best solution for a "bad attitude" = send to school?

[2TMama]

I'm just wondering as I see this as a common reason families decide to stop hs'ing and send their dc to school.

Please don't take this wrong, I am hs'ing a K'er and obviously have limited experience. I can understand burnout and feeling at the end of your rope.

The other "phenomenon" I've seen is the "don't push them if they're resistant". I think this deserves some balance--- I mean, as an adult there are certainly things I don't *want* to do and am resistant to that I must discipline myself, buckle down and JUST DO IT! (kwim?)

Has anyone else thought about these common themes?

[ArmsOfLove]

ITA with you about the irony of the first idea--most parents with children in public school complain that this is where they pick up all their bad habits and attitudes :rolleyes

On the second, though, I disagree. I believe all individuals should move ahead at their own pace and resistance is not something you can force down. Even having done fantastic on tests all of my schooling, tests I was forced by the nature of the class to take, I learned what I needed *for* the tests and then promptly forgot. But true learning is what I've done with what I've pursued. Certainly some things are required, but I don't believe you can force learning. Usually when my children are resistant it's because they aren't *getting* something which either means I'm not presenting it in a way that they can receive it or they aren't quite ready so if I back off and approach it from a different direction in a few months they usually grasp it and run with it :)

That said, I believe children are hard wired to LEARN and if someone is totally resistant to learning then they've got a big problem because they've lost their joy for something that I believe is part of them. I'd start looking for organic issues including learning disabilities if my child did this.

[mwwr]

I've been advised to do this...but it seems to me that if the problem is one in the *relationship* to the child, sending them to school could be a way of avoiding working on the relationship issue. Do I want to work through the rough spots? Is someone advising this because they don't understand/ support my homeschooling decision? Am I homeschooling because that is a lifestyle God has called my family to and because I truly believe that home is the ideal learning environment for my children? I have dealt with resistant learners, and sometimes the problem requires a change in my teaching style, or realizing that my child is not ready for what I'm *pushing*. I see a lot in the unschooling philosophy that appeals to my beliefs about how children learn, but I also see that sometimes my kids (or I) benefit from a little more structure. But I don't ever want to let their *schooling* get in the way of their *education*.

Hope my rambling has something helpful in it for you... :/

[Kasi]

best solution for a "bad attitude" = send to school? NO NO NO!!

Case in point: 12 yo boy who is highly spirited and in many ways gifted, with some sensory issues (aka my ds#1)

I homeschooled my older 2 boys after recognizing in kindergarten that they typical classroom setting was not *right* for my oldest. I was able to homeschool for 4 years, but my dh took this away last year. My boys were growing and learning at their own pace, while still being challenged to develop in areas that they fought against. DH decided homeschooling wasn't working because I didn't do "grades" (they serve no purpose in homeschooling, don't motivate my children) and he didn't see piles of "worksheets" every day. Also, my oldest had begun to challenge me and was becoming uncooperative. This I attributed to the 20 some odd months that dh worked out of state & did not live at home all the time. I lowered my expectations for academics to work on other issues. In dh's eyes, I wasn't qualified to guide my children's education and they needed the "school" environment.

Both boys have been in public school again for 1 1/2 years. DS#1, just this term, has been to the principal's office over a dozen times, been in detention at least 1/2 dozen times, suspended out of school twice, and is now on in-school suspension. DS#1's pensmanship and writing abilities have deteriorated since starting public school. His organizational skills & responsibility are very poor. DH sees ds's report card with A's & B's and thinks he's doing well. I find incomplete papers, poorly written papers both grammatically & in form (that teachers accept & grade as an A), as well as math papers with F's (math is one of his strengths) stuffed under is bed. But he chooses to read HG Wells, instead of Harry Potter, by his own choice. :shrug

His teachers and the principal all have a common goal.."just get him through school"...and after that they are done. I don't want my son just gotten through school and cross our fingers he doesn't end up in juvenile hall and maybe land himself a minimum wage job. I want to develop that young man's passion and great talents for a greater purpose--they just want him out of their hair.

Stuffing them into a boxed environment, that is poorly managed and supervised, and forcing children to socialize themselves in a groups of 30 to 400 childrne, is not an answer for difficulty with homeschooling. Turning them over to be taught in such a way that the school maintains its averages on the standardized testings, does not teach them, does not grow them, will not make them educated. I know some parents will turn to this as they see this is the answer for them...sometimes their child might thrive, sometimes they won't.

My mother-in-law constantly tells me "the boys need school". They don't need school, they need an eduation...the location shouldn't matter. There are choices in the methods, location, and manner in which a child gets an education. "School" is not always the best answer--and when it is, there are different types of schools to consider to best meet your child's needs.

Now, to convince my dh of this...again. :rolleyes

And my apologies if I totally didn't make any sense in this post.

[whisper]

I've had a pretty rough first year de-schooling, I had determined to work on the priority of relationships this year before focusing on academics. It's been a long tough go, feeling like we are getting somewhere but not very fast at all and so on top of my own doubts and defeat I have also encountered this very idea as a suggestion from my family and dh. :popcorn mwwr, your rambling was a big help to ME! :) and Kasi, thankyou for pouring out your heart. :hug You both encourage me to remember the reason I began this journey and hold on in faith. I really desire to educate my children but resistance, money, awkward living arrangements and lack of support have made it very hard. I've been counseled to let go of my dream and accept the reality that in an ideal situation it might work but my situation is lacking the positive variables for the successful education of my children. To be honest, it is this very same line of thinking that had me helplessly contemplating putting my children up for adoption 5 years ago so that they could have the most ideal situaion to be raised in. It is hard to walk through process.Harder still when everyone around you has no patience for process either.

[mwwr]

Kasi and Whisper, :hugheart to you both, and :pray for wisdom. May God change dh's heart if that is truly His will for you to homeschool. Much as my dh aggravates me sometimes, I thank God that he has come on board with my educational views and goals. Thanks for helping me to appreciate him. :amen

[Mother of Sons]

The other "phenomenon" I've seen is the "don't push them if they're resistant". I think this deserves some balance--- I mean, as an adult there are certainly things I don't *want* to do and am resistant to that I must discipline myself, buckle down and JUST DO IT! (kwim?)

I used to share your opinion but it backfired on me in a big big way with my oldest.

I agree with Crystal.

[2TMama]

Thank you all for your contributions.

It sounds like, so far, we seem to agree about the bad attitude part.

My next question is: How do you define "resistance"?

Thanks!

[milkmommy]

:hiding Just sneaking in to say.. yes I've choosen to use the "public' schools (its private) but amoung the losng list of what we looked at one was my own DD personality and the fact shes so secure in her self. YEs I know and believe an out of home setting will have some impacts on her but if for one seconsd we believed she wasn't all ready secure in her own self (as much as can be asked for that age) we wouldn't have sent her. We also looked for teachers who repected and believed in the same parental beliefs we did. This is an area we will countinue to moniter because too many stories of parents complaining about bad habits and attitudes picked up in school.
Deanna

[2TMama]

bump :jump

[SueQ]

My next question is: How do you define "resistance"?
Resistance to me is a child refusing to do/learn something that a parent feels should be done or reluctantly going along with the parent's whim with no enthusiasm. For example this fall ds hated the phonics program we were using and he fought me tooth and nail on it. "I hate phonics mom! I don't want to learn to read." At first I thought he was just being stubborn and I told him that one must learn to read in order to make it through life. I tried to spice up the program and make it fun but he still hated phonics and I dreaded that time each day. One day my eyes were opened that I was teaching my child to hate reading and books (he used to love both) in forcing him to do something he hated so I told him we were taking a few weeks break from phonics. His eyes actually shone, he hugged me and said, "Thanks so much Mom!"

During that break, I still played word games and I found some websites with interactive phonics games for him to play so he would not forget what he learned. ALso I started researching different programs and found one that appeared to better match his learning style. The new program arrived a month ago and he loves it! He is a totally different boy and lists phonics as one of his favorite subjects. I really wish that I had seen his resistance as a sign that something was not right at the beginning rather than as him being stubborn. Had I played detective earlier rather than pushing him, we would have found the solution sooner and missed a lot of heartache.

So from now on, I am going to look at any resistance from my children that something isn't right and needs changing rather than pushing them to continue on. Nothing is wrong with taking a break while we look for the answer. In fact the break we took was refreshing for both of us!

[2TMama]

Susan~

Thanks for your thoughts on "resistance". I'm kind of thinking things through here---- as far as is "resistance" always a sign to change my method? I'm comparing resistance (exhibited by dawdling, complaining, etc.) w/ school work to "resistance" w/ other things (i.e. making a bed for ex.)

In other words, can anyone think of an example where dawdling/complaining was simply a sign that they'd rather do something other than what you're expecting of them (even in regards to a "chore" such as making a bed or getting ready for bed)??

[mykidsmom]

O.K. I have to laugh because I have threatened to send ds to PS.... :giggle Yeah, I'd never do it but it works. :P He was in PS for Kinder and couldn't stand how long he had to stay seated. Needless to say just the memory helps him snap out of his funk.