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Old 06-27-2007, 08:50 PM   #18
ArmsOfLove
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Default Re: the natural-to-logical consequences continuum

the problem that I have with "logical consequences" is that, imo, if you are trying to come up with logical consequences you aren't being proactive but reactive which is already setting yourself up for failure in parenting. I prefer, with my young children, to think in terms of "limits" and good old common sense. What you did at the McDonald's biting incident is both

A 3.5 yo can learn, with consistency, "If I color on the walls it means I can't color". The thing is, she doesn't necessarily understand why, can't always anticipate it (though she gets it after the fact) and can't apply this to other things--she won't have the logical thought, "If I color on the walls it means I can't color . . . sooooo . . . I wonder if that means the same thing will happen if I paint on the walls" At this age the things they *get* are the things that happen every single time--it's more a pattern than an understanding. in their minds "if I color on the walls it means I can't color" is on par with "nap time comes after lunch". But the idea of a "logical consequence" is to drive the lesson home and make it stick. A 3.5yo isn't learning from "driving the lesson home and making it stick", they are learning the patterns and limits.

We have lots of common sense limits. If you use something as a weapon it will go away. you hit, you sit. pee goes in the toilet or you go in a diaper. food is for eating--if you play you are done. And *my* motivation is about regulating family life more than "driving home a lesson". As family life is consistently regulated the children find their way in it and learn to accept the limits put on them. As they get older they challenge them less and embrace the standard more easily and with less help.
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