WHAT did you just tell her?!

[MarynMunchkins]

My il's were here for the weekend. I love my il's - I really do. But occasionally they do things that just make me :banghead

My kids are loud and emotional. They're even *more* loud and emotional when they're short on sleep and have a new sibling. We have had a LOT of meltdowns lately. Over stupid, little things...it's driving me nuts. :rolleyes But I understand that they're short on sleep and have a new sibling. Generally, I can take a deep breath and deal with it.

My fil was talking to Ana this morning, and asked her to do something. (Put this in the laundry, or something small like that.) He asked - he didn't tell her to do it. She said "no". :shrug If you ask a question, be prepared to get an answer you don't like. Otherwise, rephrase your request. ;) He told her that people wouldn't like her if she told them "no" and that "good girls" did what adults told them to do.

:hissyfit

It gets worse. :mad Then he told her that he wouldn't like her if she was going to be "bad".

:jawdrop

Of course, that triggered a complete meltdown and she came running out of the room bawling. :( I gave her a hug, reassured her that we loved her no matter how she behaved because "God loves mommy and daddy even when we're bad too" and that "good girls" used the brains God gave them to make good choices, and sometimes saying "no" was a good choice. I made a point to say it loud enough for my fil to hear too.

WHAT on earth was he thinking? :scratch

[RealLifeMama]

:jawdrop

At least the weekend is about over now, right?
:phew

[MarynMunchkins]

They went home this morning. :phew

[Bonnie]

:jawdrop

[Teribear]

I'd have come completely unwelded. :hissyfit What a dangerous thing to tell a child, especially perhaps a little girl. I would be having a talk with FIL about "Protecting the Gift" and setting his granddaughter up to be prey for predators all because he didn't like her answer to his REQUEST. A request has the option of being answered in the negative. I am SO seeing red right now!!! :banghead :banghead

[Vipers_Princess]

I'd have come completely unwelded. :hissyfit What a dangerous thing to tell a child, especially perhaps a little girl. I would be having a talk with FIL about "Protecting the Gift" and setting his granddaughter up to be prey for predators all because he didn't like her answer to his REQUEST. A request has the option of being answered in the negative. I am SO seeing red right now!!! :banghead :banghead


precisely

[kiloyd]

DH sometimes asks DS to do something and doesn't like it when he says no. I agree with you, if you ask someone to do something they can say no.

[snlmama]

:hissyfit I'd have been furious. It actually sounds like the kind of thing my fil says all the time though. :hug2

[Carrie in PA]

:no2 YUK! I can't stand that "old school" sort of thinking..."good children" and "bad children". :td

[Mama Rophe]

:nak
:hunh :mad

[slingmamaof4]

:eek :hissyfit :td :no2

[rosesnsnails]

That is just so sad. :banghead :banghead :banghead

[ArmsOfLove]

that is dangerous :hunh So when an adult asks to do lewd things to her she should say yes because she's a good girl and wants him to like her :no2

[QuiltinGramma]

I got in "trouble" last week when I was with DD. I would "ask" DGrS to do something and he'd say "no"...typical 2yo....but I really meant "no, I want you to do this." And, Amber would just have to remind me that if I asked a question be prepared for the "no" answer, otherwise, I needed to rephase my question. :doh I had to rephase myself so many times cause I have the habit of ending my statements to Cole with "Okay?"...turning my sentence into the dreaded question. :banghead :giggle

I understand your frustration, etc. with FIL, he went above and beyond and any little child with this type of constant conditioning would be prime material for the abuser or predator. :(
:heart

[ArmsOfLove]

(((((((((Bobbie))))))))) What an awesome mom and grandma you are :heart My mom is always telling me she feels like she can't say anything right without me correcting her :giggle

[Mother Duck]

That is shocking!!! :jawdrop

[Quiteria]

My mom says the same kinda stuff, unintentionally. I'm still catching myself with the questions, but like Bobbie at least I know that it's an issue to watch. It is indeed an old school kinda thing--obeying your parents is good, but the way your ils go about it doesn't take into account mutual respect or predators. My mom means well, hoping her little admonitions will produce a "good girl," it just comes out of her mouth without thinking.

[QuiltinGramma]

Oh, yes.....the intentions are good and since I'm not with him everyday, ol' gramma forgets. I do try to remember what I'm learning here and I know...uh, I pretty sure that I am more patient with him than when I was raising my own kids, but..........and Amber is patient with me...correcting me when I need it.....I just wish.....

But I do know.... being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6 Someday, I won't need DD reminders and until then, I'm thankful that she does.
:heart

[MarynMunchkins]

:hug ((Bobbie)) My fil meant well. He just doesn't have the same awareness of things that I do.

I did give them a copy of Protecting the Gift months ago, though. :think You'd think that at some of it would have sunken in.

[OpalsMom]

I say to DD: Your shoes are out. Put them by the door.
DD: No!
MIL: Be a good girl for Mama, darling.
DD: [blank stare]
Me: You need to put your shoes by the door now. The book will still be right here when you get back.
DD gets up, puts her shoes by the door, comes back.
3 hours later, after dinner, she has some sliced plums on the table, but is playing with her grandparents on the floor.
Me: Hey, can I have some of your plums?
DD: No.
MIL: Don't say "No" to your mother!!
DH: It was a yes-no question. "No" is a valid answer! There's nothing wrong with saying 'no'.
MIL: Does she even know how to say yes?
DD: Yes!
A minute later...
DD: Would you like some plums, Mommy? I share with you.

[Ellyane]

I'd have come completely unwelded. :hissyfit What a dangerous thing to tell a child, especially perhaps a little girl. I would be having a talk with FIL about "Protecting the Gift" and setting his granddaughter up to be prey for predators all because he didn't like her answer to his REQUEST. A request has the option of being answered in the negative.


:yes :yes :yes

I had a breakthrough with my mom on the phone about this recently - about how it wasn't fair to push kids to hug you against their will.... I think she finally gets it!!!!

[mwwr]

I'd have come completely unwelded. :hissyfit What a dangerous thing to tell a child, especially perhaps a little girl. I would be having a talk with FIL about "Protecting the Gift" and setting his granddaughter up to be prey for predators all because he didn't like her answer to his REQUEST. A request has the option of being answered in the negative. I am SO seeing red right now!!! :banghead :banghead

But any of you who have been on this board for very long know that Ana is quite capable of speaking her mind, and will NEVER allow herself to be pushed around. I'm thinking she'll be quite safe from predators. :giggle

[Irene]

My ILs said stuff like that all the time when we were down there... I was very angry but too chicken to correct them :blush

[MarynMunchkins]

Ana is quite capable of speaking her mind

:laughtears That was a diplomatic way of putting that! :laughtears

[jlschock]

:hissyfit :banghead :hissyfit :banghead

[Robersonlass]

Mary,
Good job on your response to DD when she came running to you. :rockon

[Teacher Mom]

Although it makes me so MAD, you handled it very well. Kudos to you for saying all those things to your daughter and loud enough for FIL to hear you.

YOU ARE A GREAT MOMMY