Okay, I've felt like throwing up all day.

[erinee]

School started here today, and I"m feeling majorly anxious about my decision to keep Zach out. I don't doubt my ability to teach him at home and to make learning really, really fun for him. I think I can give him an excellent education, with some help. I prayed that if God wanted us to HS, he would change dh's heart, and he did that. To send him back to PS now would be downright a slap in God's face, right? And I really love HSing and having him at home. I don't know what it is -- I just keep thinking of a chair where he was supposed to sit that is now empty. I wish so much that I felt like most HSers, that the PS system is in ruins and that sending my children there would be exposing them to really evil things (I edited this because my original comment sounded very sarcastic -- sorry), but I don't feel that way at all. We live in a very conservative area, and all of the teachers Zach has had so far have been Christians. As many problems as we had at the school, the fact remains that Zach *loves* school. I think the teachers really care about kids and do the best they can, and some of them do it very, very well. I asked him how he was feeling about not going back this morning, and he said, "I'm feeling okay. I just wish I could go to school AND be homeschooled." That's pretty much how I feel about it, too. If I could send him to PS on preschool hours, 2 or 3 mornings a week, I'd do it and feel great about it.

I'm just trying to tell myself I've made the decision now, and I need to just relax and live with it and have a great year and revisit the decision next year. We'll see what happens.

Thanks for letting me get that out. I needed to talk about it.

[joandsarah77]

:hug2 I think thats totaly normal to feel that way. You might still feel simerly even if you were dropping him off at school. I'm sure once you get in the swing of things at home that that cold pit in the stomach feeling will go away.

[erinee]

You might still feel simerly even if you were dropping him off at school.

That's absolutely true. I remember how I felt last year when he was going full-day for the first time. I cried all day. I think you're right, I'd be sad either way. And I know I'll have to cross this hurdle again if I ever do decide to send him back to school.

[Mama Calidad]

I understand that feeling. Personally, I've wanted to hs my kids since they were babies. (Like they're all old now. :giggle) I feel really, really strongly about it. Imagine my surprise yesterday (school started here yesterday, too), when I was feeling exactly like you described. DD would have started Kinder yesterday, if we weren't homeschooling. I know she's not missing out on any education. We've talked to several people, looked through the materials, etc...and DD knows all they'd be teaching this year plus some. I guess it's 'cause I always loved school so much. :idea

[erinee]

I guess it's 'cause I always loved school so much.

That is what is so weird to me -- I *hated* school! Well, I loved it through 3rd grade and hated it after that. I would have given anything to be homeschooled. So why on earth am I so unsure about my son not going back? I guess it's because I can see that he loves school, and he is much more extroverted than I was. I know I can give him plenty of opportunities to be with other kids -- he's in Cub Scouts, 4H, there's LLL meetings, HS gym, science co-op -- but I just can't shake this feeling when I see the kids with their new tennis shoes and backpacks.

Last year when I talked to him about not going back, he was disappointed because they were going to get to play drums in second grade, but he was also relieved because he heard they give 1 minute timed math tests. So he is definitely able to see the good and the bad of both options. I do, too, I think this is just a hump I need to get over. I think once we start science co-op (I'll be helping with the Ks) and HS gym it will get easier. Also, we've been taking a break the last couple of weeks. Maybe once we get back into full-swing and start having lots of fun with HSing, I'll feel better.

Thanks! I'm glad to know others feel that way, even people who are much more convicted about HSing than I am!

[ShangriLewis]

I think it's a perfectly normal reaction. Just like for some of us although we say we are Gentle Parents we still struggle with it everyday. I could on, but most moms feel like that about a lot of things. I think it's just part of being a mom. Don't be so hard on yourself.

You are going to do a Great Job this year!

[booboo]

:hug I know the feeling, though we don't live in a very good area school wise. Other Christians have said the opposite to me but I don't agree.

I have also felt things would be easier if I sent my 4.5 yo to a preschool so I can get more done! But honestly I know that it would be better if I included her more even if I'm teaching one on one. Even if she just sits there and listens, she'll get something out of it right? Only thing is, she can't sit for long. Think of the boy on the Incredibles who runs lightning fast. Yeah that my Piglet. (should call her Tigger online instead, huh?)

You're gonna have days thinking the grass is always greener. But remember, they still have to mow the lawn! Keep going with hs'ing! It's like we can't appreciate the sunny days if it never rains. :hug Your kids will thrive from what you're doing, and you'll never know, they may end up raising a generation of homeschool kids too!