What are the natural conquences for not comming

[milkmommy]

 when called or even more running the other dirrection. The weather here is perfect and DD is enjoying spending long time outside. We have no fences and are on a street she does no go into the street she gets that but sometimes I need her to come back from someplace and not only is she refusing she often trys to run the other way. I know that putting her self in danger outside can mean not getting to play outside but she does this inside as well. SO what is a logical or appropiate "conquence" and any tips in helping in this area?

Deanna

[ArmsOfLove]

In that circumstance we'd go inside immediately--every time.  we could try again later,but running means we go inside.

[milkmommy]

Crystal I agree but what about doing this inside?

Deanna

[ArmsOfLove]

I wouldn't talk to her with instructions until I was touching her

[milkmommy]

I wouldn't talk to her with instructions until I was touching her

 but then were back to square one.  I need her to understand that if I call her over she needs to comply. IF not then having her outside is pointless and thats not fair to her.  I know I can't hold her totally responsible for her safety I know I must be near by to protect her and I know we can have off days but I really need some extent of coperation so how?

Deanna

[Mamatoto]

With my ds I find that if I am saying, "Oh, Benj, look at this!" or "mommy wants to get a drink, come on in with me," and start walking to the destination that he'll come pretty fast. 

[Titus2Momof4]

I wouldn't talk to her with instructions until I was touching her

I do this AL the time with my kids. Well, Noah and Loralai are the two who are most adpt to run in the other direction but I often will not say something unless I am right there next to them to be sure they don't take off. I also find, as a pp said, that a "oooooooooh Noah! come see THIS!" is more adpt to get him to come to me than run the other way

[milkmommy]

With my ds I find that if I am saying, "Oh, Benj, look at this!" or "mommy wants to get a drink, come on in with me," and start walking to the destination that he'll come pretty fast. 

doesn't work here and while I'm okay with doing that in speical cases or as a tool box method. I also really dislike the game this is a safety thing I really really need her to listen to my dirrections sometimes I'm simpily calling her back over cause shes getting a little to far its not cause were leaving or anything.

Deanna

[milkmommy]

I wouldn't talk to her with instructions until I was touching her

I do this AL the time with my kids. Well, Noah and Loralai are the two who are most adpt to run in the other direction but I often will not say something unless I am right there next to them to be sure they don't take off. I also find, as a pp said, that a "oooooooooh Noah! come see THIS!" is more adpt to get him to come to me than run the other way

Sigh  for her safety I MUST MUST have some degree of coperation or I can't allow her to play outside thats totally not fair to her and it means beeing stuck inside a tiny apartment all the time  And again sometimes I just need her to listen constantly saying ohh look at this feels icky and manuplitive. It has its use but not all the time.

Deanna

[mamaKristin]

On the other hand, she is showing you she isn't ready to handle that safety requirement.  She either isn't capable of coming when called, or isn't able to follow the instruction, so she isn't going to be able to respond yet. 

I guess you could either work on practicing it with her, and going inside as soon as it doesn't work, or wait until she has the ability to do it.     Doesn't sound great either way, but if she can't do it, she can't.

[milkmommy]

On the other hand, she is showing you she isn't ready to handle that safety requirement.  She either isn't capable of coming when called, or isn't able to follow the instruction, so she isn't going to be able to respond yet.

She was doing great untill about a month ago. There are three bys that come around and well yell tantrum talk back the works and unfortunally shes picked up some less than deserable habits from them 

I guess you could either work on practicing it with her, and going inside as soon as it doesn't work, or wait until she has the ability to do it.   don't know  Doesn't sound great either way, but if she can't do it, she can't.

Well probably looking at doing a little of both just not sure how I know this doesn't have a  single magical answer but I'm not sure how to even start.

Deanna

[mamaKristin]

it's hard dealing with behaviours they see and model from other kids.  (guess who's kid picked up "shut up" recently  )

As a gameplan, you could talk about expectations before going out, and let her know that if she can't hold up her part of playing outside, outside time is done.  I had to do that with Busy at the beginning of the summer in regards to coming back inside.  A few times of being brought in when he wasn't ready to go did a lot towards him cooperating. 

[milkmommy]

Deffiently a good idea any idea how to work on this area inside the home. I mean I get the be right there touchig them but I'd like to at least start working towards her complying with "just" my words.

Deanna

[OpalsMom]

Deffiently a good idea any idea how to work on this area inside the home. I mean I get the be right there touchig them but I'd like to at least start working towards her complying with "just" my words.

Deanna

I think if there's a consequence when one is obvious, that will work her towards complying without the addition of consequences when they're not clearly related. So going inside when she does it outside will work her towards complying inside, too. It also helps if you reduce the reward for running away inside the home (no exciting chasing and anger, you calmly go get her and then don't let her get away until you've done whatever you're going to do -- somehow DD may want to be carried if it's her choice but if it's my choice she's not so thrilled).

Oh,and practice helps us too. Come-to-me games,stopping games, times when it's really low risk but there's still an obvious consequence...

[crunchymum]