In the past I've watched videos on babywearing that were put out by particular companies for the type of carriers they sold, but this DVD was comprehensive and thorough. To have so much information in a well-organized format is invaluable.

I found it helpful that after I watched it, I was able to go back and watch specific sections (I'm now trying to get the hang of wearing my toddler on my back in a ring sling). :)

The DVD covers four main types of carriers -- Ring Slings, Pouches, Asian Back Carriers, and Simple Pieces of Cloth which includes wraps, shawls, and pareos. And within each section we learned about the various choices available for that type of carrier. We also learned reasons why some people like a certain type over another type. I appreciated, though, that each of the moms were very respectful of the different choices out there, not saying that one thing is better than the other or getting down on other carriers, but explaining that different types (or ways of wearing a particular type of carrier) work better for different people.

The DVD is very thorough, and the moms showing and telling how to use the carriers share their baby-wearing expertise in a way that makes wearing babies and toddlers look do-able, fun, comfortable, and very cool. :) They present important safety tips, and they share very useful information in the troubleshooting sections.

One "warning," though ;) -- this DVD made me and my children *really* want to have another baby in our family. :D

If you are confused by all the different types of carriers out there, if you are not enjoying the carrier you have and are not sure if you are wearing it right, if you want to try something new but are worried you won't be able to figure it out. . . for whatever reason. . . if you love babywearing and/or want to learn more about the how-to's of babywearing, I think you will enjoy this DVD very much. :)

When my firstborn was about eight months old (that was when we first got on the internet), I started really looking into attachement parenting. I found other Christians online who practiced attachment parenting, and I found out that many of them didn't spank their children. Choosing not to spank made sense to me -- when I was trying so hard to build a healthy attachment with my child and to build her trust in me by treating her gently, wearing her in a sling, breastfeeding her, sleeping with her, etc., why would I want to purposefully take my hand or an object and strike her?

I studied the issue and realized I felt that God had led me not to spank. Verses stood out to me which said, "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance. . . " (Gal. 5:22, 23b), "Love is patient, love is kind" (see the rest of I Cor. 13 for more about what love is)", ". . . we proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children" (I Thess. 2:7), "do to others what you would have them do to you" (Mat. 7:12), etc. It felt *right* not to spank, yet still part of me worried about those "rod" verses in the Bible. Part of me secretly wondered "what if I was wrong?"

These days I feel sure that the Bible does not command parents to spank. In fact, I've realized that the Bible says nothing about spanking. If your Bible uses the word "spank" that is because people translating that version of the Bible decided to translate it that way. It's a cultural interpretation of the Hebrew words from which it is translated.

What we do know without a doubt that God commands parents to discipline their children. However, discipline does not = spanking. God doesn't tell parents what specific discipline methods to use. The term "rod" means discipline in general, but it is not telling us what particular form of discipline to use.

In the so-called "spanking verses," the word "rod" is translated from the Hebrew word "shebet." A shebet is a shepherd's staff (see Psalm 23:4 where it says, ". . . thy rod and thy staff they comfort me") or a king's scepter (Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary explains that "the use of the sceptre originated in the idea that the ruler was as a shepherd of his people"), and it sybolizes authority. A shebet was used to guide sheep and to protect sheep and fight off predators. The Hebrew word "shebet" does not mean "hand," "switch," "paddle," "wooden spoon," or any type general type of implement. And we certainly wouldn't hit our children with a literal rod. Importantly, we see through use of the word "shebet" that God has given parents the authority and responsibility to discipline -- a word which means teach, to disciple -- their children.

I am going to try and start writing in it more often, though. :)

I've had writer's block for years and years. :( I think that happened partly because 1) as time goes by and the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know, 2) I'm afraid I'll offend someone, 3) I'm afraid my words will be misunderstood. I'm going to try force myself to write, though, and if you need me to clarify anything, please don't hesitate to ask!

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Protecting our little ones from dangerous situation can be quite a big job. They don't understand the dangers, and, encouraged by their natural curiosity, they love to explore and experiment.

Helping our children learn to be safe is one of the most important things we have as a parent. It can be difficult to know how best to respond when our children do, or want to do, something dangerous. Some people our of desperation or obligation feel they need to spank their children to help teach them to be safe.

Spanking is unneccessary, though, and furthermore is it not beneficial in danger situations -- there is nothing good that it teaches that can not be taught better by using gentle discipline.

Here are some links to helpful threads on the GCM message board:

Danger discipline?

practicing street/parking lot safety

What are the natural conquences for not comming [sic]

Halt!

excerpted from the article To Spank or Not to Spank? by Elizabeth Pantley

". . . I’ve read several articles that address the issue of spanking where the writer says it’s okay to spank if the child is in danger - for instance, if a toddler is running into the street, or reaching out to touch a hot burner on the stove. They suggest that at these times a few pops on the rear end are okay. I must admit this naïve mindset baffles me. Why in the world would we want to teach our children about safety by hurting them? Does you ski instructor jab you with his ski pole to teach you not to jump off the chairlift?

"A parent who believes that spanking is the only effective way to teach a young child about safety issues is not giving the child enough credit. Children - even little ones - can indeed learn about safety through our teaching them. As a matter of fact, through teaching they will learn much more, as they can absorb the reason for the rule, and over time, can learn to make good decisions on their own. I watched two friends one summer teach their toddlers not to run in the street Mom A give her toddler a swat on the rear every time he went in to the street. Mom B picked up her toddler, looked him in the eye, and said, 'NO street! Dangerous. Stay by Mommy.' By the end of the summer, both children learned to stay out of the street. Which child understood why? And which child has better communication with his mother?"

Excerpted from DANGER DISCIPLINE on the askdrsears.com website

". . . as we learned more about discipline, we realized there are better ways than spanking to handle even danger discipline. We realized toddlers don't remember from one time to the next, even with the 'physical impression.'"

"Any 'danger' situation still requires constant adult supervision—no amount of spanking will danger-proof a child when the adult is not there to administer the blows. Any after-the-fact hitting will just be confusing—he won't know why he's being hit. Your job as a disciplinarian is to keep your child away from situations in which his ignorance or impulsiveness could get him into real danger."

10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

So far, one of the most amazing things that I have discovered as a mom is the indescribable joy that comes when you see part of your children's character form before your eyes. When my children were born, I had so many questions about what they would be like, how they'd interact, and what they'd become. When I see little glimpses of the people that they are becoming, it is so humbling.

Recently my son came up with the phrase that I used for the title of this entry - "Two friends." It probably doesn't seem like rocket science or anything, but when my then 3-year-old said it, I had one of those humbling experiences that I referenced above :)

When he goes to bed each night, he likes to talk about what the next day will bring. One night he told me that in the morning the sun would come up, and then he would get up, and then he would open my 1-year-old's door, and then "two friends" would go downstairs, and "two friends" would play with toys.

I can't even describe the joy that fills my heart when I see my kids together and I see that they are FRIENDS. Although all 3 of my pregnancies have been planned, I immediately panicked when I became pregnant with my daughter. I felt overcome with guilt that my son would be robbed of his time with me because I was having another child so soon. I was due on the same day with both of them, but 2 years apart. I was so afraid that they'd resent each other. I spent my entire pregnancy feeling bad for taking my time away from my son, and as soon as my daughter was born, it switched to guilt that she would never get to be an "only" and that she'd never have the one-on-one time that my son was able to have.

As I see them play together now, I realize what an amazing blessing they are to each other. They can make each other laugh more than anyone else can. They learn things from each other that I don't know that I could ever teach them. Every time they dance, sing, tickle, read together, or play, they teach me something as well.

So if anyone out there reading this is pregnant and feeling anxious about bringing a sibling into the life of your child, I hope that my experience can be an encouragement to you. When I was pregnant, all that I could find were stories of horrible rivalry and kids who hated each other. I wish that I could've heard the other side during my pregnancy :)

2/24/06

Today is my oldest child's tenth birthday! Wow, it's so hard to believe she was born ten years ago!

She was such a high need baby. She was very sensitive and cried a lot even that first day, especially after her hep B shot! We found that she needed lots of attention and loved motion. She loved being held, and though at first her daddy was worried about her learning bad habits if she was picked up when she cried, we decided to go ahead and hold her lots! One of the best things I discovered the first week at home with her was that if I nursed her she would often stop crying, and that really helped. She really had a hard time sleeping in her crib. When I learned to nurse her lying down and decided to bring her to bed with me when we slept, those things sure made life easier.

Back then I didn't know anything about "high need" babies, or much about babies at all for that matter. She was a huge shock to me! But she taught me so much those first days. As she grew older she developed into an amazingly spirited little girl, and God has worked through her to teach me innumerable things over the years.

These days she's still "spirited" and sensitive and full of spunk! She's grown into a strong ten year old girl with personality, creativity, high values, and a huge heart who loves God. I still learn great things from her today, and by His grace the struggles over the years have been worth it -- and will continue to be worth it, praise God -- and have brought much joy and growth to both of our lives. I am honored and blessed to be her mother. :)

Four mamas posted pictures of their Jesse Trees to the board, and with their permission I am posting them here in the blog so you all can see how creative and fun they are. A couple mamas made a Jesse Tree banner, and one mama used a slender branch for their family's Jesse Tree, and one used a thick one. The ways to make a Jesse Tree are endless, and I hope that you enjoy these pictures and that they inspire you with ideas for your family's Jesse Tree(s). :)

(Please note: These pictures are copyrighted by their owners and may not be used elsewhere.)

Here is SusieSnowflake's banner:

Here is the banner findingjoy made:

Hannah Jo's Jesse Tree:

fatfishes' Jesse Tree:

I chose the name "Gentle" because the type of parenting I espouse sometimes goes by the name gentle parenting. I guess it's called that because. . . well, I guess because parents who parent in this style try and make choices that are gentle. *shrug* (Sorry my explanation is not more deep than that. LOL) They are choices we make because we are attachment parents, and some are more along the "natural parenting" side of things.

I really didn't have any grandiose ideas or long term thoughts about the name. As I mentioned, GCM started out as a webring. As I was thinking about what descriptive name to call the webring I was starting, I thought of "Gentle Christian Mothers" as a name that fit what I desired to be and what I believed in, and I knew there were other mothers like that out there, and I wanted to encourage them and help us find one another and support one another.

By choosing that name or by creating GCM, I had no desire to be devisive to Christian mothers in general (and would love to reach all mothers with the message of grace and love and acceptance to be found in parenting this way!). I saw, though, and personally felt a huge need for support for Christian mothers who practiced gentle parenting. God gave me the desire and capability to step in and begin in a small way to help fill that need.

The name wasn't/isn't meant to give the impression that mothers who don't agree with us are't gentle or aren't attached. In fact, there is quite a variance on the specific ways that this type of parenting looks in each family because each family is unique. That is one of the beauties of this type of parenting -- it's so customizable, so to speak. Also, the truth is that many of us who are part of Gentle Christian Mothers hesitate to actually call ourselves "gentle"! We make mistakes so much of the time! We fall, we are human, we fail. But we keep on keeping on and cling to truth that God's grace is sufficient even for us!

This was the description of the webring:

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This webring is for Christian mothers who listen to their God-given mothering instincts and strive to respond to and meet the needs of their children with a servant's heart. I hope to have this ring filled with sites that contain information on subjects such as parenting (attachment-style, natural, responsive, gentle parenting), pregnancy, childbirth, infant care, breastfeeding, gentle guidance, health issues, etc. Sharing personal experiences moms have had with their children that support the ideals of gentle, godly parenting is encouraged.

***********

I also began accepting mothers to join GCM who did not have websites. I had short list of questions they could answer, such as "What does gentle mothering mean to you?" and then I listed their names and email address and their answers on a members page so people could contact them should they want support. On that page I wrote, "I would like Gentle Christian Mothers to be a kind of 'support group' to help moms who practice gentle parenting. I would like us to be able to provide encouragement to those who need it."

Eventually I saw that I needed to add some clarifications and wrote out the beginnings of our statement of beliefs. On Feb. 11, 1999, in regards to those who wanted to join GCM, I wrote,

************
You must agree with the following statements:

* Parents should not put an unnecessary emphasis on schedules (i.e infant feeding/sleeping/playing schedules)
* Children greatly benefit from lots of physical touch (i.e. babywearing, holding your children a lot, etc.)
* Breastfeeding is God's design in infant nutrition (see Breastfeeding in the Bible)
* Breastfeeding is much more than just a way to feed a baby...
* A child's nighttime needs are as worthy of being met as his daytime needs... parenting does not stop when the sun goes down (i.e. being open to the family bed, nursing at night, etc.)

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And another requirement I had listed was that "You must be pro-life."

Well, God chose to work through GCM and has helped it, despite setbacks, to grow and to be able to help many mothers and many children. That He decided to give me a part in this is beyond my comprehension, and I've wondered why many times. I can only guess it's one of those situations where God has used the foolish and the weak to confound the wise. *blush*

I feel the name "gentle" fits our group and what we stand for even more than I realized so many years ago. To be a "gentle mother" is a worthy and Christ-honoring goal. There are many good verses about being "gentle" in the Bible. Our theme verse is I Thessalonians 2:7 -- "we proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children."

If you have any questions about GCM, please ask! :) You can read our current statement of beliefs here: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/aboutgcm/beliefs.php Make sure to read the last little bit at the end. I'll go ahead and post it here:

We are not perfect mothers, and we make mistakes all too often, but we believe that our children are a gift from God. God chose us to parent our children, and we can be sure that He, by His grace and mercy, will provide the tools necessary to do so in a way that will bring glory to Him.

That is our ultimate goal. . . to bring glory to Him. God, we rest in your arms, in your grace. Please help us to bring glory to you. Amen.

Examples of choices parents sometimes make which do not nurture a healthy bond between them and their children -- things which can be very harmful and hurtful to the bond -- are leaving their baby to cry alone or ignoring their baby's cries (even if they are sitting near him). Making their little baby wait to nurse until a certain time or refusing to comfort-nurse their wee babe bring disconnectedness to the parent-child relationship, as do refusing to hold their baby when he wants to be held because they are afraid of holding him too much, slapping his hand or swatting his leg, yelling harshly at their child, spanking their child.

Doing disconnecting things tend to come most easily to us parents when we are not truly listening to our child and not responsively and lovingly meeting his needs. They are things we do when we are not listening to our God-given mothering intuition and the Holy Spirit's guidance and the clear direction we receive from God in His Word.

These types of choices are sometimes made from selfish motives. Other times many of them may just as easily be choices we misguidedly make out deep love for our children, and sometimes we make these choices by default. We may have read faulty information about the importance of making these choices, or heard about it from a friend, or lived these choices as a child at home growing up. Our culture is so full of detached parenting choices that many of us have been immersed in this way of thinking our whole life.

Though change can be painfully difficult, it is wholly worth the struggle -- and praise to our gracious, caring, untiring Father that He is by our side carrying us, and our children, through the rough spots. Having an attached relationshiop with our kiddos brings both parents and their children a feeling of "rightness." And the benefits of parenting this way continue from the start off point to grow in leaps and bounds.

Is our goal for an attached relationship selfish on our part because we desire it ourselves? It could be selfish, but in a healthy relationship these choices are not made from selfish motives. To parent this way takes a deep commitment and focus on the future. As servant-leaders in our family, we often have to lay aside our desires and, through God's strength and by His grace, give selflessly in ways we never before thought possible or could have imagined before having children.

Is our goal for an attached relationship something that puts our children first before our husbands, and what about our own needs? There are admittedly times when rightly our children's needs come first before our husband's, and many times our children's needs will come before our own. But a healthy family works together to meet everyone's needs the best they can. Still keeping in mind the goal to meet everyone's needs the best they can be met, there are seasons when our little one's needs will necessarily and rightfully be at the forefront.

For instance, little babies are so helpless and fully dependant on their parents, and they are so very newly born from their safe place of warmth and consistancy to this overwhelming world with it's bright lights and harsh sounds and confusing feelings that their needs should be responded to as quick as can be! This level, though, of focus on meeting their needs in this immediate and quite consuming and rather tiring (and full of joyous rewards!) way will change as they grow older. In a heatlhy, attached relationship where a child's needs have been consistently met, they learn to trust that their needs will be met and they learn to wait and eventually to work together as part of the family team.

Does our goal for an attached relationship put our children first before God? Just as with anything important to us, it could happen. A better question would be, should our children ever be put first before God? The answer to that is a resounding NO. Does this type of parenting make us more likely to put our children before God than following, for example, a parenting philosophy which says that babies should be on a feeding schedule from birth, or that says babies should be left at home while their parents go on a weekly date night, or that says that babies need to be trained with switches? Not at all. Parenting is a ministry. We are following His heart's desire when we take precious care of His blessings! When we care for our little ones, we are obeying Him, loving Him, serving Him, sacrificing for Him. We are caring for the least of these. . .

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? . . .' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me for you are cursed, . . . for I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, . . . I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'" ~ Matthew 25:37-40

". . .the Lord does not in vain prepare nutriment for children in their mothers' bosoms, before they are born. But those on whom he confers the honor of mothers, he, in this way, constitutes nurses; and they who deem it a hardship to nourish their own offspring, break, as far as they are able, the sacred bond of nature. If disease, or anything of that kind, is the hindrance, they have a just excuse; but for mothers voluntarily, and for their own pleasure, to avoid the trouble of nursing, and thus to make themselves only half-mothers, is a shameful corruption."

(Via Pastor Lane)

Related Resources:
Breastfeeding Bible Study by Cyndi Egbert
Breastfeeding God's Way by Nancy Campbell
GCM Breastfeeding Discussion Board

There is a lot of stuff we can eat at our family's thanksgiving dinner. My mom is going to make a delicious tofu-turkey with stuffing. It really is good! She's also going to make mashed potatoes, baked yams, salad... and, knowing her, she'll probably bring more food than that. :) My mother-in-law makes a great bean salad and a plate of cut veggies. I'm going to make macaroni salad and coleslaw and at least one pie, probably more.

I'll try and get my mom's tofu-turkey recipe to share here, and maybe share a recipe or two of my own, so keep your eye out for those if that type of thing interests you. Meanwhile, here are some recipes to check out:

http://vegweb.com/recipes/events/index-thanksgiving.shtml

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving.

BTW, someone on the GCM board posted a link to this email card, and I think it's pretty funny. The kids and I sure got a kick out it.

http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/display.pd?bfrom=1&prodnum=3081495&path=25203

I had heard this idea before, and it sounded like fun, so when I was pregnant last year I decided to ask my kids if they'd like to paint my tummy. They said yes they would, and that they'd also like to be painted, too (on their faces!), so I looked on the internet to find a safe, inexpensive recipe for face or body paint. Here is the one I found that seemed like it would best meet our needs. I've also included the ways in which I changed it.

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Basic Recipe for Body Paint

1 Tbsp. cold cream -- we used cocoa butter face cream because it was really inexpensive!
2 Tbsp. cornstarch
1 Tbsp. water
food coloring

1. Mix cream, cornstarch (or arrowroot powder), and water until smooth.
2. Add food colouring, one drop at a time desired color is achieved.

We mixed our's in a plastic ice cube tray. Each little section was just the right size to hold each color neatly.

To remove the paint from your skin, wash off with warm water. After washing off the paint with water, we found that using extra cream helps take off paint left on the skin.

Please note: Some of the paint might color your skin slightly, especially perhaps if left on a long time, so test first if that is a concern to you, but I think the cream should get it off pretty well. Also, I recommend wearing clothes that you don't mind accidentally getting paint on. Also, a painting smock (we bought one for a $1 at Michael's) can help protect your children's clothing. It might wash off, but I didn't try it to see, so please use appropriate cautions. :)

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Whether painting tummy or face, relax and let your imaginations flow and have FUN! Be sure to have a camera and take some pictures! :)

Here are some pictures of a pregnant tummy and three kids' face painted with the paint recipe I posted above.

My tummy in Sept. 04 after being painted by my children! :) {baby was born in October 04)

DD (age 8) as a butterfy

DD (painted another day!) with flowers on her face

DS (age 5) as a tiger

DS as a tiger again. Grrrrrr!

2nd DD (age 3) as a clown

2nd DD with a flower on her face

If you'd like to buy already made (water-based) paint along with a book of instructions about face painting, check out Face Painting by Klutz. Klutz also offers a book with non-toxic, washable body crayons and instructions on body art called The Body Crayon Book. Another book with instructions and helpful pictures about face painting is The Usborne Book of Face Painting.

As Hannah Jo, one of the Bible study leaders explains, "A Jesse Tree displays the family tree of Jesus. All the pivitol events in the Old Testament are drawn together to trace God's faithfulness throughout the generations and the working out of His plan for the salvation of mankind through the coming messiah."

The GCM Jesse Tree Bible study will follow these symbols and scriptures.

Many families are building the Jesse Tree into part of their family Christmas tradition. Here are some daily family devotions based on the Jesse Tree.

Our family has a felt Jesse Tree made by a dear friend over a decade ago for her family. Her children are grown now, and she's shared it with us. It's one of my boys favorite parts of the holiday, building anticipation to the celebration of the coming of the Christ Child.

Curious about what a Jesse Tree looks like?
Jesse Tree 1
Jesse Tree 2
Jesse Tree 3

"Children love helping to make the ornaments," says Hannah Jo, "and the Jesse Tree can be a teaching tool to help pass on the faith to yet another generation. We're looking forward to enjoying this tradition together with you!"

written by QuietSpirit

I have had many mamas on the message board ask me about my family’s convictions to family worship. What does it look like? How do we do it? How can our children do it? I thought I’d take some time to try to answer some of those questions.

Firstly, our family believes strongly in family worship. That means our children do not attend nursery….ever. Our children, except for the eldest, have never attended nursery. We feel that children should be involved in worshipping with their families. Jesus asked that the little ones be led unto Him. For our family, that means that our children snuggle next to us on the pews and attend the same worship service that we attend. We didn’t come to this conviction immediately. My eldest son attended nursery from age 1 to about age 2 ½. Then we had our second child and we began to feel that both children should be with us. My husband and I prayed about it and felt the Lord calling us to do this. We reacted with a bit of ….. “yikes!” We weren’t sure how to make church worship a pleasant not forced experience for our young children. So we gave it some time and prayer. Here is what we came up with!

In order for children to be successful at things, they must have opportunity for consistent practice. I think much of the struggles a family faces when they decide to do family worship is that they expect their young children to so something at church that they have never done in any other area of their lives. So, we decided to practice church at home. I made this fun and enjoyable, and SHORT! We used our family devotion time to practice. I would set up a little row of chairs and we would play some music. Each child (under age 8) had a small quiet toy and a crayon/paper kit. The older children don’t need the toy but often bring a small notebook and pencil. We would sit in the chairs, sing a praise song, listen to a Bible verse, and be done. The time requirement was about 2 minutes. When they could do 2 mins successfully and consistently, I increased the time to 4 mins. And so on …. Until we reached about 20 mins. We would clap hands, raise hands, etc. Worship for our family is an active experience.

That brings me to my next thought. When we decided to incorporate family worship into our church experience, we looked for two things in a church. Active worship and family friendly. We left our old church because it was not family friendly. It was active, but children were expected to be placed in nursery or Children’s Church. We did not want that for our family. So, in our new church, there is no Sunday School during worship. There is no Children’s Church. There is a Children’s Time just before the sermon where children are encouraged to come forward and hear the sermon message in a manner geared towards them. It is fun and active. Our pastors say many adults listen intently as well. ;) There are also “Children’s bags” for every child who wishes to borrow one. These contain Christian books, coloring books, and crayons. In addition, the church prints out a children’s bulletin geared towards ages 3-6 and ages 7-10. These cover the sermon topic for that day with activities, etc on the topic. Families are encouraged to worship together. There is a nursery but only about 8 children are ever there at a time. And our church is large…about 2500 members. There is a “cry room” at the back of the contemporary worship area, which has been helpful at times with our toddler. We tend to go to the contemporary service with our children. There are more active praise songs, words up on the screen, etc for the children. It makes it easier for them to participate.

When one of my children is not meeting expectations (quiet voice, sitting in pew), we remind them of the expectation and tell them to comply. If they choose not to (or cannot), we then address the situation by age. My older children (ages 8 and 10) honestly have no problems meeting expectations. But that is because they were helped to meet them when they were younger. My 6 year old? He’s a different story! *lol* At times, he gets wiggly and loud. He is then gently reminded of the worship expectations. If he cannot or will not comply, he is then taken out to the gathering space. We will then have him sit quietly on the chair out there. The difference is there are no small toy and coloring kit out there. He quickly realizes how BORING this is and asks to go back into church. Off we go, cheerfully! With toddlers and babies, we simply take them out for a bit. Or nurse ;)

I think perhaps the most important thing we have learned is that this is a process. We cannot expect our children to sit totally still all the time. Our children whisper to us in service. They fidget at times. The toddler laid on the floor last Sunday and began trying to crawl up to the Pastor! Our attitude when our children do these things can be one of two things: 1) embarrassment and discouragement or 2) an attitude of “this is a process and my chidren are still learning”. How much better for my toddler to be picked up and held instead of shamed into being quiet. Now, this last Sunday, he protested loudly about being picked up! So, we went out to the gathering space and he looked at a few books on my lap. We then went back in after the sermon.

Many people have said to me that they simply cannot do this with their child. Their child is too active, too loud, has special needs, cannot cope with the environment in church, they will hate church, etc. That may be the case with your child but I would challenge you to rethink that. I have 4 active boys, one with an autism spectrum disorder. They are bouncy, wiggly, happy, exuberant, and sometimes hyper. But we are able to worship together and my children enjoy church. They sing praise songs, ask questions, raise their hands, and for the most part, enjoy being in the service. One of the things I love is my child whispering in my ear, “What did Pastor mean when he said _________?”. What a heartwarming thing! Often I think they are just reading or coloring and they aren’t experiencing the sermon. But many times, they ask questions or make comments later that show me that they are actively listening. They are like little sponges in there!

This brings me to my most important realization in all of this. Family worship is a commitment and a lifestyle. I do not attend church with the expectation of “This is my quiet worship time with the Lord…just Him and I” I do that at other times, in Bible Study, in quiet time, but NOT in worship. Our expectation when we attend worship service is that we are worshipping as a family. I expect to be actively parenting in the pew. I expect to miss some of the sermon at time. I expect my children to whisper questions to me or my toddler to need to nurse. I expect that this is a process, a journey that will take time. I expect that my parenting cannot stop in the pew. When I have that expectation, I can joyfully minister to my family in the most intimate environment of all….worship!

-- Jill Barrett