They won't listen

[2littleblessings]

I have been asking them to clean up their rooms for hours now. All they do is laugh at me, and make a bigger mess! They've crushed crayons into the floor, everything that could possibly be out of their drawers and toy boxes is out on the floor. When i get angry with them they play the guilt card and tell me I don't love them. I'm downstairs in tears because they have absolutely no respect for me. I'm at my wits end with them. this doesn't just happen with cleaning up their rooms...EVERYTHING I ask them to do gets the same reaction. :cry what do I do?

[allisonintx]

If they are not willing to care for their things appropriately, then they go away. Tell them that they need to put their things away properly, give them a certain amount of time to do it, and then when they don't, show them that you mean business. Pick the toys up, put them in black plastic bags in the garage so that they can earn them back. It's a logical consequence of not caring for your things.

AFA, "making you feel guilty" Nope. That's on you. Only you can allow you to feel guilty. Training your children is your job, being liked by them isn't.

[2littleblessings]

AFA, "making you feel guilty" Nope. That's on you. Only you can allow you to feel guilty. Training your children is your job, being liked by them isn't.


I should re-phrase that...they TRY to make me feel guilty. I learned it was a stalling tactic a while ago

Jamie

[2littleblessings]

done and done....now they are up stairs crying. Not being productive and cleaning up like i asked them to do so they can earn their toys back just screaming at me.
I don't think I'm cut out for being a mother, I don't seem very effective at it :(

Jamie

PS: sorry if that sounds like i'm feeling sorry for myself...I am just so tired of being stepped on by these two. :neutral

[allisonintx]

Hey, we all have our days like this! As a parent you can only be stepped on if you lie down for it. This is a VERY hard job, much harder than 9-5ing it in an office because it has eternal implications and the stress of that is HUGE.

In just a few short years, this will be a funny story they tell on each other in front of their spouses...Hey, remember the time mom took all our toys and put them in the garage because we refused to clean up?? I thought she was so mean wanting us to clean up. Remember how you screamed and screamed...man what a day!

Or...when the phone call comes from your daughter when she does it with her own children "Oh, Mama, this is so hard, I just don't know if I'm cut out for this." and you'll tell her (because it is true) that she was born to do this work and the Lord knows she is just the right mama for her children and you know they will rise up and call her blessed because she cares enough to help them learn.

So, today if your own mama isn't telling you, I will.

You were born for this. You are a precious child of a merciful father who cares about every little thing. He knows you're weary and He knows that you can and will press on for His sake. Take your rest in the arms of your Father. He has comfort and love and encouragement for you.
:hug :hkiss :cookie :cup

[2littleblessings]

So, today if your own mama isn't telling you, I will.

You were born for this. You are a precious child of a merciful father who cares about every little thing. He knows you're weary and He knows that you can and will press on for His sake. Take your rest in the arms of your Father. He has comfort and love and encouragement for you.
:hug :hkiss :cookie :cup


Thank you :happytears

Jamie

[blessedMom]

Jamie,
You are NOT alone! I'm so glad that Allison had some great words and ideas for you. :tu

If they say you don't love them, you can tell them (and yourself!) that you *DO* love them, and that's why you will not let them ruin things, or not take care of their room or their things. Get specific if you need to!

Just the other day my son tried a new tactic. He said "God says you are supposed to love others. You are not acting loving to me!"

And I told him (while reminding myself!) that I DO love him, and that is why I won't let him live in a mess and make him clean up. Because I love him it is my job - ordained by God! - to train him how to take care of his things and himself.

God ordained you to be a mother. It is hard work! You CAN do it. Even through tears, if necessary. :hug

[SansSouci]

I agree about taking away the toys. If they are unable to properly care for and store them, then they shouldn't have them.

I will say this, though: As a kid, I really felt so overwhelmed when my mom told me to clean my room. I would look around and not even know where to start, or how to break it down into manageable tasks. I would shove it under the bed and into my 2 toy drawers, and I'd proudly tell my mom it was clean... then I would get yelled at for not putting them away properly or where they belong. So, with my dd (granted she's 3, but this would've worked well for me when I was 10!), I say "Find all of your dolls and put them in the _____, and let me know when you're done." Then when she has done that, I tell her to put all the music stuff in the music basket, etc, etc. I break it down for her, and it works very well.

Good luck.

BTW, I very often feel like I'm not cut out for this job! I was SOOOOOOO good at the baby-thing (not to sound proud or anything, but I really was!), and I'm sooooooooooooo not good at this toddler/preschooler-thing! It is a VERY hard job - being a mom.

-Elizabeth

[Marsha]

My daugher does the gult thing all the time. And even when you know it isn't true, it si exhausting. I personally don't try to reassure her anymore since that was her way of keeping the discussion going without touching on what she had done or not done and talking isntead of doing. kwim?
I know it sounds mean, and when I read all this gentle stuff, I almost feel bad. But I'm the one who lives with my daughter who some days takes every kind thing I've ever taught her and uses it against me LOL.

So I needed this thread too.

[tree_hugger]

Or...when the phone call comes from your daughter when she does it with her own children "Oh, Mama, this is so hard, I just don't know if I'm cut out for this." and you'll tell her (because it is true) that she was born to do this work and the Lord knows she is just the right mama for her children and you know they will rise up and call her blessed because she cares enough to help them learn.

So, today if your own mama isn't telling you, I will.

You were born for this. You are a precious child of a merciful father who cares about every little thing. He knows you're weary and He knows that you can and will press on for His sake. Take your rest in the arms of your Father. He has comfort and love and encouragement for you.
:hug :hkiss :cookie :cup


thanks allison :happytears :heart

[sgreen]

Just cought up with this thread,

Thank you so much....I too am struggling with this at the moment...and you've all encouraged me..
:tu :) :heart :heart :heart