Okay, it's Aug. 6th and DH and I still do not agree....

[kiloyd]

I tried to talk to DH today about what I thought is a good compromise. I want to homeschool and lean toward relaxed for kindergarten and he is very schooly and not for hsing. I thought that I would go ahead and use all of A Beka for reading, writing, and math. That way DS will have 'school' and we will also do a hs co-op one afternoon a week, plus AWANA Wed. night and maybe children's choir on Sun. night and one sport, oh and meeting some hs friends to play weekly. That sounds like a lot to me! Plenty of social interaction for a 5 yr old.

You know, I haven't used the argument that school is supposed to be about academics and not socailizing! That's what got me in trouble so much in 6th grade, socializing with my friend during class time. :)

I'm thinking about just ordering the books anyway. DS is not registered in any school yet. I've been doing research on curriculums (sp?) and *I* went to the schools to check them out. I'm beginning to think I should just make this decision for us. But then I know DH will be mad if I did that, but he can just get over it.

I did tell him that we need to make a decision this week so I can prepare DS and myself.

I have been praying and I also remind myself that DH was indifferent towards nursing at first and wanted me to wean DS at 1 yr and also wanted DS out of our bed at 1 yr. But now with DD at 21 mo, she is still nursing and sleeps with us half the time or I sleep with her and DS the other half and DH is fine with it. I'm hoping that it will be the same with hsing, he'll become familiar with it. Breastfeeding and cosleeping were foreign to him but now they are the norm. Hsing is also foreign to him.

I have tried giving him things to read but that doesn't do any good. Oh, is there always going to be something to argue about?

I don't know if I am looking for advice or just a shoulder to whine on. Thanks for 'listening'.

[SueQ]

:hugheart :pray :heart

[Mama Calidad]

It's got to be really tough not being on the same page with this. :hugheart

[HuggaBuggaMommy]

Have you written down your plan for your dh, shown him how scheduled Abeka is and gone over everything with him so he doesn't feel out of the loop? Maybe if he sees how you've gotten it all together, he might be more agreeable?

[J3K]

Does he know that abeka is used in private christian schools ? It's an actual SCHOOL curriculum.

[kiloyd]

Yes, another reason I am thinking A Beka is that the Christian school we are looking at uses it.

I did write a schedule down. Maybe I could make a better plan to show him.

[J3K]

OR you could be up front and say "You have to trust in me that I want what is best for the children the same way you do. You need to trust that I will educate our child properly and you need to believe that I have our children's best interests at heart. I will be homeschooling this year because I've done extensive research and want what is best for our children."

[Leslie]

OR you could be up front and say "You have to trust in me that I want what is best for the children the same way you do. You need to trust that I will educate our child properly and you need to believe that I have our children's best interests at heart. I will be homeschooling this year because I've done extensive research and want what is best for our children."


I was once sent an article that talked about this, let me see if I can find it. Here it is! http://www.credenda.org/issues/12-3husbandry.php

"... A man should marry a woman whom he can trust. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her" (Prov. 31:11). ... Trust here means entrusting, and something has to be there to be entrusted. In a godly home, that which is entrusted is the management of the home, and the inhabitants thereof. ... Of course, the husband is not "under" her command—she ought not to boss him around like he is one of the kids—but at the same time, he is called upon to honor the standards which she establishes for the home. ... He married her; he entrusted these things to her. In respecting her judgments, he is standing by his own judgment."

[lenswyf]

I'm sorry -- I'm going to have to disagree here. If I was thinking the thoughts you are expressing here, I'd have to confront myself for disrespect toward my husband. I think it's a wonderful thing to persuade him. It's not a wonderful thing to just go ahead and do it when you know he has strong objections. Maybe you can do that on smaller issues, but the education of one's children... that's not a small thing.

Some of the things that persuaded us to homeschool...

Schools are not the same now as they were 20-30 years ago. Back then, even without corporal punishment, there was a level of discipline that was expected and maintained. Kids were taught to respect their teachers -- now they aren't, and the time that is wasted in classrooms is huge. Teachers spend a good chunk of their day dealing with the problem kids, not teaching. In a homeschool, the discipline issue arises, but you're not confined to the 6 hours of the school schedule -- you can get back to school later when your child is cooperating.

In our district, kids who "fresh off the boat" and don't speak any English are placed in the classrooms with everyone else. This means that a classroom teacher spends a chunk of her day helping these kids learn English, not teaching the kids who already speak the language.

In a homeschool, you can tailor your educational plan to meet the learning style of your child, which helps maximize the learning that can happen. In a classroom, your kid either learns that way or doesn't. There's no compromising, no adjusting possible. The teacher doesn't have time. I think the only way a teacher can really help an individual student is to have him diagnosed as having some learning difficulty so he'll be able to get some one-on-one time with a special ed person.

There are a lot of articles out there about how the American educational system has swung so far away from being boy-oriented (in the interest of making sure girls aren't left behind) that boys are now the ones left behind. Boys are falling behind; it's a documented fact that is a concern to the entire educational community. Does your son need to start his education in that environment? Here's an article about the problem (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10965522/site/newsweek/). It's nice to know that the educational community recognizes the problem, but I don't want my son to be part of the experiment while they try to figure out a solution.

It is significant to me that most of the teachers I know have their kids being homeschooled. Some of them homeschool at night; others have a spouse taking charge of the homeschooling. If they don't trust their own schools to educate their children... why on earth should I?

Another thing that helped persuade me... Dd is now 19 year old, and when she was in K, I put her in the private school my church had. My exhusband had a fit! He hated the school, and he gave me a list of 6 schools that he considered acceptable alternatives. With a friend of mine who had just stopped teaching because of her pregnancy, I visited each school. At each school, I sat in all of their first grade classes for 20-30 minutes and just watched what happened in there. It was very eye-opening, and it was worth every minute. When I made my decision about where she would continue her schooling, I had so much more confidence that I was making the right decision for her.

[kiloyd]

OR you could be up front and say "You have to trust in me that I want what is best for the children the same way you do. You need to trust that I will educate our child properly and you need to believe that I have our children's best interests at heart. I will be homeschooling this year because I've done extensive research and want what is best for our children."


I like this, I think I may partially quote you to DH.

And yes, lenswyf, I do not want to disrespect my husband. But we have talked and argued this off and on for several months now. A decision must be made soon, school does start in a few weeks.

I just had a thought. I have not actually listed my reasons for hsing, I need to do that and write down my goals. I bet DH would like that.

Thanks for your thoughts, I will keep you posted

[J3K]

Just thougt of something else that helped convince dh. Since most men think financially...

I added up what it would cost for all the children's school supplies (grabbed a master list from walmart and tallied it) , added up the clothing , shoes , approx. cost of buying school lunches ,and factored in the nickel and dime crud the teacher asks for throughout the year. Send $2 for Timmy's party , send $3 so we can go to the zoo , send one hundred pennies for an art project, etc.... and I told him "I can homeschool for 1/4 of that ! ".

He was convinced that homeschooling meant we were going to spend a bazillion dollars for every little thing.

That first year I bought Calvert and still spent less for it than I would've sending him to first grade.

[illinoismommy]

Is he willing to read all about homeschooling so he can help? I am on a bit of a book kick, but sometimes hearing it from someone other than your wife helps. He should just relax.... there's no way you'll get "behind" in kindergarten of all things. :hug2

[CountryGirl]

A Beka also has a homeschool option where you are registered with A Beka Academy as a private school. They send you the books and teacher editions and you send in the work where they maintain the files/grades, etc. Then you would still be educating you child, but he would also be enrolled in a "real" school.

My hubby was not sure about hsing when we first started, but now he finds himself in arguments with people that think it's so strange :~) It just took him a while to really get a feel for what the benefits would be. Now he's a big homeschooling advocate.

Jenni

[J3K]

a complete and total side note CountryGirl....

I saw your name is JENNI. That's what my name was as a child. My mom named me Jennifer and everyone shortened it to Jenny. My mom didn't like that and Gramma suggested the name be spelled with an "i" instead of "y". So I became Jenni. My family still calls me Jenni , but my friends call me Jennifer.

So cool to see that someone else spells their name the same way I do.

[fourbygrace]

This is just a thought and I know you wrote this post 2 weeks ago, but in regard to what one person wrote about schools not being what they were 20 years ago .. .my Dh is not totally supportive of our homeschooling, but he is letting me do it. I was thinking about asking him to go spend an entire day in a classroom (AND out to observe recess, if the school still has recess- some do not have recess at all anymore!) to see for himself what it is like now. I taught for 6 years before my children were born and I DO NOT want my kids in that environment. (ok, actually I would not even discuss school with my husband unless he agreed to do this. Maybe that is not being respectful, but to me this is serious life issue.)

Would your husband be willing to do that? Then you and he can decide if that is really what you want for your child. Lots of kids enroll late even though teachers don't appreciate it, so you could just tell the school you want to see what the school is like before considering enrolling your child.

I don't know if this would work or not, and I have not tried it, but thought I would suggest it.

Blessings & Prayers,
Mary

[kiloyd]

Ooooh, I like your idea. I might have to use that at a later time. Because, praise to God!, DH has agreed for us to hs DS this year!!!!!

[J3K]

:amen

Hopefully during this time you can convince dh that this is truly the best option.

I would STRONGLY encourage you to use US as your sounding board when you don't think things are going well , or you have technical questions. I certainly would put a "happy spin" on all things homeschool for the next few months in regards to your dh. :shifty I wouldn't lie or pull the wool over his eyes , but I wouldn't admit to all my little inner thoughts either.

[fourbygrace]

PTL!! I am so happy to hear that he has agreed to homeschooling. I agree with Jennifer in that you tell your husband about the positive stuff and save the negative for God and us.

I am saying a prayer for you right now!! :pray

Blessings,
Mary

[kiloyd]

I would STRONGLY encourage you to use US as your sounding board when you don't think things are going well , or you have technical questions. I certainly would put a "happy spin" on all things homeschool for the next few months in regards to your dh. :shifty I wouldn't lie or pull the wool over his eyes , but I wouldn't admit to all my little inner thoughts either.


Thanks, I will take your advice about that.

One good thing, even though i know DH's parent's don't like hsing, they won't say anything about it. I must be the wierd DIL, I mean I want to hs and I breastfeed for over a year! :shifty