Should I buy a book for a friend with 1 week old?

[Gentle Journey]

To back track a little, I met a woman at our church last year. I was trying to get ezzo pulled and she shared a story through tears of her DIL who wouldn't let her rock her to sleep or even hold her if she did nod off. I made friends with a lady a few months later and shortly after that, came to figure it may be the same DIL...though she has a few DIL's and didn't want to ask. She just had another baby last week and I went to see her today. They are 'making' her feed her every 2 hours, but she doesn't want to and figures she'll stretch it over to every 3 hours at night. Baby had lost 1lb5oz, she was 9lbs5oz at birth. Her baby was very fussy and she kept starring at the clock, saying she really shouldn't feed her yet, it hadn't been 2 hours. I felt so bad, the poor baby was hungry. We talked about co-sleeping and I shared I was more rested and felt safer as I'd almost dropped my 3 week old son once when I nodded off. But she doesn't feel it's safe. She has a bjorn, but told me it's for summer cause it has no arms. So I think I'll offer her my wrap. When I left, she was putting her 18 month old in her crib so she could feed the new baby. I just feel so sad. I dont think she's a bad mom or anything....I feel like she may have just picked up the wrong parenting book and could use a good AP book. I was thinking of handing her a book and saying "This book kind of covers why we baby wear, co-sleep, feed on demand, and all that, in case you were interested" She knows I'm AP and I'm hoping to come off as just enthusiastic about what I do and not like I'm criticizing what she does. Do I mind my own business, buy a new book for her though I've already bought her a present or buy a used book and let her borrow it. I'm just thinking that if I buy her a new book after already buying her a present and now visiting her house, she'll think I'm criticizing her. I'm really not, I just want her to get her hands on a book showing her the otherside.

[mom2threePKs]

For the most part, I don't buy people parenting books. Lots of it has to do with the position I'm in, pastor's wife, lactation consultant. It would be easy for people to feel judged if I gave a parenting book after a visit like that. If I'm asked, i have lots of opinions!!!!!!! But i don't do stuff like that unasked anymore.

What I will do, is call the mom every couple days and "check in". How are things going? How are you doing? Getting any rest? How's big sibling adjusting? Knowing weight gain is an issue, and stressful to a new mom, I'd probably ask about the baby's weight. Mostly, I commisserate, reflect feelings, validate experiences and answer questions if she has any.

I make myself available. I make my positions about things pretty known. But I know that I can't fix parenting problems when I'm not asked because generally the mom isn't going to be able to hear me.

Hope that helps,

magan

[TulipMama]

Magan, that is a very sensitive approach. And while I've learned a lot from books, it is the women who have "been there" for me and showed me how much they cared, that have impacted me the most. :heart

[MarynMunchkins]

Do you have a book you could loan her? Then you could drop by and help for an hour or so in addition to giving her the book. I agree that personal contact always means much more. :yes

[allisonintx]

is there a book *just* about babywearing?

[mellymommy]

Although I've not had any experience with a new acquaintance, I can say that sharing AP ideals with Ezzo-influenced friends has HELPED them in their coping skills and opened up the door for more discussion and change toward healthy bonding with their child. One reason I stay bold in my parenting discussions with my friends (close and just regular old friends) is that I know it AP and gentle parenting skills HELP a mother and father be better at everything--nursing, sleeping, discipline, time-management, loving each other, etc.

I have one friend (a really good one) whose daughter is 9 months older than mine and her son is 1 year older than mine--really our kids are best friends. I've always worn my kids in a sling--new native, OTSBH, Maya--and I'll never forget the first time she wore her daughter in a sling!! Her daughter was 9-months-old at the time and it was the first day her daughter didn't fuss most of our outing. In fact, she giggled, pointed at a monkey, and then fell asleep so peacefully (usually it was a struggle to get her to sleep in the carseat). She wore her in the sling a lot after that. Now she has a 6-month-old baby with downs syndrome. I gave her some articles on the importance of breast feeding, wearing, and co-sleeping with a ds baby. She has done all three and he is GREAT!! He is not at all behind in his developmental milestones AND he is one of the most social babies I know. I'm not saying that APing is a cure-all, but it sure does HELP!!

Share away. Ask the Lord to give you the words and give you the time to say them in love! Remember how it will HELP your new friend.