BluegrassMama
02-10-2007, 12:13 AM
I do not understand this. I can't say how many times this has happened. I don't think it is just me, in this case, because most of the time my friends don't leave....
Anyway, here's what happened: this latest incident was online with friends that I meet IRL once a year or so)....the topic of spanking came up. Now, what I have in common with these friends is the background of spiritual abuse in the same church. Abuse, that is what we have in common. So somebody asks about spanking in the past in said church, and about everybody's feelings now. Do we spank/not spank/agree/disagree etc. I didn't say anything for awhile and then I said "I did see some very harsh corporeal punishment in ___church. Especially toward babies and toddlers. I don't spank, and it was difficult for me to try to take my child out to nurse or rock to sleep because someone was always using spoons on toddlers or smacking babies in the face for being loud in the worship."
That's what I said, and I didn't think it would be a problem because I thought even most regular spankers would agree that these two things were wrong (spoons and toddlers, smacking infants in the face).
Next thing I know, nobody is talking to me. People began posting about how nonspanking mothers think they are better mothers than everybody else, when their children are the biggest brats around. Just running wild, while the parent does nothing yet feels so much more righteous and holy than a calm, godly spanking mother. And others agreed, even my dear, dear friends who I have visited with while our children played (and my children were absolutely perfect on those visits!!!). Why they sided 'against' me when the topic of the whole board is abuse, and my children are not brats... :cry
And now nobody talks to me.
This happens IRL, too. In our new church, yelling and insulting the children seems to be the standard mode of discipline (while the kids run totally wild). I don't do that, everyone wants to compliment me on my boys' behavior in church. But I've learned what to say when they say, "I've never seen you yell or spank, but your boys are so well-behaved. How do you do it?" I've learned to say, "I don't know, I guess they are just good boys!" in a stupid, vacant manner. Because if I begin to talk about attachment parenting and gentle discipline, even in a way that is only about MY home and not about anyone else, that person will never speak to me again.
I want to crawl under a rock. Some of you mamas know what I went thru in an Ezzo church a few years ago, and from then to now I have never felt accepted by other mothers. This isn't what I wanted. I want gentle mama friends whose children are rowdy and normal but polite and kind, like mine. I want to speak about my home and struggles and experiences and successes, without the other person feeling like we are not from the same planet. I want to move to Portland where all the crunchy people live.
Sigh. I didn't think it would be this way.
Anyway, here's what happened: this latest incident was online with friends that I meet IRL once a year or so)....the topic of spanking came up. Now, what I have in common with these friends is the background of spiritual abuse in the same church. Abuse, that is what we have in common. So somebody asks about spanking in the past in said church, and about everybody's feelings now. Do we spank/not spank/agree/disagree etc. I didn't say anything for awhile and then I said "I did see some very harsh corporeal punishment in ___church. Especially toward babies and toddlers. I don't spank, and it was difficult for me to try to take my child out to nurse or rock to sleep because someone was always using spoons on toddlers or smacking babies in the face for being loud in the worship."
That's what I said, and I didn't think it would be a problem because I thought even most regular spankers would agree that these two things were wrong (spoons and toddlers, smacking infants in the face).
Next thing I know, nobody is talking to me. People began posting about how nonspanking mothers think they are better mothers than everybody else, when their children are the biggest brats around. Just running wild, while the parent does nothing yet feels so much more righteous and holy than a calm, godly spanking mother. And others agreed, even my dear, dear friends who I have visited with while our children played (and my children were absolutely perfect on those visits!!!). Why they sided 'against' me when the topic of the whole board is abuse, and my children are not brats... :cry
And now nobody talks to me.
This happens IRL, too. In our new church, yelling and insulting the children seems to be the standard mode of discipline (while the kids run totally wild). I don't do that, everyone wants to compliment me on my boys' behavior in church. But I've learned what to say when they say, "I've never seen you yell or spank, but your boys are so well-behaved. How do you do it?" I've learned to say, "I don't know, I guess they are just good boys!" in a stupid, vacant manner. Because if I begin to talk about attachment parenting and gentle discipline, even in a way that is only about MY home and not about anyone else, that person will never speak to me again.
I want to crawl under a rock. Some of you mamas know what I went thru in an Ezzo church a few years ago, and from then to now I have never felt accepted by other mothers. This isn't what I wanted. I want gentle mama friends whose children are rowdy and normal but polite and kind, like mine. I want to speak about my home and struggles and experiences and successes, without the other person feeling like we are not from the same planet. I want to move to Portland where all the crunchy people live.
Sigh. I didn't think it would be this way.