LDS on GBD

[gentlemommy]

.

[Quietspirit]

For some reason I expected LDS to be into Pearl and a heavy hand.

Couldn't be further from the truth! :heart Most LDS families are very gentle discipline focused and the church itself has an official stance that is anti-spanking. It sounds like it was a good program :tu

[Wonder Woman]

all of my LDS friends are very gentle, positive parents :tu

[slingmamaof4]

:yes :heart I am LDS and at least one other mama on here is as well. My local ward if very AP/GBD. Almost all the mamas use slings and nurse. Extended nursing and co-sleeping are fairly common here. And gentle, positive parenting is viewed as how God wants us to parent...not heavy-handed at all.

[cindergretta]

all of my LDS friends are very gentle, positive parents :tu


And we all love one of your dear LDS friends!!! :heart :heart :heart

[slingmamaof4]

all of my LDS friends are very gentle, positive parents :tu


And we all love one of your dear LDS friends!!! :heart :heart :heart


:mrgreen I can only assume you mean me...I am certainly LDS and I am definitely Rebecca's bf! :hug :heart

[cindergretta]

And I DEFINITELY mean you! :hug

[slingmamaof4]

And I DEFINITELY mean you! :hug


:dance :jump2 I'm loved! :heart

[Aisling]

And I DEFINITELY mean you! :hug


:dance :jump2 I'm loved! :heart

Yes, you are, mama! :heart :heart :heart

[Wonder Woman]

of course you're loved :heart :mrgreen

[gentlemommy]

.

[slingmamaof4]

This thread really makes me smile. Other than being green I do look like this--> :mrgreen :grouphug :heart

[Garnet]

thats one of the things i definetely miss about the LDS church.....and that it truly is an AP minded church.

[KitKat]

That is the hardest part about having left the LDS church. Children in the church service, lots of mamma's with lots of experience, no expectation for quiet little mini-me's running around, they love children as children.

[Mamatoto]

That's good to hear...did you all read the article in Today's Christian Women about the abuse inside of Mormonism? I'm not trying to put a damper on this thread, I was just wondering if this was common or just in this sect of it. :shrug

[Garnet]

It is common in the sects who still believe in polygamy, which I want to mention is *NO LONGER* supported by the LDS church, although it was at one time. The sects who believe in polygamy seem to run by their own rules and are not recognized as belonging to the church.

[slingmamaof4]

That's good to hear...did you all read the article in Today's Christian Women about the abuse inside of Mormonism? I'm not trying to put a damper on this thread, I was just wondering if this was common or just in this sect of it. :shrug


Those mormons are not LDS....if they ever were they would have been excommunicated. Because of what mafielder mentions...polygamy.


It is common in the sects who still believe in polygamy, which I want to mention is *NO LONGER* supported by the LDS church, although it was at one time. The sects who believe in polygamy seem to run by their own rules and are not recognized as belonging to the church.


In the LDS church spousal abuse happens like it does in any denomination, but there has been countless talks about abuse towards either your spoue or children and how it is a horrible thing. It is totally not common in the LDS faith!

[Mamatoto]

Thanks for clarifying that. :phew I have an online friend who is mormon and after I read that article I was like "she never told me she believed in polygamy!! She seems so happily married!" I think the article was a bit misleading in regards to that....It was called something a bit different than LDS, I"ll have to look it up.

[slingmamaof4]

Thanks for clarifying that. :phew I have an online friend who is mormon and after I read that article I was like "she never told me she believed in polygamy!! She seems so happily married!" I think the article was a bit misleading in regards to that....It was called something a bit different than LDS, I"ll have to look it up.


Unfortunatley sometimes these people so say they are LDS...but the fact of the matter is that they would be excommunicated if practising polygamy. So even if they say they are LDS the LDS Church does not recognize them as members.

[purplerose]

That's good to hear...did you all read the article in Today's Christian Women about the abuse inside of Mormonism? I'm not trying to put a damper on this thread, I was just wondering if this was common or just in this sect of it. :shrug


I too am LDS and the church is very very very AP oriented. It's nice to just nurse a baby whenever, whereever and no one says a word. It's nice that you don't put your kids in nursery until they are AT LEAST 18 mos of age, and even then if they don't want to go......no one cares. I also like that families worship together.........no "cry" rooms or anything. There is a Mother's Lounge that has a feed of the service in it although you would never be "asked" to go there.

I'm curious as to what kind of "abuse" this article is talking about. I've been LDS for over 9 years now, 7 of that married and have never even heard of such a thing. The church frowns on such things. Do you have a link to the article? :)

[fourbygrace]

I am not LDS, but have some good friends who are. I am hearing really good things here about the positive parenting stance the Mormon churhc takes, but I had an experience two weeks ago that worried me. :(

I went to a book discussion on the book "A Thomas Jefferson Education" by Oliver DeMille. I have read other materials by him and he definitely believes in positive discipline. Out of the 10 -12 people there, I was one of two who were NOT LDS (one couple was their president and his wife). It was a wonderful discussion about homeschooling in a way that the child leads his own education and creating great relationships with our children. Anyway, at the end of the discussion one of the LDS ladies starts talking about these "WONDERFUL" books she has discovered that have revolutionized her parenting and how they have improved the relationship she has with her children so much. She offered them to anyone who was interested in borrowing them. Guess what they were? . . . Babywise, Toddlerwise and Childwise!! I was speechless as I have read all these books and they go against what we had discussed that evening. So my concern is that her enthusiam and glowing reviews will spread Ezzo worship to others. (She called them her "scriptures" for parenting!)

We are supposed to meet again to continue the book discussion, so I am trying to think of a way to refute the books without insulting her, but making sure the other ladies hear the concerns. I know for a fact that one of my friends has done CIO with her youngest. I will read thru the board and ezzo websites to have some ideas of what to say next time.

Mary

[slingmamaof4]

The man wouldn't have been "our" president--as in our prophet. He could have been a branch president or a bishop though (that is similiar to a pastor). Or a stake president (oversees several wards).

Unfortunatley there are some LDS who are either unaware of how strongly the Church feels about being gentle (even though at every General Conference--2x/year--I can think of it is talked about) or they just think that what they are doing is okay. I have never heard anything Ezzo, Pearl, or even Dobson mentioned in Church. But I do know some LDS who spank :sad2 and I know some who think that Dobson is great. But that is not the churches stance at all. i.e. Some pentecostal churches really advise wearing dresses or skirts and having uncut hair for the women. Yet I have seen many that wear pants and cut their hair. Doesn't mean they aren't pentecostal, but they aren't living by the standards held by their Church as a whole.

[purplerose]

went to a book discussion on the book "A Thomas Jefferson Education" by Oliver DeMille. I have read other materials by him and he definitely believes in positive discipline. Out of the 10 -12 people there, I was one of two who were NOT LDS (one couple was their president and his wife). It was a wonderful discussion about homeschooling in a way that the child leads his own education and creating great relationships with our children. Anyway, at the end of the discussion one of the LDS ladies starts talking about these "WONDERFUL" books she has discovered that have revolutionized her parenting and how they have improved the relationship she has with her children so much. She offered them to anyone who was interested in borrowing them. Guess what they were? . . . Babywise, Toddlerwise and Childwise!! I was speechless as I have read all these books and they go against what we had discussed that evening. So my concern is that her enthusiam and glowing reviews will spread Ezzo worship to others. (She called them her "scriptures" for parenting!)


Yeah, this is NOT what the Church itself teaches! The church DOES NOT advocate any books that promote spanking, etc........this might be THEIR view and the president for *his* area, but this will NEVER EVER be promoted from the pulpit :no2 :no2 :no2 :no2

[fourbygrace]

That is good to know (and BTW, no one else seemed interested in the books). The interesting thing is when she mentioned the books, no one else said a word in response. Nothing!! It was dead silence. :shrug The odd part. . . the whole discussion for two hours was the complete opposite of what EZZO teaches. If she brings it up again, I might mention that it seems to create an adversarial relationship between parent and child and that it is does not seem to create a loving, trusting relationship with our children which is what she is striving for in TJEd..

The gentleman who was there was their branch president. He did not participate in the discussion except to introduce himself. He actually may have never heard of these books before so he would have no idea what they promote.

What do you think about me approaching the friend who held the meeting and telling HER my concerns about the books rather than the person who brought them since it was the first time I have ever met the woman who praised the Ezzo books?

Blessings,
Mary

[slingmamaof4]

To be honest I never in heard of Ezzo or Pearl before I joined this board. So there is a good chance that they may not know much or anything about them either.

I don't know what I would do exactly if I were you. I have never read Ezzo stuff--just heard on here it is awful. If it was brought up again though I think I would mention that I think that a lot of what Ezzo suggests is encourages an adversarial relationship between parent and child. And suggest a few others instead...How to Talk....

[fourbygrace]

To be honest I never in heard of Ezzo or Pearl before I joined this board. So there is a good chance that they may not know much or anything about them either.

I don't know what I would do exactly if I were you. I have never read Ezzo stuff--just heard on here it is awful. If it was brought up again though I think I would mention that I think that a lot of what Ezzo suggests is encourages an adversarial relationship between parent and child. And suggest a few others instead...How to Talk....


Thanks for the reply. :) I think that is what I will do . . . just wait and see if it comes up in the conversation and have a few suggestions of other books that encourage a positive approach to parent/child relationships. I'm such a chicken that I will dread going to another book discussion :O, but I will try to be brave.

Mary

[chelsea]

Yes Sharon, WE LOVE YOU! :grin :heart
The OP mentioned that she assumed LDS were more punitive. I kind of assumed the same thing, and at the risk of making a sweeping generalization I think for me it was because *any* LDS children I know or was friends with growing up were so "well-behaved" and for some reason that made me assume "punitive". :shifty

That's good to hear...did you all read the article in Today's Christian Women about the abuse inside of Mormonism? I'm not trying to put a damper on this thread, I was just wondering if this was common or just in this sect of it. :shrug

Are you thinking of the group from Colorado City, Arizona? (I think that's the name of the town anyways.) They did a documentary about it and I heard the same thing that Sharon mentioned, that they are not truly LDS...they actually have made up a name like "FLDS" (Fundamentalist LDS) or something like that, and the true LDS church doesn't accept them as being part of them. :think There is also a branch in Canada (British Columbia) who moved away from their roots because they practice many things that are not accepted.

[chelsea]

Just googled "FLDS" and Warren Jeffs is the big leader who was recently arrested :sick .
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamentalist_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter_Da y_Saints
The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) is a religious group of Mormon fundamentalists, and may be America's largest practitioner of plural marriage.[citation needed] The church is not affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, from which it split in the early 20th century after the latter renounced polygamy.
And the Canadian group of "FLDS" is in Bountiful, British Columbia.

[ellies mom]

To be honest I never in heard of Ezzo or Pearl before I joined this board. So there is a good chance that they may not know much or anything about them either.

I don't know what I would do exactly if I were you. I have never read Ezzo stuff--just heard on here it is awful. If it was brought up again though I think I would mention that I think that a lot of what Ezzo suggests is encourages an adversarial relationship between parent and child. And suggest a few others instead...How to Talk....


Thanks for the reply. :) I think that is what I will do . . . just wait and see if it comes up in the conversation and have a few suggestions of other books that encourage a positive approach to parent/child relationships. I'm such a chicken that I will dread going to another book discussion :O, but I will try to be brave.

Mary


On thing to remember is that most Mormons who spank do not spank out of any feeling of "spanking=godly". If they spank, they spank because they do not have better tools in their toolboxes. So, it is unlikely that you will have to debate the meaning of the "rod verses". You really could just focus on the adversarial relationship and medically bad advice, and that might be enough. Remember to a lot of people, Ezzo is just another book on the bookstore's shelves. I would recommend Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline and Becky Bailey's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline.

[fourbygrace]

On thing to remember is that most Mormons who spank do not spank out of any feeling of "spanking=godly". If they spank, they spank because they do not have better tools in their toolboxes. So, it is unlikely that you will have to debate the meaning of the "rod verses". You really could just focus on the adversarial relationship and medically bad advice, and that might be enough. Remember to a lot of people, Ezzo is just another book on the bookstore's shelves. I would recommend Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline and Becky Bailey's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline.


That's good because I don't think I could do the "rod" replies right now.

I just don't see how she thinks it has made her children so much closer to her. She said she just found these books since her baby was born a few months ago and the baby is so much happier than her other babies were when she was APing them. She "knows" that if the baby is dry, well-fed and warm enough that he just needs to sleep (the whole Ezzo approach), so she lets him cry until he comforts himself to sleep and then he is so much happier. :mad Now her kids hug her so much more and they are so much closer as a family. :scratch How do you refute that?? Could it be that they are hugging her more and wanting to be with her more because they are LESS secure?? I don't want it to turn into an arguement, and she is basing it on her current experience. How can I say her experience is invalid? Any suggestions?

I know I am redirecting the topic of this thread, but any advice would be helpful!

Blessings,
Mary

Mary

[slingmamaof4]

On thing to remember is that most Mormons who spank do not spank out of any feeling of "spanking=godly". If they spank, they spank because they do not have better tools in their toolboxes. So, it is unlikely that you will have to debate the meaning of the "rod verses". You really could just focus on the adversarial relationship and medically bad advice, and that might be enough. Remember to a lot of people, Ezzo is just another book on the bookstore's shelves. I would recommend Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline and Becky Bailey's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline.


That's good because I don't think I could do the "rod" replies right now.

I just don't see how she thinks it has made her children so much closer to her. She said she just found these books since her baby was born a few months ago and the baby is so much happier than her other babies were when she was APing them. She "knows" that if the baby is dry, well-fed and warm enough that he just needs to sleep (the whole Ezzo approach), so she lets him cry until he comforts himself to sleep and then he is so much happier. :mad Now her kids hug her so much more and they are so much closer as a family. :scratch How do you refute that?? Could it be that they are hugging her more and wanting to be with her more because they are LESS secure?? I don't want it to turn into an arguement, and she is basing it on her current experience. How can I say her experience is invalid? Any suggestions?

I know I am redirecting the topic of this thread, but any advice would be helpful!

Blessings,
Mary

Mary


If she doesn't mention it again at the group I wouldn't bring it up. If the others seem really interested in it than I would say something. I would mention some books that you have found helpful for your family.....Easy to Love...; How to Talk...; Siblings without Rivalry....; Liberated Parents...if books come up again.

[ellies mom]

On thing to remember is that most Mormons who spank do not spank out of any feeling of "spanking=godly". If they spank, they spank because they do not have better tools in their toolboxes. So, it is unlikely that you will have to debate the meaning of the "rod verses". You really could just focus on the adversarial relationship and medically bad advice, and that might be enough. Remember to a lot of people, Ezzo is just another book on the bookstore's shelves. I would recommend Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline and Becky Bailey's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline.


That's good because I don't think I could do the "rod" replies right now.

I just don't see how she thinks it has made her children so much closer to her. She said she just found these books since her baby was born a few months ago and the baby is so much happier than her other babies were when she was APing them. She "knows" that if the baby is dry, well-fed and warm enough that he just needs to sleep (the whole Ezzo approach), so she lets him cry until he comforts himself to sleep and then he is so much happier. :mad Now her kids hug her so much more and they are so much closer as a family. :scratch How do you refute that?? Could it be that they are hugging her more and wanting to be with her more because they are LESS secure?? I don't want it to turn into an arguement, and she is basing it on her current experience. How can I say her experience is invalid? Any suggestions?

I know I am redirecting the topic of this thread, but any advice would be helpful!

Blessings,
Mary

Mary


I agree with Slinginmama about not mentioning it unless she does.

But to continue redirecting the topic, it could be simply that her older children just have very different personalities than her younger child and she is attributing it to using Ezzo this time around. With my brother's kids, the oldest had a very laid-back perfectly content to be left alone personality and the younger child had an "I must be interacted with" personality. They were both raised the same but I could easily imagine thinking they had been raised differently even if I had been doing the raising. Second, my good friend just had a second child a month ago. Her older child has become much more cuddly since the baby was born, I guess in an attempt to keep the attention level he is used to. So I can think of non-"ezzo is great" reasons for both of her examples and can still understand why she would view it that way. Not that I agree with her conclusion though.

[Heather Micaela]

My Aunt and her family are LDS and they have a very colse-knit famliy. Any of the punitiveness I have seen is the result of her reading dobson :rolleyes

Some of my freinds growing up were mormon, and I nver thought about it then, but - yes - gentle discipline is what was used AFA I know.