Older Adoptive Child and RAD

[cklewis]

Frankly, this is none of my business. But a mama worries. . . . :shrug

Our neighbors are dear people. They've adopted two slightly-at-risk children. One they brought home at birth. His mama was addicted to some drugs of some sort. He's very, very active, but seems normal.

They adopted their daughter at 3. She had endured some terrible abuse, but I don't know any specifics. I met her for the first time last week when we all were outside playing. They've had their little girl nearly a year (so she's four). And her mom was telling me briefly how hard it was at first, how detached she was, etc.

This little girl was so attentive to my DS. She doted on him all over the yard. I told the mom, "That's she's so gentle is proof that you're doing a wonderful job showing her love." Her mom seemed tired, and I wanted to encourage her.

When they said good-bye, after I had barely said "boo" to the little girl, she raced over to give me a hug. :eek I didn't mind, of course, but I thought that was a bit "off." Am I being paranoid? Didn't I read somewhere that RAD often causes children to be overly affectionate? I thought that wasn't quite right.

Thots?

C

[Mother of Sons]

Yeah, that an be one issue. Sometimes it's nothing though. Often they'll be affectionate to just about anyone other than the mother. When I first met my husband he would hug my mom all the time but I've never seen him hug his own mom. He doesn't hug anyone now though. :shrug

[Marrae]

Yes, that is what an RAD child is like. This child will choose affection from a 'non threatening' source, ie a relative stranger, rather than someone (usually the adoptive mother) who he/she feels is trying to develop a bond with them which they find 'scary'.
edited to add: A parent who is up on the study of RAD/AD and trying to help the child to heal and develop proper attachment would step in and stop this physical contact with other people. I found this hard to accept at first but it seems to be the right way to go to help the child.

[Boys and Angels]

Reactive Airway Disease! Funny how we think about htings based on our own past experiences!

[sumara]

I'm sorry to sidetrack but what is RAD?

My daughter socialises very easily with strangers and is often very affectionate. Is that something I should be worried about? (apart from obviously keeping a close eye on her interactions)

[cklewis]

RAD = Reactive Attachment Disorder

It's pretty rare, and I'm no expert. But here's a site (http://www.radkids.org/) that might explain it better.

C

[TestifyToLove]

MIL is in the process of adopting her foster son who shows all the signs of being RAD. He, too, is overly affectionate. She's aware that its an issue. But, she's greatly overwhelmed and doesn't know how to step in and handle the situation. She's so busy with outright danger behaviors (such as drinking toilet water everytime he comes near it) that she hasn't even delved into the deeper issues.

I've been getting her resources and directing her towards support systems to arm herself with information, knowledge and encouragement.

You might offer your neighbor some resources. Sadly, far too many in the adoption field simply do not recognize or appropriately deal with RAD. Far too many adoptive parents are still adopting children without proper preparation nor understanding of what they have stepped into. And, I see this lack of understanding across the board. Some adoption workers are getting it and drilling it into prospective adoptive families heads. Some still don't even bring it up. Its entirely possible no one has ever even breathed a word of this to your neighbor. Its also entirely possible that she is aware and is so overwhelmed that she's drowning.

If you feel up to being a support, talk to her. Find out if she's aware and thinks its RAD, if she's implementing changes (so would she rather you not let her dd hug you) or whether she could use resources. Offering respite might be a wonderful ministry. So much can be done to support, encourage and help a mother dealing with RAD to arm her with the ability and tools to mother her child and help them heal. But, people around the family have to be willing to step outside their own comfort zones to do it. Don't approach it in a know-it-all manner and turn her off. But, approach her with a loving and supportive spirit and she will likely respond to what you are willing to offer her.

BTW, your link doesn't work try one of these:
http://attachmenttherapy.com/
www.radzebra.org
http://www.instituteforattachment.org/whatisit.htm


And, if you need resource suggestions (both online and real life options), I'd be happy to give you all I've got (and its quite a lot).

[musicmama]

:eek :eek :eek

Wow, if that doesn't slap me upside the head, I'm not sure what will. Now I'm pretty much certain my almost 4yo foster daughter has RAD. We've suspected it for a while, but...

Symptoms of RAD in Children (I've removed the 2 or 3 that don't apply to her)

Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate
Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent’s terms
Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying
A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older
Hypervigilant
Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks
Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things
Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues
Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times
Trouble understanding cause and effect
Poor impulse control
Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience
Cruelty to animals (while she's not CRUEL to the dog and cat, she absolutely has ZERO impulse control around them)
Lying for no apparent reason
False allegations of abuse
Destructive to property or self
Stealing
Constant chatter; nonsense questions
Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills
Developmental / Learning delays
Problems with food; either hoarding it or refusing to eat
Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues
Attitude of entitlement and self-importance
Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking
Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other
A darkness behind the eyes when raging


Wow. Just, wow. :cry

[cklewis]

Sara. . . . :cry :hug

C