What another mom said to me....

[purplerose]

at the mall the other day! I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here goes. I was at the mall with my two kids the other day. OUr mall has a play area in teh middle of it and I was letting my kids run around and play. I noticed another mom with a baby and a toddler. Whom she kept yelling at for stuff he was doing, he was just being a kid!!!!!!! Anyway, we went to the Burger King for lunch and she was in front of me in line and she said "So you're going to drag your kids to this too huh" I was like "I don't drag my kids anywhere!" And then she says "Oh, I didn't realize you are pregnant?!" And then she looked at my other two.....and kind of had this schocked look like I get all the time because DD will be 3 1/2, DS will be 26 mos when the new baby comes. And then she says "Well, I really hope that you are done after this one?!" I was soooooooo mad!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad :mad So I said "Actually, we are not. We'd like to have more" And she says ", are you crazy?! Don;t you think that's selfish? What about finances and giving them personal attention?!" I said, "Well, we believe Children are a Gift from God and that he will provide for us" :tu :tu And she was like "I just think that's crazy"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, a complete stranger!!!!!!!!! What business is it of her's anyway?! :banghead :bangheadI HATE those kinds of comments!!!!!!!!!!!! Anywya, just had to get it off my chest!!!!! :pray

[milkmommy]

:eek Oh my I wouldn't just pass her the bean dip I'd stuff a huge spoon full in her big mouth :eek
Thats just wrong.. You did great with your responses :hug

Deanna

[Katherine]

(((( mommabean3 )))

Isn't that frustrating? Mine will be four (just turned 4) and 28 months when our next baby comes, and I've gotten some similar comments--mostly from family. :banghead (although this lady was more rude than most, I have to admit!)

Several times someone has asked me when I'm going to have my tubes tied, or when dh is going to get a vasectomy. I just smile and say we have no plans to do that. :cool They look shocked, and then ask how many kids we're going to have. I smile again and say "I don't know.. " upon which I get a another blank stare or raised eyebrows. :lol

Praise the Lord for GBD!! I never would have felt like I could handle more than 1 or 2 kids if I hadn't found gentle parenting! :amen :tu

[sadie]

How odd that while she clearly is giving her children the absolute minimum of her time, attention or affection, she is berating you for having "too many" children to give adequate amounts of the same to. :banghead

I thought your responses were great. :tu

[RosieTook]

Oh my I wouldn't just pass her the bean dip I'd stuff a huge spoon full in her big mouth

:laughtears

Great responses!! :tu

[KingsDaughter76]

Oh my! How rude!


I have four children and often seem to draw the comments from strangers too! I think you handled it very well!

[Leslie]

How odd that while she clearly is giving her children the absolute minimum of her time, attention or affection, she is berating you for having "too many" children to give adequate amounts of the same to.


Good point! Maybe if you parented like she does, 3 would be too many. She doesn't sound like she enjoys being a mom.

And how is three kids so unusual that it would justify a shocked look from her?? Families with three kids aren't that unusual.

I'm a little :eek at her comment that your choice of how many children you'd like to raise is selfish. It sounds like your children might get more attention and what they need than hers. So who's the selfish one?

[booboo]

I agree with someone else here that said maybe 3 would be too much for this lady who spoke to you. You handled it right! :highfive

I've had people look at me, when I was pregnant with my second one and said that "21 months apart" was bad. "They should at least be 3 yrs apart." Did they think I'd abort or give my second one up for adoption??!! :shrug Today, my 2 girls are very close and love each other very much. I have no regrets and am thankful to God for them.

Nowadays, it seems more the norm to have 1 or 2 kids. People are more selfish with their time, wanting to give their kids up to a babysitter or to work full time even if they don't need to. It's a sad world. I mean, how many people do you know are #7 of X amount of kids? I'm #5 of 6. Each person makes a difference in this world for good or bad.

I'll get off my soapbox now. :shifty

[arymanth]

I guess I've grown a little more thick-skinned in my old age... if anyone ever made a comment like that to me, I would just shake my head and smile. "I really enjoy being with my kids. We have a lot of fun together, and we are really looking forward to this next blessing. It is wonderful to have a house full of children... and they grow up so fast! I have found that it is so important to enjoy them while you can!" (hug closest child and kiss them.)

I don't get so offended at other people's ignorance anymore... it is sad that that woman felt she needed to treat her kids that way... you have to assume she didn't know any better. If she doesn't know what it's like to have fun with her kids and not be so stressed out by them, then it must seem horrible to her to contemplate having more! How sad for her. :sad2 Maybe she just needed someone to remind her to cherish what she has?

As for the " Don't you think that's selfish? What about finances and giving them personal attention?" comment... well, maybe she doesn't know what it's like to be part of a big family... maybe she needs someone to enlighten her on the benefits.... especially since there are so few of us out there anymore! I would tell her about how wonderful it is to have "built in playmates" and how you never have to be alone. Being in a big family means there are more people to love you! The love is multiplied, not divided! My daughter is the youngest of our 5 kids, and she gets hugs, kisses and cuddles from her four older brothers.... if anything, she gets MORE attention than she would as an only or in a one-sibling family. Kids don't need THINGS, they need PEOPLE in their lives. It's hard for some people to understand this, you just have to be patient with these people, explain as much as they will let you, and give them the benefit of the doubt when they make stupid comments that show just how little they really understand. :)

Stephanie
Mom to 4 boys and a princess!

[PrincessMommie]

:eek Oh my I wouldn't just pass her the bean dip I'd stuff a huge spoon full in her big mouth :eek
Deanna


:laughtears leave it to Deanna! :)


I would just shake my head and smile. "I really enjoy being with my kids. We have a lot of fun together, and we are really looking forward to this next blessing. It is wonderful to have a house full of children... and they grow up so fast! I have found that it is so important to enjoy them while you can!" (hug closest child and kiss them.)


Great thinking and attitude Stephanie! :tu

I used to get rude comments as well....
when my 2nd child was born my 1st was only 13 months old....not walking etc....then 3rd came along less than 2 years later....I now have 5 children in less than 9 years and sometimes get looks when we are all out....what is really nice though and what makes it almost worth it is when you get an older couple, a really older couple that just get tears in their eyes and smile when they see a mama duck (me) and all her little ducklings walking along with her...I think it brings back awesome memories for those elderly where large families were so common, normal, and accpeted. ;)

[BeckaBlue]

I get ppl WAY too often make it obvious they think we should have no mroe!

the other day i was taking to a friend at school, we got onto some things that kids say, i told her that kenzie tells me we're having a baby for chritmas, another lady there piped in with 'and you told her your done, right?!' :eek told her no, we want more, and just get the dumbfounded look from her :rolleyes

also had talked to a lady when i was at the laundromat when she mentioned more i told her we were hoping for me. later i set nik down so i could fold some clothes and he fell over (he was 8mths and not a new sitter), so she decided to come tell me as she was leaving 'you don't need to have anymore' and yes she was saying it because i apparently couldnt handle another :rolleyes


Princess, ITA! ive not met many, but i love it too :heart

[Soliloquy]

I feel sorry for her. I'm wondering if someday she'll look back and wonder why her kids hardly ever call or visit . . . and she'll wish she could just hold them one more time . . . she'll wish she had held them more when she had the chance.

But, I'm sorry you had to listen to that too! Way out of line! I think she just wanted to spread her misery around a little bit. Good deflecting!

[schoolofmom]

Martha Sears always says, "The world needs more people like my children," when people ask her about it. :D I thought that was a great answer.

[Katherine]

Stephanie,

What a beautiful post.. Thank you!

Kids don't need THINGS, they need PEOPLE in their lives. :hearts

[ShowersofBlessings]

How rude! While dh and I only plan to have two, I totally respect anyone who has more than that. There is a family at our church with 13 children who are doing a great job at parenting. They are not "done" yet either. I sometimes hear negative comments, but I always defend her. She obviously knows what she is doing and I look up to her. Anyone who's been through every stage 13 times has to have some wisdom..... :grouphug

[ArmsOfLove]

Okay, what I'm about to say is NOT directed at mamas here who have decided to have only one or a few kids, it's how I'd respond to someone who said such a rude thing to me as a stranger--that said, I'd be tempted to tell her maybe I was just a better mother than her :shrug and let her choke on that :P

[Leslie]

Martha Sears always says, "The world needs more people like my children," when people ask her about it. :D I thought that was a great answer.


I love that!

I wish I had enough kids to justify using it! :P

[MarynMunchkins]

My standard response to comments like that (and I've gotten a few, since we have 3 in 4 years) is "Well, dh and I just have great sex and make pretty babies. We plan to keep doing it."

:D There have been very few responses to that. ;) It's great for older women especially.

[RosieTook]

We plan to have an undisclosed amount...when people ask "you haven't told dh yet?" I say no, God hasn't told us yet how many we will have. :heart Honestly I am sick of the "you'll see when you have 2" comments :rolleyes...I only have one now, so I suppose this will change when I have 2 and #3 on the way I guess then I willget the above type of comments. :/

Why do people feel the need to pass judgement on how many children others feel comfortable with. If they are wanted, as is apparent when you say "we want more" they why should they care?? :shrug

Sigh...I love what Martha Sears said, I will totally use that one!! And maybe I'll add a kiss for the closest child!! :tu

[Wholly Mama]

Yeah, that third child is quite a shocker here, too. Two is the max, I guess. I get those comments all the time. I dont know why people think they have a right to tell us when, where, how many and what kind of kids we need to have!!
mine were 3 1/2 and 25 months when their little sister was born. Almost exactly like you!

[ArmsOfLove]

You know, I was joking above ;) but I really do respond to these comments with a perplexed look and tell them that I just love my children and love being a mother. I get a really interesting mix of looks and comments--and have over the years as we've increased the number of little ones around here. I actually think I'd get more comments with 5 except people are all excited to see the twins :lol Most people are in awe that I'm mothering 3+twins and want to know how I do it.

I do get the comments about being done now but . . . tbh . . . that isn't a foreign thought to me. It's not that I don't want more children, it's that I don't want to go through or put a child through what we've gone through again :( But I share that concept with people when they ask that question to convey that it's not about not wanting more children . . . but about not wanting to repeat this situation and yet I'd be happy if God wants us to have more.

Anyway, I guess off the cuff rude comments I respond to with a comment of love for my children (especially since they've usually just heard the comment :rolleyes) but truly asking me willl get an answer ;)

[APMamaX4]

Martha Sears always says, "The world needs more people like my children," when people ask her about it. :D I thought that was a great answer.


I like this :)

[Soliloquy]

My grandmother (on my father's side) said to both my brother and me, "Now don't have any more!" And, this was after our 1st was born! She said the same thing to my mom after her 1st (I'm the 2nd child, lol).

Since my grandmother was an only child and she, herself, had just one child, maybe she thinks there's benefits to being an only child or maybe she feels like she has to defend only children? :shrug

My dad thinks more than 2 kids is chaos, so I'm excited :P~ so see his reaction if I keep on getting PG with lotsa kids like we hope for!

About the original comment made to booboo, I think many families today limit themselves to 1-2 kids because of finances (I know quite a few who think they need to pay 100% of their children's college and buy them their first car--fine if you can afford that, but I don't feel obligated) and because of time. If I hadn't learned how to re-adjust my priorities and look at the BIG picture of my life (I had time to myself before my DD was born, I'll have time to myself again after the kids are out of the nest), I'd probably feel like childraising was a huge sacrifice.