, and was a great student (though more for the identity and social perks than from a passion for learning!) and a licensed teacher, it can be hard for me to fully embrace the "always learning" model, though I know it's the case, and makes so much more sense than the forced curriculum at school. Having nagging doubts is extra difficult when I'm trying to convince DH that this is the right move for our family.
I think I'll be spending more time on this board!! :shifty

[Mama Calidad]

(DH says "Well, I hated school... I got picked on... I still had to go. It's like school is his job. You can't just quit because you don't like it.")

Even for adults out "in the real world", we get to quit jobs that we really detest. You may or may not be in a position to do that without lining up other employment, but you do get to quit. Seeing as how your son does have another "job" lined up, even if it doesn't start tomorrow.... It's not like you'd have to wait until September to start teaching him at home. Homeschooling can start any date your family picks...and you can start some things on day one and others later. However your family decides is best for you all. :mrgreen

[BornFreeBaby]

This is from; http://home-educate.com/unschooling/deschooling.htm

Deschooling
Trying to adjust your lifestyle and thinking when you bring a child home to learn after having him in an institutionalized setting (read that school) is very difficult.
For you and the child.
The child has, most likely, had his natural desire to learn, his creativity and imagination quashed. He needs time to detox, take a vacation, have some down time -- however you wish to word it.

You as a parent need to deschool as well. We have been institutionalized ourselves and have many preconceived notions about what constitutes an education.
Here are just a few we must dispel:

It cannot take place without a qualified educator who has years of college in preparation
It has to take place in a classroom or classroom environment, with desks, chalkboard and texts or workbooks
It takes place Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
It stops when we graduate high school (unless we choose college)
Children must learn certain concepts in a predetermined manner
Children must learn certain concepts at a specified age
Children cannot learn without a qualified educator to hold their hand and guide them through the learning process

Some books I recommend for parents are:

Dumbing Us Down:
The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling by John Taylor Gatto
For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer MacAulay
Learning All the Time by John Holt
The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook:
A Creative and Stress-Free Approach to Homeschooling by Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore

[J3K]

The world wouldn't end if I just pulled him now, would it? Even if I know that he'd be just hanging at home, w/no structured curriculum or anything? Of course, then I worry that it would be super difficult to get him back on track w/virtual school in Sept.... if he's had 5 months of no schooling. --sigh-- I'm feel at a loss.

You are correct...the world will NOT fall apart if you just pulled him now. He can deschool and it's a great time to pick up a few mild unit studies on things he enjoys. Five months down the road you can start with a virtual school if you so choose...and knowing he doesn't have to get up and go to school will greatly improve his outlook on education. Take some time and let him see that education can be FUN and entertaining.

Drag out the educational video games on the computer , rent some movies , listen to some books on tape , play outside in the gorgeous spring weather...

I'd pull him now. He's giving you very clear signals he doesn't want to go anymore , and since you'd planned on it anyway.... jm2c