November 17, 2005
Your children do WHAT?! (family worship)
by
“Your children do WHAT?!”
or in other words…Family Worship in Church
written by QuietSpirit
I have had many mamas on the message board ask me about my family’s convictions to family worship. What does it look like? How do we do it? How can our children do it? I thought I’d take some time to try to answer some of those questions.
Firstly, our family believes strongly in family worship. That means our children do not attend nursery….ever. Our children, except for the eldest, have never attended nursery. We feel that children should be involved in worshipping with their families. Jesus asked that the little ones be led unto Him. For our family, that means that our children snuggle next to us on the pews and attend the same worship service that we attend. We didn’t come to this conviction immediately. My eldest son attended nursery from age 1 to about age 2 ½. Then we had our second child and we began to feel that both children should be with us. My husband and I prayed about it and felt the Lord calling us to do this. We reacted with a bit of ….. “yikes!” We weren’t sure how to make church worship a pleasant not forced experience for our young children. So we gave it some time and prayer. Here is what we came up with!
In order for children to be successful at things, they must have opportunity for consistent practice. I think much of the struggles a family faces when they decide to do family worship is that they expect their young children to so something at church that they have never done in any other area of their lives. So, we decided to practice church at home. I made this fun and enjoyable, and SHORT! We used our family devotion time to practice. I would set up a little row of chairs and we would play some music. Each child (under age 8) had a small quiet toy and a crayon/paper kit. The older children don’t need the toy but often bring a small notebook and pencil. We would sit in the chairs, sing a praise song, listen to a Bible verse, and be done. The time requirement was about 2 minutes. When they could do 2 mins successfully and consistently, I increased the time to 4 mins. And so on …. Until we reached about 20 mins. We would clap hands, raise hands, etc. Worship for our family is an active experience.
That brings me to my next thought. When we decided to incorporate family worship into our church experience, we looked for two things in a church. Active worship and family friendly. We left our old church because it was not family friendly. It was active, but children were expected to be placed in nursery or Children’s Church. We did not want that for our family. So, in our new church, there is no Sunday School during worship. There is no Children’s Church. There is a Children’s Time just before the sermon where children are encouraged to come forward and hear the sermon message in a manner geared towards them. It is fun and active. Our pastors say many adults listen intently as well. ;) There are also “Children’s bags” for every child who wishes to borrow one. These contain Christian books, coloring books, and crayons. In addition, the church prints out a children’s bulletin geared towards ages 3-6 and ages 7-10. These cover the sermon topic for that day with activities, etc on the topic. Families are encouraged to worship together. There is a nursery but only about 8 children are ever there at a time. And our church is large…about 2500 members. There is a “cry room” at the back of the contemporary worship area, which has been helpful at times with our toddler. We tend to go to the contemporary service with our children. There are more active praise songs, words up on the screen, etc for the children. It makes it easier for them to participate.
When one of my children is not meeting expectations (quiet voice, sitting in pew), we remind them of the expectation and tell them to comply. If they choose not to (or cannot), we then address the situation by age. My older children (ages 8 and 10) honestly have no problems meeting expectations. But that is because they were helped to meet them when they were younger. My 6 year old? He’s a different story! *lol* At times, he gets wiggly and loud. He is then gently reminded of the worship expectations. If he cannot or will not comply, he is then taken out to the gathering space. We will then have him sit quietly on the chair out there. The difference is there are no small toy and coloring kit out there. He quickly realizes how BORING this is and asks to go back into church. Off we go, cheerfully! With toddlers and babies, we simply take them out for a bit. Or nurse ;)
I think perhaps the most important thing we have learned is that this is a process. We cannot expect our children to sit totally still all the time. Our children whisper to us in service. They fidget at times. The toddler laid on the floor last Sunday and began trying to crawl up to the Pastor! Our attitude when our children do these things can be one of two things: 1) embarrassment and discouragement or 2) an attitude of “this is a process and my chidren are still learning”. How much better for my toddler to be picked up and held instead of shamed into being quiet. Now, this last Sunday, he protested loudly about being picked up! So, we went out to the gathering space and he looked at a few books on my lap. We then went back in after the sermon.
Many people have said to me that they simply cannot do this with their child. Their child is too active, too loud, has special needs, cannot cope with the environment in church, they will hate church, etc. That may be the case with your child but I would challenge you to rethink that. I have 4 active boys, one with an autism spectrum disorder. They are bouncy, wiggly, happy, exuberant, and sometimes hyper. But we are able to worship together and my children enjoy church. They sing praise songs, ask questions, raise their hands, and for the most part, enjoy being in the service. One of the things I love is my child whispering in my ear, “What did Pastor mean when he said _________?”. What a heartwarming thing! Often I think they are just reading or coloring and they aren’t experiencing the sermon. But many times, they ask questions or make comments later that show me that they are actively listening. They are like little sponges in there!
This brings me to my most important realization in all of this. Family worship is a commitment and a lifestyle. I do not attend church with the expectation of “This is my quiet worship time with the Lord…just Him and I” I do that at other times, in Bible Study, in quiet time, but NOT in worship. Our expectation when we attend worship service is that we are worshipping as a family. I expect to be actively parenting in the pew. I expect to miss some of the sermon at time. I expect my children to whisper questions to me or my toddler to need to nurse. I expect that this is a process, a journey that will take time. I expect that my parenting cannot stop in the pew. When I have that expectation, I can joyfully minister to my family in the most intimate environment of all….worship!
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