I guess I'm out of the closet

[Amber]

I don't hide my AP/GBD ways, but I don't bring them up all the time either. So tonight after our small group Bible study there were 3 of us left in the room, and one of the women said something about how crazy it was that California was trying to outlaw spanking. The other woman agreed and I said that I was all for it. They both looked at me like I had 3 heads, I just smiled and went about picking up my stuff. Now the pressure is on to show them how GBD really works.

[gentlemommy]

.

[cindergretta]

:nails You go, girl! :rockon

[Wonder Woman]

:rockon :grin

[expatmom]

That is awesome. Sometimes just making a statement and not engaging in a huge discussion totally works. :rockon

[Beauty4Ashes]

I'm "out" on the internet and when I attended a particular church, I spoke out against Dobson and such. But with my one friend who is kind of AP but more Dobson/punitive, I don't have it in me to say "I don't believe in spanking". But my Muslim and Hindu friends know that I don't spank.

[QuiltinGramma]

Yay.............(we need a little "Kermit" the frog type of icon that shows him cheering with his little flippers in the air :laughtears )
Good for you.
:heart

P.S. Got your package this morning. :grin

[Sister Ray]

I've been thinking the same thing, but due to my conflict avoiding nature I'm not saying anything about it.

[Rbonmom]

I outed myself on another board on the topic of the California law, and was promptly ripped to shreds :laughtears The topic even got locked because so many of the pro-spankers were getting their feelings hurt :rolleyes I've been :nails over it all week, so I don't know what I'm going to do when I actually have to do it in real life.

[jenn3514]

Good job!!
I know what yo mean though, a friend of mine ,while not Ezzo-like, does spank. I haven't mentioned the whole GBD thing to her. We were talking about something, and I said- "well, honestly- I don't spank anymore and am trying to move away from the whole punitive parenting thing. She was silent for a couple secs, and then said- "oh, well then". And then changed the subject. The truth is, that her kids aren't really any better or worse than mine, they all need more than one one reminder to remember things, I just choose to do it without spanking, or screaming. (and honestly, I was never a big spanker, Screaming is my issue :blush ,I know that it is just as hurtful though- so thats my big 'work on' thing)

[Amber]

It will be interesting to see where things go from here...if they even go anywhere. I'm sure I am already seen as slightly odd to many people in our church. I wear the boys in my sling, Cole comes in to church with us for the singing then goes to his toddler class, Kyle is rarely in the nursery and I nurse (discretly) in church.


I've been thinking the same thing, but due to my conflict avoiding nature I'm not saying anything about it.

I bet my dh would like it if I avoided conflict more. I'm try to avoid giving unsolicited advice, but when some asks my opinion that's a different story :shifty

[Sister Ray]

I've been thinking the same thing, but due to my conflict avoiding nature I'm not saying anything about it.

I bet my dh would like it if I avoided conflict more. I'm try to avoid giving unsolicited advice, but when some asks my opinion that's a different story :shifty


I'd like to have more of a backbone. Bending over backward to not disagree with people is not easy.

I saw posts about the law on some multiples boards I lurk on, and thought "Good for California" but everyone else seems to be so against it. Although parts of Europe have those types of laws and the sky hasn't fallen in yet...

[Rbonmom]

I saw posts about the law on some multiples boards I lurk on, and thought "Good for California" but everyone else seems to be so against it. Although parts of Europe have those types of laws and the sky hasn't fallen in yet...


:yes

I find it quite interesting that we have laws saying that men can't hit women, we have laws saying women can't hit men, we have laws saying people can't hurt animals, yet suggest that it should be unlawful for adults to hit children and watch out.... :duck

[3PeasInAPod]

That's funny, my DH & I did the same thing with last night with some friends. The dad said "did you hear about the no spanking law in CA?" I said "Yeah, 0-3 yrs, they wanted to make the age higher, but didn't think it would pass. But at least it may help to protect the little ones"
He was like "oh, you guys don't spank" I said "no, our DS is only 1yr , but we don't plan on spanking, we don't believe in it.."
Their son is 2, he says "oh, well, we like Dobson...you know , we spank in love, I guess. "
Then the mom said "I mean, what are you supposed to do when he doesn't eat & you give him a time out, & then he still doesn't, or then he hits...what else are you supposed to do?"
(I'm thinking, he's 2, give him a break).
It's sad that so many parents really are at a loss for what to do with their kids.....however, ignorance is no excuse in my book.

Well, they're getting the hint about us, because a few months back they also brought up the BF mom who was kicked off the plane. They said , well the kid was 22 months! I said, yeah, isn't that sad that she was discriminated against because the age of her child nursing!"

It's kind of funny when people open their mouths assuming you believe the same way they do...& then you don't!

[QuiltinGramma]

Then the mom said "I mean, what are you supposed to do when he doesn't eat & you give him a time out, & then he still doesn't, or then he hits...what else are you supposed to do?"
That's when you share a little bit about what they could do or ask if you'd be able to talk to her later about some ideas they could use. Take advantage of an opening like that to share GBD. :yes
:heart

[Maggie]

:highfive :rockon

[jenn3514]

Then the mom said "I mean, what are you supposed to do when he doesn't eat & you give him a time out, & then he still doesn't, or then he hits...what else are you supposed to do?"
That's when you share a little bit about what they could do or ask if you'd be able to talk to her later about some ideas they could use. Take advantage of an opening like that to share GBD. :yes
:heart


You are much more gracious than I am. I would have said 'The same thing that you do if you don't want to eat, excuse him from the table." OR 'Did you know that such control over food is almost guaranteed to give your child food issues later in life' or' my goodness. Is that what dh suggests for you if your not hungry?' I understand openings for GBD, but there are some fights that just aren't worth fighting. (besides, everyone knows that toddlers are like camels, and can subsist for days on sips and crumbs :giggle)

[joyful mama]

:rockon that's great!!

mine didn't go over so well. it was me verses 5 other pro-spankers. :/

[Teacher Mom]

I would have said 'The same thing that you do if you don't want to eat, excuse him from the table." OR 'Did you know that such control over food is almost guaranteed to give your child food issues later in life' or' my goodness. Is that what dh suggests for you if your not hungry?' I understand openings for GBD, but there are some fights that just aren't worth fighting. (besides, everyone knows that toddlers are like camels, and can subsist for days on sips and crumbs :giggle)


I agree! Why parents have punished children for not eating a particular kind of food has always been a mystery to me. Treat people the way you want to be treated! :yes

[jenn3514]

Quilting Gramma- I was just rereading the posts, and wanted to say, I didn't mean not to use the oppurtunity for GBD, I just really dont get get the battles some people choose. (when I reread it, I though I sounded a bit snarky, sorry!)

[3PeasInAPod]

Then the mom said "I mean, what are you supposed to do when he doesn't eat & you give him a time out, & then he still doesn't, or then he hits...what else are you supposed to do?"
That's when you share a little bit about what they could do or ask if you'd be able to talk to her later about some ideas they could use. Take advantage of an opening like that to share GBD. :yes
:heart


You're probably right. It was a good opportunity to give them other ideas. I guess in my situation, I didn't want to come off like I know everything. I only have one son at this point & he's only 1. They have 3 kids - 5, 2, & 8 mo. I did say "well, he is 2" They try to make their 2 yr old accountable the same as their 5 yr old & they continually say to us in front of their 2 yr old "Our oldest was sooo easy, we never had any problems with him, but our 2 yr old is sooo difficult, etc."
I think it's sad that this little guy has to hear over & over how he isn't as good as his brother was/is. :(

[Treenahurricane]

I'm out in my mommy groups like MOPs. I don't even attempt to hide it because the church our MOPs group is supported by promotes Ezzo strongly and there are a ton of Pearl-following parents there. It was intimidating at first, but I know that I want to be a light! My kids act the same as their kids (except for the occassional kid in the group that seems scared of their parents which makes my heart break!!) and we don't hit our children. They are so focused on it is "what God says" and even when I lent Crystal's book to a MOPs mom who follows Pearl she said she thought that Crystal was the one who had it wrong. :sigh: I just wish they could see that hitting is not a requirement for being a good parent!

[QuiltinGramma]

That is just so sad! :cry
:heart

[mammal_mama]

Then the mom said "I mean, what are you supposed to do when he doesn't eat & you give him a time out, & then he still doesn't, or then he hits...what else are you supposed to do?"


I'd be, like, "Why are you even trying to get him to eat if he doesn't want to?" As a verbal adult, I wouldn't have to resort to hitting if someone kept pushing food at me, but for a two-year-old I can understand how he might feel a smack in the face is his only recourse, especially if his parents, who CAN talk, choose to hit HIM when things aren't going as they like.

[TulipMama]

I'm "out" online and with my side of the family. I think my mil "knows" because of related conversations. But since Hubby still holds spanking as a tool "in reserve" and isn't "anti" spanking (but is soooo much more than most of the culture) I'm not really "out" with his side of the family. It hasn't come up IRL in ages. Maybe because my kids are getting older now?

It's hard, though, facing lots of criticism. I try to remember that when interacting with families who still spank. You know--point to better ways, but not come across as being condemning of THEM as parents.

[hey mommy]

I'm "out" online and with my side of the family. I think my mil "knows" because of related conversations. But since Hubby still holds spanking as a tool "in reserve" and isn't "anti" spanking (but is soooo much more than most of the culture) I'm not really "out" with his side of the family. It hasn't come up IRL in ages. Maybe because my kids are getting older now?

It's hard, though, facing lots of criticism. I try to remember that when interacting with families who still spank. You know--point to better ways, but not come across as being condemning of THEM as parents.


Same here... I'm not totally out at MOPS yet though. I guess I am since I emailed that stuff about the Tripp conference.... One lady at the last meeting said "oh, I just smack their hands" and I said "Yeah, I prefer not to do that". It was her first day there, so I didn't elaborate any more...

[greenjellysnakes]

Now the pressure is on to show them how GBD really works.


This is exactly why I didn't want to out myself until I absolutely had to! We've had "the conversation" with my mum (who has told my dad, but he has only mentioned it in passing), but not yet with DH's family. And now I feel like we're walking on eggshells everytime DD has a tantrum, or some other display of "bad behaviour" :rolleyes

I just have to keep reminding myself that it's completely normal behaviour for a child her age, and even if we were pro-smacking, we would still be having to use that form of discipline as often as we use GBD. I like this way a lot better.

Also, it makes absolutely NO sense to me, that we would try and teach a child not to hit... by hitting them! :hunh