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Old 07-27-2012, 05:51 AM   #2
NewCovenantMama
Climbing Rose
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
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Default Re: how to get out of a punitive mindset

There are a lot of Mamas here who have BTDT

Best thing you can do is simply immerse yourself in the culture of gentle discipline. Read the threads in the GD forum, especially look at the GD info and FAQ section which has lots of helpful info.

I recommend http://aolff.org/ Crystal's (ArmsOfLove) website, and her books, Biblical Parenting and Grace Based Living Also another book, Families Where Grace Is In Place by Jeff VanVonderen. Oh, and one of my all time favourite parenting articles, which saved my sanity when our dc were younger http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=54 The whole website is good.

Gentle discipline is far from permissive. It focuses on teaching the child what to do. It also focuses on long term results rather than quick fixes. There are many ways to set firm limits without using punishment, intimidation, yelling, scolding, bribery or other forms of emotional manipulation. The word discipline comes from the same route as the word disciple. Biblically it's a very different concept from punishment. I often say that a discipline is something you follow, not something you "do" to someone.

Most importantly, what is your view of Father God like? Do you tend to think that difficulties or things going wrong are God punishing you for things? There's an article here on what the Greek word for discipline in the New Testament, paedeia, actually means. http://jeriwho.net/lillypad2/?p=8460 I'm horrified at the number of Bible versions which translate this word as "punish" in Hebrews 12, despite the fact that the "discipline" being referred to was persecution, not punishment, and was happening as a result of something the Hebrew Christians were doing right, not wrong! There is NO PUNISHMENT for those who are in Christ Jesus, because all our punishment fell onto Jesus on the Cross. The only thing left for God to do is disciple (discipline/teach/coach/nurture) us. Our parenting needs to reflect this so that our children can grow up with an accurate picture of Father, and what it is like to be part of God's family.

HTH
__________________
Emma
INFP mama to DS21 and twin DSS19
Married to my ENTJ sweetheart for 28 years

Last edited by NewCovenantMama; 07-27-2012 at 06:31 AM.
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