Does anyone struggle with wanting to "go back to Egypt"? so to speak...

[SandKsmama]

I feel like an Israelite. I KNOW all that Ezzo punitive crap is bunk. I KNOW it's bondage and not what God has for this family, but durn if it doesn't look sooooo tempting on the bad days! On the days when my kids are so out of control and I am freaking out, all I can seem to remember about those "bad old days" is that my kids were at least in some semblance of control:-) I know it's not truth, but it doesn't stop me from feeling that way.

Anybody else?
Amanda

[CelticJourney]

Well yes, who wouldn't want permission some days to just 'dominate'. I do and I never did Ezzo. That has been my complaint about Ezzo all along - it's parent centered and that parent selfish kind of way and give permission and encouragement to parents who want to act that way.

[righteous mama]

We had friends in college who had a band (shocking, I know...). It's funny because you could tell what classes they were taking by their lyrics. One song they sand this line...

"I could never entertain the thought that things were better back in Egypt!"

I think that when you do entertain the thought, you start to justify and rationalize things that we've come to understand as non-truth. Focusing on your goals and not JUST the here and now can help bring up back to reality. I know it is hard, but those mamas who spank have it harder. I remember my sister telling me how she spent an afternoon spanking and spanking her oldest because after every spank her oldest would smirk at her. Imagine that. Is that what you'd want your relationship with your child to be like? No, things are not better back in Egypt.

I like having a good relationship with my daughters. Last night I was being rude to my oldest...she was driving me clear up the wall. She crawled in bed to wait for me and I went in, stroked her hair, and apologized for being a crazy mama. That's what I want...humility between both of us.

[Chris3jam]

Anybody else?

Yes. :blush :blush I admit it. I would like compliance and no arguing anymore, especially during this transitional time, when the kids are testing everything. And dh stayed in Egypt (as it were), and everybody I know is back there. :(

[SandKsmama]

And dh stayed in Egypt (as it were), and everybody I know is back there.

Ahhh, me too. Maybe this is the kicker.

Amanda

[Chris3jam]

Ahhh, me too. Maybe this is the kicker.

It definitely is for me, especially when I see well-behaved kids everywhere in church, and there is no real-life support. And it's lonely out here in the desert, ya know? Ya get hungry for some face to face, where you don't have to be careful what to say, etc.

This is why I tend to spend way too much time here (not good for my family). :( But it feels like an oasis for me, and boy am I thirsty!

[katiekind]

Do you have LLL or API (Attachment Parenting International) groups near you at all? Where I used to live, the LLL groups had toddler meetings that were invaluable for seeing gentle parenting in action. I know a lot of parenting is "caught" by seeing other parents handle things. I pray you could find something like that for some face-to-face encouragement. :hug

[Titus2:5Catholic]

I'm very happy with how this is working. I'm happier with myself, with my kids, with my life as a mom.

When I'm in public, however, then I start missing the "old ways". Church especially....there is a lot of pressure at my church and virtually no acceptance of age-appropriate behavior. I'm ashamed to realize how I will give on my beliefs due to pride and my desire ot have us "look good" as a family.

What's helping me is to really WATCH and see what's going on. Are my kids out more then the others, or is it just different because they don't get in trouble while the other parents drag their kids out, spank them, and then take them back in only to be out again in ten minutes or so?

[arymanth]

The reason it is so tempting (and BOY is it TEMPTING some days!!!) is because it appeals to our human nature. We like things to go our way... we want life to be easy...we try to be like everyone else so we will be "accepted". I have had many times when I have RUN back in that direction out of sheer frustration and desparation... only to find that IT DOESN'T WORK... EVEN IF YOU GO BACK!!!
"Once your consciousness has been raised, it cannot be lowered." My kids would tell me "you told us hitting was wrong, mom!" or "I thought you said that you don't spank!" THEY know that *I* know that what I'm doing is wrong... and they absolutely call me on it. (good for them!)


Can you imagine how GOD must feel about HIS children sometimes? This is one thing that helps me keep my parenting in perspective. When I first started learning about "positive discipline", God really started dealing with my heart... not about disciplining my KIDS.... but about dealing with MYSELF. When I would correct my kids, I could HEAR the voice of the Holy Spirit echoing those same words back at me... and I felt CONVICTED of the SAME AREA OF SIN in my own life! I realized just how PATIENT God is with me when I refuse to listen to him... when I constantly push him... when I defy him.

The Bible says "he who is FORGIVEN much LOVES much." It is keeping my eyes focused on how much God has forgiven ME that helps me be more patient with my own kids.

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Heb. 12:1-3

I figure if Jesus can put up with everything he did to pay for MY foolishness, rebellion and stupidity.... I can put up with my children's behavior, too. :-)

I've been doing this "gentle parenting" for about 8 years now, and I STILL struggle some days. That's how God perfects us... if we let him.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Heb. 12:11

Remember... God was speaking to ADULTS in this verse... to US! It IS going to be PAINFUL to do what God wants us to do sometimes... it is going to make your flesh SCREAM... just like it does when you are in training for an athletic event and you have to push your body past the point it is comfortable with. But that's part of making yourself stronger! If it's painful... if it's difficult... that often means you are doing it RIGHT! If it's easy... that can mean that you are not allowing God to move you outside of your own comfort zone. Having to deal with our children gives us the opportunity to exercise those spiritual muscles that will not get a workout otherwise. (My parents live alone... they no longer have the opportunity to develop their "patience" muscles... and it shows. :P~ )

"5For this very reason, adding your diligence [to the divine promises], employ every effort in exercising your faith to develop virtue (excellence, resolution, Christian energy), and in [exercising] virtue [develop] knowledge (intelligence),

6And in [exercising] knowledge [develop] self-control, and in [exercising] self-control [develop] steadfastness (patience, endurance), and in [exercising] steadfastness [develop] godliness (piety),

7And in [exercising] godliness [develop] brotherly affection, and in [exercising] brotherly affection [develop] Christian love.

8For as these qualities are yours and increasingly abound in you, they will keep [you] from being idle or unfruitful unto the [full personal] knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

9For whoever lacks these qualities is blind, [spiritually] shortsighted, seeing only what is near to him, and has become oblivious [to the fact] that he was cleansed from his old sins."

2 Peter 1:5-9

Going back to using punitive methods is the "easy way", and it is turning your back on GOD'S BEST for you. It is shortsighted because it focuses only on getting immediate results and is not concerned with reaching the hearts of our children. It ignores the sin-nature in ourselves and prompts us to treat our children as if WE were without sin. It sets parents up in the place of God, instead of equipping them to lead their children TO God.

Of COURSE using "gentle discipline" will be more difficult, it will challenge you, it will force you to turn to God for wisdom and strength. But that's the way it is supposed to be.

So when your kids start driving you nuts... look at it as a spiritual workout. God is getting you into shape... and it's going to be a challenge for you... but the end results will be so worth it!

[Chris3jam]

I know a lot of parenting is "caught" by seeing other parents handle things. I pray you could find something like that for some face-to-face encouragement.

For me, that would be an incalculable help. That is the way I learn -- I need detailed examples, and I need to see it. A diagram, if you will. I feel that I'm flying blind.

[jujubnme]

Stephanie, what a beautiful post! :tu :clap

[Lilly_of the_ Fields]

Can you imagine how GOD must feel about HIS children sometimes? This is one thing that helps me keep my parenting in perspective.

:amen

Thanks, Stephanie - I'm keeping a copy of your post for the inevitable bad days! :hearts

Btw, to extend the Egypt analogy further, it's soooo tempting to make your kids behaviour an idol (golden calf)...on the days where they're in tip top shape in their external behaviour, its so easy to feel good about yourself and rest on your laurels, instead of thanking God for who our kids are (no matter what their external behaviour is at any given time). I've been soooo convicted about this recently...sorry to get off track!

[APMamaX4]

I think that when you do entertain the thought, you start to justify and rationalize things that we've come to understand as non-truth. Focusing on your goals and not JUST the here and now can help bring up back to reality. I know it is hard, but those mamas who spank have it harder. I remember my sister telling me how she spent an afternoon spanking and spanking her oldest because after every spank her oldest would smirk at her. Imagine that. Is that what you'd want your relationship with your child to be like? No, things are not better back in Egypt.

Reminds me...I heard a saying the other day: The grass isn't greener on this side or that side; it's greener on the side where you water and fertilize it. :)

(NOT that I am perfect, because hello-read the thread I just posted a few mins ago!!! but what you said reminded me of that saying I heard)

[UltraMother]

Lately I've been feeling the same way. I would just like to go back to the lazy way of parenting (it sure was for me, at least). It seems like I had more time when I just yelled and spanked, rather than having to think and help and act accordingly. But it's true - you just can't go back once you know better, because when you do you just hate yourself even more. Things are a lot better with gbd, but sometimes I forget that and long for the ease of my old discipline style.

[mrsramjet]

whenever i get this feeling (and "yes" i do get it) i read the book of galatians - preferably in 'the message' translation as it speaks so beautifully to the difference in my parenting style now as opposed to 'then'.

for example
3:11 (ish) -
The obvious impossiblity of carrying out such a moral programme should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God - and that's the real life."
Rule keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule keeping, a fact observed in Scripture:"The one who does these things [rule keeping]continues to live by them."


chapter 6
"Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness vefore the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived."

.........

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, startwith the people closes to us in the community of faith. "{can't get any closer than my own offspring

....

"these people who are attempting to force the ways of circumcision{a life of law keeping} on you have only one motive They want an easy way to look good before others lacking the courage to live by a faith that shares Christ's suffering and death."


hth
*HUGS*

[CelticJourney]

Reminds me...I heard a saying the other day: The grass isn't greener on this side or that side; it's greener on the side where you water and fertilize it.

Great Quote! :tu

[Tex]

YES and then I see the little sad scorned look on Lil's face after a spanking and turn tail and run back to Israel.

[fourbzboysmom]

Amanda,
If you are having a tough week come on over for a visit :D
I'm working now, but am free on the weekends most of the time :hug2

[SandKsmama]

LAURIE!!!!!

Girl, I just read your update - I've *really* missed you! (((((Laurie))))

Thanks - I would LOVE to come for a visit soon! Maybe Allison/boys and the kids and I can do a road trip:-)

Amanda

[fourbzboysmom]

Come on over! :tu