Who are ezzo and Pearl?

[jacksonwifey]

Hi, I've noticed a lot of opinions on Ezzo and Pearl. Who are they and what do they stand for? are the bad people? and what are they so famous for?

[CelticJourney]

Not knowing is a good thing - they are pretty toxic parenting authors who teach some pretty awful things in the name of religion.

[blossomnatalia]

Yeah I never heard of them either until this forum....I always wondered...are they that famous among churches???

[jacksonwifey]

what is their religion?

[katiekind]

They are Christian parenting authors. Gary Ezzo wrote On Becoming Babywise and Growing Kids God's Way and many others, and Michael and Debi Pearl wrote To Train up a Child.

It delights me when I come across someone who hasn't heard of them.

Welcome to GCM, by the way!

[jacksonwifey]

i'm a 19 year old new mother of a four mounth old.i just read a little about those two men and i don't understand what all the fuss is about. they seem like loving men who have succeeded in raising mature well behaved happy healthy children.

[2ds1dd]

Welcome to GCM!

I would recommend reading thru the "Resources" sticky at the top of this forum, there are a ton of great links in there.

[Aisling]

:welcome :heart



i'm a 19 year old new mother of a four mounth old.i just read a little about those two men and i don't understand what all the fuss is about. they seem like loving men who have succeeded in raising mature well behaved happy healthy children.

Actually, the original co-founders of Growing Kids God's Way have denounced Gary Ezzo's teaching and ministry as damaging. You can read an interview with them on the ezzo.info link, where they're voicing concerns.
(one of his own children has actually cut off contact with Ezzo.)


I would recommend reading thru the "Resources" sticky at the top of this forum, there are a ton of great links in there.

:yes

[allisonintx]

A person can be loving and still be dead wrong.

I've never seen a baby starve when fed on cue.

I will relate to you my first experience with a baby who was 'cared' for based on Gary Ezzo's teachings.

Back at the beginning, in 1995, I was nearly talked into taking Preparation for Parenting (now called Along the Infant Way.) I had a baby. The lady downstairs (at Regent University student housing) was an AP mom with her first and then took Prep and saw the "error" of her ways, had a baby about the same time. When my baby was about five weeks old, I put her in the sling and went downstairs to visit. I walked in the door and saw the most horrific sight I've seen outside of a birthing room. Her baby was a bizarre yellow/brown color and was soooo tiny. He looked like an old man and would not make eye contact. I asked her how much he weighed at birth, and she said 8lbs. He was Ezzo'd right down to 5lbs. He was shrinking and listless. I picked Elizabeth out of her sling at 10+ pounds and said, so was she. I think you need to take your baby to the doctor! She looked at the two of them and did take her baby to the doctor. He did weigh 5lbs. He was dying. She switched to formula from breastfeeding because the Contact Mom (who actually told her that most babies loose weight after their births when the mom called her with concerns in the first place, told her that her breastmilk must just be inadequate, and she needed to formula feed, and the pedi's recommendation to feed more frequently was just wrong. He did grow, but he was like a zombie child. He did not react to anything. That poor baby was being fed three or four times daily, only during daylight hours (back in the day of the original four hour schedule) My heart aches that she couldn't see the forset for the trees.

Any 'leader' who has refused accountability before as many churches as Gary Ezzo has is suspect in my book regardless of how loving he acts. Deceit is not a characteristic I want in a leader or teacher.

As far as Michael Pearl is concerned, I have issues with his faulty exegesis in many areas, but he lost me entirely when he suggested that 5-6mo old babies need to be 'spanked' regularly with plumbing line. That's not discipline, that's abuse.

[2ds1dd]

Also neither author has ANY sort of medical or psychological {aka MD or PhD} training.

[ArmsOfLove]

I guess I'm curious how you are defining "loving"?

[jacksonwifey]

Well the truth is I don't know very much about them and i did a lot more studying on them last night and i do find them to be a little strange and pretty harsh, Michael pearl said something about if your 3 month old pulls your hair pull his hair back so that he sees pulling hair as a negative act.that was ignorant of him to say because my 4 month old pulls my hair and i can't imagine doing that to him because i know its a natural reflex for him to pull, pinch, squeeze anything his hands feel.but Ezzo's wife wrote something about talking to your children at infancy even though they don't know what you are saying yet the will soon learn. I like that advice I've heard many moms say talk to your infants because it will really help their communication skills at an early age. So i don't think that they are as horrible as everyone makes them out to be because they do have some good advice, so like i do a lot with people is i take the good and leave the bad and i don't condemn them for having advice that i don't agree with, After all Jesus loves them the same as us.

[Aisling]

The danger in teaching like the Ezzo's and Pearls is that there is *some* good advice sprinkled in with a lot of really bad advice, and in order to find the few good nuggets, you have to read through a lot of things that are truly unhealthy and toxic to your kiddos. And, eventually, it will begin to effect your thinking and parenting whether you want it to or not. See what I mean? :hug

No one is condemning the people. But these teachings have been proven to be toxic and dangerous, and parents should be fully equipped with that knowledge before they chose to listen to the teaching that are potentially harmful to their children. See the difference? :)

[Mother of Sons]

Well, just because not all of their advice is bad, doesn't make them good.

Here are a few tidbits of "advice" or things they reccomend (from their book)

If your 4 month old goes near the stairs, hit her with a switch every time she goes there. Leave the switch on the stairs to scare her.

If your friend's toddler (15 months) doesn't spin the wheels on the toy when you tell him to, hit him until he does. Even if it takes 10 times (as it did in their example and remember that each "switching" is 8-10 hits with a switch, so this child was hit at least 80 times!)

If a child hits you, hit him harder. Every time he hits you, hit him harder (even if his hits are getting softer) Increase the strength of your blows until you have to stand to hit hard enough, or until the child cries and stops.

If your child has an accident in his pants, take him outside and spray him off with a hose.

If your child gets messy while learning to eat, hit him (or is that one ezzo??)

Intentionally put something that is a no no, within reach of your baby and tell him no. When he goes for it. Hit him.

There's alot more. I think the bad vastly overshadows the good.

[jacksonwifey]

i see what you all mean. all that hitting sounds very violant. like i said I only know very little of them and i don't care to know more I just wonted to know what all the GCM were talking about. thank you all for answering my question!
:grouphug

[hsgbdmama]

:hug :welcome

Here is a good analogy posted here awhile back (and I'm paraphrasing):

Dobson is like looking for 7 tootsie rolls in a full box of cat litter
Tripp is like looking for 5 tootsie rolls in a full box of cat litter
Ezzo is like looking for 2 tootie rolls in a full box of cat litter
Pearl is like looking for 1 tootsie roll in a full box of cat litter

Any way you look at it, you're going to have to dig through a lot of poopy stuff to get to the little bit of good stuff. :/

Please do look through the resources here -- they are wonderful and very helpful!!

[CelticJourney]

i'm a 19 year old new mother of a four mounth old.i just read a little about those two men and i don't understand what all the fuss is about. they seem like loving men who have succeeded in raising mature well behaved happy healthy children.

I'm confused - you say they are loving men and seem to know about their lives, but your first post was asking who they are? Just to clarify, Ezzo is estranged from his children and extended family, so I imagine 'happy children' would be pushing it.

If you truely don't know about Ezzo, go back and read some of the materials from Ezzo.info from independent sources (I noticed you have referenced is the 'open letter' and get the feeling that is as far as you went). The other moms where would be glad to answer any questions you might have, but we won't debate the topic here.

[2ds1dd]

The danger in teaching like the Ezzo's and Pearls is that there is *some* good advice sprinkled in with a lot of really bad advice, and in order to find the few good nuggets, you have to read through a lot of things that are truly unhealthy and toxic to your kiddos. And, eventually, it will begin to effect your thinking and parenting whether you want it to or not. See what I mean? :hug

No one is condemning the people. But these teachings have been proven to be toxic and dangerous, and parents should be fully equipped with that knowledge before they chose to listen to the teaching that are potentially harmful to their children. See the difference? :)


ITA with this. In addition, new parents are particularly susceptible to their teachings because they claim if you follow what they say to do then your child will be "perfect."

[jacksonwifey]

To elcollins
I didn't know a single thing about theses men until this web site.When i wrote that question I was also researching myself while i was receiving responses. i went to several web sites, some that were for them and some that were against them as you can imagine that web sites for them told me wonderful thing and the web site against them told me horrible things.so at this point I'm sorry i asked and i don't care to know another opinion on these men because there are just to many different view. I joined this web site so that i can learn how to be a good loving mom and thats all i care about now.

[canadiyank]

I joined this web site so that i can learn how to be a good loving mom and thats all i care about now.

:hug :heart

There are many people on this board whose lives and children have been negatively affected by these men's teachings, so it's hard for people who have personally been hurt and those of us who are concerned about the false doctrine they preach to see what amounts to them being defended.

Basically, you picked a pretty controversial topic to start your time on our website, so that accounts for many of the strongly opinionated responses.

:hug

[jacksonwifey]

i understand and your right i had no idea what i was getting myself into when i asked that question :giggle

[mom2threePKs]

I joined this web site so that i can learn how to be a good loving mom and thats all i care about now.



You couldn't have picked a better website to do that! I hope you'll explore some of the other forums and post some questions or concerns about mothering your little one. That age is an exciting time. Their little personalities are starting to show through and they are starting to interact more with you. The women here are compassionate, experienced and thoughtful in their parenting choices. We are also passionate about sharing what we have learned because, as canadiyank said, so many of us have direct personal negative experiences with these particular parenting programs. Certainly one thing that feels redemptive after causing harm to your children is the opportunity to help guide someone away from the same path.

:welcome to GCM.

Magan -

[CelticJourney]

i went to several web sites, some that were for them and some that were against them as you can imagine that web sites for them told me wonderful thing and the web site against them told me horrible things.so at this point I'm sorry i asked and i don't care to know another opinion on these men because there are just to many different view.

I apologize - I truely was confused about where you were coming from. Many times people ask why we are opposed to Ezzo/Pearl because they are supporters and they don't understand 'all the fuss' (by strange coincidence, this is a catch phrase among Ezzo apologists that truely caught my eye). It makes a difference in how the question is answered to know where the person is coming from. For example, someone like you who doesn't know their teachings, the best answer is 'they are abusive, avoid them at all costs', but for someone who does know the teachings, we can respond to very specific elements of the teaching which cause them to be abusive. Does that make any sense?

I'm glad you found us! Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable - that was certainly not my intention - only to answer your questions appropriately.

[jacksonwifey]

thats ok :hug
I understand that a lot of women have been hurt by their teachings.