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Old 12-14-2009, 12:15 AM   #121
Chaos Coordinator
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

there is a lot of wisdom in this theory. i myself have often thought the same thing when considering the children that i am involved with - up until about 5.5 or 6, i still think of them as babies, who need to be carried and held close and who are not really good at handling responsibility. even with my sunday school kids, a year ago i did not DARE take a long blink while they were in my care, but now i can run copies or go potty and leave my 10 month old son for a few minutes in the care of my kindergarten age student with the specific instructions "you know what behavior i expect of you, so just keep an eye on the baby and make sure he doesn't eat anything or get hurt." not that i expect that to go perfectly, i know accidents happen, but at the same time i trust this nearly-6 year old to keep my 10 month old alive for 5 minutes, i mean that's kind of a big deal, ya know?


but as far as the reference to when they reach maturity, i would say that 13 is still way way way too young. it's a very slow process. i am in my mid 20s and only recently have begun to feel 100% separate from my own mother (weaned, essentially). the brain does not finish maturing until the mid 20s when you are able to hone your skills at predicting outcomes. teenagers are still children in adult bodies. some will be more adult-like than others, but they are still children nonetheless.
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Old 03-17-2010, 08:03 AM   #122
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

Love, love, love this. And I just shared it with my husband!
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Old 06-24-2010, 12:20 AM   #123
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

This is a great reminder...I think of my eldest being kindergarten age and while he has grown so much, he is still such a little guy.
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Old 07-02-2010, 01:02 PM   #124
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

I'm new and just read this and really appreciate it. I generally see my 2 year old as a baby, but face so much pressure from others to push him. (Isn't he potty trained yet? Why is he still in a crib? Why haven't you cut his hair yet-he needs a BIG BOY HAIRCUT) I am confident in the decisions we have made, but it is still really good to read and be reminded that he is still a REALLY little guy, and he has plenty of time to grow up. (Why rush it???!)
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:44 AM   #125
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

This is a really interesting idea and it just 'sounds' right to me, sadly though I feel awful because I didn't have this attitude when my now 10 year old DS was small, he was only nearly 3 when DD was born and I really regret the high expectations I placed on him My DD has been 'treated' much better and if I have another I'm sure I will be even more in line with this thinking, What a shame for my eldest Also I wasn't a christian( and have been gradually becoming a better parent since)until he was 5 but I am trying to make up for 'lost time' with him
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Old 07-27-2010, 09:02 AM   #126
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

Quote:
Originally Posted by firecarrier View Post
This is a really interesting idea and it just 'sounds' right to me, sadly though I feel awful because I didn't have this attitude when my now 10 year old DS was small, he was only nearly 3 when DD was born and I really regret the high expectations I placed on him My DD has been 'treated' much better and if I have another I'm sure I will be even more in line with this thinking, What a shame for my eldest Also I wasn't a christian( and have been gradually becoming a better parent since)until he was 5 but I am trying to make up for 'lost time' with him



welcome to gcm.

we are also big on extending grace to ourselves around here

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Old 09-25-2010, 09:30 AM   #127
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

I remember once (a good while back) being on the phone with Crystal, right after E had turned four...I said something about her doing something sweet and baby-like, and she murmured, "At four, they really ARE still babies!" That really was a turning point for E and my relationship.

You're very right, Heather, and it always really melts my heart and softens my expectations on them and myself when I remember all the things you mentioned; I'm glad you posted it again, because, now, with three "babies", it's good to hear.
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Old 10-12-2010, 01:55 PM   #128
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

Thank you so much for this post! People think I'm nutty for not encouraging DS to be a "big boy" yet. I follow his lead and if he needs to snuggle or be carried during outings, so be it! My dad always told me, "Stop trying to grow up so fast! You're only a kid once but you're a grown up forever!"

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Old 10-16-2010, 04:00 PM   #129
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

Thank you so much for this!! Definitely something I will keep in mind and heart as our little one grows.
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Old 10-16-2010, 09:54 PM   #130
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

I read this yesterday, and it has stayed with me all day today. DD (age 3) is really still a baby now. I see that clearly now rather than seeing her through the eyes of our society.
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:43 AM   #131
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

I find that viewing them as babies until 5 is great. It helps so much with patience about the small things. It is easy to forget how young they really are. Thanks for the reminder.
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Old 10-18-2010, 07:25 PM   #132
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

Mine isn't even 1 yet, but this really helps...I think there has been some kind of subconscious expectation that after 1 he will suddenly not be a "baby" and will rapidly become much more independent and mature. Ha! I know he will grow fast and gain in independence and maturity, but this helps me be ready to take it as it comes instead of forcing it.

It's also an ah-ha moment for me as I'm starting to think about wanting to add another child to our family and what it will be like to have 2. I think part of me somehow thought Z needed to be "not a baby" before we have another. This really frees me from that and helps me to accept that it's ok to have another whenever it's really right for our family. I have to admit though that part of me is really scared of having 2 babies...one newborn and one bigger baby. Whether I will be able to handle it and not become an overwhelmed, depressed, not nice mommy, whether I will be able to love and nurse both babies and not lose my mind. I'm also afraid of Z weaning earlier than he might have otherwise.
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Old 10-25-2010, 02:38 AM   #133
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

Wow, that's such a powerful idea/paradigm shift. I often think how much less stressful and more enjoyable parenting is when we commit to not expecting too much from our kids and demonstrating that we love them unconditionally no matter what. I'm going to print the post out for when DS is a bit older and I start getting frustrated with him!
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Old 12-17-2010, 04:06 PM   #134
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

A nice reminder to lower expectations.
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Old 12-24-2010, 10:52 AM   #135
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Default Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

In various places, the Bible does address weaning. Probably the most well-known example is Samuel. When he was weaned, his mother gave him over to Samuel to be given to the priest Eli to minister in the Temple. There's no way he was any younger than 3 years old. He had to have been able to serve in some way even at that young age. But there's no way Hannah handed a baby over to Eli. My husband just told me that typically Jewish people taught their children to read from the Torah at age 3. So children were techniquely considered infants until at least age 3, not like 9 months to a year like here in America. Why do American parents tend to make their children grow up too fast? Because of American philosophy, we have so many emotionally detached children. And need I mention breastfeeding? 6 Months old is not old enough to be weaned from the best nutrition source available - mama's milk. I used to be just like every other American who thought that breastfeeding a child who is able to walk already is just disgusting. But not anymore now knowing the nutrional benefits of breastmilk and just how much tiny children still need unconditional love and affection. Yes, even if they can walk at 9 months, they are still precious little babies who need as much kindness and love we can give them!
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