What about chore and behavior boards ?

[mamamicky]

Are chore/behavior charts considered "gentle"?

My children and I both seem to do better with a system that we can all follow and understand. It smacks of behaviorism but it also keeps me from raising my voice or letting my arm fly. It really does help me control my anger when I can just give a red mark or take a point or give a demerit (however your system works) instead of getting angry and wanting to "punish" or even "hurt" them for what they've done.

Here's the plan. They have "cards" they complete each morning just because it is part of taking care of yourself and your house. Wash face, brush teeth, make bed, etc. They have a set at bed time too.

There will also be a chore chart with chores on popcicle sticks. They will choose chores and complete each day in order to earn tokens that they can spend on pre-determined items. There will also be Red sticks for misbehavior, Green for great behavior. When they resolve the bad behavior, the red stick is removed or turned over, and while the red is in their pocket, they can not accumulate any more greens. Points are tallied each night and appropriate tokens awarded. I haven't started this yet, but I am trying to make it as simple as possible yet effective and even fun. I used a crude point system with the kids the other day (just to see what would happen) and have used a computer based system in the past and it has worked really well. I know point systems can backfire but I have already looked into how to address that and would deal with expecting tokens for breathing quickly.

I would love opinions.

Thanks,
micky

[TulipMama]

I like your idea for chore cards. My kids have a list on the fridge, and we're working on getting into the habits of daily chores and doing things without being prompted. It helps us all to have a list, and it sounds like your chore plan and token rewards will be a good motivator.

To be honest, I don't like the red stick/green stick idea. While I see how you could implement it in a way to motivate kids to work things out, I know in our home it would lead me into thinking punitively and manipulative behaviours both in me and the kids.

[RubySlippers]

I don't know what they would be considered. I don't use them.

[milkmommy]

We use them DD is very visual and likes being able to see things. We don't do good bad stickers or colors though but we do have what her expecations are. Since shes three we don't list much hers are
picking up her toys
cleaning her room
setting the table
parent helper
was happy (its listed on the chart we just make it fit us)
We then work to meet these goals the chart is almost like a check list. It keeps both me and her focused. for parents helper this just means she was coperative and when we do charts we find a way to mark it. We talk about all the good that she helped me make the bds or she helped buy behaving in the store whatever we can think of thats positive
For the be happy its a review of her overall attitde that she didn't melt down at every no that she used her words its not to say that the day was perfect or that she has to only be happy but that her motions were in check.
On the rare time she doesn't earn the sticker (reusable stars) we just hug and say we'll try again tommorow. We do the charts at the end of each day if that day she gets "five in a row" meaning all stars she gets to stay up 1/2 extra and can choose to watch one TV show or play an extra game with us. IF not then we do books cuddles and bed. Ones not to punish its just we saying today you coperated and did well and I'm up to allowing a little more. Other says its like today was harder lets just lay down cuddle and try again tommorow.
Deanna