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Gentle Discipline *Public* A public forum. GCM Webpage: Gentle Discipline |
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08-29-2022, 05:33 AM | #16 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 24,062
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
Quote:
---------- Post added at 08:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:32 AM ---------- Same here. |
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08-31-2022, 07:48 AM | #17 | |
Rose Trellis
Deuteronomy 11:19
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,052
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
Quote:
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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171 "If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172 W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo |
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08-31-2022, 01:42 PM | #18 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 831
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
People I know who are against gentle parenting have a very limited view of what it is and don't really understand the philosophy. They also tend to be people who believe 'the culture' (American culture, presumably) is going downhill and becoming ungodly, and this fits their preconceptions. They latch on to half an idea that sounds crazy to them and use it as a rhetorical device. For example, they will listen to a parenting expert trying to say that we should use positive instructions instead of negative (gentle hands rather than don't hit) because little children's brains can't process negatives as easily. Rather than being able or willing to try to comprehend, they'll rant about how crazy it is that now we are supposed to be positive all the time and never tell our kids no, and how it's a sign of the crazy, woke, ungodly times we're living in. I haven't found there's much point in trying to help them understand gentle parenting, since it's not really about parenting at all.
However, I have had some influence with some younger parents by encouraging them. I try to help them trust God more and be less anxious, angry, and reactive through gentle, loving, commiserative words of encouragement. They are mostly not ready to fully embrace gentle parenting, but they become more open to hearing about things like age-appropriate expectations.
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Karen Wifey to the Husby 9/6/2006 Mama to The Littlest Man in all the Land 5/31/2012 and The Littlest Girl in all the World 1/28/2016 Counseling is like cleaning out your fridge. Mostly it's rearranging things so they make more sense. Now and then you come across some really nasty thing that's been stuck in the back way too long. |
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09-06-2022, 11:20 AM | #19 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,065
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
This is an interesting thread!
What does it mean exactly when someone is "winging it"? It must be an idiom of some kind but I have not heard it before. |
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09-06-2022, 11:51 AM | #20 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 16,775
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
No plan, just going with the flow
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Wife who is thankful to be in love....20 years Homeschooling Mom of three....17 DD dancer and 14 DS surfer and 7 DD dolly mommy |
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09-07-2022, 11:48 AM | #21 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,065
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
I see. Thanks!
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09-09-2022, 10:35 AM | #22 |
Rose Garden
Back for Friendships
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 20,863
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
I remember realllly struggling with the concept of Gentle Parenting vs. what I had learned was Godly parenting. It took a lot for me to shift my mindset. I was raised in a very "spare the rod/spoil the child" background and everyone I knew was the same way. You spanked to save their souls! It never sat well with me and I found GCM by researching other options. I can't imagine this idea of "winging it" during parenting.
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~ Becca ~ Wife to C., WFHM, Life long learner Living in "organized chaos" with 2 handfuls of kiddos. DS1(21), DS2(20), BD1(20), DD1(19), BS1(17), DS3(16), BS2(14), DD2(14), BD2(10), BD3 (8) (B = Bonus/Step) |
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10-07-2022, 08:54 PM | #23 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tallahassee
Posts: 10,093
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
I thought gentle discipline was about as far from Godly as you could get because all I ever saw on it was taking children seriously and the natural child project. The stuff I read was so unreasonable that I thought it was satire at first. No one seriously thinks that adults should wear diapers to avoid taking their children into a public restroom since the children dislike the noises. No one really thought that you should avoid all meal preparation if your eighteen month old was upset because you weren't playing with him. (Now that I see that written out, I really missed a great excuse to not cook). Or never driving so that your infant didn't cry.
I also think there is a two fold reason for the push back in Christian circles that we see. The first I think is that it is seen as a referendum on them personally or at the very least their parents. Parenting and family of origin always has so much emotion wrapped up in it, it's really hard to see objectively. I think the other reason is money. There is a lot of money to made writing books, speaking at conventions and teaching classes. Not to mention there is a lot of ego tied up in it as well. Gentle parenting really throws a wrench in the works by saying get to know your child and follow their lead. Listen to them when they speak and ask them questions that let you see where they are coming from. Your relationship will be the backbone of the way you discipline, so make it sure it's a positive one. It doesn't look like you set limits when you give your children information and let them decide what to do, even if they don't make a good choice. It doesn't look like you have rules when you don't really punish them for breaking something. Or if you offer a pleasant alternative to bad behavior. I can still remember when my niece assured her little brother that he could do pretty much anything at Aunt Rita's house because there are no rules here. Before I could say anything, my other nephew spoke up and said it's awesome here, no one ever gets in trouble. She just talks to you and helps you fix the problem. My daughter is still trying to figure out why they would think there aren't rules here. I think that for so many people the explanations of why we do things instead of saying this is the rule seems like we're trying to be friends or cool parents. Personally, I want my kids to understand the point of the rule, so I say we don't eat all over the house because we don't want to share our house with bugs or worse. It makes them a lot more careful of crumbs and spills because they know the why.
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10-08-2022, 01:32 PM | #24 |
Rose Garden
previously mlrowley
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NW WA
Posts: 17,999
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Re: Parenting gently as Christians
May I share a few of your statements with my dd who is giving a speech on this topic? You phrased some things really well!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save
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