Is there a cheat sheet for this stuff?

[fruitofthewomb]

I need a cheat sheet. I'm getting ready to go on a 2-week car trip with my parents and my children. It would be a great opportunity to practice some of this stuff w dd. I know about the 5-step thing, but is there a cheat sheet, or could someone help me make one, that could help me stop and step-by-step analyze and deal with the situation?

Such as (this is a stretch, I really don't know what I'm doing):

1. behavior happens (Emma takes a toy away from the baby and refuses to give it back)
2. assess the behavior - does it need to be changed?
3. check my anger level - do I need to take a breather before dealing with her?
4. pray
5. ask Emma why she did _____?
6. offer a solution? (examples?)
7. (discipline:) take it out of her hands and give it to Emery? (examples?)
etc., etc.

Help anyone? :shrug

[Teribear]

Skip #5 - they often can't tell you why and it can set a child up to lie

In this example I'd do more like this:

Emma, that is Emery's toy. He was playing with it. You need to give it back.

Emma refuses.

If you want to try offering a solution...you might suggesting trading another toy to Emery if he would be ok with that.

If that doesn't work go to Emma (also known as GOYB parenting see related stickey) use 5 steps.

Emma, I said that you need to give back Emery's toy. Can you give it back yourself or do you need my help.

Emma refuses

I see you need my help. (take toy, gently, from Emma and return to Emery)

Deal with Emma's big feelings with empathy, reflecting and redirecting.

I know you are frustrated that you can't have the toy. Lets go do X instead.

Also, when an undesirable behavior occurs run through the HALT list in your mind and see if any of those factors may be contributing to the behavior (HALT sticky is in the GD forum)

It takes practice. Lots of it. What you have thought through already sounds good. Get as many GBD 'tools' in your parening 'toolbox' as possible before this trip and realize that traveling will likely be stressful with the presence of the grandparents, lots of time in the car, constant changes in routine...make sure you extend copious amounts of grace to yourself and everyone with you.

*edited to fix horrible formatting. Don't know how that happened*

[slingmamaof4]

Yeah, look at GOYB parenting site...see sticky.

I also really suggest Easy to Love....book
http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Love-Difficult-Discipline-Cooperation/dp/0060007753/sr=1-1/qid=1159995739/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-8652863-4774230?ie=UTF8&s=books

(suggestions from that book)
She takes Emery's toy"
"Emma, you wanted the toy so you took it away from Emery. You may not take toys away from others. When you want a toy Emery has say "'Emery may I have a turn when you are done.' Try it now." If Emery is too young to be able to understand sharing at all then you will have to adjust this.

I think a big thing that helped me is learning how to be assertive. Being assertive is neither permissive or punitive.

[fruitofthewomb]

I think a big thing that helped me is learning how to be assertive. Being assertive is neither permissive or punitive.




bingo!!!!