wooden spoon

[Teacher Mom]

I am not sure where to post this. Please move if necessary.

I am so sad right now. I am in a fog.

Went to a meeting. A mom pulled a wooden spoon out from her purse/bag. I only just recently learned what some families use wooden spoons for and I am so upset.

I just do not understand this at all.

[Close2MyHeart]

:hug2

My Mom did... we did too. :( I think is sad.

[hsgbdmama]

:hugheart

Did she explain what she uses it for? Maybe look shocked :arrow :hunh and/or :jawdrop and simply exclaim "I could NEVER use something like that on my children!"

[CakeLady]

:hug2 I have a friend that threatens with one and will ask someone (like if she is at someone else's house) for one...to threaten her kiddos into behaving.

[Mother of Sons]

I grew up with a wooden spoon :( They were frequently broken too.

[CakeLady]

I grew up with a wooden spoon :( They were frequently broken too.


:cry

[furrysmommy]

I grew up with a wooden spoon :( They were frequently broken too.
I grew up with a leather belt, a "switch" from a crab apple tree and an old time hot wheels track. And blood coming from my legs and my arms and my mouth and my nose. And a walk in closet so that momma couldn't find me. And total complete fear of mother

[MarynMunchkins]

:hug2

[Aisling]

I grew up with a wooden spoon :( They were frequently broken too.

Me, too. The last time I was spanked this happened :/

I'd probably ask, "Are you actually planning to strike your child with a stick?? :hunh :("

[Aisling]

I grew up with a wooden spoon :( They were frequently broken too.
I grew up with a leather belt, a "switch" from a crab apple tree and an old time hot wheels track. And blood coming from my legs and my arms and my mouth and my nose. And a walk in closet so that momma couldn't find me. And total complete fear of mother

:cry :hug2 :hug2

[joyful mama]

:cry The title of this post just made my stomach lurch :cry

[Mother of Sons]

I grew up with a leather belt, a "switch" from a crab apple tree and an old time hot wheels track. And blood coming from my legs and my arms and my mouth and my nose. And a walk in closet so that momma couldn't find me. And total complete fear of mother

:hbreak :cry

[Teacher Mom]

Okay, I have been home for over an hour and I am still upset.

My husband just got home and said that I need to remember that everyone does things differently.

I know this in my mind, but my heart aches for those children. I was spanked when I was a child. It is still a horrible memory. My mom used to use those wooden paddles with the ball stapled to them. Yes, she broke many of them on me and my siblings. I do not see eye to eye with my parents on things. Imagine that. My father got mad at me when I was 16 and built a paddle out of wood, drilled holes, had me sand it and sand the holes (so as not to get any splinters in me) and paddled me till I was black and blue. I could hardly sit at school the next several days. Did I mention I was 16? I have long forgiven my father for this, but the memory of it still hurts. The trouble with that kind of parenting is you have to keep upping(?) the punishment.

Thanks for letting me write this out and vent.

I have more to say, but I am still processing it. Will write more later.

[Embracing Grace]

Oh my... :bheart :sick2 :cry

[Heather Micaela]

What breaks my heart is all these stories and memories of being hit, yet as vivid as the memory is, often the victim cannot remember what the offense had been.

So all these spanking parents succeed in doing is creating horrible memories that last a lifetime. The "lesson" the are supposedly teaching is never learned. :(

[arymanth]

So all these spanking parents succeed in doing is creating horrible memories that last a lifetime. The "lesson" the are supposedly teaching is never learned.

That was my experience, too. I will always remember being hit, but I don't have a clue what it was for. :shrug Not much of a lesson, was it?

Stephanie

[Katherine]

I think it is sad and horrible, too... and I was a parent who used wooden spoons at one point. :blush Sometimes I still feel really sad and horrified just looking at them. But I also take grateful and humble joy now in using them to *cook* and stir--what they were intended for.
Pray for this mama... I was a hard core spanker who literally could not have imagined ANY other way to parent, b/c I'd never known *any* family who didn't spank.. but God changed the course of my life and my family's life while my kids were still young enough that I pray they'll only remember the spoons as their "drummer" sticks and juice-stirrers. :heart I don't wish to minimize the issue, only to say that God can change people. (Amen!)


And befriend her if you can... Today at the park was really disturbing... on the way in I saw an woman driver reach back and vigorously smack someone in the back repeatedly :jawdrop :cry Honestly, if it had been caught on tape, there might have been charges. There was nothing I could do b/c they drove past me going the opposite way and were gone in a moment, so I just prayed for the woman driving and the kids. Then there was a mom with a weeks-old babe and 2 older children who were clearly on her last nerve. She was shouting hatefully and barking at them, threatening to beat their b***s, hissing at them loudly through clenched teeth, and just saying horrible rude things. :cry I've honestly never seen a display like that in public and I was reeling trying to think of what to say. When I saw the new baby, and remembered how stressed I felt after my 3rd was born (and I had already been GBDing for 2 years, but still took a hard punitive slide for several months), I just tried being friendly. She was curt with me at first, but our kids were playing together, and I tried to converse casually with the kids and occasionally with the mom in a calm way. By the time they left, her tone had ratcheted down considerably and she was actually being pleasant to her kids. :heart Adults "catch" the tone and approach of others around them just like kids do. ;)

[Zipporah]

:bheart :cry2

I grew up in a community where hitting was the norm and I went to a school where it was acceptable for kids to be hit on the backside (in front of the class) with a cricket bat-I remember kids being hit for the stupidest things. By the time my class was in the last year of lower school, we rebelled and hid the cricket bat ....so they moved onto a blackboard pointer :cry

The same kids got hit every week so obviously there wasn't any point.

[furrysmommy]

So all these spanking parents succeed in doing is creating horrible memories that last a lifetime. The "lesson" the are supposedly teaching is never learned. sad
that's about the size of it I only remember getting beat.

[Teacher Mom]

So all these spanking parents succeed in doing is creating horrible memories that last a lifetime. The "lesson" the are supposedly teaching is never learned. sad
that's about the size of it I only remember getting beat.


I just want to say thank you for all these posts. They have helped comfort me a little.

[TulipMama]

That was my experience, too. I will always remember being hit, but I don't have a clue what it was for. don't know Not much of a lesson, was it?

Hunh. While I'm familiar with this sentiment, today is the first time I realized that while I can remember specific spankings as well as spankings in the aggregate, I can't call to mind any particulars of what they were for.

[Close2MyHeart]

So all these spanking parents succeed in doing is creating horrible memories that last a lifetime. The "lesson" the are supposedly teaching is never learned.

That was my experience, too. I will always remember being hit, but I don't have a clue what it was for. :shrug Not much of a lesson, was it?


I can remember what 2 spankings were for (not for a public forum)... I never understood why I was spanked for those 2 particular things, so maybe that's why I remember them more than the others. I have no clue what I was spanked for the others times. I just don't remember the 'crime' :shrug

[Beth1231]

When I saw the title of the thread, the sound of a drawer being opened came back to me. I always dreaded that sound; it meant mom or dad was finding the paddle. It was this thick, wooden thing with a handle that was meant to be used way to protect your table from hot pots and pans! I remember finding it stored away somewhere when I was in my teens and I just felt completely ill and wanted to go curl up somewhere and cry. And I wasn't "beat", it was a three smack Dobson formula but it still hurt me inside so deeply. Now, when I see wooden spoons, I cringe and feel sad but then hand them to my preschoolers (students) to stir or mix something and try to remember their real use and that these children won't ever be afraid of them as I was.
I remember what ONE spanking was for in my entire life and I remember it because my mother was clearly taking revenge on me and I was incredibly hurt inside and out by her actions.

[Katherine]

((( Beth ))) :hugheart

My dh snapped a belt one time (not *at* me, just snapped it together to make a loud noise) and I got really upset with him, almost started crying, and asked him never to do it again. I was totally shocked at my own reaction. He thought it was just a funny, silly thing and kept doing it now and again until once he did it several times really close to me and I went a bit berserk on him, bursting into tears and pretty much unleashing all the emotions that I felt when I heard that sound.

I had no idea something could produce such huge, involuntary feelings in me. (and my parents were mainstream, dobson-type spankers, too. Normally just a few licks unless we were fighting back or having attitude or refusing to break down and cry) :( We dreaded belts. I never had reason to see a man unbuckle his belt until after I got married.. :giggle so I didn't know how *much*. But I still occasionally am caught off-guard by the sickening lurch in my stomach when I see dh reach down to unbuckle his. *shudder*

[Teacher Mom]

:cry

Yep, I can hear that sound of the belt too.

Maybe that is why I hate wearing belts? I always have too. My parents used to try to force us to wear belts. What was that all about? We probably got spanked when we didn't have one on. :blush

[Katherine]

I don't like wearing them either. :think Never really thought about why, except that I don't want to draw attention to where my waist ought to be. :lol

Ladies belts don't really bother me, though. Just the thicker, wider men's type belts.

[Katigre]

I received a really nice gift basket from a student for Christmas that included baking mixes and some Pampered Chef wooden spoons - one of them regular sized and one tiiny sized, just perfect for DS's hands.

He loves playing with that little spoon, banging on the floor, passing it from hand to hand, etc... :rockon

And i won't put it in the diaper bag as one of my 'toys on the go' even though it is small and light (my two main requirements for diaper bag toys ;)) b/c i am afraid people will think i have it in there for smacking him instead of for him to enjoy :sick.

My plan if i see a friend pull a spoon out to spank a child is to look shocked and say "Why would you hit your child with something you use to cook with?" :hunh as if i only have seen it used for it's actual function - maybe that will shake up the paragism enough for them to wonder what other options are out there.

[CelticJourney]

on the way in I saw an woman driver reach back and vigorously smack someone in the back repeatedly Honestly, if it had been caught on tape, there might have been charges.

The ONLY time I have ever heard any of my dh's co-workers talk about him 'cracking' was when he saw what he thought was a man hitting a chld that way in a car (he was known for his professionalism and 'nothing will provoke me, I'm here to take care of business' approach to police work to the point that they called him 'Data' ie Star Trek NG). Based just on the tone of his voice, two other cars responded to his location. Turns out it was a dog, but apparently the man got he lecture of his life about not hitting animals and taking proper precautions to keep his animal safe in the car. Dh said the guy was a little freaked out that three cruisers showed up for him hitting his dog - good!

Just so you don't think dh is 'cold', he is they guy they always called for calls involving very little children and dogs :yes (and bar fights - go figure :shrug) He was definitely a 'don't mess with the kids' kinda cop.

[hey mommy]

on the way in I saw an woman driver reach back and vigorously smack someone in the back repeatedly Honestly, if it had been caught on tape, there might have been charges. There was nothing I could do b/c they drove past me going the opposite way and were gone in a moment, so I just prayed for the woman driving and the kids.

I've seen stuff like that before.. :(
I once got stuck following a man who was driving down the street while beating a woman.. She was trying to get out of the car and the guy was rolling through redlights to keep the car moving so she couldn't get out. Then she pulls a toddler out of the backseat(no car seat of course) and puts him in her lap and tries to get them both out of the car... I can still picture the entire scene in my head and it was about 7-8 years ago...... I didn't have a cell phone or anything to write on, so I couldn't call the cops. All I could do was pray that somehow that woman and her baby got out safe. :bheart
I was behind them(we happened to be going the same way) for about a mile or 2 w/him doing this the entire time... :cry

[Aisling]

I don't wear belts, either. huh. :(

[Dizzy Blond]

I grew up with a wooden spoon :( They were frequently broken too.


Me too. Then my mom got an extra thick one that never broke.

I had it cracked across my knuckles (with as much force as she could muster) for the slightest wrong.

You can tell this lady that I turned out OK, so its just fine. I was also punched in the head, so that must be just fine too. I was also forced to eat my puke (with a good crack across the knuckles with the wooden spoon if I didn't continue), so that must be fine too. And for good measure, call your kids by swear words. It worked out well for my parents.

But then I'm here, so you might argue that although my parents thought it worked that I didn't. And I also live 3,000 miles away from them, if that tells you anything.

[hey mommy]

I don't wear belts, either. huh. :(


I don't either... Maybe thats why.. I never thought about it before... Or maybe its just b/c I've been fat my whole adult life and its uncomfortable....

[Beth1231]

I remember mom taking off her shoe and reaching back to smack our legs with it (my brother and I). That always made me feel really angry. I guess even at that young age I could tell how disrespectful it was to treat a child like that. This was only while my dad was driving, btw. Mom's a safe driver and I take comfort in the fact she has years of preschool teaching under her belt and knows better than do every pull a stunt like that again. Thankfully, since she's going to be a grandma.

[Heather Micaela]

(((Susan)))
:cry

[Teacher Mom]

(((Susan)))
:cry


By God's grace, we have all been brought here and we are each trying to change things, one family at a time.

[Knitted_in_the_womb]

((( Beth ))) :hugheart

My dh snapped a belt one time (not *at* me, just snapped it together to make a loud noise) and I got really upset with him, almost started crying, and asked him never to do it again.... I had no idea something could produce such huge, involuntary feelings in me....We dreaded belts. I never had reason to see a man unbuckle his belt until after I got married.. :giggle so I didn't know how *much*. But I still occasionally am caught off-guard by the sickening lurch in my stomach when I see dh reach down to unbuckle his. *shudder*


Yep. I COMPLETELY understand. :hug2 You just feel :sick I've actually asked my DH to be careful not to even leave his belts laying around the house (he has a tendency to disrobe in the familyroom as soon as he gets home from work--kids are in bed, heck, I'm usually in bed by then :smile )

My parents used wooden spoons initially--many got broken. Then moved up to my father's belt, then my father made a wooden paddled out of a 1 X 6--it was about 15-18" long. When a paddle wasn't available a belt would be used...so the belt was in use for probably about 10 years. Why wouldn't a paddle be available? Well my father broke *3* of those over the 8 years that he used them--one over my HEAD. And the scariest thing about that was that hitting me on the head was PREMEDITATED! He actually told me to take my glasses off before starting the beating--which he'd never done before. That terrified me. My "crime" was that I told a friend that we were going to switch churches, and she told my father that he "couldn't" take me away from her. That was the one and old time my step-mother every stopped my father mid beating. She told me later that she didn't do it for me--she did it for HIM because she was afraid he was going to kill me--which she assured me did not concern her--what concerned her was that he might go to jail for it.

I do remember what some of my beatings were for. There were quite a few that were for "lying"--though I remember specifics on none of those. But in general...we were never allowed to have between meal snacks, but food was abundant in our house--the neighbors used to come over to buy things rather than running quick trips to the store! So if we were hungry we would sneak snacks. Heck, we even had to sneak our own Halloween/Christmas/Easter candy! Eventually something would get caught...we would all be lined up and interogated. Eventually someone would confess--often not the one who actually took the food item in question--and that person would be beaten for "lying" about taking it. Isn't that insane? It's part of what bugs me about Tripp's "make them confess first" ritual.

But most beatings I don't recall what they were for. For example, I remember one time when I was about 11 or 12 my father sat on me (and he hasn't weighed under 300 since he was 15 years old) because when he was beating me I couldn't keep myself "in position" on the couch--I kept falling to the floor quite involuntarily--normal self preservation. So he sat on me to hold me in place, and my step mother resumed the beating. I have no clue what that one was for.

When I was in 1st grade through about 3rd I got beat 1-2 times per week. It gradually tapered off after that...but I really can't recall a beating that did not leave bruises. Usually fresh bruises on top of old ones until at least 6th grade.

Jenn

[Heather Micaela]

(((Jen))) :cry

[Katherine]

(( Jen ))

:cry Your story is heartbreaking. Praise God you've stopped the cycle. :heart

[Teacher Mom]

First of all, :hugheart to you Knitted In the womb. Then I completely forgot about having to "line-up". Oh my gosh. I have blocked out so many memories! And I can honestly tell you that I took several spankings through the years for my younger sister because I just couldn't stand to see them beat her. She was so much smaller than us!

Why, why, why does our society do this, teach this, tolerate this?

And I cannot believe your step mother said those words to you. :mad

[Dizzy Blond]

Oh, ((Jenn)). :cry This almost mad me throw up.

[Beth1231]

Oh, ((Jenn)). :cry This almost mad me throw up.


:hug2 Jenn, I'm so glad you are safe now as well as your children. Your post just made me cry.

[hakujin]

Ladies,

I am crying reading everyones posts! I too grew up in an abusive home. I remember being jerked around by my hair and thrown into things. I remember my mother telling me "I will kill you" when I was about 9 years old. I remember the beatings and it still hurts to think about it. I am grateful that this forum is here to talk about GBD with other like minded women and I am grateful, that with God's help, I am breaking the cycle.

Erica

[Jenny]

(((Jenn))) I'm so sorry to hear that you went through this. :cry

[DoulaClara]

:bheart :hugheart Praise God that all of us with abused backgrounds are learning to do better than was done to us. I don't want to share my experiences, but they mirror many that are here. :cry Thank you Lord for a better way, and for the comfoting healing that only You can bring...

Clara

[Sister Ray]

I hate to make this thread more depressing, but this brings up a vivid memony of trying to get my stepfather to beat me with a ruler.

[MoongardenMama]

I won't bother to add to it either. Ladies, we're all in this together. And may God bless our poor misguided parents who live everyday with the guilt - whether they realize it or not.... May we ALL give it over to Christ. :candle

[Setfree]

So all these spanking parents succeed in doing is creating horrible memories that last a lifetime. The "lesson" the are supposedly teaching is never learned.

That was my experience, too. I will always remember being hit, but I don't have a clue what it was for. :shrug Not much of a lesson, was it?

Stephanie

I agree. My mom used a wooden spoon, but thankfully it was more often used as a threat to gain compliance. I actually only have recollection of a couple spankings with it, and she never broke a spoon on us, that's for sure.

The most vivid memory I have is running away from her when I was not obeying, and she was counting to five for me to come or else I would get a spanking. I ran to my room and locked the door, but realized with dread after doing so that she had a key to unlock the door and I had just created an even worse situation for myself. I just remember being so scared. I don't remember the spanking, or if I got a spanking that time, but I hate that I felt fearful of my mom. I never want my kids to be afraid of me.

[Sandollar]

We got the belt and hot wheel tracks too( where do people come up with that stuff) until my brother hid them, which my parents thought was hysterical and somehow cute. :cry
I was at a friends when she pulled a wooden spoon from the couch cushions and as she was taking off her ds's diaper to use it on him I said something like "you dont hit him with that" and she said something about how hands are for loving. ummm, :hunh your hands are using a weapon? I still never get that one and I thank God for GCM!!!!

[Miss Priss]

Jenn-
:hug2
I'm proud of you- you're overcoming and breaking the cycle. :heart

[Miss Priss]

Well- here's a cool wooden spoon story. :)
We were at a relative's house to eat. My then 7yo dd came into the kitchen where I and said relative were getting things ready to eat. My dd said, "Kid (relative's child) must have been playing cooking in the toilet." I said, "What do you mean?" DD: "I found this wooden spoon on the windowsill in the bathroom- Kid must have been playing with it, nobody keeps their cooking spoons in the bathroom, Mom." :cool

[TulipMama]

Well- here's a cool wooden spoon story. :)
We were at a relative's house to eat. My then 7yo dd came into the kitchen where I and said relative were getting things ready to eat. My dd said, "Kid (relative's child) must have been playing cooking in the toilet." I said, "What do you mean?" DD: "I found this wooden spoon on the windowsill in the bathroom- Kid must have been playing with it, nobody keeps their cooking spoons in the bathroom, Mom." :cool


This was just the kind of happy laugh I needed before bed!

[Rabbit]

When I was 5 and my brother was 3, my parents broke his He-Man sword by spanking him with it. My mom asked our pediatrician if the paddle from the ball and paddle game was okay to spank with, and he told her it was fine, so long as she took the staple out of it first. So we had broken paddles, and I never wanted to play that game again. Lots of broken spoons. My mom had no hang ups when it came to using her hands, though. And her nails for pinching and twisting. I always had little half moons dug into the underside of my arm.

I have so many memories of watching my brother get hit, while I screamed and cried for my dad to stop. I will never ever tolerate my children watching somebody else's spanking, no matter where we are, or who is going to be offended.

Because I couldn't keep my mouth shut during a spanking, and had to tell my mom what I thought of her, or what I thought of this moment's punishment, no matter what the original offense, it always ended with her screaming hysterically at me for being a liar, and more hitting for that, to the point that I endlessly examine everything I say to see if maybe I exaggerated too much, or didn't state it clearly enough, that maybe I'm still lying. I am forever hounded by fear and guilt about lying, yet I never deliberately lie.

[Katherine]

((( Natalie )))) :cry

Ping pong paddles really sting. :sick My Mom used them for a little while, and I was actually relieved when she went back to using a belt. :/

Watching/hearing my older sis getting spanked and begging my parent(s) to stop or to intervene in what the other parent was doing is a memory that will never fade for me. :cry I still get knots in my stomach thinking about it. If I pushed too hard, they would threaten to spank me too. I shed many tears with her from the other side of the door. It's wretching enough to see/hear someone you love screaming/crying/suffering/scared. It's an even more horrible feeling when you also love the people who are doing it to them, and when your appeals to the ones you love/trust are turned away or met with threats of the same harsh treatment you're trying to stop. :cry It's a horrible, helpless, confusing thing. I'm so sorry it was part of your growing up experience. :(

The saddest part? My parents are truly wonderful, loving, committed Christians who loved us with all their hearts, and I know they struggled mightily at times over how to discipline. It breaks my heart to think of how much they had to harden their hearts toward us in order to do what they believed was right and godly. :cry :bheart You know that old saying "This will hurt me more than it hurts you?"
I don't know about "more" but I certainly think that this approach to punishing leaves scars on the people administering it... just as it does on the people receiving it. :(

(and on a lighter note... we have the *exact* same glasses, as far as I can tell from your avatar) :cool :mrgreen

[hey mommy]

Hairbrushes hurt really bad too! Especially when mom is really mad and frustrated b/c the 5-yr. old won't stay still so mom could brush her hair... Thankfully that was a one time thing and it freaked out my mom so bad she vowed never again to spank while angry. Didn't stop her from spanking me though...

But she did learn some new 'tricks' and learned to put her hand over my bottom and spank her hand. Apparently is was the thought of being spanked that was supposed to hurt... That surely worked!

[rehoboth]

My stomach also turned in knots when I read the subject line, and now I am crying as I read the accounts of what many of you have been through. I'm so sorry that any child is mistreated and that general household items are used as weapons against them.

I am praying for healing for those who've experienced such horror, and for protection for children who are currently in such situations.

~Rehoboth

[Sister Ray]

My mother wasn't a hitter, although she could get very nasty. She didn't even have to raise her voice - she could make anything sound like you had just done something terrible to her. The only time I remember her doing that was when I was in a McDonalds with her and I used an obscene phrase. She smacked me right there. She wasn't interested in where I'd learned it or why I was saying it, just that I not do it again. I had in fact learned the phrase because a family friend said it when she was abusing me. I got the message and didn't say anything about it for years, even after the woman moved away.

[CakeLady]

Hairbrushes hurt really bad too!


They do hurt really bad....I was only spanked once with a hairbrush (other times were just by hand), but I remember that day....oddly enough my parents don't.