Socialization and treating w/respect question...Input please!

[cobluegirl]

I Wasn't sure what to title this...

My sister told me yesterday(she was a montessori teacher) that she is really concerned about my eldest and his ability to respect other people. Because he doesn't respect me and barely does dad (because of consequences etc). She think that public school might be good for him because he would learn to respect his teacher and others. He might have an easier time of it than at home. As a compliment she said she wasn't concerned about us homeschooling and his academics. He is good there. I am not sure what to think. Every thing in my being rejects the idea of putting him in public school. I, however, am pretty over whelmed right now and don't want to screw up his education. I am preg with #4 and that also adds to the confusion and stress of life right now. My sis saw and experienced my step mom messing up my bro's education and he struggled till he graduated HS and still does today. So I can kind of see where she might be a tad concerned. I am also concerned about Tristan's lack of respect to everyone else he encounters...I, however, don't have a clue what to do about it. I think we are slowly in a process of being more proactive in our parenting and perhaps that will help him immensely.

Thoughts??

[SueQ]

I haven't been visiting here as much this last year and don't know much about the history behind your question but am sure other's will have wonderful ideas and suggestions I just wanted to offer :hugs as it is always hard when others doubt our parenting abilities and/or decisions we make.

I also wanted to add that teachers can mess up a child's education, as well. Here is my story, I did fine in school until 2nd grade when I got a teacher that couldn't control her class room, I started writing my name backwards and the teacher's comment to my mom (who also has a teaching degree, btw) was, "Oh, that's nothing to be concerned about 1/2 of the class is doing that." Well, I had been writing my name fine until then. I was passed on to 3rd grade (had an awesome 3rd grade teacher, btw) got the help I needed but the damage was dumb and I thought I was stupid. Was passed unto 4th but came home crying and begging mom to homeschool me because I was struggling and so they placed me back to 3rd grade. I struggled all through school thinking that I was dumb and couldn't learn anything. Mom says that I was a different child after 2nd grade and that she regrets not pulling me out and homeschoolng me but that she didn't know of anyone else doing that and didn't see it as an option at the time. This experience is one reason that I am homeschooling my children. I want them to enjoy learning and come out of it feeling good about themselves.

My purpose of sharing this is just to say that while one person can mess up a child's education, IMO it is more likely to be a teacher who doesn't know the child rather than a gentle, loving parent who tailors the learning to fit the child and his/her personality. :hug

[CelticJourney]

I am also concerned about Tristan's lack of respect to everyone else he encounters...I, however, don't have a clue what to do about it.

Public school or homeschool - from what you have written, the above is your issue, not education. I do agree with the pp, a teacher is not necessarily going to solve this problem and if you are unlucky, will make it worse. I think maybe some help finding out what is going on with your ds is the issue at hand.

[GodisGood]

I agree with the pp. Is Tristan the 6 yr old? From what my SIL says this is typial 6yr old behavior. :rolleyes Now to find the tools to deal with it properly. Can't help you there, my oldest just turned 5.

:hug

[hsgbdmama]

A traditional school setting might do more damage, because you don't know the other kids he will be placed with -- many of them are probably disrepectful as well, and by seeing them do it, will only validate his behavior in his mind.

Like a pp said, this is a problem within your family ... what I would suggest is for you and dh to sit down and have a good long talk. You need to get on the same page with this and develop a game plan on what to do to solve it.

:hugheart

[Leslie]

Public school or homeschool - from what you have written, the above is your issue, not education.


I agree. You might bring it up in the discipline forum, maybe you'll get some specific suggestions.

[MarynMunchkins]

It sounds more like a 6 yo issue than an education issue. :hug

[MagnoliaMommy]

I think we are slowly in a process of being more proactive in our parenting and perhaps that will help him immensely.


I agree with you. :yes

As someone who went to public school, it doesn't do much to help kids learn respect. I wonder why your sil thinks that it will? :scratch

[Leslie]

As someone who went to public school, it doesn't do much to help kids learn respect. I wonder why your sil thinks that it will? :scratch


Typically, it's thought that a teacher will be able to make a child do their schoolwork, but a mother whose children don't listen to her won't be able to make them do theirs. If a child who doesn't respect and obey his mother homeschools, and if she can't get him to his schoolwork, he won't get educated. At least, when I hear of that as an objection, that's usually the line of reasoning.

[cobluegirl]

Thank you all...that is pretty much what I was thinking...and was rather surprised at my sis for saying such things....She is right. Things need to change...but not necessarily the way she is thinking.

As for public school....I HATE it. It messed up my education and I will be darned if my kids go.....I grew up thinking I was stupid and couldn't accomplish anything too...something I still deal with today...now part of that my parents should have realized and thankfully they did when I was in 6th grade..but tons of damage was done prior to that.

Thanks for your support.