Tell me about Dobson/Focus on the Family

[hbmamma]

So my parents are big advocates of Dr. Dobson and they think I'm off my rocker (passive) because I won't spank my kids. My mom, who runs the website for their church, asked me for parenting websites. :jawdrop So of course I offered this site as a wonderful parenting resource. Big surprise, they didn't add it. But in the for-front of the site is Focus on the Family. I get the impression the Dr. Dobson doesn't really follow GBD, but I need some specifics. Can someone explain this further to me?

I'll need the info to refute my parents at some point, since they always seem to try to hijack my parenting. :mad

[hsgbdmama]

In a nutshell, he's punitive and adversarial. I would recommend that you visit their site and read a few parenting articles to get a better flavor (this way you don't have to read the books :sick ), and then you can start arguing point by point.

[hbmamma]

In a nutshell, he's punitive and adversarial.

Yeah I've picked that up just from his comments about "picking your battles" and such. (And I love the comment made by someone here - quoting "our battles are not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces") That I can quote to my parents :O
But looking at his public articles online, I can't seem to find anything that I openly disagree with :blush - he (or others that write too) talk about communication, understanding your child's needs, blah, blah, blah. It's nothing that I can really disagree with. Now there's a private forum that you have to join: is that where I'd find more of the punitive and adversarial stuff??

[Punkie]

Here's some quotes I didn't like (I pulled this from an old thread)

focusonyourchild.com/develop/art1/A0000507.html
Does Spanking Work?
(There's a list of reasons)
No. 2: The spanking may be too gentle. If it doesn’t hurt, the child won’t be motivated to avoid the consequence the next time. “Be sure the child gets the message,” Dr. Dobson says, “while being careful not to go too far.”

On separation anxiety in an 18 month old:
within six months, you need to put him in the nursery, say good-bye, walk away and let him cry it out. Those tears will not hurt him. After you’ve done it once or twice, he’ll quit doing it. To not do that means that you will yield to the manipulation of a youngster who is saying, “Do it my way and if you don’t, I’ll scream.”

[hbmamma]

:doh I couldn't find that one - yeah, I totally disagree with that! I kept trying to find the "discipline" ones - that's where I have the major issues with my parents. (and they even disagree with Dobson on the separation anxiety - my mom was/is AP :shifty).

[J3K]

You know...when he showed up in Colorado and started butting into people's parenting skills.....they came up with a bumper sticker to refute him. I personally love it. I've acutally said the words to someone who wouldn't leave me alone regarding my parenting skills.

It does use a "cuss word*"

Focus on your own darn* family

And yes...I used the 'real' word.

Maybe your parents need a more direct approach . By engaging in communication you are showing them you are open to discussing your parenting ideas.

Try this "You raised your family , I'll raise mine. End of discussion."

Yes it's harsh , but it works. Ask me how I know. :mrgreen

[Calliope]

I read Dobson for years and always felt like his answers were either WAY too simplified or flat ouy wrong. It was encouraging to find this site and discover that I wasn't the only one that thought the 'Focus on the Family' was really OUT of focus. They print his column in our local free newspaper and one of last weeks blurbs really made me crazy.

Question: At what age should discipline begin?
Dr. Dobson: There should be no physical punishment for a child younger than 15 or 18 months, regardless of the circumstance. An infant is incapable of comprehending his or her 'offense' or associating it with the resulting consequences.

[He digresses for a paragraph on the dangers of ''Shaken Baby' syndrome, which he refers to as 'a terrible mistake' and a 'punishing response'.]

Especially during the first year, a youngster needs to be held, loved and calmed by a soothing human voice. He should be fed when hungry and kept clean, dry and warm. The foundation for emotional and physical health is laid during this six-month period, which should be characterized by security, affection and warmth.

First off, despite having published numerous books and gillions are articles, Dobson is not a very good writer. He's all over the place with his idea, can't pick an age and doesn't really answer the question. If we take this little bit at face value, he seems to be saying that up until 15 to 18 months (or was it the first year? or the first 6 months?), children should be loved, calmed, soothed and given security, affection and warmth. Afterwards? Well, then they don't need that stuff anymore and physical punishment is OK! Because at that point they can comprehend their 'offense'.

I find it telling that the questioner used the general word 'discipline' and Dobson interprets it immediately and entirely as 'physical punishment'. Is that the ONLY type discipline that a person could possibly be talking about? In Dobson's mind, apparently it is.

[Calliope]

Wow, thanks for the link to Dobson's site.

http:// focusonyourchild.com/develop/art1/A0000508.html Yuck.

(edited to break link per posting guidelines)

[Wonder Woman]

This article is a great summary...(as well as being on a good resource site...)

http://www.geocities. com/cddugan/Dobsons Dog.html

[hbmamma]

This article is a great summary...(as well as being on a good resource site...)

http://www.geocities. com/cddugan/Dobsons Dog.html

Yeah I think that article says it all :sad2

[Sara]

I hate Dobson's parenting stuff and I will not read anything that has to do with parenting. However, I think he has done some important work in other areas. Sometimes it is hard for me to separate these things. But I'm getting better at it. :-)

[Calliope]

This article is a great summary...(as well as being on a good resource site...)

http://www.geocities. com/cddugan/Dobsons Dog.html


:sad2 My dad used to tell this dog story all the time, as if it was one of the greatest stories of human triumph ever recounted among men. He would smile and laugh as he told it. I never realized until today that Dobson was the person in the story.

My father was an abused child that went on to be abusive parent. No wonder he like the story.

[Morning Glory]

I hate Dobson's parenting stuff and I will not read anything that has to do with parenting. However, I think he has done some important work in other areas. Sometimes it is hard for me to separate these things. But I'm getting better at it. :-)



In total agreement. I know of no other organization that protects the unborn child, and has an outreach for those suffering from addictions and many other positive agendas.
I understand the parenting issues we have with him but also appreciate when people speak up for his many other positive attributes.

I never suffered under his parenting guidelines/advice so I know to many of you don't see his community involvement. My heart hurts for your childhood and I appreciate more than words can express how I respect YOUR parenting style/s.

[NewCovenantMama]

In a nutshell, he's punitive and adversarial.

Yeah I've picked that up just from his comments about "picking your battles" and such. (And I love the comment made by someone here - quoting "our battles are not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces") That I can quote to my parents :O
But looking at his public articles online, I can't seem to find anything that I openly disagree with :blush - he (or others that write too) talk about communication, understanding your child's needs, blah, blah, blah. It's nothing that I can really disagree with. Now there's a private forum that you have to join: is that where I'd find more of the punitive and adversarial stuff??


It's in his books :( !

Emma