Danny Silk - parenting conference - need info- UPDATE

[mamamicky]

Hello all! This is my first official post and I hate to jump right in asking for something but I wanted to see if you could help me with this. My mother-in-law whom I love dearly and who respects and backs my decisions including not to spank (even though she was a spanker). Her church is having Pastor Danny Silk from Bethel church in California speak. I am not familiar with what he teaches and can not find ANY details online. I have searched and searched so I was hoping to find someone who had been to his seminar or heard them or knows someone who has. I just am at a point of my life where I don't want to sift through the garbage and take the good. If it is goining to be 3 hours of here is how you spank your children and why, I'll pass thank you. But if He's a Ross Campbell or Tim Kimmell kind-a-guy I would love to go and be inspired.

Thanks everyone,
Micky

by the way, I am married to a wonderful, talented graphic designer. We have 3 kids, 6 yr old princess, 3 yr old prince and new baby 3 month old prince. I have hit a gentle parenting brick wall and I am looking for advice and support which is why I finally registered here.

[Atarah]

Yeah, pretty vague....

http://www. ibethel.org/store/index.php?product=200

but 'understanding the power of the spoken word', 'freeing our shildren from shame' sounds hopeful???

and :welcome

[NewCovenantMama]

I just found the name Danny Silk associated with Love and Logic, on a foster parenting site. http://www. siskiyous.edu/fkce/2005-2006%20Parenting%20Classes1.htm I've heard that the Love and Logic concept can be applied every way from strongly punitive to non punitive, so the mere fact that he does L and L doesn't tell you much. (I'm assuming it's the same Danny Silk as on the Bethel website as both are CA based.)

Atarah, strange coincidence that you posted a link to that site, as I discovered it for the first time yesterday when following a link from another site for a totally different reason! Maybe God is trying to say something to me!! :)

From what I know of the mindset of the sort of people on that site, they may well be moderately pro spanking, but there is likely to be a lot of GBD-friendly advice mixed in with it, also stuff on how to promote children's spiritual growth. If it were me, I'd definitely want to go.

Emma

[2inHeaven2inMontana]

Hello, my dh and I went to Bible school at Bethel church in Redding CA, and know Danny Silk personally. We loved him. He didn't really teach "parenting" because we were in a mixed group of young people (meaning, not parents) during the 8 months school, but I know what he'd teach would be excellent. He is a very humurous interesting guy, and we really enjoyed him. I know that Bethel church would have nothing to do with any punitive methods of childtraining and they are the church that has really helped me to change my whole view of God around, which has made me ready to change to GBD when I heard about it.
So anyways, I know Danny silk would be very grace-based parenting. Maybe a different twist than here, but still very balanced and grace-based.

[glassangel]

:grin I just posted asking about Danny too.

I read an article of his about parenting in a Christian magazine and it was :tu :tu :tu very good!
Let me know how you go!!

[mamamicky]

Well....I have good news and bad news ladies.....
I went tonight and it all went so well until the VERY end. It started so good. He spoke about the scripture: "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty". Do the people you lead (your spouse, children, workers) have liberty or freedom or fear. Do you try and control your children (or others) or just try to crush and control them? He talked about the things that we believe such as Violence equals power, anger equals power and others control us and to be powerful you have to use anger or violence. We learn this when we are little because the big people (adults) use violence (hitting) and anger (yelling and threats) to control our behavior. He said you can't control anyone. That it isn''t about controlling your children. He seemed very anti-spanking, I mean he was equating it with violence. He spoke about the basis of his whole talk tommorow is "creating a safe space". You have to do that as a leader. That includes empowerment, nurture/connection and one last thing I forgot. He said some really amazing things and I was totally nodding and with him and he was so focused on the relationship as the main most important thing and not breaking that connection.

So the bad part: At the end he says: I know some of you are worried that I am going to "take away your spanking". He said he is not against spanking as a tool in your toolbox. He proceeded to tell a story of spanking his 8 yr old son for the first time when he disobeyed his 12 yr old sister who was babysitting him and stayed outside for an hour at 11pm. in the cold and dark and would not come in. Anyway, he basically told him that he had a spirit of rebellion after him and he was having trouble resisting it and so he was going to help him. So he said I am going to help you and then spanked his botton hard. He said, son, did that help? His son squeaked out a yes. Then he said , if you ever need my help with that again son, I will help you. I love you. Goodnight. He said he needed his help about 2 months later and that was it. Story told with lots of laughter and he he ha ha.

So I was just done. I couldn't believe it! So I asked him afterward if he believed you could raise a child without spanking. He said (in a nutshell) that he doesn't believe in spanking as a biblical mandate. It is a tool but not necessary for childrearing. His CD set on parenting does not include spanking at all.

So, thoughts? I am interested in what his CD set says, because all of what he has to say besides that final word on spanking was SO good. On the other hand, I am in a phase of my life where I have no desire to pick through poop to find diamonds (bad theology to find good). I think my m-i-l might buy me the set so I guess I could listen to it. Part of me doesn't want to listen to him at all now, but others who I respect - Campbell, Kimmell say that they have spanked a few times over the course of parenthood, just not regularly.

Let's discuss.

Micky

[glassangel]

Interesting :think

I have been tossing up about buying his DVDs...because of the fact that he is a male (thinking that might appeal to Dhs of the world)...

but the whole not taking spanking our toolbox :/ -- sounds to me a bit like trying to keep in with the spanking crowd... :scratch

That's why I love Crystal's book (when is her new stuff coming out??? :grin)

*sigh* it does sound so good...I wonder why he thought that he had to spank his son that night :/ and not try anything else? (and why was the 12yo babysitting -- sorry that's just my opinion...)

Feeling a bit disappointed myself...imagine you are too...want to hear what the CD is like if you end up with is.

[TulipMama]

So I asked him afterward if he believed you could raise a child without spanking. He said (in a nutshell) that he doesn't believe in spanking as a biblical mandate. It is a tool but not necessary for childrearing. His CD set on parenting does not include spanking at all.


This is a HUGE thing, and a GOOD thing.

He's still operating within the Christian subculture that views spanking as normal and good (and often Biblically mandated.) So I can accept and understand that he's reluctant to take spanking out of the toolbox totally--but I rejoice that he is firm that spanking is not Biblically mandated.

After all, a lot of us joined GCM with spanking still in our toolbox. A lot of us have husbands holding on to spanking as a tool of "last resort." I can accept that. . . parenting is a journey. . . And I'm thankful teachers are out there teaching things that are more in line with GBD, even if they don't "get it" 100% yet.

[katiekind]

:tu In general. :tu And I agree with everything Tulipmama said.

Maybe he needs to work on that part of his presentation, and you can help by providing some sensitive, caring feedback. :hearts

You are so articulate--I would suggest writing him a letter and letting him know how wonderfully the presentation was coming across to you, and then how his final example on spanking came across to you, how it negated such an important part of his message that had been powerful and consistent. Point out that making the example funny or encouraging laughter in the audience contradicts his earlier points. Whatever place spanking has in a home, if any, it certainly should be no laughing matter: on that you can agree, no?

He certainly sounds like he's motivated to provide a step in the right direction.