Upsetting flashbacks - do some parents ENJOY spanking?

[Calliope]

I was cleaning the kitchen today and thinking about this site and parenting practices in general, when I had this flashback to being in highschool and visiting a young couple who were about to have a baby. I had asked the cheerful and very pregnant wife if her husband was looking forward to having a family and I remember she chuckled and said something like, 'Yeah, but I think he just wants to spank them. He's always joking about spanking our kids.' Even then, being young and not entirely opposed to spanking, I thought, 'Wow...that's...that's...NOT funny at all.'

As I recalled this, suddenly another memory returned to me of being 8 or 9 and facing a spanking for not doing some educational workbook activities while visiting my cousins during the summer. I was on my knees begging my father not to spank me, telling him I was sorry, and knowing that there was no way I was getting out of this, because my father wanted to spank me. It wasn't the last resort thing everyone always says spanking is. He actively wanted to spank me.

Anyway, these memories have me really upset and out of wack right now. Could it be that some parents actually enjoy or at least getting something out of spanking for themselves? At least, those who do it alot and as an answer to everything?

[ArmsOfLove]

sadly I believe that you've hit a nail on the head :( The history of spanking definately roots it in S&M practices :cry

[Heather Micaela]

:( I think so

[domesticzookeeper]

*sigh* yeah, I think you're right :bheart

[MidnightCafe]

Ah, it's just so sad. Here's for you: :hugheart I think it's absolutely true that some people get something out of it, and I think that's very, very scary.

[Garnet]

I know you are right. :bheart Both of my parents liked spanking us, and in fact my mom liked watching us being punished. If she felt we "wronged" her in some way she made up a reason for my dad to whoop us with his belt. I remember somethign I had done, and she had my dad spank me and I was hanging over his knee looking at her face.............she was HAPPY I was being punished. :bheart

[MidnightCafe]

I know you are right. :bheart Both of my parents liked spanking us, and in fact my mom liked watching us being punished. If she felt we "wronged" her in some way she made up a reason for my dad to whoop us with his belt. I remember somethign I had done, and she had my dad spank me and I was hanging over his knee looking at her face.............she was HAPPY I was being punished. :bheart


This is just so sad. It makes me feel just...so...so...I don't even know. It's just so out of control the way children are so often treated. :hugheart

[Garnet]

I totally agree. :bheart

[Benjaminswife]

I think this could be true. I wonder if it is because they were spanked and then look forward to doing the same. My parents never liked spanking us. Now they feel it is wrong.

[Garnet]

I never liked spanking my kids. I always felt it was wrong. It left both of us feeling hurt. :bheart

[Calliope]

Well, at least I'm getting some corraboration of my feelings. How terrible. I would love to get a spanking parent to honestly tell me how it makes them feel.

There's some sort of creepy self-satisfaction going on that I can't quite put my finger on.

[LauraK]

I think for some it is cathartic because they were spanked. They get to be the spanker and not the spankee and be in control in a similar situation which as a child they were in a very powerless situation.

I of course think some spankers spank because they feel it is "the right" way to parent and in someways they are just without other tools.

I also think for some it is a release. In the sense that you are angry with your child and frustrated and spanking really feels like you are doing something to change your child and that it is "justice". I also think for others, they are actually permissive, so their child pushes and pushes, then the parent gets mad and the spanking is what finally ends the whole mess and leads to them liking their child again. They could have taken that power in the situation without spanking but for them that is what they do and it is not until they spank that the ultimately restore positive feelings toward their kid. Of course then the kid is often not feeling so positive about them so you get big yucky dynamic.

[DogwoodMama]

I believe that my stepmother enjoyed spanking us (actually, it was whipping us with a yardstick) because she was very angry and frustrated for other reasons and occassionally our behavior. In retrospect, I truly think she was angry that we didn't behave like little robots and wanted to get that frustration out. I just remember her absolute WRATH it was like she was possessed. Then would come our tears and groveling to her. Yeah, I think *she* got something out of it.

[Garnet]

I think my parents problem was/is their marriage. My mom is bi polar but refuses to get help. My dad got tired of her extreme flips in mood, or her coming at him screaming about what his kids did while he was gone. Plus, I think my dad was abused as a child. My mom claims she was as well, but my grandma and aunt say she wasn't. I don't know.

My mom definetely liked us getting punished. If she wouldn't do it herself, she'd have my dad do it. And sometimes make up reasons why it should be done. ITA with the groveling and tears, but they never worked. She didn't care.

[Sarai]

I think some do. I don't believe my parents enjoyed it; I think, like one of the PPs said, it was more of a release (for my mom, especially). Two times stand out in my mind: Once, I'm not sure how old I was (6? 7?) and don't even remember what I had done, but I remember my mom dragging me on the floor in our kitchen, trying to get me up so she could spank me. I sat down on my little bum with all my might so she couldn't, crying and begging her not to spank me. She eventually won.

The other time I was a teenager, and we were having a typical mother/teen daughter argument (again, over what I don't recall). She became enraged and slapped me across the face. Now, I'm not proud of this part, but I slapped her back. :blush I screamed at her "How do YOU like it? Don't EVER hit me again!". She never did.

The other day Ds was being particularly 3, if you KWIM ;), and I could feel frustration boiling up inside me. I actually smacked my hand down on the couch, and was terrified at myself because these instances I mentioned came flashing back. I can totally see how parents spank out of anger and frustration, whether they want to admit they do so or not. And yes, some do enjoy it, I think.

Praise God that we now know a better way :ptl.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

I'm sure some do. :(

I was always convinced that my dad didn't like it, because he would always cry harder than we did. He would send us to our room while he calmed down and prayed. He honestly thought he was doing the right thing, and that he didn't have a choice if he were going to be a good parent. :bheart He listened to the wrong people. I think that is why he's so supportive of us using GBD. He's told me how happy he is that I have resources available to me that he didn't have.

[snlmama]

The other time I was a teenager, and we were having a typical mother/teen daughter argument (again, over what I don't recall). She became enraged and slapped me across the face. Now, I'm not proud of this part, but I slapped her back.

How weird. I remember doing the exact same thing w/ my mom. I wonder if it's common among teenage girls who are spanked and slapped. :shifty Our conversation was a bit different - her face turned boiling red and she said "You HIT your mother." and I said calmly, "well, you hit ME." She yelled at me for awhile, but I don't recall her ever hitting me again. :think

To answer the orig. post, yes, I do think my mother enjoyed spanking and punishing us.

[Garnet]

I don't know. I did slap my mom once, when she tried to choke me to death. ( she's done that twice.) and I did tell my dad one night not to go to sleep after he severly beat my brother........I told him I'd give him what he was giving us. I walked past his room on the way to the bathroom very early in the mornign and he flipped on the light, he was fully clothed sitting up in bed. He hadn't slept all night. But he never hit us again after that.

[joyful mama]

:cry I'm so sorry to hear these stories :grouphug

But unfortunately I do think *some* do :neutral

[Titus2Momof4]

Anyway, these memories have me really upset and out of wack right now. Could it be that some parents actually enjoy or at least getting something out of spanking for themselves? At least, those who do it alot and as an answer to everything?

Yes :blush :cry

Because it's "revenge" and "getting back" and getting your anger about what the child just did out of your system. Which is why I totally :rolleyes when I see the advice about always being calm when you spank. Yeah...and then *realistically* you are hardly calm when Johnny climbed the counter and knocked over a glass dish which shattered on your kitchen floor and there goes your dinner side dish. And for those who *are* totally calm and actually cheerful about spanking, that just seems.....ick :shifty wierd to me. I'm thinking sadistic, but I'm not going to go so far as to say that because that may be a bit harsh, knowing that the parents who do this usually really do love their kids and only want what's best for them.

[JHinton]

DH and I talked about this one night. I was spanked and he wasn't. Neither one of us believe in it but he was curious as to what warranted a spanking.

My mother would spank me when she got mad at me for whatever. There was no method of choosing what warranted a spanking or anything - if I made her mad, I got spanked. I was what they call a spirited child and spanking me would send me into a blind rage, which led to more spankings, on so on. I wasn't really a bad kid so it wasn't a daily or even weekly occurance or anything.

When I talk to my mother now (who keeps telling me I need to smack DS hands when he hits, grabs, is generally a normal toddler) and tell her I don't believe in spanking, she tells me I'll change my mind when I get mad at DS. Then she says that I was spanked and my younger cousins weren't and look at how we both turned out (my cousins are still in high school and a bit, um, they're teenagers). I point out that she only did it when she was on a power trip. Like the above poster, she slapped me across the face and I slapped her back and told her not to do it again because I was bigger. When she realized she didn't have power anymore, she didn't do it.

When DS is trying my patience, rather than smack him when he's hitting, kicking, biting, and generally being a typical tot, I pick him up, give him a big hug, and thank God for my child and tell DS that I love him.

[Beth1231]

This thread brings back some really awful flashbacks. I do not think my parents enjoyed spanking me. I remember clearly Dad saying "I hate spanking kids" HOWEVER when he was angry, it was "revenge and I will beat it out of them and how dare you talk back to me" sort of thing. Sometimes he tried to get himself calm before spanking us, but that seriously just prolongs the fear and anxiety and helplessness. And I remember being dragged across the kitchen floor begging as well. My God, my God....I need to stay away from threads like this.

[hollybells]

{{{HannahGrace}}} :hug2

[Jillian]

I think some people do get something out of it - feeling of control, someone to take their anger out on, revenge for having the same thing done to them, etc.

The stories on this thread are reminding me of my own. :bheart :cry

[RubySlippers]

talk about bad flashbacks... :shiver
my mom spanked when she was angry and until we cried. it was an emotional release for her, getting that anger out.
these stories :bheart