I'm at my wits end!

[mykidsmom]

I have homeschooled for two years now. My ds is thriving, but the fact is he's naturally intelligent and will thrive anywhere. The problem with his intellect is that he's too smart for his own good. He argues with just about everything I say (if he doesn't like it), I have to practically staple him to the chair to get him to do his school work, we're constantly in this battle with him not wanting to do school and me trying to get him to cooperate.

By the middle of the day I'm about ready to lock him outside. :lol Yes, we have our good days, but it's to the point that the good vs. the bad, just isn't worth. I think this is starting to play into our relationship, too. Dh wants to put him into a school (private, charter, not public) and I'm about to give up. *sigh* My cousin (13 yrs. old) is just like ds. He was homeschooled until 8th grade, same attitude issues, when my aunt had finally had enough and put him in a great Charter school. He's doing wonderful now. Everything about his behavior has changed, he's more respectful, his grades are good (but they always were)....

I don't know... I'm really just venting... I just wonder if other moms are going through the same thing or if there's just something wrong with me. :sad2

[J3K]

It sounds more like a discipline issue than a school issue to me.

I had to sit my kids down and explain "you know how you are supposed to obey mama at all times ? this includes during school time. Teachers wouldn't let you get away with this in school and you won't get away with it here either."

IT helped more than you'd think it would.

also , relaxing school helped greatly.

[booboo]

Maybe you could ask your aunt how she hs'd your cousin up to that age? Just an idea anyway. It wouldn't make you a terrible mom or a failure if it didn't work out. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to quit.

Maybe you should ask him, what subject would he like to start with? Get his input on the books you pick out for him, stuff like that. Or give some incentive, we do what's most important then you could choose something fun you'd like to learn about this afternoon. Like research on the internet or go to the library.

hth!

[mykidsmom]

I know a big part of it is discipline. We're obviously not doing what works as far as getting the message accross to him. He has times outside of school where we have to put him in his place, but most of our trouble with him is during school. Dh and I have talked with ds so many times.

My aunt was crazy by the end of last year. I don't know how she did it. Her husband really took the reigns and signed my cousin up for the charter. I think my cousin having to go to a charter school, away from home, realized how good he had it. He even mentioned that to her. Hey, maybe ds just needs a wake-up call. Perhaps a year in a charter school will help him see that he was pretty lucky to be hsed.... :shrug

I'm going to try whatever I can this year to get him motivated and focused. Even relaxing it a bit, if need be. :) At the end of this school year, I'm going to be seriously thinking about our options.

[arymanth]

I have to practically staple him to the chair to get him to do his school work, we're constantly in this battle with him not wanting to do school and me trying to get him to cooperate.

How old is your son? (I'm guessing 7 or 8?) It sounds perfectly normal for a young boy to rather be doing other things than sitting in a chair doing paperwork. It would drive my boys nuts to have to do that for any length of time. Is there any way you could change your approach to teaching? Maybe give him more oral work and more hands-on things to do? How long do you spend doing "school" every day? Most homeschoolers I know don't do more than a couple hours a day, especially with younger kids. Maybe you're expecting too much of him at this point? :shrug

Personally, I would be wary of making a discipline issue of this. I did that with my older boys when I first started homeschooling. They were used to being in school, (kindergarten and 2nd grade) so I knew they "should" be able to sit still and do schoolwork. But in reality, just because they COULD didn't mean that it was the best way for them to learn. I found out that my oldest learned best if he could be active and moving around while he worked (he has ADHD... that's why we started homeschooling) and my 2nd oldest is an auditory learner... he did wonderful if we talked through the lessons rather than having him read/write them himself. When I started teaching them the way they learned best, instead of trying to make them learn the way I thought they should be learning (sitting at the table, using workbooks, etc.) they did so much better! Not only did they learn better, but they stopped fighting with me. It was actually fun to teach them, we enjoyed the lessons in a way that we never did when I was trying to force them to do what I wanted. I had to recognize that the goal was to convey the information I want them to learn, not to fill out the paperwork. As long as they "got" the lesson, it didn't matter if they were sitting, standing, or running in circles in the living room. :-)

Unfortunately, it took me several years of fighting with my kids to finally figure this out... and it damaged my relationship with them and gave them a distaste for learning that I am still struggling to work out. :sad2 The younger ones that I have been more relaxed with have learned just as fast, but still retain that curiosity and hunger for learning that my older kids lost by this age. It is just as important (maybe more so) to preserve and cultivate this kind of hunger for learning as the actual content of what you are teaching... and forcing seatwork can work against this goal. I'm not trying to criticize your methods (I don't even know exactly what you do!) I'm just sharing what happened to my family and what I wish I had done differently. If I had it to do over again, I would have tried to have FUN with learning from the very beginning, to share learning with my kids instead of trying to impose it on them and making it a "discipline" issue. I'm doing this with my 11yo, 8yo and 6yo now, and the difference is so striking. They consider learning to be fun... they enjoy learning in a way their older brothers never did. (my oldest are 14 and 16 now)

Just some things to think about...

Stephanie

[Mothering by Heart]

My son is 7 , too and arymanth just wrote my post :yes

[SueQ]

My oldest is 7 and active. It is hard for him to have school with his younger brothers playing. He really wants to be with them. Who can blame him! ;) He and I have really butted heads and this week he told me he hopes baby comes real soon so he can have another break from school! :roll The lessons for each subject last a maximum of 15 min.

What I find helpful is to take lots of fun breaks in between lessons and keep the lessons short. Here is what our routine looks like:
1. Get up, get dressed, eat breakfast
2. Have circle time (Active song with motions, finger plays -the younger two really like this, Bible story, and prayer, more active singing with motions) 15 min
3. Have him choose between phonics and FIAR 15 min - max
4. Do the other one. 15 min - max
5. Snack break and free play time. 15 min
6. He chooses between handwriting and math 15 min - max
7. Does the other subject 15 min - max
8. Another 10 to 15 min break for free play and such.
9. Nature study and Nature walk (as much time as he wants it to take)

He does art and music on his own through out the day. We play a variety of music on CD's and he has free access to art supplies so he has no formal art study. Social Studies ties into FIAR and we do lots of read alouds through out the day.

Other things that have helped him are that he may move around during lessons (except for when he is writing) as long as he stays near me and I know he is listening. (Allowing plenty of breaks helps cut down on the movement.) Letting him choose what subject to do next really helps as well. He feels that he has control over his schooling. Using curriculum that is hands on and allows for movement and is fun helps so much as well! Taking free days (Teacher work days) when he and/or I am really grouchy and I see the day will be a horrible one if we do school but letting him know that the break is just for a day or two (whatever we decide on together.) On free days we try to have a fun learning experience tied in there like a walk in the woods, a trip to the petting zoo where we watch the habits of different animal species, a trip to the retirement community to visit great grandma, etc.

Not sure if this is helpful to you but once I changed my routine, got more relaxed, etc. Our clashes have going way down. Learning is supposed to be fun so when DS gets resisitant, I take time to look at what I am doing and what I can change to make "school" more fun for him and I both! :mrgreen

[mykidsmom]

Thank you guys. :heart You've definetely given me alot to think about. :think

Have any of you ever felt it was a respect issue? I don't know why I keep thinking this....

[arymanth]

Have any of you ever felt it was a respect issue? I don't know why I keep thinking this...

To get respect, you have to show respect for others. The way I see it, forcing a child to do something that is unpleasant and difficult for no other reason than "because I want you to" is not respectful. If there is a way that would work better for your child, that could make learning easier and more fun while still accomplishing your goals... why wouldn't you do it that way? If you are intentionally putting him in a position that you know is unpleasant for him, how can you blame him for feeling upset and even resentful about it?

Imagine how you would feel if you were the one in your son's position... someone wanted you to learn something, but their methods were uncomfortable and even frustrating for you at times.... but this is how THEY wanted to teach. As an adult, you understand that there are options... you could find a different teacher/class that used methods that fit your learning style better, or you might even teach yourself in some cases. Why not offer your son the same kind of options you would want in that situation?

To me, that is respect.... treating others the way you yourself would want to be treated.

Stephanie

[mykidsmom]

Stephanie- I really appreciate the passion you have for your style of hsing. I'm glad you're comfortable with it and that it seems to be working well for you. :tu

I know that I should adjust a few things and be creative as far as getting him motivated. He doesn't have a heavy work load. We're usually done within 2 or 3 hours. Sure beats PS's 6 hours. :) I've been thinking alot about this today and I am willing to do whatever I can to make things interesting. However, I (and ds) have to realize that not everything is going to be interesting or fun and that is good. It's a life lesson and a way to learn self discipline. Life is full of the unfun and uninteresting, and we just have to deal with it. In college, if he decides to work towards a degree he's going to teachers/subjects that he doesn't like, but if he wants that degree he'll just have do it.

As far as the respect issue goes, no I'm being ridiculous, my son respects me. I think that's my own insecurity from my never respecting my own mother, and for good reason... (long story)

I am going to do my best to make his hs experience a good one. We'll see if our efforts pay off and evaluate where we are at the end of the year. Something kind of cool to end with ~ this morning I woke up and decided that we'd start school with painting. Then, I realized it was Saturday. So, Monday we will start school with a little painting, which he likes to do especially when it's messy.... :lol I'm also going to let him decide which subject he wants to start with (good idea momma! :tu ) and we're only going to do penmanship every other day.

[arymanth]

I know that I should adjust a few things and be creative as far as getting him motivated. He doesn't have a heavy work load. We're usually done within 2 or 3 hours. Sure beats PS's 6 hours.

I hope you didn't think I was trying to "sway" you to give up your own methods... unschooling is great, but it doesn't work for everyone. I know people who use more formal methods who have found creative approaches to using their curriculum. Some may have their kids do only every other math problem on a page, or maybe just the first five, and if they get them correct they don't have to finish that page (the parent knows that the lesson has been learned, so the rest would just be busy work) or maybe they would take 5-10 minute breaks between pages to do something physical to burn off steam.

However, I (and ds) have to realize that not everything is going to be interesting or fun and that is good. It's a life lesson and a way to learn self discipline. Life is full of the unfun and uninteresting, and we just have to deal with it. In college, if he decides to work towards a degree he's going to teachers/subjects that he doesn't like, but if he wants that degree he'll just have do it.

As far as the "self-discipline" part goes, you are right, there are plenty of things that we have to do in life that are unpleasant (house-cleaning springs to mind! LOL) but it helps to try to find ways to make things more interesting and even fun. I have to discipline myself to do unpleasant things all the time, but to quote Mary Poppins "in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun...you find the fun and snap... the job's a game!" :grin My parents tried to teach me self discipline through schoolwork... to just "grit your teeth and do it".... especially when it came to math. What happened was that I did learn to do the math, at least enough to get by... but I also developed very negative associations with it so that I avoided math at all costs when I didn't HAVE to do it and grew up very math-phobic. It wasn't until I started homeschooling and I discovered new and interesting ways to learn math that I found out that I actually LIKE math... I really enjoy it and I even think it is beautiful! But because I had always seen it as a chore that had to be done, I went for most of my life without finding this out, and I might have gone on thinking that I hated math and that I was terrible at it. (I'm actually a very mathematical/logical thinker... go figure! LOL)

I am not a very disciplined person... in spite of my parents' best efforts :O... and it has only been in recent years that I have figured out how to motivate myself to do unpleasant things that need to be done. I HATE physical exercise... jogging, walking, and especially anything to do with fitness centers make me cringe. But I got a pair of rollerblades last summer, and I've had fun rollerblading with my 14yo son. :-) I hate doing dishes... but I got myself a great pair of rubber gloves and for some reason they make it less unpleasant for me so I don't try to avoid them so much. I hate mopping the floor, but I have no problem getting it done if I turn on some peppy music (Elvis is always good) and dance my way through it. I have found that it has been much more effective to help my kids find something good or fun about things they have to do ....or at least to find ways to make it easier....so they can motivate themselves to do it. My oldest is still very math-phobic, but when I got him a book of "math tricks", he picked up a lot with very little effort. (I highly recommend "Rapid Math Tricks and Tips: 30 days to math power" by Edward H. Julius) Instead of having him memorize the multiplication tables (something he had a lot of trouble with) I helped him find "tricks" to get the answers. (to multiply by 4 just double the number, then double it again) It didn't take long for him to find the answers to problems by "alternate routes". :-) You can still use curriculum or whatever method you choose and still look for these "tricks" to make difficult things easier or more fun. I think this is just as important as doing the unpleasant task itself... it is a life-skill that can make even the most difficult task easier and less daunting.

I am going to do my best to make his hs experience a good one. We'll see if our efforts pay off and evaluate where we are at the end of the year. Something kind of cool to end with ~ this morning I woke up and decided that we'd start school with painting. Then, I realized it was Saturday. So, Monday we will start school with a little painting, which he likes to do especially when it's messy.... :lol I'm also going to let him decide which subject he wants to start with (good idea momma! :tu ) and we're only going to do penmanship every other day.

Sounds like fun! The best ideas are the ones God gives you that will fit YOUR child. :tu

Stephanie

[ShangriLewis]

My son is almost 9 and your post sounds like him. I think part is his age (I'm talking about my son here). My son really needed more to do. I'm pretty relaxed and it was at his prompting that we start doing more. He now has a workbook with a weekly assignment sheet. He told me last week that he really loves homeschooling now and he likes our new method. He's been doing so much work and I really don't do anything. I drop of my 2nd child at Kindergarten and when we get home I ask him to pull out his school work. The kid just goes and does it now. He is so busy he has less time to argue and I think that part of his brain is gettting his full workout.

Does that make sense?