Need some advice and opinions.....spanking, etc.

[NPMommy]

Hi, everyone! I am new to this website so I'll introduce myself before I ask my question. My name is Leanna...my username is NP mommy b/c I am a nurse practitioner (specializing in Women's Health). I have a sweet, beautiful little girl who just turned one...I would put our picture in, but I don't know how :( Anyway, I am pro-natural childbirth, pro-nursing (VERY), cloth diaper (Fuzzi Bunzs are AWESOME), love my baby sling,VERY anti-CIO, pro-co-sleeping (crib first half of the night, our bed the rest--but, just started really letting her stay in the crib), so I seem to fit in pretty well with a lot of the ideas/philosophies here on this website plus, of course, I am a born-again, Bible-believeing(sp?) evangelical christian...BUT, the one area I am VERY fuzzy on is spanking! I don't know ANYONE at all who doesn't spank their children. In fact, my pastor just did a parenting study which I thought was very good and he included a section on discipline and encouraged appropriate spanking as part of loving discipline of your children. I love and respect my pastor a lot and, also, my husband who I believe to be a very well-educated and godly man thinks spanking is appropriate for children. SO....all of that to say, I'm really confused about spanking/not spanking...discipline in general. I mean I know that children have to have some form of discipline (DUH!), but does spanking need to be a part of that? I have read the views posted here, but still am confused...I would love some advice...thoughts...etc.....Also....do you guys believe that children are born with a sin nature? I mean I definately think they are, but I don't think that spanking "removes" the sin nature or anything like that......and what is the explaination non-spankers give for these verses....
"Do not hold back discipline from the child,Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol" Proverbs 23:13-14
"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;The rod of discipline will remove it far from him." Proverbs 22:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom,But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15
Thanks in advance for any help/thoughts, etc.....I want to discipline Hannah in the way the Lord wants us to, but I'm just not sure what is right!!!

[Joanne]

Lots of the answers to the questions you are asking are found in the threads in this and the discpline forum. More can be found here:

http://www.aolff.org/

Welcome to Gentle Christian Mothers.

[Titus2:5Catholic]

Hi and welcome!

Yes, we believe children are born with original sin. Yo'll find a wide variety of different explanations as to what that means exactly, as we range on here from everything from Reformed Protestant to traditional Catholic, but we all agree children are born with original sin.

Here's some links that might help you. Personally, I have always *even as a spanker* seen the rod verses as rod=symbolism for authority. I think this fits in very well with the context of Proverbs- in the same chapter as one of the verses it talks about slitting your throat if you're given to gluttony, moving to the desert if your wife is argumentative, and if your host is greedy that you will vomit up his food later. Obviously none of these are literal!

Also, true science is never in conflict with God's Word. As as pro-breastfeeding nurse practioner, I'm sure you know this. And yet there is no scientific evidence to show spanking as anything less then harmful. All pro-spanking advocates do is discredit the evidence by saying it's liberal psychologists who did it, and maybe throwing out a token survey here and there.

For theological issues:
http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecenter/id4.html (the rod scriptures)
http://www.parentingdecisions.com/sufferthelittlechildren7.htm (the rod Scriptures)

For the harmfulness of spanking
http://www.geocities.com/cddugan/homepage.html
http://stoptherod.net/
http://www.nospank.net/

[Joanne]

Sara, what a helpful post! Thank you! :highfive :tu

[NPMommy]

Thanks for your help!

[fourbzboysmom]

Leanna,

I grew up in a very conservative Christian background and was taught that Christian discipline meant parents HAD to spank. After doing my own Bible study and digging a little deeper, I don't agree with that any more. Maybe my notes will be helpful?

http://www.angelfire.com/md2/moodyfamily/disciplineconclusions.html

[Chris3jam]

You've gotten good stuff, here! I will not add my own. . . but I, also, have done my own in-depth Bible study on the "rod" (including Hebrews). You are welcome to those notes, as well, if you would like (don't want to overwhelm you!), just let me know. :welcome

Oh, and understand that I come from a Pearl-by-Gothard and some Ezzo mixed in for good measure, background. And I live in the "Bible Belt", where it is taught as fact that spanking is commanded in the Bible, and if you don't, you don't love your kids, and they will turn out not loving the Lord and turning away from you and Him.

[NPMommy]

Thanks for all the advice. I would like those notes that you mentioned. I, too, live in the Bible Belt (South East TN near Chattanooga to be exact). I have never heard of anyone not spanking their kids except for very permissive parents who spoil them rotten or liberals. I appreciate all the help that I can get. Thanks, again! Leanna :yes

[fourbzboysmom]

I, too, live in the Bible Belt (South East TN near Chattanooga to be exact). I have never heard of anyone not spanking their kids except for very permissive parents who spoil them rotten or liberals.

Leanna,
I'm in the southeast Bible belt too: western NC. I'm pretty "odd" around here in that I don't spank. In this situation, oddity is a good thing! :tu

[Little Blessings]

I was spanked as child so when I had my first two children I spanked also. I was uncomfortable with this but it was all I knew to do. Well, I was hired to watch a 20 month old child in her home. I was told that they do not spank and that I am not to spank her either. What a challenge. I watched her from 7am until 5pm M-F. Fifty hours a week. I was newly married and only 20 when I started watching her. As I had my babies I would of course bring them with me to babysit.

I watched her for four years and her brother came along eventually. So to-wards the end I was watching four for fifty hours--L4, my K2 1/2, T1, and my N8 months. I can honestly say for those fifty hours a week for four years one day at a time, I never spanked any of them. Because of this, mine very rarely got a spanking at home which turned into not getting spankings at all.

My 2 and the other 2 were not brats. As a matter of fact we were always complimented on how well behaved they were. Now they are L20 in college studying to be a pediatrician, my K17 a senior in an IB program, T16 a junior in highschool in marching band and advanced classes, my N16 a junior in highschool advanced classes and a football player. More importantly, all are Christians raised in Christian homes that do not spank.

Thank GOD I had this experience in my twenties because now I am 39 and am licensed for foster care and it is the law that you can't use any form of physical punishment at all on foster children. Prior to foster care, I have had a licensed home daycare in which of course I was not allowed to spank. I am still watching a little girl that I had in my home daycare. She was 9 months when she was first in my care and now she is 4 years old. I don't spank her even though her parents do and have ASKED me to. She is so obedient for me. I enjoy her so much. She can be quite a handful for her parents.

Anyway, I am so glad that I was hired by this family when I was so young and newly married. I hope this helps.

Tammy

[Katherine]

I, too, live in the Bible Belt (South East TN near Chattanooga to be exact).

Off-topic: That's my old stomping ground! ;) I grew up in Chatt.--moved there when I was 5 and stayed until I finished college. :mrgreen It feels more like home than any other place I've lived, and I miss it a lot--we would have moved back there this summer, but decided we just couldn't affort it right now. :shrug

Back *on* topic, you have been referred to the same sources that I found the most helpful when I started studying, so I'll just add that many Moms here--me included--have come a staunch pro-spanking position that slowly changed as we began to really study God's Word and invest time in learning new parenting approaches. :tu Definitely take the time to do some reading... both here in old thread and the other sites posted.. and look through the GCM articles on the main page. Post questions if you'd like to discuss anything specific. :) Welcome! :hug

Crystal's book Biblical Parenting was also a big help to me. (You'll find that on the aolff.com link)
and Raising Your Spirited Child --though it didn't really discuss spanking except for one or two sentences--helped to break out of the mindset where I viewed every behavior as a discipline issue. It helped me to start understanding my own child better, and see real reasons and the real *person* behind the behavior--even when he was at his most frustrating. :O

[Wholly Mama]

Welcome, Leanna!

I just want to say :praise for bringing you here, and for you being so open to us! I came here as an AP pro-spanker. Didn't understand why anyone would NOT spank :shifty I still struggle with choosing not to spank in my household because it was so ingrained in my thinking. But, I know in my heart that spanking is not right, not what God has commanded, and that change in and of itself is amazing.
I'm so glad you are open to discussing this issue. Bless you on your journey! :heart