Loaves Of Bread
10-06-2006, 01:05 AM
If I did not post this in the right forum then please let me know. :nails
http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h43/AnotherHippieMother/Parenting%20Causes/PEACEFUL.gif
OK, first of all... I really don't know the specifics of what Ezzos, Pearls, etc. actually IS, other than a few parenting methods developed by some authors that involve punitive punishment. What I do know is the way that my parents raised us... which went far beyond spanking (slapping, kicking, name-calling, hair pulling, dragging by limbs or hair, screeching at the top of lungs....uh... you get the idea). My parents are not bad people, and they were good parents in many other ways, but totally out of control when it came to punishment.
I remember when one of my twin brothers was 4 months old and my mother was first trying to feed him solids. He accidentally knocked the bowl on the floor with his hand. She screamed, called him a curse word, and slapped his face... she did this to a NEWBORN! She would punish all four of us this way very regularly. But two hours later she'd go out and buy us ten toys to help ease her guilt. And then two hours after that she'd scream at us about all of the money she just spent on us and how we never deserved it. This is the fear we were all raised with. My mother has all of the symptoms of bi-polar syndrome, yet refuses to admit it or seek treatment. We never knew when she would snap again. My father was worse. He actually really almost enjoyed the punishments he'd administer. Once I got heat sick and vomited in his car when I was about four. He smacked my head into the dashboard, just like you see on TV wrestling... just grabbed my head and BAM! And unlike my mother, he'd feel no remorse. Once CPS got involved with something that one of my brothers mentioned in school, but no one was taken away.
The ironic thing is that all of this punishing never even WORKED. My brothers got to a point where they laughed in my parents' faces when they'd get hit.
When my brothers got older they learned to fight back (being that this was all we were exposed to; we thought this was what ALL families did). My brothers especially embraced the idea of fighting back. By the time my brothers were old enough to do so my parents were getting middle aged and having health problems, and my brothers would literally hurt them where they had problems. My brothers are grown and pretty well stable now (one is in the Navy, the other in college AND working 48 hours a week)... but they were very rebellious teenagers who probably should have been taken off to juvenile hall for some of the things they did to my parents (like kicking my mother down a flight of stairs for example). But hey... this is pretty well what they learned for them, isn't it? You reap what you sow, right?
Growing up in this environment I told myself I would never have children, because I was too afraid of repeating the cycle. But when I hit a certain age the desire to be a mother suddenly overwhelmed me, and little Willow was planned, sought after, prayed for, and finally we were blessed with her. My little sister still says she will not have children.
So why all this background?? I got a phone call from my mother last night and she told me that Willow was "much too willfull for her age". "What are you talking about?" I asked her. She said she's never seen a child who will shove a person away the way that she does. I told her she always had done that... she's never been a very affectionate child (she gives affection on HER terms... like a cat... sometimes very snuggly and other times has no interest in loving touches at all). Willow has been this way since she was a newborn; this is why co-sleeping has never worked for her.
So mom tries a new tactic. "Well... she throws much too big of a tantrum for a toddler her age." :scratch She's almost TWO! And really, her tantrums aren't that bad... definitely no worse than any other child her age. "But what do you expect... you and Steve refuse to punish her in any way; you let a two year old control you both. You won't listen to me, so you are going to have real problems when she gets older." :banghead Stop. right. there.
I've read all of the articles here, the five steps, ect. I apply pretty much all of it. She's a bit young for the comfort corner, so I still do time-out in the crib with her snuggly. We respond to her cries. We listen to her needs, but we don't give into every little thing (like buying her every toy she sees). But mostly, I parent by heart... which means whatever my parents would do in a situation (WWPD?) is what I DON'T do. And DH absolutely is on board with me 100%. And do you know what? It's worked just fine so far. Friends and neighbors always say Willow is a sweet girl. Hitting the terrible twos, yes, but nothing out of the ordinary. And ironically, I remember my brothers acting MUCH worse when they were Willow's age, and they were punished in every creative way imaginable all of the time.
But now my mother has managed to make me feel I'm raising the Exorcist child, and I'm not even sure how I gave her the power to make me feel that way. :cry
http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h43/AnotherHippieMother/Parenting%20Causes/PEACEFUL.gif
OK, first of all... I really don't know the specifics of what Ezzos, Pearls, etc. actually IS, other than a few parenting methods developed by some authors that involve punitive punishment. What I do know is the way that my parents raised us... which went far beyond spanking (slapping, kicking, name-calling, hair pulling, dragging by limbs or hair, screeching at the top of lungs....uh... you get the idea). My parents are not bad people, and they were good parents in many other ways, but totally out of control when it came to punishment.
I remember when one of my twin brothers was 4 months old and my mother was first trying to feed him solids. He accidentally knocked the bowl on the floor with his hand. She screamed, called him a curse word, and slapped his face... she did this to a NEWBORN! She would punish all four of us this way very regularly. But two hours later she'd go out and buy us ten toys to help ease her guilt. And then two hours after that she'd scream at us about all of the money she just spent on us and how we never deserved it. This is the fear we were all raised with. My mother has all of the symptoms of bi-polar syndrome, yet refuses to admit it or seek treatment. We never knew when she would snap again. My father was worse. He actually really almost enjoyed the punishments he'd administer. Once I got heat sick and vomited in his car when I was about four. He smacked my head into the dashboard, just like you see on TV wrestling... just grabbed my head and BAM! And unlike my mother, he'd feel no remorse. Once CPS got involved with something that one of my brothers mentioned in school, but no one was taken away.
The ironic thing is that all of this punishing never even WORKED. My brothers got to a point where they laughed in my parents' faces when they'd get hit.
When my brothers got older they learned to fight back (being that this was all we were exposed to; we thought this was what ALL families did). My brothers especially embraced the idea of fighting back. By the time my brothers were old enough to do so my parents were getting middle aged and having health problems, and my brothers would literally hurt them where they had problems. My brothers are grown and pretty well stable now (one is in the Navy, the other in college AND working 48 hours a week)... but they were very rebellious teenagers who probably should have been taken off to juvenile hall for some of the things they did to my parents (like kicking my mother down a flight of stairs for example). But hey... this is pretty well what they learned for them, isn't it? You reap what you sow, right?
Growing up in this environment I told myself I would never have children, because I was too afraid of repeating the cycle. But when I hit a certain age the desire to be a mother suddenly overwhelmed me, and little Willow was planned, sought after, prayed for, and finally we were blessed with her. My little sister still says she will not have children.
So why all this background?? I got a phone call from my mother last night and she told me that Willow was "much too willfull for her age". "What are you talking about?" I asked her. She said she's never seen a child who will shove a person away the way that she does. I told her she always had done that... she's never been a very affectionate child (she gives affection on HER terms... like a cat... sometimes very snuggly and other times has no interest in loving touches at all). Willow has been this way since she was a newborn; this is why co-sleeping has never worked for her.
So mom tries a new tactic. "Well... she throws much too big of a tantrum for a toddler her age." :scratch She's almost TWO! And really, her tantrums aren't that bad... definitely no worse than any other child her age. "But what do you expect... you and Steve refuse to punish her in any way; you let a two year old control you both. You won't listen to me, so you are going to have real problems when she gets older." :banghead Stop. right. there.
I've read all of the articles here, the five steps, ect. I apply pretty much all of it. She's a bit young for the comfort corner, so I still do time-out in the crib with her snuggly. We respond to her cries. We listen to her needs, but we don't give into every little thing (like buying her every toy she sees). But mostly, I parent by heart... which means whatever my parents would do in a situation (WWPD?) is what I DON'T do. And DH absolutely is on board with me 100%. And do you know what? It's worked just fine so far. Friends and neighbors always say Willow is a sweet girl. Hitting the terrible twos, yes, but nothing out of the ordinary. And ironically, I remember my brothers acting MUCH worse when they were Willow's age, and they were punished in every creative way imaginable all of the time.
But now my mother has managed to make me feel I'm raising the Exorcist child, and I'm not even sure how I gave her the power to make me feel that way. :cry