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View Full Version : my un-gentle friend and her 1-yr old DD


hbmamma
09-30-2006, 04:49 AM
I want to help my friend. I've posted other things about her and that I'm really concerned about her whole life, but this is an issue that has really bothered me. I just don't know how to bring it up or what to say. Maybe someone has been in a similar situation and can share.

Anyway, S has a 1-yr DD (just turned one in Aug.), O, with her live-in BF. From outward appearances, she practices AP, breastfeed, and co-sleep. But she's far from being gentle. At their last visit, O was getting into the dog food dish. After repeated attempts to remove the child from the scene, S yelled, spanked the tush, and slapped O's hand. "SHE'S A BABY!?!?" rang through my head. I was horrified. It was just a natural curiosity about the dog food and wouldn't it have been easier to move the dish? (I had just returned to the house when this final "straw" happened).When things settled down, I asked S about it. She said, "Well O knows better..." :hunh :hunh :hunh I told her that O is still only one. And that she's pretty much going on impulses and curiosity. "Well, she flashes me that eye...she knows" S says.

She gets very angry with O, and I know that there are some other underlying issues there. I think that the novelty of having a baby has completely worn off and now her BF doesn't help out as much as he used to. She's depressed and has medication that she doesn't take on a regular basis. It just makes me sad to see this all with my best friend. :cry

pneumaphile
09-30-2006, 05:41 AM
I always try to remember that we can't help unless they *want* help.

If she's a good friend, you may be able to say something like "I notice you're frustrated a lot with O. I've been there. I'd love to share some things that have worked for me to lower the frustratration level in my home. Are you interested?" And if she is, great! If she's not, or she keeps putting you off, it's because she doesn't want to hear it, and there's nothing you can say that would help.

:hug that kind of thing is so hard to watch!

canadiyank
10-01-2006, 11:49 PM
:hug That is a very gracefilled way to approach that pneuma.

I struggle with depression...it definitely colours how I interact with my kids. When I am not stable I have no patience, especially for what I think they "should know." I would gently bring up her depression and see how she feels, if she's overwhelmed, etc. Depression just overshadows things, so even if she *wanted* to be gentle she just may not have the resources right now. If she can get help for that hopefully she can start thinking more gently and patiently with her dd. :hugheart