Very sad to what 6 yr old dd just told me today (ADVICE PLEASE)

[waremock]

I was hs'ing dd this morning. She is in Kindergarten and is 6 years old. We sit down to do our reading lesson..which is not her favorite thing to do lately.She knows how to read but is her own worst critic. It does not help matters that my 8 year old dd is Miss Smarty Pants and thrives each day to home school morning till night and has a real passion to learn and is always voicing that to her sister...Well, as stated we are getting ready to do our morning reading lesson and she starts crying (with tears) It is just me and her in the kitchen ..I ask her what's wrong and she says that she dose not feel very smart lately, in fact she feels dumb most of the time :cry I ask her why and she says that since Chloe (8 yr old 2nd grader) is so smart and likes to always do school more then playing it makes her feel dumb because she would rather be playing. I try telling her that all kids are different and enjoy different things but while listening to my own words..I do not think I explained it well at all. Then to make matters worst she tells me that (I) make her feel dumb :eek I ask why/how and she says because when I'm teaching Chloe all she hears me say is (great job,good work, etc) and when I'm working with her I'm only telling her to (sit still, and pay attention) which is true because she is a day dreamer and gets up and down and has a hard time sitting still..I guess what it boils down to and what my question is:

How can I make her feel better about learning and build self confidence in her? Both girls are the complete opposite and I do have to work extra hard with my 6 year old and my 8 year old does always bring up to my 6 years old that when (she) was 6 she was already reading long chapter books and doing 1rst grade stuff... My 8 year old does not say it snotty nor do I feel like she is intentionally trying to make her younger sister feel bad. She says it very casually....I want to sit down tonight with my 6 year old and have a heart to heart in which I know she will start crying..even thou I never raise my voice both girls are very, very, sensitive as am I.....I want her to feel better about learning and get her feeling (not dumb) just because her sister picks up on things faster..I want to somehow let her know that it does not make her any less then...KWIM?

Advice on this would be great!

Also, any advice on how to gently talk to my 8 year old on to lay low on the comments about how she just loves to school and read etc....?


TIA for any thoughts/advice you may have mamas
~Michelle

[hearttender4]

(((Hugs))) It is hard when they compare themselves like that and of course they are all so different and have different strengths. It is something we struggle with at times too. Maybe you could privately tell your 8-year-old what you just posted and enlist her help in being a cheerleader for her sister. She could make a point of trying to notice something the younger sister does especially well that maybe was hard for her at that age, even if it's not academic, maybe it's a musical or art skill, social skill, living skill, etc. and say "wow, I can't believe how well you do that!" or something like that.

[Wonder Woman]

What *is* she good at? Could you sit down with her for some one on one time without talking about school? Maybe just tell her you wanted to let her know how proud you are of her for______________? It would be hard if she is not acedemically at the point where her dsis is.

I would just really brag her up on her strengths right now.

Also, I had a very creative hs'ing mom. She used Abeka mostly, but she had no problem with *where* we did our schooling. I remember picnic classes and even many days taking our textbooks out to our favorite tree and doing the work up there! She'd sit on the porch swing to answer questions.

So even if you aren't an unschooler, maybe incorporating a little more relaxed method would work for her if sitting still is a problem. My mom also didn't care how much of the day was spent in school - we were given our assignments at the start of the day. If we took all day sitting in the tree, daydreaming....that was fine - but no games or fun reading (our favorite!) until the day's schoolwork was complete.

[ArmsOfLove]

I would suggest that the learning approach you're taking is working great with your 8 yo and is not at all the way your 6yo learns. I do not expect a 6yo to sit still for more than a few minutes of book work because *I* can't. If they can--great. If they want to--great. But there are many other ways to learn :D One benefit to homeschooling is that you can find an approach that works great for each child and maximize their learning potential. "The Way They Learn" by Cynthia Tobias is a great book for figuring out how that is.

hth and :hug I hear you being sad for her :(

[Quietspirit]

I agree with Crystal. If it were me, I'd take a total break from academic homeschooling with your 6 year old. Discover her passions (whether it's learning about frogs, stars, blocks, cooking, etc) and go from there. Drop the bookwork until she is more developmentally ready for it. :hug

[waremock]

Thank you so much for the good advice/good ideas. I have been wanting to read that book for some time now....Anyone have a copy for sale??


I'm going to further my talk with my dd tonight. I have brought up today some good qualities while she was "in action" For example: She asked me if she could take ds outside to play and I told her after I was done feeding the baby I'd go get him ready...but 10 mins later she brings ds out to the living room where I was and showed me how she got him all ready by herself :wow I could not believe she managed to change his pull up,get him out of his jammies, and put a t-shirt and jogging pants on him, socks and sneakers that Velcro!! I was like...WOW GREAT JOB..she just :D and told me that she has watched me so many times that she "knew" she could do it! My 8 year old told me later that she would not feel comfortable getting ds dressed and ready and asked me if she "had to now" since younger dd knew how..I told her no that was fine if she did not feel comfortable doing it....Also, I then brought to 6 year old dd's attention that she knew how to ride a scooter and her big sis does not..she knows how to stock the dishwasher and big sis does not..and that she knows how to climb trees and big sis does not..(Big sis was showering when I told her these things thou) I do not want older sis to feel inadequate in anything now.. I'm sure I can think of lots of other things too that my 6 yr old can do..but am not sure if I should now mention every little thing to her? :think

P.S I would love to get out of the workbook stuff for the remaining 6 weeks that we have... with my 6 yr old dd but I guess I'm still influenced with my family telling me that she is going to be so far left behind compared to other kids her age and will get made fun of if she does not know what other kids her age know..Perhaps when she is playing with a friends or at church?? My mother especially thinks that by not teaching this or that.... I am "mentally/academically abusing" dd by withholding information that a 6 year old should know :shrug


~Michelle

[ArmsOfLove]

what kind of stuff is she expected to learn in the next 6 weeks?

Amazing about dressing her brother :)

And rather than comparing the two sisters, I'd keep pointing out what she does that is skilled and amazing but not compare it to the sister. "You know how to do so many things. You can ride a scooter. You can do the dishwasher." Etc. Comparing them can create or make worse sibling rivalry.

[Irene]

what a great mom you are :hug

I dont have any thing to add since Im not there yet.. but just wanted to say that I agree that the sibling rivalry thing might get worse because of the comparing. I know I really struggled with my smart brothers always getting praised and there I was struggling with school constantly and I started not to like them at all :/ I also wanted to be noticed for what I was good at, and it never happened... so i think thats so awesome you are noticing her strengths :mrgreen

oh I loved the idea of working outside! I remember a teacher of ours in the spring would bring us outside and we would sit on the grass and learn! they all thought we would be too distracted to learn etc, but it was the times I learned the most :)

anyway... I just saw myself in your dd.. and thought I would post :O

[Mother of Sons]

nt

[mom2_AthruZ]

I guess I'm still influenced with my family telling me that she is going to be so far left behind compared to other kids her age and will get made fun of if she does not know what other kids her age know..

You have gotten great advice that I agree with. I wanted to say to the above quote that I totally understand how hard it is dealing with family influence. The biggest thing that helps me is to remind myself that my children are not behind nor are they ahead. They are just where "they" need to be. God designed our kids, the school system was designed by men, just because they say a 6yo should be doing _________. doesn't mean that is in God's design for that child.

:hug to you mama, you are doing great!! :)

[waremock]

Thank you for all the "much needed" ideas/advice :smile I had talks with both dd's now..and feel a bit better now..I was planning on finishing these last 6 weeks of school as what I agreed upon with our local Super Attendant here. which was:

1.Introducing extensive phonics this last semester.
2. More with subtraction.
3.Finishing memorizing Psalms 91
4.Naming planets in order. (she knows them just not in order)
5.Tie her own shoes.
6. Learn to tell time (never ending battle that dd just does not get yet) :(
7.Name the first 5 Presidents. (knows the first 2 only)
8. More with penmanship.
9. Introduction to nouns,verbs and sentences.
10. Recognize all the coins/bills and there worth etc.
11.Count by 2 and 5's(she knows how to count to 100 and by 10's as of now)


That's it on the agenda..

Her church friends all ready know all these things..

Our church school uses the Abecka program and are generally 1 year ahead of the rest from what I've been told.

[Irene]

. Learn to tell time (never ending battle that dd just does not get yet) okay, that seems like a lot for a 6 year old :eek I dont know much though :hiding my 9 yr old nephews still struggle with that... I remember not being able to tell time till junior high :blush :shrug

[mom2_AthruZ]

1.Introducing extensive phonics this last semester.
2. More with subtraction.
3.Finishing memorizing Psalms 91
4.Naming planets in order. (she knows them just not in order)
5.Tie her own shoes.
6. Learn to tell time (never ending battle that dd just does not get yet)
7.Name the first 5 Presidents. (knows the first 2 only)
8. More with penmanship.
9. Introduction to nouns,verbs and sentences.
10. Recognize all the coins/bills and there worth etc.
11.Count by 2 and 5's(she knows how to count to 100 and by 10's as of now)

Wow, that is a big list for a 6yo. I am 30 and I can name 1 of the first 5 presidents. :O (yes I homeschool my children, shh don't tell anyone!) :shifty

I know my eldest dd still can't tell time "fluently" and she didn't truly comprehend value of money until she was 7 and was using money herself. She isn't a number oriented child so it comes when it becomes important to her. Her strengths are in other areas. Are these state requirements you have to meet? I imagine that can be stressful if they are. If they are maybe you can cover them in a game oriented approach. That is of course if your dd likes games. ;) My 6yo is a game nut and that is how we often approach things. Some games that come to mi9nd are Silly Sentences, Sum Swamp, and Hide the Flash Cards(made up game). Hoping things smooth out for you. :)

[Miss Priss]

Disclaimer: I'm not saying at all that I think your child shows signs to be like mine!
Anyway, my 7yo is ADHD, and this webpage has really helped me with schooling tools for her... you may find something that works for your fidgety one as well:
http://www.westfieldacademy.org/adhd/
And also
http://www.christianadhd.com/adhomeschool.html

[Mother of Sons]

nt

[waremock]

(((((To Mother of Sons)))))
Yes, that is what I am realizing. Today was so relaxed and refreshing.She woke and we worked about 1/2 hour with money/planets and then i noticed her looking outside at the sunny day and asked her if she would like to go ouside and play? She was like :wow "really mom, can I?" I told her, "of course" and she was out there for hours playing in the trees,collecting beetles, and playing in the sand box...I'm still working on the sterotype that I still have on what "Kindergardens should know" I do not remember being in K-garden so only have my DD #1 and her friends to use for an example and she did know all these things..They were taught to her...She did K'garden at our church..now is homeschooled and very content thou :) My 6 year old is the one who always asks me thou when she will be able to do"this and that" so that is why I'm trying so hard to teach her what she has asked to learnthis year :shrug It's just not working very well..I have agreed at the beginning of the year to teach her this list thou and need to send a progress report in next month.
Except Memorizing scripture is for Sunday School, the others I have agreed upon.

[Mother of Sons]

nt

[arymanth]

My 6 year old is the one who always asks me thou when she will be able to do"this and that" so that is why I'm trying so hard to teach her what she has asked to learn this year don't know It's just not working very well..I have agreed at the beginning of the year to teach her this list thou and need to send a progress report in next month.

Just a few ideas.... you agreed to cover those things, but you don't have to use seatwork to do it. Why not check out the Magic School Bus Gets Lost In Space and Schoolhouse Rock: Science Rock and let her watch them a few times. This is a fun, painless way to learn not just the names, but something about each of the planets.

For learning skip counting, I recommend the Schoolhouse Rock: Multiplication Rock video... it covers not just the times tables, but they do counting by threes and fives. Counting by 2's can be done by just playing hide and seek or some other game where you have to count... just do it by skip counting... or even jumping rope while counting by 2's can be fun. (just turn the rope really slow! LOL)

First five presidents.... hmmm.... do you have pictures of them? Can you tell a little story about each one, so she knows a little about them? (George Washington should be easy... you may have to dig for stories about the others! LOL) Print out pictures of them and have her play a game where she puts them in order.

Does she watch shows like "Between the Lions" on PBS? Those are great for reading/phonics skills.

Penmanship.... have you ever tried window-writing? Just print out a page of writing (or just write with a heavy pencil ) and put another blank piece over it. (typing paper works just fine) Then tape it to a window with the sun shining through it and let her trace the letters.

Nouns and verbs.... back to Schoohouse Rock: Grammar Rock. I don't know what your library is like, but at ours we can check out children's software, and just this week we checked out a Grammar Rock PC game. :D It is

For identifying money... play store and let her "buy" and "sell" things with real coins and a few dollar bills. (play money works well, too... you can usually find some at a "dollar store".) This is something that your kids can have fun playing together. :D If you have a store nearby, take a walk and let her buy a small snack and figure out how much change she will need herself. (with a little help, of course!) Or just let her buy something the next time you go grocery shopping.

Telling time is a bit more challenging, and really not something I worry about at that age... my kids all struggled with the concept of time when they were 6 and none of them really grasped it until they were older, in spite of all the worksheets, games, coaching and practice I tried. (I only really tried with the oldest two, by the time I got to the younger three, I had figured out that time is something they learn quite easily ON THEIR OWN when they are mature enough to understand it. :))

As for tying shoes... well, do you do bunny ears? :-) My son had trouble with tying his shoes, so my DH showed him how to make "bunny ears" by making two loops in the string (one on each side) and then just tying it like the first part of the knot. (I know that probably doesn't make sense, it's hard to explain without being able to demonstrate! LOL)

Anyway, I hope this gives you some ideas of alternatives to workbooks and seatwork.

Stephanie
Mom to 4 boys and a princess

[waremock]

Oh Stephanie, Thank you so very much.I have never heard of Schoolhouse Rock and will look into it :D I love getting advice from mamas who have BTDT..Thanks again for all your great ideas..I will now work on this....this coming week :)

~Michelle

[Miss Priss]

Great resources, Stephanie!
Thanks!

[Heather Micaela]

everybody gave you great advice so I don't have much to add.

But I taught preschool and saw kids born pricticaly on the same day having such varyinglevels of ability and talent. I had to find a way to have lessons that woudl fit them all. In tradtional school for primary grades this is a bigger chalange. The beauty of homeschool is that they can learn at thier own pace. (I also was a TA abd famioiar w/ some curriculam Abeka is great but it IS more chalenging than other curriculums out there. It is not for everyone.)

I wanted to reccomend a great stroy book to read to all your children. It is called "I Love you the Purplest" by Barbara M. Joose

There is a mom on a camping trip with her boys. AS they go fishing they continuously compare each other and ask their mom who is the best. The mom answers wisely in a way that validates the child asking without making the other feel bad. It brings me to tears. I had it as a teacher and just bout it for my kids.