What a difference!

[4blessings]

As I've mentioned, I used to lurk frequently on a highly punitive message board. I'm not a punitive mom, but, I realized that the punitive mindset was seeping into my parenting. I was seeing my children in a much different light...a very adversarial way. I wasn't really enjoying being a mom anymore. My second DS even asked me one day, "Are you sorry you had kids? 'Cuz sometimes you act so frustrated with us." :bheart So, a couple of months ago I stopped even lurking. I deleted the email with my password and I didn't have it memorized. so I can't go back. Anyway, I can't believe the difference in my children! My DD (my youngest) had been going through what I thought was a horrible stage, but since I'm back to my old GD ways, I can truly see it wasn't a phase, but was a reaction to the way my parenting had changed. :( I didn't see it at the time, but my relationship with all my children had gotten worse. It took about three weeks for things to turn around, but now we're back to our normal, happy family. My children are even treating each other better. I feel just terrible that I let things get the way they did. I'm surprised they got so bad, b/c it's not like I was spanking them or being especially punitive. I truly think it was all in the way I was seeing them. Is that possible? Could it change things that much?

[ArmsOfLove]

:heart Absolutely! I had to get rid of "The Power of a Praying Parent" because it was negatively affecting how I viewed my children and things got terrible :cry

I'm so glad you made the connection and the change!

[4blessings]

Thanks for your response, Crystal.

Can you tell me more about "The Power of the Praying Parent"? What, specifically, caused you problems? I haven't read it yet, but my neighbor is always telling me what a wonderul book it is and that I really need to read it. TIA!

[TulipMama]

I'm not a punitive mom, but, I realized that the punitive mindset was seeping into my parenting. I was seeing my children in a much different light...a very adversarial way. I wasn't really enjoying being a mom anymore. . . . I feel just terrible that I let things get the way they did. I'm surprised they got so bad, b/c it's not like I was spanking them or being especially punitive. I truly think it was all in the way I was seeing them. Is that possible? Could it change things that much?

Totally. *hug* I've experienced something similar in the past.

And I think what you are describing is what is so insidious about punitive ways of parenting. I know Christian mothers who truly love their children, who have embraced punitive styles of parenting. Personally, I don't think their spanking of their children is the worst part of their punitive parenting--but rather how the advesarial attitudes that become more entrenched. The focus on "ambushing" or control or "bootcamp" and so on. . . It really does so much to poison the relationship and a mother's attitude towards the children she loves.

What I've seen in many mothers, is that they don't start out punishing "in anger," but the advesarial attitudes build up, and over time there is MUCH anger. And often the mother doesn't recognize it until later. And while she may be carrying out the punishment / spanking in a "calm and controlled" manner, it becomes more and more fueled by anger. And over time this often leads to spanking in anger, loss of control while spanking--and the mother feels horrible because she loves her children dearly and doesn't know where this anger is coming from or how to address it. And she is ill-equipped, because punishment is the primary tool she has in her discipline tool box.

[hsgbdmama]

I'd like to know more about the praying parent book as well. I have it, but have not read it yet. Her praying wife book was excellent and really helped me. :shrug

[ArmsOfLove]

I loved the Power of a Praying Wife book because I was able to pray for areas of struggle in our marriage or in dh's life. I disliked Power of a Praying Parent for the same reason. IOW, if I had teens who were rebellious and needed prayer covering and for God to heal our relationship then I would probably feel very differently about it. But praying for my sweet and loving little children as though they are rebellious teens created a very adversarial air :( It was as though I became anxious about preventing all these horrible things that might happen and I was praying against. :sad2

[4blessings]

Thanks, Crystal. That makes sense.

[hsgbdmama]

Thanks, Crystal ... maybe I'll need to wait to read it or just skip the parts that do not pertain to us. :/

[UltraMother]

It makes a huge difference. I don't lurk anywhere "dangerous" or read any adversarial material simply because I am too easily influenced by those thoughts. I agree that it's my views that shift; my kids are obviously the same people. And my kids treat each other better, because they are simply modelling how I treat them.