What do you say to others re: your discipline choices?

[mama2mychildren]

I dont know if this is the right forum or not. We practice GBD and I quickly learned I dont talk too much about it to people unless asked, but one situation really bothered me. Our young marrieds group leader made a remark about me taking a sermon about spanking to heart and using a switch on our DD (dont ask about the sermon... :rolleyes ) I was so annoyed by the comment that I thought about flat out saying "we dont spank and dont agree with the idea of spanking" but really didnt want to get into it with her. What type of response do you give when you dont want to get into a lengthy conversation about GBD but you want to be clear about your discipline methods? Do you honestly say much when in mixed company and you know your practices will be in the minority?

[kcasmama]

After one particularly painful conversation w/ ILs before I was even pregnant, I decided that I don't have to defend my parenting choices, and I won't ask others to defend their's (abuse would be an exception). It is a different situation when your choices are being put on the table like that, then I think what you would have imagined saying would have been fine. Still, no need for a drawn-out debate. Read the Bean Dip post-- Perfect!

[milkmommy]

We do a lot of bean dipping. If asked do I spank I'll say no, if they ask why I just say its not needed.
I know some assume that means I just "havent yet" and thats okay the great realationship DH and I have with our super DD will be all the proof they need :hearts That or she'll be a lost cause anyways ;)

Deanna

[Radosny Matka]

I say as little as possible. I just don't care to defend myself. I know that what I am doing is best for my family, so that is all that matters. I'm more than willing to give advice if someone asks or is interested. Other than that, I let my actions do the talking for me.

[Soliloquy]

It's a very personal decision. No one should feel obligated to defend following their conscience. And, each situation is different. There are some situations where it would be impolite to spark a debate or heated discussion. If you're not comfortable discussing it, then the way you live your life can be a witness to how important grace is in the family. Just today a woman commented on how relaxed I was watching my toddler get into everything while we were outside. She thought it was refreshing to see a mom who wasn't constantly saying "No!" and preventing her child from exploring.

Personally, I'm not shy about speaking up when asked or if the topic comes up in a discussion. If I hadn't known other families who practiced AP, I would never have explored it and I wouldn't be the mom I am today. I'm so thankful that God put people in my life to help me change. However, I do NOT criticize other people's parenting methods, but I will leave the room when other parents yell at or hit their children. I simply can't bear it. :(

[BethS]

It depends who the conversation is with. If it's family or close friends I'm more likely to engage in a long conversation or debate. With acquaintances I usually just don't say anything. This happened over the weekend. I was sharing about our current sleep struggles with a group of moms and they all suggested CIO or shared stories of how that's what they "had" to do. I said that it's he had been sleeping fine before and was obviously needing extra help from us right now and left it at that.

[Vipers_Princess]

I'm very open about my methods, and why we use them. I'm also vocal in my disgust with people who can't use their allegeldly well functioning brains to come up with non-violent means of teaching their children to navigate the world...

[gracefuljourney]

With people I don't know well, I am pretty quiet about our parenting choices. I just live my life and let it be a testimony unto itself. Will be getting lots of practice with this as we are switching churches. However, as I get to know someone and am spending more and more time with them, I am more vocal. Not in a confrontational way, but just in conversation. If someone ever suggested that I spank my child, I would just say, "No, we don't spank" If they wanted to discuss it rationally, I would. I will not get into an argument or debate ... I will simply change the subject. I really do pray that my demeanor will always be full of grace. It's not always but I do want to use the kindness of the Lord to lead people to a new way.

[Dizzy Blond]

Hmmm ... interesting topic. In the paticular situation your describing, I would ask the group leader why he said that? Is your dd behaving inappropriately and inconveniencing him? I'd ask for specific examples. Is he a parent, or is he speaking with no experience?

And then, if appropriate, you can point out how small your dd's infraction was and how over-the-top spanking would be for that. And how you prefer teaching and helping her make better choices than to just go around smacking her for when she acts her age.

I guess, for me, it would totally depend on the person. If its my mom, she would take offense that I don't parent the same way she does, so there is no point - I just need to lay down the rules of how she disciplines my dd. If its a friend, I'd likely want to "convert" them, so I would engage them. If it was someone who was stuck in their ways, I'd likely just let it go or just ask questions to point out how they were a little extreme.

[SansSouci]

I would just say exactly what you thought. Or I would simplify it further and just say "We don't spank."

Everyone has their own way of doing things... I don't see why others make such an issue out of someone/me choosing a less violent way of solving something!

-Elizabeth

[ArmsOfLove]

I usually say "we don't spank" and then decide if I want to talk about it more or not. If not I just don't.

[chelsea]

Because my son is young, I usually "ask for discipline advice" and figure out where people are coming from by their answer. I always casually mention to people what I have learned about "the rod" interpretations, etc. Usually punitive people just figure I'm a newbie and will reach the same decision as them sooner or later, but at least I've dropped a seed in their minds of another way. So far I have found one non-spanking cousin...and a whole lot of spankers. :rolleyes

[Moon]

If I'm asked point blank I'll say we don't, but I very rarely explain it. If someone is genuinely interested in pov (very rarely) I might explain depending on how my day has gone. My general rule is if someone isn't interested in respecting my decision I'm not interested in explaining one ounce of "our way".