Being Encouraged to PS

[righteous mama]

*sigh*

I have been so overwhelmed lately with Mary. She has turned into a regular little terror...and I am dealing with the on-set of the terrible twos with Beth. This evening I called and talked with my best friend and she encouraged me to put Mary in public school so that I can get a break and she can get someone who has dealt with SID before. I admit I need help. I admit that I'm drowning on my own here. But why do I need to resort to public school? And how would it really help her? There would only be about 25 distractions (students) to keep her from applying herself. It would be a long day of sitting at a desk, when she can't stand sitting for even a half an hour without getting up and moving. And she talks while she does her work. Whether it is simple coloring or a worksheet, she talks through it. I don't mind it, but a teacher certainly would!

I agree that she needs something outside the home to call her own. She is in gymnastics and she will be an official 4-H'er tomorrow afternoon. There are lot's of projects and classes she can do through them. Do I really need to have her in public school?

I need some support here. I need some words of encouragement. My best friend wanted to homeschool, but she feels her boys would be better off in public school. Yes, they are keeping up with standards much better there, but that's not my goal. Her oldest is very difficult (a lovey, but very emotional (like SID)) and he has been changing for the better in public school.

I just don't think that I need to do that in order to get results. I'm excited to see some changes in Mary that I have helped to bring about. For example, we talked a great deal before gymnastics about her behavior. I explained that she needed to respect her teacher by listening, not goofing off, and taking time to encourage the other girls. It was a great conversation with her and she ended up behaving a ton better than the week before. Now I keep telling her that she needs to control her body or control herself. Because of our conversations she knows what I mean. Like in the grocery store tonight, she was tired, I was tired, we had to go 'cause we needed dinner, she was acting crazy. I don't blame her, but I want her to understand that while sometimes we want to scream and run and be generally loony, it's not always appropriate. We're talking about where it is appropriate...like the park. And I would say, "Mary, you need to control your body." and she would stop and slow herself.

Ack, can't write more...perhaps a good thing...bethany is hanging off me now...

[Dana Joy]

All I can say is that there are very little resources for SID / or information about SID in our public school system. The people who know about it are typically working with children with severe disabilities. We have had wonderful experineces with our dd dx w/ SID and the public school system, but I was educating her teachers on it and on dealing with her. Check with your ped / ins about occupational therapy that would be a better route then the school system.

[hsgbdmama]

:hugheart Dana brings up an excellent suggestion! I don't know if putting her in ps is going to resolve issues or create more, not to mention some undesireable ones. :shrug Is her behavior such that she would end up being a candidate for medication? Perhaps it is time to take a break, regroup and perhaps look at taking a different approach to her education (i.e., maybe moving to a more or less structured approach -- in other words, doing something opposite of what you are currently doing). Would she be receptive to some child-directed learning? :pray about it. :grouphug

[Chris3jam]

I agree with the PPs. Have you ever read "Jesus Didn't Use Worksheets"?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1888842008/qid=1133404411/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-6033820-3916935?n=507846&s=books&v=glance

and "Einstein Never used Flashcards"?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1594860688/qid=1133404411/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/102-6033820-3916935?n=507846&s=books&v=glance

Very enlightening.

[righteous mama]

We totally do child-led learning right now. And we are supposed to be doing Oak Meadow, but she's been bored with this first section. I'm not really interested in strict learning, just it would be nice to see some progress.

Dana, I appreciate your thoughts on P.S. I know my insurance won't cover speech therapy, but I'll look into occupational therapy.

[Joanne]

Do I really need to have her in public school?

I need some support here. I need some words of encouragement. My best friend wanted to homeschool, but she feels her boys would be better off in public school.

Remember that in our culture, problems with homeschooled children are often "solved" with the default answer. The default, and indoctrinated answer is "public school." Nearly everyone went and we all turned out okay, right? They have services, programs, support and you'd get a break! Homeschooling is "fine", but if it doesn't work, you can always put them in school.

BAH. Don't let public school be your default solution. And don't let people offer it. They filter your situation through the "they homeschool" filter in their heads and you get skewed repsonses.

Talk to people who support your HSing choice. If I remember correctly, Five in a Row, TWTM, Sonlight, TeachingMom and Natthan all have homeschooling special needs forums. Find one and go talk to them.

Oh, and anytime you need a quick reminder, I'd be happy to tell you to homeschool. ;)

[Singingmom]

BAH. I like that, Joanne :)

Your friend wants to help you out, but the only answer she knows is ps. You know your daughter. When would a teacher with 25 students have time to instruct her in life skills like you are doing so beautifully? And how would it benefit your dd to have to sit and be quiet for so long every day?

In hsing our dc we have a picture of sacrificial love, like parenting at night and breastfeeding when it hurts. You are challenged and stretched every day, and I'm sure you need breaks now and then. But don't give up as long as your heart is telling you it's the right thing to do. You're giving her such a precious gift.

It's ok if her academic progress is slow. You're working at her pace instead of hurrying her along, and she'll ultimately learn better that way. If you're feeling overwhelmed, maybe this would be a good time to take the month off and enjoy the season. Bake together, string popcorn for the tree, read Christmas stories...Then start fresh after the new year.

[righteous mama]

Thank you!

Joanne - I will take you up on that offer! :giggle

I have purchased the "Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun" and I'm looking at http://www.braingym.com It is helping. I talked with dh tonight and he is feeling depressed. I've gone through that already. It's hard to realize that your child is special needs. But, now I'm getting excited to do research and figure out how to help her.

I'm realizing that I think I have this as well. I'm very sensitive to touch, smell, taste, etc. To the point that I avoid a lot of things. It also makes me wonder if my past anorexia had to do with sensory issues. I'm sorting through a lot right now. It makes things hard on me to be bombarded with so much, but that's ok. I'll get through. I appreciate all the support here. It's so important to me!!!!

:grouphug

[This Busy Mom]

:shrug I don't know anyone that has been truly commited to homeschooling that has sent their kids back to school and been relieved that they did... they usually find out that the problems intensify .... that's been my limited experience. I'd encourage you to keep her home, too.

Give it awhile for the outside activities to become "hers". It took a year of gymnastics before my ds really felt he really liked it. We're also getting a membership to a community center like the y... I think he has some sensory issues, too. In the middle of the winter, I might even quit "schooling" for awhile and just get out of the house a lot.

[J3K]

I have learned to NEVER talk to an non-homeschooling family for advice regarding schooling. If I'm feeling overwhelmed , if I think the child needs more activities , if I'm worried about my hs'ing choice....I always seek out other homeschoolers to talk to.

Experience has taught me that any problem I have , presented to a public schooler , they will answer me "put them in school" I've approached non hs'ing friends with these questions...would you like to guess the answer ? YUP> Every single situation called for putting them in school.

I'm feeling really depressed..... put them in school...then you'll have time to take medication.

The kids aren't learning like I want them to.....put them in school..they'll learn what they need to know.

Our marriage , we never have alone time....put them in school...and on dh's days off you can be together.

I wonder if the kids are doing enough activities ......put them in school...PE is built into the schedule

I'm always there , I never get a break, I can't even pee by myself........put them in school...if they were gone all day you could pee by yourself..get some alone time , some down time.

They eat soooo much food, three squares a day plus snacks.......put them in school...they feed them there and it'll save on your budget....I bet you qualify for free lunches.

I've come to the conclusion btw...that those aren't friends...who push their own agenda on me everytime they see an opening.

[Chris3jam]

Jennifer put it so well! :clap

I need some support here. I need some words of encouragement.

:poke Keep doing what you know is best for your daughter. No one said it would be easy. . . but, something that is so worth it, never is!

[righteous mama]

I wasn't really seeking her advice. We've been best friends since high school and known each other longer. The only reason I talked with her about it is because her son is struggling and I needed her hugs, etc. She brought up public schooling and it was just hard for me. That's why I turned here...for hs'ing support.

I appreciate all the support here. I think I have a plan. I just need to educate my mom and sister on what we are doing. My sister is a home SCHOOLER, and I'm more unschooling. My mom thinks my sister's way is the only way...she isn't understanding. I need to come up with a plan of attack and then let them know so they won't push her on their own agenda.

[whisper]

I'm feeling really depressed..... put them in school...then you'll have time to take medication.

The kids aren't learning like I want them to.....put them in school..they'll learn what they need to know.

Our marriage , we never have alone time....put them in school...and on dh's days off you can be together.

I wonder if the kids are doing enough activities ......put them in school...PE is built into the schedule

I'm always there , I never get a break, I can't even pee by myself........put them in school...if they were gone all day you could pee by yourself..get some alone time , some down time.

They eat soooo much food, three squares a day plus snacks.......put them in school...they feed them there and it'll save on your budget....I bet you qualify for free lunches.


Jennifer, are you listening to my conversations? :giggle Is this common to alot of us Home-educators, especialy when you are brand new at it?

[J3K]

lol :giggle

Nope not listening to your conversations..... it's just really common amongst hs'ers to hear that. Publicschoolers are under the impression that anything wrong in the household is in direct connection to homeschooling. Especially those that are feeling convicted for putting the kids in school. They see how close we are as a family and they know why.

Had a big fight about finances with dh ? It's because you homeschool. If you didn't have to buy their school books......

The house is dirty ten minutes after you cleaned it ? It's because you homeschool. If the kids weren't there......

The one that really got me , and convinced me to end a relationship with one woman.... I told her
" I know I shouldn't get that pair of shoes , but they are sooooo cute. I just have to have them , but I know I shouldn't. Get me out of here (laughing out loud) I'm gonna buy them if I don't leave right now. Geesh such a temptation. They fit like a dream too. "

Her response ?
"You need to treat yourself. It's because you homeschool you feel you aren't worthy of having a nice pair of shoes. You spend too much time and money on the kids. You need to put them in school and start focusing on yourself more often. Go on...spurlge! It'll feel great to do something just for yourself. "

My response " Acutally I am resisting them because they are $85. Kids in school or not , we can't afford to spend $85 on seasonal sandals. For $85 the whole family has to be able to wear them. I think you are encouraging me to be selfish and I don't like it. Every time we get together you bring up the negatives of homeschooling. You need to quit trying to convince me it's wrong , or I'll try to convince you it's right. Are you feeling guilty for putting yours in school ? Maybe selfish reasons are making you say these things to me ?"

:think She had to go home suddenly when her phone (that I know she left in the car) started to silently buzz in her purse. Thankfully we drove seperate cars.

I still see her occasionally and we have a friendly shallow surface chat about the weather , the animals , and dh's jobs. She never discusses the kids. (same ages as mine).

[hsgbdmama]

:ot The only one we spend that much on shoes for is dh's work shoes (which he wears 5 days per week) -- he is hard on them, and the better quality ones have held up much better (and longer :tu ) than the ones half the price.

But I agree, ps has been ingrained as THE solution to all your family's problems. :td

[J3K]

:ot :grin



:ot The only one we spend that much on shoes for is dh's work shoes (which he wears 5 days per week) -- he is hard on them, and the better quality ones have held up much better (and longer :tu ) than the ones half the price.


Yup. We spent a lot on DH's shoes too. He's got tender feet and he stands all day. He feels terribly guilty that he has more shoes than the rest of the family combined. I tell him repeatedly that it is OKAY. He needs good solid work shoes , special inserts , and he needs to change shoes every couple of days or he gets sores on his feet. It helped that he worked in a factory overrun shoe store for two years. He got one free pair per quarter , and a whopping 40% on others throughout the store. These were HIGH dollar shoes so even with the discount we're talking over $50 a pop. Worth every penny though. .

I had to show dh that I LIKE that my husband has comfortable reliable sturdy shoes that support his feet. It almost came to me telling him that it "floats my boat" if ywim..... :lol

Me ? I go barefoot most the time anyway. Certainly at home , in the car , at my fave bookstore..... I'm most likely barefoot. Library , church , coffee shop(under the table of course) I sneak my shoes off anywhere. So the temptation to buy $85 seasonal sandals was ridiculous...cuz I would've most likely taken them off wherever I went.

[hsgbdmama]

Still :ot

Summer -- I wear flip flops from Payless that cost $1-2 per pair (I have a couple of pairs) around the house, and for outings thong sandals from Lands End that were about $20/pair. I also wear decent walking shoes that were under $40.

Winter -- in the house, I wear Lands End fleece clog slippers (received as gift, so they were FREE :tu ), outings, either my tennies or Lands End all weather mocs (about $30 at the time, now they are $20).

I'm pretty low maintenance, so sending my kids to ps to solve financial issues doesn't resonate with me. :giggle

[This Busy Mom]

I think you are encouraging me to be selfish and I don't like it. Every time we get together you bring up the negatives of homeschooling. You need to quit trying to convince me it's wrong , or I'll try to convince you it's right. Are you feeling guilty for putting yours in school ? Maybe selfish reasons are making you say these things to me ?"

Wow, will you come give me lessons on how to be assertive? I get upset and then nothing comes out right... dh is the only one I can be this forthcoming with.

[2TMama]

I think that, even with a REAL LIVE support group, it can be lonely to hs. Even w/in all hs circles, there's so much variety. If the "outside pressure" is making you feel insecure about your decision, a person could tend to compare themselves w/ the IRL homeschooler's and be intimidated.

God has a unique plan for each of us. If we're heeding His voice, who can argue with that?

BTW, I could use some of that assertiveness training too. I was just saying that at work yesterday. Hey, I'm very sociable & "nice" to people-- but that doesn't mean I can be pushed around/walked on!!!

But, to address the OP--- keep up the good work of following GOD's LEADING!!!!!!!!!!!! :tu

I was just reading the quote from Chuck Swindoll on my perpetual calendar:
" I have found great help from the two truths God gave me:
Nothing touches me that has not passed through the hands of my heavenly Father.
Everthing I endure is designed to prepare me for serving others more effectively.
I needed to be emptied of my own strength so I could discover that His was more sufficient"

FOLLOWED BY: 2 Cor. 4:17 Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

[Singingmom]

:
" I have found great help from the two truths God gave me:
Nothing touches me that has not passed through the hands of my heavenly Father.
Everthing I endure is designed to prepare me for serving others more effectively.
I needed to be emptied of my own strength so I could discover that His was more sufficient"

FOLLOWED BY: 2 Cor. 4:17 Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.


Beautiful. Thank you. :heart

[J3K]

I think you are encouraging me to be selfish and I don't like it. Every time we get together you bring up the negatives of homeschooling. You need to quit trying to convince me it's wrong , or I'll try to convince you it's right. Are you feeling guilty for putting yours in school ? Maybe selfish reasons are making you say these things to me ?"

Wow, will you come give me lessons on how to be assertive? I get upset and then nothing comes out right... dh is the only one I can be this forthcoming with.





That was after a very long time of getting upset and nothing coming out. It all came out at once...and I have to say....I was proud of myself for not raising my voice. I tend to let things fester than it all comes out at once with a bang.

Please be reassured I spent many a time quietly seething in my seat with nothing to say.