I've shared this before. . .can you help?

[Chris3jam]

You know, I may be paranoid, but I think that I'm being. . . .well, that someone is 'concerned' about us (discipline-wise). I get fresh raw cow's milk every week, and there's a lady from our church that goes along. Now, she doesn't have to. . .and I can tell that her patience gets a little thin with the kids. My kids are enthusiastic and can be loud and busy, and all her kids are raised and gone, so. . . . .. ..

But, she has 'shared' a few things with me. One was the the little story about the little boy who was kind of having a bad day. This little boy was being cantankerous, and his dad kept warning him, but he wouldn't 'straighten' up. So, the little boy finally got what his dad kept saying was going to happen if he didn't 'straighten up'. . . a spanking was the consequence. Now, the 'normal' thing for this "sin" was 4 licks. And the dad just gave him 3. And then he took him out to get him ice cream. And he explained. . . ."Son do you remember when I gave you only 3 licks, when you should have gotten 4? That was mercy. And this ice cream? You did nothing to deserve this ice cream. . . .it is unmerited favor. That is Grace." That was the quick version.

Anyway. . .she is very, very subtle about it. . ..but I think she may have it in mind to 'change my ways' about spanking. :no2 She always has a little something to 'share' or a little word or two. . . very, very subtle. . . ..very non-confrontational. . . .very gentle and quiet. Now, I don't know if I'm being irritated for nothing. . .but that is the sense I'm getting. I was getting just a wee bit irritated at her. . .and I kept wondering why. .. .and I think that maybe that could be it. . . . :scratch

Now. .. . can you all help me with this? Is there anything *I* can do, in the same vein, in the same spirit, that could put a bug in *her* ear? Any little stories (like the one above) that I can 'share'? Any gentle thing I could say that could make her think? Kind of turn the tables on her a bit?

[arymanth]

And he explained. . . ."Son do you remember when I gave you only 3 licks, when you should have gotten 4? That was mercy. And this ice cream? You did nothing to deserve this ice cream. . . .it is unmerited favor. That is Grace." That was the quick version.

Ok, I know it's too late for this, but if it ever comes up again...

"You know, that doesn't sound very biblical to me. :scratch I thought Jesus took ALL the penalty for our sin, not just the last little bit and called it "grace". The last time I checked, there wasn't anything left out for me to pay for... hmmmmm :think No, I don't think there is anything he asks me to pay for, the cross covered it all. I can't imagine why I should make my kids pay when I don't have to. Want some bean dip?" :shifty


My parents used to tell me these kinds of "helpful" stories, too. :rolleyes (Gothard has tons of them) I don't know any "positive" stories, but I do know how to poke holes in the negative ones. :mrgreen

Stephanie

[TulipMama]

Remember the old threads we had in the GD folder with exercises on assigning positive intent and so forth? Would you be able to say something like,

"Friend, I hear in your encouragement and gentle advice that you give me that you are really concerned about my children and the way we discipline and raise them. I feel very cared for by you, in that you seek to give me encouragement. I also hear in your words that you disapprove of some of the choices we are making. We believe God has given our children to my husband and I, and that we are the ones responsible before the Lord for their upbringing. We are very conscious about the decisions we are making. I would appreciate it if, in your gentle and kind words, you would support my husband and I and not attempt to give us information and counsel that is contrary to what we are doing."

[Chris3jam]

Gothard has tons of them

Yeah. . . well, she's a Gothard-ite. So, it stands to reason that she's convinced that she's right, right from the get-go. :( I know. . .I used to be one. I just know that people who would know or have suspicians that we might not spank would be very concerned for my children. :( We are very deep in the "ya gotta spank 'em to save their souls from hell" territory. So, the heart is in the right place. . . but, still. . . . . :(

[CelticJourney]

I would gently respond to her. " X, you mention spanking very often to me. I understand that my children are very active and that you might have some concerns about them, but I have studied and prayed and poured my heart out to God and have been convicted that physical punishment is not something we will use with our family. I have also spanked in the past and found that rather than better my children and our relationship, it became a stumbling block." She will either listen or shut you offf. I would respond once and then the next time just respectful ask her to honor your choices by not mentioning spanking, then change the subject to the weather.....

[ArmsOfLove]

What about just pulling out the parables Jesus told about children :)

[arymanth]

Yeah. . . well, she's a Gothard-ite. So, it stands to reason that she's convinced that she's right, right from the get-go. I know. . .I used to be one. I just know that people who would know or have suspicians that we might not spank would be very concerned for my children. We are very deep in the "ya gotta spank 'em to save their souls from hell" territory. So, the heart is in the right place. . . but, still. . . . .

:hugheart

I thought that story sounded familiar. I'm sorry you have to be in that position, I grew up that way and it was so hard. My parents are still of that mindset, but fortunately we live far enough away that it isn't really an issue anymore. It's hard to talk to Gothardites because they are so convinced that their way is the "right" way and that everyone else is mislead... or worse. :banghead I find myself bean-dipping my parents all the time, but it still makes me question my own choices and frustrated that I can't explain them to my parents in a way they would understand and accept. I wish I knew what else to tell you, but at least know that you're not alone in this!

Stephanie
mom to six sensational kids!