I'm Learning-can you help me? ("Time-out")

[GentleMomof4]

I really needed to read this. It gives me something to share with DH that I think he will "get" and gives me tools to use. Plus, it's a great reminder when I'm getting overwhelmed.

What would you do if this were an outdoor playdate? Or even an outdoor outing with siblings (my kids don't generally fight with other children, just with each other .) How do you allow them their own space without ignoring the other children?

[RedPetals]

Originally Posted by Calee

OK, I know that we don't "do" time-out at GCM But I'm wondering if what I am currently doing is considered traditional time-out, and if so, what I could do differently.

I know the basics-I don't do "naughty" spots or one minute per year or anything like that.

For instance- the other day we had another family over who has several children. My son (3 in a few days) began hitting, screaming at, and taking toys from one of the little girls. I took him back to his room and sat with him until he calmed down. I told him that he may not hit, scream at or snatch toys from the other children. He said "ok mommy". I asked if he was ready to go play again and follow those instructions and he said no. I told him he needed to stay in his room until he was ready. He said ok and hopped down (we were sitting on the bed together) and started playing in his room. I left. A little while later he came out.

Is that too much? Too little? I am coming out of a very punitive church/mindset/FOO, and am trying so hard to find a not-punitive and not-permissive-niche....that perfect place that is NEITHER of those. It's really hard for me and I second guess myself constantly.

Sounds perfect to me! HE was the one who decided he wasn't ready to go back out. That is totally fine. It seems like a punitive parent may have even *forced* him to rejoin the other children and then punished if he couldn't control himself.

Originally Posted by 3boysforme

To me, what you did is not exactly time out. You removed him from a situation in which he was harming others, and helped him to calm down until he could return and play nicely. I think you did a good job!

A lot of moms here do a comfort corner, I think they are great ideas. I only don't have one because of lack of space. But the general idea is that the comfort corner is somewhere for them to go when they are overwhelmed or angry, and calm themselves. I think there is a sticky if you want to look at it and get some ideas.

We have a Comfort Couch just for this purpose. It's a little barely two seater love seat that is outside of the seating area of our living room. It's near the front window, so we can sit there together and look at birds and trees and clouds and calm down. There's a bird feeder right outside the window to draw hungry birds to watch, and I hung some prisms in the windows and sometimes I set one spinning and we watch it until it stops.

Sometimes I need it as much as my two year old!

[Joyanne]

For us, we do 'if you can't control yourself, come sit by Mommy'. They will come to me, and sit beside me until they (and I) feel they can control themselves again. Great thing is, I can do that at the park, the store, home, church, etc.

I don't consider it time out, b/c I don't do '4 minutes b/c you're 4 years old' etc. And I don't send them off to their room or a certain stool etc. I just want them to settle down and choose to 'treat others the way you want to be treated'.

I always found it ridiculous to say 'You did X, now go sit for 4 min.' It's like they can do whatever, as long as they're willing to 'serve their time' in the time out spot etc.
In Christ,
Joy