Time out in cherub's church? venting...

[HomeWithMyBabies]

Really, what is the point of punishing kids in church?

I got done in the service and slipped out to get the boys, who both for some reason seemed happy to go to the nursery and cherub's church this morning. I was still annoyed by something the pastor said in his message (something about getting into heaven by the skin of your teeth or some garbage) when I got to the cherub's church room to get my 3 year old.

The teacher says goodbye, and I remind ds it's time to say bye. He refuses so we go to leave. Teacher says, "He's mad at me." Another little girl says, "Why is he mad at you?" Teacher tells me, "I told him he had to put his paper away or he'd be in time out. When I told him that he just looked at me like this -- {does her best snotty nosed brat face}."

I said, "We don't do time out, so he had no idea what you were talking about." and I left. On the way out I must've had two horns on my head because this was the look I got :hunh

First off, he's THREE right? Right? Argghhh. He's a huge train fan, and we just went yesterday to ride a steam train, and he wanted to carry the paper from the train ride around. He's still excited. Secondly, if you don't want him have his stupid paper out, take the stupid paper and put it somewhere if it's such a huge gigantic deal that the paper is out. REALLY.

Then the whole way home, ds is reciting things from this morning (which he tends to do when someone has a harsh tone with him, he rehashes it over and over) He's in the back seat saying, "DON'T put the sticker on the table! DON'T put it on the floor! No! Put the paper away *right now*! Stop it!"

I feel like I should call and ask the children's pastor, is it customary to put kids in time out in church? Do you have a discipline protocol for cherub's church or is it just up to whoever is teaching that day? I mean it was one minor incident and Dh and I talked about it, and how one time out from somebody at church compared to 18 years of gentle parenting (or at least the attempt at gentle parenting) won't destroy him but we just got him back to church again and we'd really like him to enjoy church NOW. Arrggh.

[MarynMunchkins]

Our church does time out, but not for stupid things like that. :no2 It's more for children who are out of control/being disruptive and need a chance to chill out and calm down.

[Nightingale]

our church does the same as Mary's. And really, I think our regular toddler teacher doesn't even do that, but some do. But yeah, certainly not for something as silly as that. More of a "cool off" period I think.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

Yeah, a cool off period sounds fine to me, even a time out if there's a big behavior problem I'm not going to make a stink about. But why pick a fight?

I suppose it didn't help that the sermon was on my nerves, too. The pastor read a "cute" little email he'd gotten about how kids these days would be better off with a "drug" problem...drug to church, drug to Bible study, drug to the woodshed...

[Titus2Momof4]

:rolleyes Yeah, that was pretty stupid. Since we've been doing GBD, I have probably been more "sensitive" to punitive things around me, and I really notice -- especially in group settings, like Awanas -- how punitive people just *are* with kids.

[RubySlippers]

So why don't they defer to the parents (contact them) if they perceive a discipline problem? :scratch
And the "drug" thing in the sermon sounds creepy. :sick

[Titus2Momof4]

I know. I'd have to look into the handbook to see what the policy is in the church we are attending (I remember reading it and being fine with it) but I'm almost positive that the method really is to contact the parents if the child is being disruptive/aggressive, etc. We have that pager system thing where all kids are assigned a number, and you can see it from the worship center/sanctuary.

[TulipMama]

Yeah, that was pretty stupid. Since we've been doing GBD, I have probably been more "sensitive" to punitive things around me, and I really notice -- especially in group settings,

*nods*

And. . . I think it is because the Lord is softening my heart. Of course I loved my children, and of course I was kind to them when I was punitive. But the punitive actions did lead to my heart being hardened--and I didn't even realize it at the time.

I thank the Lord that his mercies are new every morning. . .

[milkmommy]

MY dd doesn't go to a church nursery but she does attend preschool. Timeouts are used truth is when you have all diffrent sytles and backgrounds comming in I can see the occasional need for more consistancy. :shrug However to TO for not putting away paper?? thats dumb I can accept that rules in other places I have chosen to have my DD in may diffrer from our own but I still expect common sense. :shrug

Deanna

[Titus2Momof4]

And. . . I think it is because the Lord is softening my heart. Of course I loved my children, and of course I was kind to them when I was punitive. But the punitive actions did lead to my heart being hardened--and I didn't even realize it at the time.

And the thing for me was always, I felt my heart was pulling me in one direction, while the things I would read in books and on message boards would "force" me into another direction. :/ I think a big thing for me being punitive (and I've been down that road a couple times) was "results". I looked at the results (aka the "fruits") of someone. I know I was kinda told to look at the fruits, and when I did, all I saw was well-behaved obedient children. I'm learning now that the ends doesn't always justify the means... Regardless of how behaved some children who are spanked seemed (and my own kids kids just never quite fit the bill all the time..), it doesn't justify the means. Even if you have these perfectly obedient children, the real question is what are you doing to *get* them to that point???

[Katherine]

My eldest son, when he had just turned TWO-- got timed out for getting wet on the church playground (right after a heavy rain), and for running in front of the swing (and getting his head smacked super hard, which they neglected to mention to me even though I spoke with ALL THREE nursery workers that evening about why I was handed a soaking wet child--we had no idea until we saw the goose egg the next morning :mad). Once when I went in and stayed with my middle son, a little boy who was clearly past his limit was taken by the shoulders and scolded harshly by the nursery director herself before being sent to time out. :mad :no2

Should I mention, we don't attend there anymore.. ? :shifty :/