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Title: Transitioning from negative time outs to a CC
Post by: NayneeNoo on March 17, 2006, 01:41:07 PM
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First of all, is 18 months old too young to start a comfort corner?
Second, how do you suggest transitioning from using negative time outs to using a comfort corner (and make sure it's a POSITIVE thing)?? We've used time outs before, but see now that it's not a...well,
grace-ful thing to do. We're jumping into this whole-heartedly, but don't want to start implementing tools too early. TIA
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Title: Re: Transitioning from negative time outs to a CC
Post by: OpalsMom on March 17, 2006, 02:25:29 PM
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I have a just-turned two year old who is neither the easiest nor the hardest child in the universe, and the only time she's ever had anything like a time-out was when another mother said to her 7-year old "Do you need a break?" and DD tugged on her shirt and said "Excuse me, I need a break." So I picked her up and we went into the other room and had a break... In that situation, both the 7-year old and DD were getting pretty hyped up and a breather really worked (although I think DD only asked because she likes to be in on whatever's being offered around and didn't understand the phrase and thought maybe chocolate would be involved).
Now, I don't do time-out on purpose, but I'd be perfectly happy to have a comfort corner, but somehow it's just never arisen. I have sometimes needed to separate her from something she couldn't deal with, but that's different. Part of it has to do with DD's personality, undoubtedly (she does melt down, but not for very long at a time and not aggressively; if you reflect feelings calmly while doing something else until the worst of it has passed and then hug her, it's all over with in a minute or two). But most of the time I see people talking about doing time-outs with their toddlers, they don't need a comfort corner, they need to stop some behavior and then move on. I don't think 18 months is too young if a comfort corner is really the right answer, and there's one kid at daycare for whom it is, but I think it's really only the right answer for feelings that are too big too deal with. Other things have better answers.
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Title: Re: Transitioning from negative time outs to a CC
Post by: Atarah on March 17, 2006, 11:25:22 PM
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Quote from: OpalsMom on March 17, 2006, 02:25:29 PM
but I think it's really only the right answer for feelings that are too big too deal with. Other things have better answers.
on what occasions had you tried using a time-out? if you post specifics it would help the ladies here to make suggestions that are more likely to be helpful for you and your dd.
I, too, have an 18 month old, and the only 'comfort corner' we have is my arms and lap. We also are still nursing (which I read you aren't), but sometimes we're on the couch with ds nursing.....
I do model 'taking a break'. Sometimes I just say, "I'm frustrated, I need to take a break." and stop whatever I'm doing and go to my comfort corner, which right now is the comfy chair on the back patio. We have a fenced yard so ds is safe playing in the yard by himself while I sit for a few minutes to regroup. He usually wants to be near me, but that's o.k.
The biggests things for us to have successful days (thanks to the ladies here) are:
1)routine - not a strict schedule - ds is much more even keeled when he knows what is going to happen next during our day.
2)involving him in what I'm doing, so long as he can be safe doing it - even if it means something takes longer when he's helping - e.g. putting the clothes from the dryer into a laundry basket, helping me sweep the floor with a small broom, carrying the dishes one by one from the dishwasher and handing them to me to put on the shelves (allowing for the occasional broken glass
). Today he surprised me - we recently moved, and i was unpacking book and putting them up on shelves. Before we moved all he wanted to do was empty out the shelves. Today he wanted to help put them up.....
3)making the redirect as interesting (within reason) as the original desired item.
4)staying connected - we giggle a lot - generally from little 'i love you rituals' interspersed throughout the day. the one's i do every day lead to more giggles than the one's done less consistantly.
5)telling him what he CAN do - it's o.k. to throw balls outside, it's o.k. to hit pillows, it's o.k. to climb and stand on chairs as long as the back is pushed up against a counter or the wall, etc.....
hth
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Title: Re: Transitioning from negative time outs to a CC
Post by: NayneeNoo on March 18, 2006, 06:50:06 AM
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To be perfectly honest, I was using it for EVERYTHING. Like I said in my lightbulb post, I was making big deals out of stupid issues. If she kept pulling DVDs off the shelf, time out, if she told me no and hit me, time out, if she was throwing toys against the wall, time out, dumping her cereal on the floor, time out, I think you get the point.......I was giving her time out for things that I could've avoided in the first place. I was the one who needed time out!
The reason why I ask about the comfort corner now is because DD isn't cuddly when she's got big feelings. She wants to be left alone, but she's still too young to work it out that way. I tried the whole bear hug thing....ha...watch out! It made her more angry, so we don't do that anymore.
I think right now the big deal is we're cooped up in the house all day long b/c it's so chilly outside & very, very windy. She's a very social baby, so to only see mommy all day long is a travesty. LOL. She'll go from having tantrums all day long (no matter how much attention I do/don't give her) to happy as a clam when we go visit her little friend who is a month older than she is. When she goes into the church nursery, she's in heaven. We've gone in there to pick her up a few times and she's generally sitting next to a bigger kid trying to copy what he/she is doing. Luckily we have a nursery that, when they get too much to handle (big feelings, needing redirection, etc), they DO call the parent's number so that we can go get them. Yay!
I think perhaps I will try to see if she enjoys helping me out a little more perhaps a wet paper towel to help wash the windows today......
Now my brain is working. Things for getting it jumpstarted, ladies.
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Title: Re: Transitioning from negative time outs to a CC
Post by: mommy2abigail on March 18, 2006, 07:50:04 PM
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Yeah definately get her involved in helping you. Baby wipes are great! They dont ruin anything, and are safe for little hands and mouths. The little girl I watched wiped the whole house down every day with wipes! I got her a spray bottle with water too for her to spray and wipe. I agree with the pp that a "time out" may look like a "time in" on your lap, or just sitting near you. Maybe a little chair with some books/puzzles/coloring that you can invite her to when she is overwhelmed?
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Title: Comfort Corner ?
Post by: Amythestmama on January 23, 2007, 04:04:01 PM
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I was using this without knowing it!
I read a few of the threads but did not really know what a comfort corner is. I decided today to see what it was. So yes, I've been usuing it w/o knowing it.
So, here's the question: Dd loves to go to her bedroom and sit on her bed with her special red light on and her music. I give her a stack of books and a fresh cup of water. But, her room is upstairs and I am usually downstairs. I do have the baby monitor on so I can hear her just fine. Sometimes I'm up there with ds in our room. She generally does better when she's alone probably b/c I get upset and she senses my frustration. She plays, reads, whatever for awhile and then either I go get her, or she starts asking "What mama doin'?" and I know she's ready to come back. The seperation works good for me b/c then *I* can calm down.
I think I need a comfort corner too!
So, is it ok that I take her up to her room and tell her to play, read, or rest for a bit? Or should I be keeping her on the main floor w/me?
Oh yeah, She was pulling out my crocheting today and I yelled at her to get out of my chair and leave my stuff alone.
I was just so frustrated that she had gotten back into the chair after I had helped her down and told her it was not the place for her. She looked at me and said "Mama loud, noisy!"
She wasn't getting anything except that mama was being loud.
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Title: Re: Comfort Corner ?
Post by: blessed2mothr4 on January 24, 2007, 11:48:29 AM
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I would leave her alone in her room. If she's more comfortable there, then why not?
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Title: Re: Comfort Corner ?
Post by: canadiyank on January 24, 2007, 03:02:16 PM
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Our comfort corner for dd1 is her room...it's right off the living room, where we usually are, so not too far away. If she seems to do fine with that, I'd be ok with it - as long as she's not being "banished," kwim? A cc is usually in a public place, but it's worked for us to be in a nearby room. Also, remember it's to teach skills for calming down (which is sound like you're doing great with - music, books, etc
) and if she needs you I'd stay with her.
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Title: Re: Comfort Corner ?
Post by: Susan K on January 24, 2007, 06:16:21 PM
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My oldest ds at times will only calm down in his room. He can come down when he is calmed down .
Susan
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Title: Re: Comfort Corner ?
Post by: mamaKristin on January 24, 2007, 07:18:27 PM
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If it's working, it sounds good.
As long as you don't turn it into 'sending her to her room', it can totally work that way.
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Title: Re: Comfort Corner ?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on January 24, 2007, 07:51:36 PM
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that's fine
because you are keeping it a positive thing and she enjoys going in there and finds comfort, it's not something isolating or scaring her
I'm working (thanks to Palil's wonderful suggestion) on a Comfort Corner in a bag
I'm so excited!
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Title: sibling hurting other sibling and comfort corner?
Post by: LauraK on December 21, 2005, 01:57:13 PM
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My three year old sometimes hurts my one year old. She is generally not aggressive but at times she can be. What do you do in that moment? I am reading Crystals Biblical Parenting book about the comfort corner and saying "you need to take a break, do you want me to come with you?" Well I am actually not willing to go with her because I want to focus on the hurt child not the child who hurt her. Anyway...how do you handle these moments?
Most of my parenting problems involve me feeling like both my children need me at the same moment. YOu all with big families impress me so much as I struggle so hard with what I call "the juggle" and "mommy triage".
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Title: Re: sibling hurting other sibling and comfort corner?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on December 21, 2005, 02:00:18 PM
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I would pick up the hurt child and take the older child with me and we'd all go to the Cuddle Corner
Also, what is the reason she is usually hurting? My guess is it has to do with little one getting into big one's stuff??? Does she have a baby free zone where she can be alone and protected with her toys?
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Title: Meltdown 95,452,123
Post by: blessed2mothr4 on April 28, 2006, 05:37:17 AM
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NJ again... It seems he gets REALLY angry when I calmly handle a situation versus when I get really angry.
This morning I caught him coloring in a school book that belongs to my Mom. It's an old curious george book that we make copies out of for the kids to color, but don't actually let them color in the book. I calmly told him that wasn't a book to color in, but he could have this copy (of the exact page he was coloring). That about about 8 minutes ago and he is still throwing a fit about it. I asked him if he'd like to sit w/ me to calm down or go to his bed to calm down (he has made his bed his cuddle corner...) he opted for his bed, but still isn't calming down. I know if I go in there, it'll make things worse tho (btdt too many times)
Any reason why he would act like this?? If I had gotten angry w/ him he would be fine right now... but since I didn't he's throwing a fit.
I just don't understand that boy.
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Title: Re: Meltdown 95,452,123
Post by: MarynMunchkins on April 28, 2006, 06:12:41 AM
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I'd guess that when you're calm he feels safe enough to have big feelings about it.
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Title: Re: Meltdown 95,452,123
Post by: hsgbdmama on April 28, 2006, 06:31:14 AM
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At this point he might need some help moving forward. Would he be receptive to you going in by him and saying something like "I know you are upset that you cannot color directly in the Curious George book, but I have made some more copies, and we all miss you! Would you like to color some of those or should we find a coloring book for you to color in? Or would you like a little more time in your comfort corner?"
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