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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 03-04-2010, 05:55 AM   #1
NovelMama
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Default Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

I looked on Christianbook.com to see if they carried any Pearl books, and they carry this one: Jumping Ship: What to do so your children don't jump ship into the world. Apparently it's for HS'ing parents and address what to do to ensure your HS'ed child doesn't rebel, I guess, once he graduates from HS. Anyone know anything about it?
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Old 03-04-2010, 06:05 AM   #2
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

http://www.amazon.com /Jumping-Ship-...7711442&sr=8-1

there's actually only 4 reviews on amazon. that surprises me.

Last edited by allisonintx; 03-04-2010 at 06:10 AM.
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Old 03-04-2010, 06:28 AM   #3
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

Hmmm...now I'm really curious about that book...
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Old 03-04-2010, 08:23 AM   #4
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

It may be an interesting book, but I won't buy it as I cannot support the Pearls in any manner.
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Old 03-04-2010, 08:38 AM   #5
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

I looked at an essay by Pearl on this subject, and presumably the book is an expanded version of the basic idea. His thoughts are pretty good, but on the other hand, it just depends on what you want, and what your kids are like, whether your family is healthy....are you setting up a family cult or releasing your children to be all that God creating them to be, which might go beyond or be quite different from your own life and vision.

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Old 03-04-2010, 09:35 AM   #6
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

Just a thought, beyond Pearl's general garbage.

I was reading one of their statement yesterday, and what kept getting my attention was their approach of ownership of their children. How their children reflect their parents. Which, to an extent, is true. *However*, I consider my children gifts from God, and He has given them gifts and abilities beyond what I could. My children may be "mine"...but they are also at the same time "not mine", in that they are their own persons. I cannot make them in my image, or force them to be who I expect them to be - that would be setting me up as an idol. It would also not allow them to fully become who they were created to be.

Gosh, I hope that makes sense.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:40 AM   #7
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaKristin View Post
Just a thought, beyond Pearl's general garbage.

I was reading one of their statement yesterday, and what kept getting my attention was their approach of ownership of their children. How their children reflect their parents. Which, to an extent, is true. *However*, I consider my children gifts from God, and He has given them gifts and abilities beyond what I could. My children may be "mine"...but they are also at the same time "not mine", in that they are their own persons. I cannot make them in my image, or force them to be who I expect them to be - that would be setting me up as an idol. It would also not allow them to fully become who they were created to be.

Gosh, I hope that makes sense.
I would expand that to say that it's also setting the *child* (and, by extension, his behavior) up as an idol. Both ethically and spiritually wrong, and far more responsibility than any human being should be forced to have.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:43 AM   #8
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

I read an excerpt someone posted as a comment to a blog (SortCrunchy's maybe?) anyway, the quote basically addressed how other Christian's kids 'rebelled', stopped going to church, 'rejected Christ' or whatever and how you as a parent can prevent that.

I think he pretty much goes into the same method from his other book after he presents a more detailed fear to respond too.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:43 AM   #9
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie View Post
I would expand that to say that it's also setting the *child* (and, by extension, his behavior) up as an idol. Both ethically and spiritually wrong, and far more responsibility than any human being should be forced to have.
That was part of my thought, but didn't make it out of my brain.
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Old 03-06-2010, 07:56 PM   #10
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sensitive Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

I put a sensitive tag on this because I quoted from the articles entitled "Jumping Ship".

A few years ago, I remember reading a three or four part article entitled "Jumping Ship" in their magazine. I was of a punitive mindset back then and it still struck me as odd that the article talked of the many letters they get from parents whose teens have "jumped ship". I remembered thinking, "Wait...if this parenting method works so fabulously, why do these children run away as soon as they are capable of doing so?" In spite of what it was intended to do, the article caused me to have some serious doubts about the parenting methods advocated by the Pearls.

The article Jumping Ship attributes the significant number of runaways to:

A lack of genuine faith...

Quote:
It is hard to communicate with many of you because you have been blinded by the “religion”. Even now as you read this, you think I am talking about someone else. You are confident that your family is secure in Bible principles and religious devotion. You have given them a “packaged Christianity” and isolated them from any outside influences, and you are confident that they are safe behind the fence.
And a lack of joyfulness and passion,

Quote:
For starters, you must sell your children on your worldview. It must be an active and aggressive sell. They cannot be fooled with pretense....Teenagers want romance and passion...Parents make the mistake of thinking that their “good life” is a recommendation for the Christian life, but a “good life” can be lived by anyone of any religion, or by an atheist, for that matter, as observation so easily attests....A “good” life without any passion is not worth repeating....A light-hearted spirit of joy and praise is attractive to everyone. Religious convictions worn only on the shirtsleeves are about as attractive as a man sneezing in your face.
In the article, Michael Pearl also said some things that pushed me away from the punitive mindset...(emphasis mine)

Quote:
They find unconditional acceptance with the people of darkness, and since they have never really experienced God’s love, they think this is the love they have always missed.

Shouldn't a child find unconditional acceptance at home? Shouldn't a child get a glimpse of God's love through the actions of the parents? Who, in their right mind, wouldn't exchange performance-based acceptance for unconditional acceptance?

Quote:
Love is always passionate. So is joy and peace. Longsuffering is passionate in its quiet reserve, taking into consideration the needs and feelings of others. Gentleness and goodness are virtues that point to God like a big red arrow. Faith is as lovely as a cherub’s wings. Meekness never allows others to feel inferior, and temperance is the ultimate demonstration of the power of God in one’s life. The fruit of the Spirit is attractive indeed.
Quote:
Children cannot be brought to a healthy maturity raised in an atmosphere of fear and punishment.
I agree with the above but find it seriously contradicts the rest of the Pearls' teachings. It seems Michael Pearl's readers are aware of the discrepancy...

Quote:
We hear it often, “I did train them, but it did not work.”
Michael Pearl's response to the above amounts to a very pathetic, then, I guess you did it wrong.
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Old 03-06-2010, 08:28 PM   #11
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Default Re: Pearl book, "Jumping Ship"--anyone heard of it?

WOW, Ashley. I am shocked at those quotes. Temperance? Gentleness? Talk about being in total and complete denial....
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