poor dd struggling with toilet learning--update at end

[GodChick]

Poor 2.5 year old Serena is having the worst time with toilet learning. I DON'T believe in "forcing the issue" before she's ready, but . . . she has taken to insisting on staying in a wet diaper (sposies--I didn't learn until my second about the benefits of cloth diapers; DD2 is in cloth, but DD1 was brought up in sposies). I mean INSISTING, she will actually say, "I want to wear it wet." :eek I can't let her stay in the wet diaper, because she has labial adhesions, and sitting in the wet diaper just make them worse; she needs to be kept clean and dry. But she is a HN/spirited child, and changing the diaper causes a HUGE scream-fest every time. (I've tried doing things like letting her choose where to change it, picking out the particular character on her sposie that she likes, etc., trying to give her a choice in the matter, but to no avail.) She screams and hollers that she wants her wet diaper. :shrug So I figure I'd better just go ahead and try to get her out of diapers and using the potty. But she resists that too . . . screams that she doesn't want to use the potty. I put her in cloth training pants, figuring that would at least give me the opportunity to change her when wet, because the sposies just stay too dry-feeling and comfortable when wet, and she would at least want me to change the cloth training pants. Well, I was wrong. She STILL has a fit about changing the cloth training pants. Kicking and screaming and I can't even get them on her!! :hissyfit

I am at a loss!! I'm trying to do natural consequences for her actions instead of punishments, but in this case, I'm not willing to let her endure the natural consequences of sitting in a wet diaper all day and worsening her labial adhesions. (And apparently, the feel of a wet diaper is not a negative consequence at all to her!) She's got a child-sized potty to use, but she gets mad and yells, "no!" when I ask her if she needs to go on it. She HAS gone on it before, both poop and pee, but most of the time, she is unwilling.

Any bright ideas? Heeeeeeelp!!! :banghead :banghead :banghead

[Aerynne]

This might be a weird idea, but if you have wood or linoleum floors or something, or if you spend a lot of time outside, you could leave her bare-bottomed and let her go on the floor, then clean it up. I know that's not a good long-term solution, but it might help her want to use the potty, especially if the potty is very accessible. I had a friend who did this with her dd and it worked. If you've tried everything else, it might be worth a shot.

[GodChick]

that's actually a good idea . . . i tried it for a while, but we've got lots of white carpet :doh and it gets really really hot here to go outside. i tried keeping her entertained in the kitchen which is fairly large but she hollered to go in the living room. :shrug

[Irene]

yeah I was going to suggest going bare too, but dont know what to tell you on the white carpet... :think

My dd was like that too, she would stay all day in the same diaper... ugh it was aweful... which was why I converted to EC when ds was born- didnt want to go through all that again ;)

[ebethmom]

We had off-white carpet in the house where ds potty-learned. I know it goes against all housekeeping common sense, but ds went bare anyway! It was the only way he would go in the potty. He liked peeing in the potty, but as soon as the diaper went on, his motivation gave out.

We found one spot remover that worked really well! I can't remember the exact name of the carpet cleaner, but it was an Oxy cleaner with two silver cannisters. We found it at Linens 'n Things. We didn't have any stains that stayed.

Ds would do the same thing with wet diapers. He would stay in them all day if I'd let him (which I didn't!). But I got so tired of the diaper changing battles. He would resist changing dirty diapers, too! Agh.

My ds is spirited/strong-willed, too. He does respond better to a playful approach. Could you think of some sort of game/play about going to the potty? Does she have a favorite character who could go to the potty with her?

[LauraK]

how is your dd doing?

Can she take her own pants off? I also found with my dd while potty learning that I had to totally step back and not remind her or take her to the potty but just leave the potty in the bathroom for her and she would go herself and when she was going she would tell me to "go away" and I would.... If I tried to remind her or ask her if she had to go or anything like that she got mad. If I did ask her and she said "No" I would not force the issue. When she had an accident I would just change her quick..."uh oh, you wet your pants, lets get them off". I did it very quick and without too much talking or bargaining. I tried to be real action oriented and if she was bothered by it I just said, we have to do this and tried to do it as quickly as I could and I tried to stay as calm as I could even though she was having fits at times.

This worked for us, but my dd seemed sort of motivated. I think the "Potty book for girls" got her excited about using the potty.

Hope things are going better for you.

[GodChick]

we tried going bare and it has been the best thing! :tu she's doing great at going to the potty on her own w/o prompting--as long as she's "nekid" --when she has a diaper or training pants on, she keeps going in those. :rolleyes but she only wears them at night or in the car--so she's making good progress. and yeah, if she has an accident i just clean it up calmly and matter-of-factly. :tu

[LauraK]

That is awesome!!

[chapulina]

very strong and spirited dd here too, and although she demonstrated using the potty before 2, she flat out refused to do it on a regular basis. I didn't push, but continued to offer her the option of using the potty, let her accompany me to the bathroom, talked about it, etc.

now, at 3 yr and 3 mon., she decided to wear underwear and use the toilet. it really has been easy; she decided to do it. I do believe it is common for those stronger personalities to delay using the potty, so don't be too surprised. I think they are just mentally busy learning other things, and don't want to be bothered with toileting.

its her body, and it will be her accomplishment.

oh, and she did the same thing with refusing the diaper change thing; I just couldn't give in on that one. I'd tell her, if you don't want diaper changes, pee on the toilet. sometimes games and fun helped, sometimes I'd just have to do it because it needed to be done.

[purplerose]

I am BTDT right now! My DD is 3.5 and she REFUSES to use the potty at all. She will sit in a poopy/wet diaper all day. We've tried teh naked thing, we've tried just going to underwear and she will just pee and poo herself and NOT CARE!! I took her to the ped a few months ago and he told me not to worry about it, let her take her own course. She has another appt next week because she is now 3 1/2 years old and not even showing the least bit of interest! I have tried every technique out there! She is just a stubborn one! I hope things go well for you and DD soon!!! :hug

[GodChick]

Just an update: the going bare really did the trick. She's peeing on the potty on a regular basis, and has now even pooped on the potty five times! :tu :tu :tu
(Gee, aren't y'all thrilled to know THAT??) :lol

At first, she would only use the potty when she was "nekid"--and if I put training pants or panties on her, she just wet them like a diaper and sat in them wet. :rolleyes But now she uses the potty even when she has her training pants on. Yay, Serena! :clap

Thanks for the advice, ladies! :heart

[LauraK]

that is great!!! :tu :tu :clap :clap :clap

I just noticed are dds are only one day apart in age. Mary's b-day is 12/06/02