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marathonmom
11-20-2006, 08:32 PM
It is ***such*** a shift going from a punitive mindset to a grace-based one.
I'm starting to learn.

Saturday night it was time for Hairdo to take her bath. She threw herself on the loveseat, folded her arms
and said "I don't wanna". Now 2 months ago I would have said "You get in there, or else.....(name a consequence)" The goal being to get compliance.

Instead, I sat down with her, put my arm around her and asked what was going on.
She said - I don't like how my hair feels on my neck after I'm done. So, I worked out
a solution with her and off she went.

It really does work :D

I'm slowly moving towards being the parent I would like to be. But slowly.....
milkmommy
11-20-2006, 08:36 PM
:peace :highfive :tu

Deanna
TulipMama
11-20-2006, 08:57 PM
*huuuug*

Isn't it great when you can feel the difference?
euromom
11-20-2006, 09:05 PM
:hug :tu
ArmsOfLove
11-20-2006, 10:03 PM
that is SO awesome! I try to remember how I feel when someone hears my heart versus focuses on my behavior--behavior is the outcome of the state of the relationship :tu
Aisling
11-20-2006, 10:07 PM
:highfive :heart
Maggie
11-21-2006, 12:03 AM
That's great!!! :heart
canadiyank
11-21-2006, 12:13 AM
:highfive :hug
Titus2Momof4
11-21-2006, 05:53 AM
It is ***such*** a shift going from a punitive mindset to a grace-based one.
I'm starting to learn.

Saturday night it was time for Hairdo to take her bath. She threw herself on the loveseat, folded her arms
and said "I don't wanna". Now 2 months ago I would have said "You get in there, or else.....(name a consequence)" The goal being to get compliance.

Instead, I sat down with her, put my arm around her and asked what was going on.
She said - I don't like how my hair feels on my neck after I'm done. So, I worked out
a solution with her and off she went.

It really does work :D

I'm slowly moving towards being the parent I would like to be. But slowly.....


:woohoo

You are right- it is SUCH a paradigm shift, in so many ways. It is more than just "not spanking". Did you read my lengthy :blush thread yesterday I believe it was titled "more musings from another former spanker"? I know I said several times about how it really is a different perspective. I goes beyond 'not spanking' - there are other things such as knowing what is/isn't developmentally appropriate, assigning positive intent, wanting to get to the bottom of the problem- rather than just whack, whack, whack.
CelticJourney
11-21-2006, 08:51 AM
It really does work

:yes
Jemma2
11-21-2006, 09:10 AM
It sounds like you really connected with her that night. Just think of how that sets the stage for more heart-to-hearts in the future. Awesome!!
hey mommy
11-21-2006, 10:19 AM
Yes, it is a MAJOR shift(oops, forgot to type the 'F' the first time..lol)...

It's great that you figured that out.. It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?
mamahammer
11-21-2006, 10:38 AM
:clap :tu
katiekind
11-21-2006, 10:41 AM
I am excited for you! :rockon
Titus2Momof4
11-21-2006, 11:32 AM
Janice, I do that all the time when I mean to type "this", somehow the s and t get shifted :blush. Thankfully I usually catch it soon enough! :)
hey mommy
11-21-2006, 12:05 PM
Okay, but type shift w/o the 'f'. OOPs.. LOL
Titus2Momof4
11-21-2006, 01:24 PM
Okay, but type shift w/o the 'f'. OOPs.. LOL


Silly girl.....it's the same word :) I said, I do it all the time when trying to type "this", only I interchange the s and the t . . . .
hey mommy
11-21-2006, 02:17 PM
:roll :spit

Okay, so my brain isn't working allthat well these days..Excuse the typs, my lunch is in front ofm e..

We need a "eating at 'puter' emotican(sp?)
Titus2Momof4
11-21-2006, 05:24 PM
We need a "eating at 'puter' emotican(sp?)

I have often thought that myself! :) It could be just like the nak-ing or tol one, except with a sandwich and drink beside the comp, instead of a baby LOL
hey mommy
11-21-2006, 06:40 PM
We need a "eating at 'puter' emotican(sp?)

I have often thought that myself! :) It could be just like the nak-ing or tol one, except with a sandwich and drink beside the comp, instead of a baby LOL


Yep, exactly, since I don't have a nursing baby(:()... When DS was a baby I need a 'pumping at 'puter' one. LOL.
Titus2Momof4
11-21-2006, 06:41 PM
We need a "eating at 'puter' emotican(sp?)

I have often thought that myself! :) It could be just like the nak-ing or tol one, except with a sandwich and drink beside the comp, instead of a baby LOL


Yep, exactly, since I don't have a nursing baby(:()... When DS was a baby I need a 'pumping at 'puter' one. LOL.


And the acronym for that could be......PAP. :giggle