December 06, 2005
Why are you called "Gentle" Christian Mothers?
by flowermama
Way back about nine years ago when I first got on the 'net hungrily searching for info about attachment parenting, there weren't really many (hardly any?) attachment parenting online resources that were particularly Christian in focus. I eventually decided to start a webring to help connect Christian AP moms, and I decided to call it "Gentle Christian Mothers."
I chose the name "Gentle" because the type of parenting I espouse sometimes goes by the name gentle parenting. I guess it's called that because. . . well, I guess because parents who parent in this style try and make choices that are gentle. *shrug* (Sorry my explanation is not more deep than that. LOL) They are choices we make because we are attachment parents, and some are more along the "natural parenting" side of things.
I really didn't have any grandiose ideas or long term thoughts about the name. As I mentioned, GCM started out as a webring. As I was thinking about what descriptive name to call the webring I was starting, I thought of "Gentle Christian Mothers" as a name that fit what I desired to be and what I believed in, and I knew there were other mothers like that out there, and I wanted to encourage them and help us find one another and support one another.
By choosing that name or by creating GCM, I had no desire to be devisive to Christian mothers in general (and would love to reach all mothers with the message of grace and love and acceptance to be found in parenting this way!). I saw, though, and personally felt a huge need for support for Christian mothers who practiced gentle parenting. God gave me the desire and capability to step in and begin in a small way to help fill that need.
The name wasn't/isn't meant to give the impression that mothers who don't agree with us are't gentle or aren't attached. In fact, there is quite a variance on the specific ways that this type of parenting looks in each family because each family is unique. That is one of the beauties of this type of parenting -- it's so customizable, so to speak. Also, the truth is that many of us who are part of Gentle Christian Mothers hesitate to actually call ourselves "gentle"! We make mistakes so much of the time! We fall, we are human, we fail. But we keep on keeping on and cling to truth that God's grace is sufficient even for us!
This was the description of the webring:
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This webring is for Christian mothers who listen to their God-given mothering instincts and strive to respond to and meet the needs of their children with a servant's heart. I hope to have this ring filled with sites that contain information on subjects such as parenting (attachment-style, natural, responsive, gentle parenting), pregnancy, childbirth, infant care, breastfeeding, gentle guidance, health issues, etc. Sharing personal experiences moms have had with their children that support the ideals of gentle, godly parenting is encouraged.
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I also began accepting mothers to join GCM who did not have websites. I had short list of questions they could answer, such as "What does gentle mothering mean to you?" and then I listed their names and email address and their answers on a members page so people could contact them should they want support. On that page I wrote, "I would like Gentle Christian Mothers to be a kind of 'support group' to help moms who practice gentle parenting. I would like us to be able to provide encouragement to those who need it."
Eventually I saw that I needed to add some clarifications and wrote out the beginnings of our statement of beliefs. On Feb. 11, 1999, in regards to those who wanted to join GCM, I wrote,
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You must agree with the following statements:
* Parents should not put an unnecessary emphasis on schedules (i.e infant feeding/sleeping/playing schedules)
* Children greatly benefit from lots of physical touch (i.e. babywearing, holding your children a lot, etc.)
* Breastfeeding is God's design in infant nutrition (see Breastfeeding in the Bible)
* Breastfeeding is much more than just a way to feed a baby...
* A child's nighttime needs are as worthy of being met as his daytime needs... parenting does not stop when the sun goes down (i.e. being open to the family bed, nursing at night, etc.)
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And another requirement I had listed was that "You must be pro-life."
Well, God chose to work through GCM and has helped it, despite setbacks, to grow and to be able to help many mothers and many children. That He decided to give me a part in this is beyond my comprehension, and I've wondered why many times. I can only guess it's one of those situations where God has used the foolish and the weak to confound the wise. *blush*
I feel the name "gentle" fits our group and what we stand for even more than I realized so many years ago. To be a "gentle mother" is a worthy and Christ-honoring goal. There are many good verses about being "gentle" in the Bible. Our theme verse is I Thessalonians 2:7 -- "we proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children."
If you have any questions about GCM, please ask! 
You can read our current statement of beliefs here: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/aboutgcm/beliefs.php Make sure to read the last little bit at the end. I'll go ahead and post it here:
We are not perfect mothers, and we make mistakes all too often, but we believe that our children are a gift from God. God chose us to parent our children, and we can be sure that He, by His grace and mercy, will provide the tools necessary to do so in a way that will bring glory to Him.
That is our ultimate goal. . . to bring glory to Him. God, we rest in your arms, in your grace. Please help us to bring glory to you. Amen.
Posted by flowermama at 12:52 AM | Comments (2)
MainDecember 05, 2005
some thoughts about attached parenting
by flowermama
Parents who do what is often called "attachment parenting" put especial emphasis on making parenting choices which build and strengthen the bond between them and their children. They commit to avoiding unnecessarily doing things which weaken or hinder the growth of (or break) an attached relationship. We all fumble along the way and will forever fall short of the elusive "perfect parent" role we might wish to play, but nurturing an attached, connected relationship is a main goal towards which "attached" parents strive.
Examples of choices parents sometimes make which do not nurture a healthy bond between them and their children -- things which can be very harmful and hurtful to the bond -- are leaving their baby to cry alone or ignoring their baby's cries (even if they are sitting near him). Making their little baby wait to nurse until a certain time or refusing to comfort-nurse their wee babe bring disconnectedness to the parent-child relationship, as do refusing to hold their baby when he wants to be held because they are afraid of holding him too much, slapping his hand or swatting his leg, yelling harshly at their child, spanking their child.
Doing disconnecting things tend to come most easily to us parents when we are not truly listening to our child and not responsively and lovingly meeting his needs. They are things we do when we are not listening to our God-given mothering intuition and the Holy Spirit's guidance and the clear direction we receive from God in His Word.
These types of choices are sometimes made from selfish motives. Other times many of them may just as easily be choices we misguidedly make out deep love for our children, and sometimes we make these choices by default. We may have read faulty information about the importance of making these choices, or heard about it from a friend, or lived these choices as a child at home growing up. Our culture is so full of detached parenting choices that many of us have been immersed in this way of thinking our whole life.
Though change can be painfully difficult, it is wholly worth the struggle -- and praise to our gracious, caring, untiring Father that He is by our side carrying us, and our children, through the rough spots. Having an attached relationshiop with our kiddos brings both parents and their children a feeling of "rightness." And the benefits of parenting this way continue from the start off point to grow in leaps and bounds.
Is our goal for an attached relationship selfish on our part because we desire it ourselves? It could be selfish, but in a healthy relationship these choices are not made from selfish motives. To parent this way takes a deep commitment and focus on the future. As servant-leaders in our family, we often have to lay aside our desires and, through God's strength and by His grace, give selflessly in ways we never before thought possible or could have imagined before having children.
Is our goal for an attached relationship something that puts our children first before our husbands, and what about our own needs? There are admittedly times when rightly our children's needs come first before our husband's, and many times our children's needs will come before our own. But a healthy family works together to meet everyone's needs the best they can. Still keeping in mind the goal to meet everyone's needs the best they can be met, there are seasons when our little one's needs will necessarily and rightfully be at the forefront.
For instance, little babies are so helpless and fully dependant on their parents, and they are so very newly born from their safe place of warmth and consistancy to this overwhelming world with it's bright lights and harsh sounds and confusing feelings that their needs should be responded to as quick as can be! This level, though, of focus on meeting their needs in this immediate and quite consuming and rather tiring (and full of joyous rewards!) way will change as they grow older. In a heatlhy, attached relationship where a child's needs have been consistently met, they learn to trust that their needs will be met and they learn to wait and eventually to work together as part of the family team.
Does our goal for an attached relationship put our children first before God? Just as with anything important to us, it could happen. A better question would be, should our children ever be put first before God? The answer to that is a resounding NO. Does this type of parenting make us more likely to put our children before God than following, for example, a parenting philosophy which says that babies should be on a feeding schedule from birth, or that says babies should be left at home while their parents go on a weekly date night, or that says that babies need to be trained with switches? Not at all. Parenting is a ministry. We are following His heart's desire when we take precious care of His blessings! When we care for our little ones, we are obeying Him, loving Him, serving Him, sacrificing for Him. We are caring for the least of these. . .
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? . . .' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me for you are cursed, . . . for I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, . . . I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'" ~ Matthew 25:37-40
Posted by flowermama at 12:41 AM | Comments (1)
MainNovember 23, 2005
Vegan Thanksgiving
by flowermama
I know this is probably too little, too late 
, but I wanted to put in a quick word about vegan thanksgivings. I became vegan four years ago in November 2001, and this is my fourth thanksgiving as a vegan. Yes, that means I don't eat turkey.
My kids don't eat turkey either, and we have a very, very yummy thanksgiving. 
There is a lot of stuff we can eat at our family's thanksgiving dinner. My mom is going to make a delicious tofu-turkey with stuffing. It really is good! She's also going to make mashed potatoes, baked yams, salad... and, knowing her, she'll probably bring more food than that.
My mother-in-law makes a great bean salad and a plate of cut veggies. I'm going to make macaroni salad and coleslaw and at least one pie, probably more.
I'll try and get my mom's tofu-turkey recipe to share here, and maybe share a recipe or two of my own, so keep your eye out for those if that type of thing interests you. Meanwhile, here are some recipes to check out:
http://vegweb.com/recipes/events/index-thanksgiving.shtml
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. 
BTW, someone on the GCM board posted a link to this email card, and I think it's pretty funny. The kids and I sure got a kick out it. 
http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/display.pd?bfrom=1&prodnum=3081495&path=25203
Posted by flowermama at 10:45 PM | Comments (3)
MainNovember 21, 2005
Face (and Pregnant Mama Tummy) Paint!
by flowermama
If you are pregnant, when your tummy is nice and big it can be a great bonding experience to let your older kids paint the outside of their wee sibling's home (your tummy ;)).
I had heard this idea before, and it sounded like fun, so when I was pregnant last year I decided to ask my kids if they'd like to paint my tummy. They said yes they would, and that they'd also like to be painted, too (on their faces!), so I looked on the internet to find a safe, inexpensive recipe for face or body paint. Here is the one I found that seemed like it would best meet our needs. I've also included the ways in which I changed it.
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Basic Recipe for Body Paint
1 Tbsp. cold cream -- we used cocoa butter face cream because it was really inexpensive!
2 Tbsp. cornstarch
1 Tbsp. water
food coloring
1. Mix cream, cornstarch (or arrowroot powder), and water until smooth.
2. Add food colouring, one drop at a time desired color is achieved.
We mixed our's in a plastic ice cube tray. Each little section was just the right size to hold each color neatly.
To remove the paint from your skin, wash off with warm water. After washing off the paint with water, we found that using extra cream helps take off paint left on the skin.
Please note: Some of the paint might color your skin slightly, especially perhaps if left on a long time, so test first if that is a concern to you, but I think the cream should get it off pretty well. Also, I recommend wearing clothes that you don't mind accidentally getting paint on. Also, a painting smock (we bought one for a $1 at Michael's) can help protect your children's clothing. It might wash off, but I didn't try it to see, so please use appropriate cautions.
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Whether painting tummy or face, relax and let your imaginations flow and have FUN! Be sure to have a camera and take some pictures!
Here are some pictures of a pregnant tummy and three kids' face painted with the paint recipe I posted above.
 | My tummy in Sept. 04 after being painted by my children!
{baby was born in October 04) |
 DD (age 8) as a butterfy |
 DD (painted another day!) with flowers on her face |
 DS (age 5) as a tiger |
 DS as a tiger again. Grrrrrr! |
 2nd DD (age 3) as a clown |
 2nd DD with a flower on her face |
If you'd like to buy already made (water-based) paint along with a book of instructions about face painting, check out Face Painting by Klutz. Klutz also offers a book with non-toxic, washable body crayons and instructions on body art called The Body Crayon Book. Another book with instructions and helpful pictures about face painting is The Usborne Book of Face Painting.
Posted by flowermama at 10:34 AM | Comments (2)
MainOctober 25, 2005
EPOCH - SpankOut Day
by flowermama
Each year on April 30th, EPOCH (End Punishment of Children) has SpankOut Day. Here is how their website describes it:
SpankOut Day USA was initiated in 1998 to give widespread attention to the need to end corporal punishment of children and to promote non-violent ways of teaching children appropriate behavior. EPOCH-USA (End Physical Punishment of Children) sponsors SpankOut Day USA on April 30th of each year. All parents, guardians, and caregivers are encouraged to refrain from hitting children on this day, and to seek alternative methods of discipline through programs available in community agencies, churches and schools.
Last April my older two children each drew and painted a picture for a contest put on by EPOCH-USA for SpankOut Day. They drew their pictures in response to how they felt spanking and yelling make kids feel. Their pictures are below (these are digital photographs taken of the originals, so I apologize the picture quality is not better). . .
by my dd, age 9
by my ds, age 6
They didn't "win" the contest, but they were each given a book and a certificate of participation.
The book they were given is the board book called "Hands are Not for Hitting" by Martine Agassi. It's a sweet book that explains that hands are not for hitting and shares many things that we do with our hands.
There are six months until the next SpankOut Day, but I'll try and remember to remind you when it gets closer. ;) And I encourage you to check out EPOCH's website in the meantime, and now is always a good time to take the "SpankOut Day" challenge.
I don't agree with everything on their website, but they have some helpful information, and they have such kind and loving hearts towards children and parents. Here are a couple helpful links from their site:
http://www.stophitting.com/disathome/parentSupport/christianpd.php
http://www.stophitting.com/laws/
Posted by flowermama at 12:30 AM | Comments (1)
MainOctober 22, 2005
Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child?
by flowermama
It always makes me 
when I hear people talk about how the Bible says "Spare the rod, and spoil the child." It seems to be a common belief that the Bible says that, both amongst those who believe in spanking, and those who don't. Sometimes those who believe in spanking warn about the dangers of "sparing the rod and spoiling the child." And I once read in an article about the dangers of spanking something about King Solomon having it all wrong because he taught that (spare the rod, spoil the child).
First off, I doubt you'll not get many evangelical Christians to question the need to spank or rightness of spanking by getting down on Solomon, because the whole Bible, including Proverbs, is the inspired Word of God. And second of all, in truth, that phrase is not even in the Bible. *shrug*
That phrase is actually from a satirical poem called Hudibras written in the 1600's by Samuel Butler.
BTW, here is a picture of a rod, or "shebet."
Can you imagine hitting your child with it? I don't think any of us could. 
The rod is a symbol of authority. We use our authority to guide and protect our children, just as a shepherd uses his rod to care for his sheep. As it says in Psalm 23, "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me." To "spare the rod" truly would be to lay aside our authority, and to not take care of our children -- to not guide and protect. And that is very dangerous and wrong, indeed.
For more information please also see:
The Rod or Shebet: An Indepth Examination by Joan Renae
Posted by flowermama at 12:34 PM | Comments (3)
MainOctober 21, 2005
About Children Sitting Through the Church Service
by flowermama
Some churches (though not many Protestant ones, it seems!) encourage parents to have their children stay in the church service with them. Rather than taking them to nursery or "children's church," the family worships together.
The idea sounds like a really wonderful thing. In fact it's what our family does. One of the concerns, though, is that it can be highly stressful for both parents and their children when their children are still learning to sit in the service.
For those who have been led down this path, I know it can be all too easy to want your child to learn *now*. Sometimes we bring that pressure upon ourselves by comparing our kids to other children. "Look at ____'s children! They sit through the service and are so quiet and good!" Sometimes we feel an urgent need to have them learn quickly because we are afraid what others will think about us and our parenting style. Sometimes we worry that we are distracting others from hearing the sermon. Sometimes we simply want to sit and listen to the sermon ourselves!
The fact is, though, that sometimes it takes awhile, and that is okay. Every child is different. Some children actually easily sit through the service early on, but others find it to be a real struggle to learn.
Jesus said, "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 9:17 NASB). Little children are loved dearly by God, and it's good to bring them to Him and to worship Him, but we should keep in mind that it's our job as parents to come alongside and guide them and teach them and help them learn in ways that will help nurture their trust and love in God our Father, our Abba Daddy.
When considering how to teach our little ones, let's consider not only the "effectiveness," but also what the other end results of our methods might be. We don't want our children who find it hard to learn to be fearful of Him! We don't want them to associate church with being hit by us.
I understand the pressure, I do! I've experienced the anxiety it can bring. But I encourage parents to try other methods of teaching their little ones about worshipping God together as a family. There are other effective, and kind and gentle, ways. And I encourage you to lay your anxiety at Jesus' feet. And even though you may miss out on some of the sermon (consider getting a tape of the sermon if possible!), when you are ministering to your children, you are doing a good thing. You are worshipping Jesus through your actions. You are showing Him love and honoring Him by taking care of the little ones He has entrusted into your care. His grace is abounding, and He will meet your needs.
I'll save going into possible ways to teach them for another day. And hopefully another one of our writers here will be writing a blog entry on this soon.
Posted by flowermama at 11:04 AM | Comments (4)
MainOctober 19, 2005
Vegan parents on trial for baby's death
by flowermama
There is a current heartbreaking news story about a mother and father on trial for the death of their sixth month old baby girl. They followed a "living foods lifestyle," and their wee babe "allegedly" died from malnutrition.
Here are a couple links to articles about it. . .
Vegan parents on trial for baby's death, allegedly from malnutrition
Parents Accused of Starving Infant to Death
Edited to Add this link:
Baby's diet focus of trial (article dated 10/17/05)
First of all, I do not wish to judge the parents' alternative lifestyle. In fact, I applaud those who take the time and effort to learn about alternatives and don't blindly follow what the mainstream says is right. Our family has researched and prayed about many options in our efforts to find the best ways for our family to live, and, from reading the articles, it appears that we have made some of the same alternative choices this family did. They didn't eat animal products, and the kids and I don't eat them. They homebirthed, and I birthed three of our babies at home. They did not vaccinate, and we do not vaccinate. These choices themselves are not scary or bad and can be very good and wonderful.
Good parents make the choices they do because they feel they are best for their children, and with any choice it is crucial to reevaluate our choices in light of the current needs of our children and our whole family. If our children aren't thriving on the choices we've made, some type of changes are in order. We may need to modify what we are currently doing or, in some instances, even be willing to make a complete lifestyle change. Sometimes what we need to do is seek out help when we need it. Our top priority should be to protect our children.
With the little information I've read in these articles, it sounds like these parents somehow lost their sites on what was important in life. I believe that a raw foods vegan diet was not to blame for what went wrong.
On the page linked-to above, it says,
Prosecutors say the Andressohns starved Woyah to death by restricting her to a raw food diet, also known as a vegan diet or a "living foods lifestyle," feeding her only wheat grass, coconut water and milk made from almonds.
First of all it needs to be clarified that a raw food diet is not "also known as a vegan diet." There are many vegans (those who choose to eat a diet without animal products) who don't eat a raw foods diet. A raw foods diet can be vegan, but it wouldn't necessarily be vegan, and the two are not one and the same.
It also needs to be clarified that a raw foods diet can be very healthy, and, also, a vegan diet can be very healthy. For it to be said that she died because her parents restricted her diet to a "raw foods diet" would be incorrect. As we can see from the articles there were other factors beyond that, and, raw food or not, I can't see how what they fed her (according to the article) would provide adequate nutrition for an infant.
From the limited information we have available to us, it does sound to me very likely that their diet was inadequate. However, I don't believe their diet was inadequate because it was vegan or because it was raw foods. It may have been a too restrictive diet, but neither a raw foods diet or a vegan diet are inherently unhealthy or too restrictive.
Let me reiterate that a vegan diet can be very healthy for infants and children. Most of us have experienced this with our own infants, because most babies are vegan or vegetarian for at least the first six months of their life.
Resources for Raising Vegan Children
Growing Vegans... Birth through Adolescence excerpt from Becoming Vegan: The Complete Guide to Adopting a Healthy Plant-Based Diet
The Vegan Diet for Infants and Children by Reed Mangels, PhD, RD and Sandra Hood, BSc (Hons), SRD
Vegan Nutrition in Pregnancy and Childhood by Reed Mangels, Ph.D., R.D. and
Katie Kavanagh-Prochaska, Dietetic Intern (on The Vegetarian Resource Group website)
Feeding Vegan Kids
by Reed Mangels, Ph.D., R.D. (on The Vegetarian Resource Group website)
Posted by flowermama at 10:55 AM | Comments (1)
MainOctober 14, 2005
Diaper-Free!
by flowermama
I first learned about infant potty training (IPT) from Laurie Boucke. I read some of her articles and read her book Infant Potty Training about five years ago when I was pregnant with my third child.
When I first heard of it, I was hesitant. After reading more about it, though, the description of it and the concepts that form the basis for it sounded wonderful to me! It sounded like such a connected way of parenting a baby -- so respecful and honoring of a baby's needs. The idea of not forcing babies to learn to make their diaper their potty rang true to me. I determined it was something I want to try with my baby. I understand people's hesistancy, though, and had reservations when I first heard about it (and still have areas where I would encourage caution and sensitivity).
The words "infant potty training" can have a very hard and controlling sound to some people's ears. Many people don't even use the words "potty train" in regards to their toddlers and pre-schoolers who are learning and begginning to use the potty. They instead prefer to use the words "potty learning," because the empahsis should be on encouraging a child's own natural learning process rather than forcing a child to sit on the potty simply when the parents say they should. When the emphasis is out of whack, it can become a big battle with lots of tears. And to seemingly add to that the idea of doing it with a wee babe, even from birth, can be shocking.
Some feel leary of IPT because they know that Michael and Debbie Pearl, a couple who promote an extremely harsh method of "training" infants and children by slapping them or hitting them with a flexible object that stings, promote infant potty training. There is a section in Laurie Bouke's book that has testimonials about IPT, and they have their's in there, too. Because of their association with IPT, I was very hesistant to try it in the first place.
I very quickly learned, though, that IPT has nothing to do with harshness or with hitting babies or controlling them. It's gentle and loving and can promote attachment and connectedness with our babies. You listen to your baby and to your intuition -- you communicate with one another.
Because it encourages respectful communication between a baby and her mother (or father, sibling, or other caretaker), many prefer to call it "Elimination Communication," or EC. This term as well as the term "Natural Infant Hygiene" were terms coined by Ingrid Bauer, author of DIAPER FREE! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene.
Certainly, some people feel that whatever you call it, it's still ridiculous, and they scoff at the idea of an infant going potty in anything other than their diaper. Some insist that the parents must be the ones being trained. Some thinks it's disgusting, or plain silly. Some simply feel that it's just not for them.
To be continued....
[and this entry may be tweaked throughout the day because I'm not completely happy with it yet
]
Posted by flowermama at 10:51 AM | Comments (0)
MainOctober 13, 2005
The Letter I Wrote to my First Son (almost six years ago)
by flowermama
Remembering how much I enjoyed the letter I had written my first son when he was about to turn one almost six years ago (he will be seven in December '05) inspired me to write a birthday letter for his little baby brother who turned one yesterday (you can read his letter below). I hadn't read the letter I wrote my first son for a long time, and I waited to read it again until after I had finished the one to my second son so it wouldn't influence what I wrote to my second son. When I finally re-read it, I sure enjoyed remembering the things I shared in the letter.
I'm going to post it below, so you can read it too if you want.
I hope these letters inspire someone to write a letter to their child. It's pretty neat to have, if I do say so myself. ;)
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First published on suite101.com on December 3, 1999
(His birthday is actually on December 16th)
A Letter to My Baby
This time last year you were nestled contentedly in my warm womb, your safe house for over nine months, protected from the harsh world. I wondered if you were a boy or a girl, guessing that you were a boy. I loved resting my hand on my abdomen and feeling you poke me. Your daddy, sister, and I had fun watching the bumps rolling on my tummy when you stretched and jabbed inside your cramped living quarters.
Anticipation for your arrival to the "outside world" filled my mind, and I eagerly awaited the beginning of labor. Though I had given birth to your sister three years earlier, the intense feelings and sensatons of labor once again surprised me and briefly made me wonder why I had been so eager for it to start, but I retreated into myself, relaxed, and rode on the powerful waves of labor and proudly pushed you into the world after six hours of hard, but exhilarating, work.
On December 16, 1998, Wednesday morning at 9:38, you swooshed into a pool of warm water. My eager arms reached down into the water and lifted you up and held you close to my body as if I would never let you go. I greeted you saying over and over, "Hi, baby. Hi!" Everyone felt incredible joy at seeing you for the first time, but none felt it more strongly than I did.
No longer in my womb, but connected to each other by your umbilical cord, we were still as one. You gave a little cry when someone put a hat on your head. You started mouthing your fist so I offered my breast to you and you gently mouthed my nipple, not quite getting a good hold of it.
I finally took a peek and found out that you were indeed a little boy. Then I cut your cord, thus separating us physically forever, and I offered my breast again. This time you got a good hold and nursed like a pro.
Soon afterward, we went back to our bedroom. After I had eaten some yummy soup and cinnamon rolls and the midwife completed her exams of you and me, we snuggled together in our bed and went to sleep.
As I look back at the past year and see how quickly you've changed from that helpless, wee baby into a strong, little young man, I feel a little sad, but happy and proud.
At first, you couldn't do much but cry, wet and poop your diapers, and sleep. I carried you, snuggled with you, and nursed you very often.
When you began to smile, it lit up your face, and my heart. You started laughing and interacting, and Daddy and Sister loved to make you laugh (they have the gift of making you laugh like no one else can). You enjoyed "itsy bitsy spider," "this little piggie went to market," "pat-a-cake," and hearing us sing to you. You loved to sit in our laps, go for walks, and be carried in the sling. You began watching us with keenly observant eyes. Your little body often wiggled with contagious excitement and you made happy sounds when you watched other children play, saw our cats, saw toys with bright colors and funny sounds, and when you felt the breeze on your face.
You, your sister, and I have always had fun playing together. You enjoyed sitting with me, leaning against my body for support, and soon you began sitting up on your own, a feat which you enjoyed very much.
You began nursing less often, a bit of a relief to me, but soon your curiosity "got the better of you," and nursing became a task that took you away from seeing things. It was around this time that we started our "tradition" of going into the quiet bedroom to nurse in order to help you get enough to eat and to help you get to sleep. But (as you do now) you enjoyed nursing at night.
You enjoyed sitting in your chair at the table while we ate and you played with spoons and straws. But soon you weren't content with just watching us eat food. Food intrigued you, and it quickly became apparent that you loved to eat.
You began crawling in a unique style, pushing yourself along with one foot and always making sure you could quickly sit up at a moment's notice. Exploring comes naturally to you, and babyproofing made our lives easier.
Standing in our laps brought great big smiles from you, but when you pulled up to stand on your own, you had such a proud and happy look on your face. At first you liked us to hold your hands while you took steps, but soon you refused all our help and preferred to cruise around the room holding onto furniture.
When you took your first solo step we were so excited! Within a month you really began walking and now you don't crawl anymore. You fall on your cloth-diaper-padded-bottom often, but practice makes perfect and your gait is becoming steader and faster. Why, you almost ran today!
Even though you don't say any grownup words, you have learned to communicate in many ways other than by crying -- by squeals of delight, screeches of annoyance, yells of anger, babbles of frustration, laughter. Your expressive face and body has much to say to anyone who will take the time to "listen." When you want to nurse you tug at my shirt.
You have grown much in the last year. Though you still have much growing to do, time goes by fast, and you won't always want to nurse at night or sleep with me or be carried. Life is a series of weanings, and you will grow up fast enough in your own time (not mine), so I'll try to enjoy you for who you are and not rush you to grow up. I know you will be a big, strong, independent young man someday, but you'll always be my sweet little baby boy. I love you!
Posted by flowermama at 12:33 PM | Comments (0)
MainOctober 12, 2005
A Letter to My Baby Boy on His First Birthday
by flowermama
You are sleeping in my lap right now, with your head resting on my left arm and your body sitting in my lap and your long legs draped over the side. How did you get so big, little one?
You are so cute. You aren't wearing anything at the moment. That is common for you because you enjoy wearing your birthday suit when you can. You often don't appreciate being held still while a shirt is pulled over your head, but you love playing peek-a-boo -- in your sling, with a blanket, with the door flap of the tent -- and often when your head goes into the t-shirt we ask, "Where's L? Where's L?" and a smile brightens your face as your sweet head pops through the neck of your shirt as we exclaim, "Oh, ... there he is!"
It's a good thing that usually you are a diaper-free baby at home, because you don't like it when mommy tries to get you to lay still for diaper changes. I ask your siblings for help... "Help him be happy so I can change his diaper!" And they try and distract you and make you laugh. It works a pretty well, but you are much happier and much more apt to giggle and laugh after your diaper change ends.
You appreciate music very much. Daddy introduced you to many types of music as a wee babe, and the two of you enjoy listening together. Music of all types makes you move -- heavy metal, jazz, classical music, and more! You bop your body up and down, or your head nods up and down in sweet baby-style head-banging as you enjoy the sound of the music. Your latest favorite is the soundtrack from the "The Incredibles" which you (you are learning how to turn on the CD player *grin*) and your siblings turn on just a little too often. ;)
You keep very busy and such joy and innocence shine in your eyes when you crawl around and explore everything you possibly can. You are the quintessential baby explorer.... poking your hand into every creavice you can find, finding even the tiniest things on the floor, putting your hand under the couch and pulling out items thought to be lost ;) , persistently leaving the family room and crawling and cruising into the kitchen and beyond.
Until the last week or so, your modes of self-transportion consisted of a variety of crawling and scooting styles and cruising along holding onto furniture. Often you crawled on your knees, but other times you crawled on all fours, or sometimes you sat with your bottom on the floor and scooted yourself along with your right foot and leg and your left arm. Recently, though, you began cautiously taking a few steps alone, and then walking. Now you enjoy walking almost more than crawling. You very deliberately and determinedly take step after step, and you look so proud and pleased with your ability, and you are getting faster and faster!
People love to talk to you when we are out somewhere. It's endearing when someone greets you and you bury your head with it's soft fuzzy, blond hair in my shoulder and then hestiantly look up with a quick grin.
You have learned to wave. Sometimes you extend your arm and lift your hand in front of you and hold it there in a motionless wave. At other times other times you lift it (sometimes both hands) just slightly, palm up, and raise your fingers up and down.
You really enjoy baths and sometimes you need them often. Yesterday you had four. You eagerly sit in the water and put your hand down, and "splash! splash!" goes the water. When bath time is done, mommy lets you know and counts to ten and lifts you out, and you are content.
A big reason for so many baths is how much you love food and love feeding yourself. Usually your meals consist of food that I've put on your highchair tray for you to grab yourself. You eat applesauce and soygurt with glee. You should have seen yourself when you ate fresh blackberries last month -- you thought they were so yummy and such a purple face you had when you were done. Bits of tofu, avocado, kiwifruit, mashed potatoes, brown rice, beans, peas.... you love them all. I hope you continue to love such a wide variety of food as you grow! Oh, and I must not forget your very favorite food... banana. Your tastes have already changed, though, in the short span of time you have been eating. These days you have apparently decided to eat only natural foods. . . your once dearly loved Joe's O's you now pick up contemplatively and then throw on the floor. LOL Oatmeal, though, you continue to love.
You are such a fun baby! Such big smiles, such adorable giggles. Your older brother and sister love to tickle you, and Daddy loves to be goofy as can be, and you soak it up with happiness as you laugh and grin. When you are tired you have the most silly giggles. "He's really tired!" your siblings smilingly proclaim when they here those especially silly giggles. They are right, and such giggles often signal naptime.
At naptime, 
if Daddy's home and awake for one of your naps, to help you falls asleep he walks you around outside in the backyard or sits with you in the swing or on a chair while your brother and sister play. Until recently you usually fell asleep for him, but now it's not working so well. It's one of those transiton times in your life, and you aren't falling asleep quite as easily these days or as often.
Usually still Mommy can help you to sleep by either nursing you at the computer or laying down with you on our big king-sized bed. When I take you back to our bedroom, after the fan is turned on (white noise helps you sleep through your siblings' loud noises!), I snuggle with you, your head many times lying in the crook of my arm. You nurse contentedly, and we let the effects of mommy milk and warm blankets and white noise and cuddling take over, and usually you drift off to sleep. But other times, especially in the morning when the other children are not awake yet (you are my early bird!), I simply hold you while you nap a short nap in my lap, and I enjoy your sweet, precious presense.
I love you!
Posted by flowermama at 01:19 AM | Comments (0)
MainSeptember 07, 2005
Moving towards more structure at mealtime...
by flowermama
I'm a huge procrastinator, a messie, and a space case (at times), and to be organized is one of my biggest dreams. This week I feel, God-willing, that I have taken two steps in that direction. The first step is that, with the support of my husband and our children, we have begun to eat our meals at certain times during the day (our baby can nurse whenever he needs to, though, of course!
). The second step is the creation of a weekly meal plan. I started writing it at the end of last week, began following it on Sunday, and have been tweaking it this week as necessary.
We are finding both of these things to be very helpful for our family. Planning ahead helps avoid the frustration that can come with waiting until the last minute to decide what to eat (duh ;)). Also, it's helpful to be able to tell the family what we are going to eat, and when. The plan is helping us eat a larger variety of foods (there is less temptation for me to pull a box of cold cereal out of the cupboard too often *blush*), and, eventually, I think it will save us money, and it will make it easier for us to add even more variety to our diet. And I feel that I am better meeting my kids' needs since they are saying "I'm hungry!" far less often this week than they had been, and usually it's close to mealtime when they do.
Posted by flowermama at 12:45 PM | Comments (0)
MainAugust 30, 2005
Influences
by flowermama
As a new mom I felt rather lost and amazingly overwhelmed when my first child made her loud appearance. I too often found myself influenced by other mothers and by so-called "experts." I think it was partly because I was an only child and didn't have that much experience with children. I had done some babysitting (thank goodness), but not a whole lot. I wanted so much, though, to do the right things for my baby, and I talked to my mom and other mothers, read books, and seached and searched.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, a former pastor and his wife, whom I admired very much (they took the Prep class from the Ezzos themselves, by the way), loaned me their Preparation for Parenting manual and tapes. They gave them to me during a Christian conference my husband and I were attending, and while I carried them with me another mother saw them and commented with enthusiasm about how much she enjoyed Prep for Parenting. I thought, wow, it must be really good!
I put off listening to the tapes and reading the manual, and I ended up only listening to a short portion of a tape in the days before my baby's birth (there have to be some positives about being a procrastinator, right?!), so they didn't really influence me the first couple of months. My mom, however, had given me an easy-to-read book about babycare that was more "balanced" and supportive of things like the family bed, if you wanted to do that, and it encouraged cue-feeding. Also, the lactation consultants at our hospital encouraged those things.
After struggling the first week trying to figure out how, the first two months I fed mostly on-cue and often -- very often. And after wondering how in the world to get enough sleep while still nursing my baby at night as much as she needed, we began sleeping together in the family bed. At the two month visit to the doctor, the doctor told me my baby was doing well and to keep up whaytever I had been doing. Regretfully, other influnces seeped -- or flooded? -- in, and I did not keep it up.
Since I felt I should at least read the Prep for Parenting manual that went with the tapes before giving it back to our pastor and his wife, at around that time I finally read through much of it (I can't remember if I finished it completely -- that was about nine years ago), and jotted down a little list of things I had learned from it. I also read Dr. Spock's book on babycare.
One idea I drew from both was the importance of a baby learning to sleep through the night in their own bed. Also, according to the Prep book "routine" was crucial, and Dr. Spock said that babies naturally start getting on their own schedule by around three months, and my daughter at 2 1/2 months hadn't the slightest resemblance of one yet, so I began to think that she might need a little help from me.
At around that time, a friend had a baby shower for me. My baby tended to be a fussy baby -- aka high needs -- and both nighttime and new situations tended to bring out more fussiness, so she was fussy that night.
I tried to nurse her in a private, quiet, and dark place to minimize distractions and to hopefully help her to be more calm and content. While I was in the quiet room trying to do that, a lady visited me to keep me company -- and to offer her services to help me get my baby on a schedule. She suggested that she could come to my house and after I nursed my baby, I could leave (so I wouldn't have to hear her cry), and she would stay with my baby while she cried, and then I could come back in a few hourse and nurse her again... etc.
The help she offered clearly felt wrong, but hearing her words fed my insecurities as a new mom. The combination of her offer and reading what the Ezzos and Dr. Spock had written influenced me to choose to let my baby cry-it-out and to begin to put her on a schedule.
The night I chose to try and "teach" my daughter to sleep in her crib for a longer stretch of time at night was a night my husband was working the night shift. I remembering laying in the room next to her bedroom reading Prep for Parenting and hearing her cry and cry and cry and cry. I don't remember for how long, but it was for over 45 minutes. I did not visit her during that time for fear that I would cause her to cry longer by doing so. :*(
It did "work," and she started sleeping through the night until around 4:30 am when her daddy left for work, and then I brought her into bed with me. I tried to let her cry-it-out for her naps, too, but she got too upset and praise God my mommy-heart would not let me do that, too.
I began trying to get her on a schedule. It was hard to do because at first she could barely go 1 1/2 hours between feeds, but I bounced her, danced with her, and sang to her to help her learn to go longer between feeds. By six months she was finally going three hours between feeds. I forgot to take into account growth spurts, though. We both felt stressed with my efforts to keep us on the schedule.
The start of a big change came when one night while exercising at the gym. When I went to the gym when our baby was little, my husband stayed home and watched her. While I enjoyed cardio exercise and weight training (I used to be in a lot better shape way back pre-baby than I am now. ;)) at the gym, usually my little baby was back home crying. She was held and cared for, but she missed her mommy.
That night before getting on the tread mill I grabbed a parenting magazine to read. I came across an article by Dr. William Sears where he talked about something I had never heard of before, something called attachment parenting. From then on a slow change in the way we parented our daughter began that would bless our lives, and the lives of many others, immeasurably.
I felt eager to learn more about attachment parenting, and when I got on the Internet when she was eight months old I entered the words "attachment parenting" into a search engine and a whole new world opened, and we began trodding in earnest down the attachment parenting road. I began nursing on cue, feeling good about sleeping with my baby, learning about gentle discipline, and I stopped worrying about holding my baby too much.
Those were just the tip of the iceberg of changes that took place. The biggest changes took place in my heart. I felt truly free for the first time... free to listen to my baby and meet her needs without reserve and free to listen to my heart and my God-given mothering intuition. :) It's a journey with bumps and sometimes potholes LOL, but we're try to keep our eyes on the goal and our focus on God and following His will, knowing that He will bless our efforts and knowing that His grace is sufficient through it all.
Posted by flowermama at 05:35 AM | Comments (1)
MainAugust 25, 2005
My reply to Tulipmama's entry re:Breastfeeding
by flowermama
I'm new to blogging so be patient with me. . . . I was writing a comment in reply to Tulipmama's entry entitled Breastfeeding and Overcoming, but I'm afraid it got too long, so I hope it's okay I'm making a new blog entry instead. *blush*
The struggles I have had are pretty common ones -- thrush, trouble latching on, a short nursing strike... I'll share about some of our bumps-in-the-road experiences with breastfeeding below.
With my first baby, at first I didn't realize how often babies really need to nurse, and I mis-read her cues, etc., so I didn't offer often enough, and she got over-hungry and was so unhappy. When she got jaundice I was told by the doctor to feed my baby every two hours (and supplement with formula!), and that was more often than I had been nursing for sure. My milk supply took five days to come in. On about day six or so, I finally realized about comfort-nursing! I nursed her very often after that, and we were both more happy.
I don't remember any difficulties nursing my second baby, except I got plugged ducts around two to three times, and one time I had those chills where you can't stop shaking. *shudder* I got better, though, very quickly.
My third got thrush and had latch problems. It was discouraging.
Things were a lot better at six weeks.
My fourth got thrush, but, thankfully, didn't have latch problems. When he turned four months old, he got a cold and a bad ear infection which made it difficult for him to nurse. He had a short nursing strike druing that time, and I had to pump a little and feed him some with a medicine cup.
What motivated me to keep at it? *think* Knowing that breastfeeding is God's design in for feeding babies and knowing about the important things it gives that my baby needs (such as antibodies to fight sickness), inspired me to keep at it. Also, since our troubles nursing were mostly in the newborn period, it was an encouragement to know that it commonly gets easier by week six or so. And through it all I found the support of my husband, family, and friends to be priceless.
Posted by flowermama at 01:05 PM | Comments (3)
MainAugust 04, 2005
How Do You Explain Spanking?...
by flowermama
How do you explain spanking to a child who has never been spanked and who has never seen another child being spanked?
My four year old daughter, Faith, had just taken her bath tonight, and she came into the room with blackberry juice all over her little hands. She walked over to me and sweetly told me she was being very careful not to get her shirt dirty.
I gave a startled look at her messy hands and reminded her she wasn't supposed to eat berries after she took her bath, and I quickly got up and asked her to wash herself off.
My mother was visiting here tonight, so she helped Faith wash her hands off at the kitchen sink. While my mom washed her, she told Faith that her mother (my grandma) also had rules about what her and her siblings could do after they took their bath. She explained that one rule was that they weren't allowed to go outside and play after their baths.
She shared the story about the time when she was a little girl, and she remembered her and her four other siblings following their brother outside and playing. It was the only time she remembers being spanked by her mother.
Their mother got a switch (and what is that? -- a small branch from a tree), and she spanked each of them on their bottom as they went through the door coming inside.
But it dawned on me, would Faith know what a spanking is? When asked she said she did not. My mom explained that it was when a parent spanks their child to help teach them. But still, then, what is a spank? It's when they hit their child in order to help teach them something (one reason among others).
Faith didn't really respond other than to say, "Oh," so I'm not sure what she really thought or if she really understood. My son, John, explained that mama would not spank her. Praise God for His grace. Praise God for gently teaching me that I do not have to spank/hit -- that I should not spank/hit -- my children in order to help them learn, or for any other reason.
Posted by flowermama at 10:28 PM | Comments (1)
