Blatant Child Abuse on A Christian Forum.. so sad... {small rant, lots of tears}

[Vipers_Princess]

My heart is totally :bheart right now ladies. I have been a member of a christian mothering forum that spun off of the old momsonline boards for going on seven years now, ever since it was actually on MOL. I don't post a whole lot anymore because the people I felt real, honest connections to are pretty much fly by posters now or gone totally. But today I logged in to kind of 'see how everyone is' almost immediately I was faced with not one but THREE posts where the moms and for one, the dad as well had struck their child, including one who struck her son across the face in front of his school because he didn't want to be left alone at school, he wanted to stay with her She then went on to say that she would 'almost homeschool him, but that would be giving in to his demands and his tantrums and that's not right' Um, okay, if your child is having such serious tantrums about going to school that it takes an hour for him to be conned into going to class and he cries the whole time he's there, I don't think that's manipulation. There's something more to it....

The part that really, truly :bheart more than anything was the fact that the other mammas were backing her up and telling her she did the right thing! :hissyfit :bheart :bheart :banghead :hunh :cry I was sickened. And I probably shouldn't have but I posted and said that the stuff I'd been reading on there lately had broken my heart, and that I was going to have to do a lot of praying and soul searching before I came back there. I also posted 1 Corinthians 4:21 and said that I would pray for the families and especially th e innocent children...

I know all of you are old-hand at coming into contact with punitive mindsets and people who congratulate other Christians for taking a 'proper, firm hand' in raising their children, but this was the first time I encountered it in a group of women I thought were genuine Christians and good mothers and I am so heartbroken right now. Please join me in praying for these families tonight mammas, I honestly don't know what else to do...

[SouthPaw]

Oh sweetie. I am so sorry. I will join you :pray for these children and their families. :cry

[bpkbiz]

:hugheart :pray

[emmalouise]

:bheart :pray

[katiekind]

:cry

[CelticJourney]

know all of you are old-hand at coming into contact with punitive mindsets and people who congratulate other Christians for taking a 'proper, firm hand' in raising their children, but this was the first time I encountered it in a group of women I thought were genuine Christians and good mothers and I am so heartbroken right now

It is never easy - I hope I neer see the day I hear about a story like these and it doesn't break my heart.

[Titus2Momof4]

:cry

I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine last night (who tends to lean on the permissive side) and we were talking about a woman we know. She was telling me this woman, whose dd just turned 5 over summer and just started K this year, was enjoying school the first few days, but suddenly didn't want to go anymore (understandably-she's only 5, she couldn't possibly have known what school was really going to be like). So the other day, the mom *made* school people pry this girl from their vehicle, and mom was *laughing* while they were prying her, and little girl is screaming. :( :( Another mom we know whose dd went to K last year and is in 1 this year is getting picked on by kids on the bus (she's 6 now) and mom is saying "she needs to learn to deal" and forcing her on the bus (this mom is a SAHM, too). :( Breaks my heart. :bheart

[LoveIsGentle]

:cry

I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine last night (who tends to lean on the permissive side) and we were talking about a woman we know. She was telling me this woman, whose dd just turned 5 over summer and just started K this year, was enjoying school the first few days, but suddenly didn't want to go anymore (understandably-she's only 5, she couldn't possibly have known what school was really going to be like). So the other day, the mom *made* school people pry this girl from their vehicle, and mom was *laughing* while they were prying her, and little girl is screaming. :( :(


:sick That poor little girl. How could you LAUGH at your child in a situation like that? :bheart

[mamame]

These stories are just so sad. What about finding out what's going on with the child? I haven't read Tripp in a long time (VERY long time) but honestly that's the one thing I got from him that I liked - read their hearts. What is going on that the first child is so frightened that he's afraid to go into school? How about dealing with the real issue and not the 'symptom'! And by smacking him like that and forcing him to go someplace that scares the living daylights out of him can scar him for life! Honestly!! Is THAT what she wants?? And that little girl - laughing at her??? She's scared/afraid/sad/whatever! and mom is laughing?? She's laughing at her child being miserable??? That's just utterly sick!! Yeah - deal with it! I'd like to smack that mom and let her deal with THAT!! UGH!! Those poor babies who have just learned that they can't even count on mom to be on their side. What is that teaching them about God? Cry out because you're afraid and He just laughs and turns His back.

GRRRRR :hissyfit :banghead :bheart

Ann

[mamaKristin]

:cry

[ChristmasGirl]

:( :bheart :hugheart

this brings back memories of the titus2 board that i was a part of, and how grateful I am that "mamame" (Ann) stuck around as a non-spanker...it is really through her example and influence that I was led to pursue my journey to GBD :ty So please know that whatever you can share about your own parenting practices and beliefs *can* bring about a change, even when you may not see it's effects :hug2

[hiddenhippie6]

:pray

[CelticJourney]

memories of the titus2 board that i was a part of

Wonder if that is the same one I was tossed off of? :think........... :giggle

[Reva]

:cry :cry :bheart :sick

[Benjaminswife]

This breaks my heart. I just can't understand how this kind of parenting is 1)Good for the child 2)What Jesus would want us to do 3) and being a good Christian witness.

Yet so many think it is. I just don't understand.

[mamame]

:( :bheart :hugheart

this brings back memories of the titus2 board that i was a part of, and how grateful I am that "mamame" (Ann) stuck around as a non-spanker...it is really through her example and influence that I was led to pursue my journey to GBD :ty So please know that whatever you can share about your own parenting practices and beliefs *can* bring about a change, even when you may not see it's effects :hug2


Suzie - You must have me mistaken for someone else - I actually am a spanker (gasp!!). As I've said before, it's very rare but I will spank when I feel it's necessary. I remember the titus2 board, though! :D

Ann

[ChristmasGirl]

:think so you were on the titus2 momsboard though, right? I was thinking it was you that always had gentle alternatives to more punitive methods and probably assumed you were a non-spanker :lol :hug

[CelticJourney]

I need to make a reminder as a moderator:

From the GCM Statement of Beliefs:
16. Fear and purposely-inflicted pain have no place in gentle, loving, Biblical discipline, and children should be discipled from birth with an appropriate mixture of kindness and firmness in a manner that respects their feelings and their developmental, emotional, and daily needs.

Posters who do not agree with the statement of beliefs are allowed to participate at Jeri's discretion, but are not permitted to post in conflict with the SOB.

[mamame]

I need to make a reminder as a moderator:

From the GCM Statement of Beliefs:
16. Fear and purposely-inflicted pain have no place in gentle, loving, Biblical discipline, and children should be discipled from birth with an appropriate mixture of kindness and firmness in a manner that respects their feelings and their developmental, emotional, and daily needs.

Posters who do not agree with the statement of beliefs are allowed to participate at Jeri's discretion, but are not permitted to post in conflict with the Statement of Beliefs.


No worries! I am totally not pushing spanking here or anything - I just wanted to clear up a misunderstanding. I also state that I do spank so people know where I stand - I'm not telling people that they must spank or anything like that.

Susie - I WAS there (I have totally forgotten about it, though! Opps!!) and I do tend to use the appropriate methods to deal with different issues - and most of the time it's NOT spanking. I don't think I've ever told someone to spank online - or in real life, so I can see why the mistake. :D

Ann

[ServantofGod]

What about finding out what's going on with the child? I haven't read Tripp in a long time (VERY long time) but honestly that's the one thing I got from him that I liked - read their hearts. What is going on that the first child is so frightened that he's afraid to go into school? How about dealing with the real issue and not the 'symptom'! And by smacking him like that and forcing him to go someplace that scares the living daylights out of him can scar him for life!

:yes Something like this happened to me and it did pretty much scar me for life. I was 11 and was using sick-room visits to try to escape hardships and rejection at school. My mother "laid down the law" that I was NEVER to call her again to pick me up! She also made unfair comparrisons to my other sisters. I remember how hopeless I felt. I couldn't tell her what was really going on and she didn't seem to care. She just wanted the annoying sympthom to stop. :(

I still tend to think no one cares about my personal troubles and that I need not bother anyone with my annoying sympthoms.

[WI Mama05]

:bheart and :pray for those families and children

[Vipers_Princess]

I haven't been back there but I am being told by a friend who has that the post has been erased, replaced with a "The Bible instructs us to spank our children or lose them to the Enemy. Please refrain from calling names and posting inflamatory statements which contradict with the Truth." and that several posters have asked my account be deleted/banned.

Um, I answered with SCRIPTURE! how is that contradicting truth? It breaks my heart but I have chosen to not return there and just continue to pray for the families and children that do participate...

[CelticJourney]

Yikes!! :jawdrop

[ServantofGod]

replaced with a "The Bible instructs us to spank our children or lose them to the Enemy. Please refrain from calling names and posting inflamatory statements which contradict with the Truth." and that several posters have asked my account be deleted/banned.


Well, to be fair, the same thing would happen here if someone posted a biblical mandate FOR spanking. Every website has it's culture. It's sad to me that people believe that spanking is biblically mandated, but I understand how they can come to think so. :sad2

[CelticJourney]

Well, to be fair, the same thing would happen here if someone posted a biblical mandate FOR spanking.

Actually if someone posted scripture, I think we would have a long thread about the verse, including an en depth analysis of the Hebrew meaning of words such as 'rod' and the relationship of that verse to the overall understanding of the chapter, book, section and context. I would be very sad if someone posted scripture here and the response was that it was in conflict with the Truth - it's impossible.

But I do understand some of what you are saying - they see spanking as Truth. Sadly they can't see that Truth and Scripture can't be in conflict. :no2

[ArmsOfLove]

replaced with a "The Bible instructs us to spank our children or lose them to the Enemy. Please refrain from calling names and posting inflamatory statements which contradict with the Truth." and that several posters have asked my account be deleted/banned.


Well, to be fair, the same thing would happen here if someone posted a biblical mandate FOR spanking. Every website has it's culture. It's sad to me that people believe that spanking is biblically mandated, but I understand how they can come to think so. :sad2
Actually, just ftr :), if someone posted against our guidelines we would post a reminder of the guidelines. If the post was really over the line and needed to be removed we would not post anything publically but would pm the person who did so and remind them of the guidelines they agreed to when they joined and reassert the boundary.

Certainly they have the right to respond how they did ;) but it's pretty revealing about the board imo

[Benjaminswife]

I have to say that it offends me that they are using Jesus to defend those actions. As a follower of Jesus it really offends me.

[Savmom]

I came across this post on a homeschooling board where a mom asked how to handle her 3yo who repeatedly "broke" the rules. I can see my "old" self in these quotes. I would have said exactly the same thing until I discovered GBD. I especially like how a mom labeled her 5 yo a criminal (see last quote). All these quotes are from Christian moms and I am :ptl that I am learning how to extend the same grace to my children that God extends to me.

There were dozens of replies and they all sounded exactly like these quotes:

"Defiance and disobedience mean spanking, restriction, etc. in my house. "Forgetting" a rule normally means a lesser punishment in the form of standing in the corner, etc."

and:

"If its talking back which i dont tolerate AT ALL then he usually gets a spanking and restriction. I really push responsibility on him and conducting himself in a responsible manner. Im also a very strict parent and follow through on my word even if i regret it."

the best one:

"Selective memory" in my home is disobedience and he gets whatever punnishment is then due (something reasonable and fitting to the crime)." (emphasis mine)