having a hard time here...help

The stay in lady that was here to help...is gone. Dh took her back to my IL's on Sunday. Its a mixed blessing, she did help out a bit but my ds1 was acting up like crazy. Now that she's gone he's back to normal. My only problem is trying to clean the house while I have a needy dd2 and a crying ds2 practically all day. Not all day but it sure feels like it. As soon as I have their needs med or the baby is asleep, someone needs me so there goes the dishes and the sweeping. Gotta go ds2 just started crying.

My oldest two were almost-4 and 2.5 when Jude was a newborn. ITU If your DH is not going to give you grief about helping with housework, I would make a mental list of two or three *specific* things he can do for you tonight (or, every evening, at least for a little while) to help relieve the burden to some extent. Ex: vacuum the living room floor, wipe the bathroom sinks clean, or maybe pick up dinner on your way home

Also, if you have any tasks to do that can be delegated to someone else, do it! We agreed that my sanity was worth the cost of taking DH's dress shirts to the cleaners instead of me doing the ironing at least for a few months

dh hasn't said anything but its frustrating that when I put one child down and everyone seems content. I start thinking of what I want to work on and all of a sudden (like they know I want to do something) someone starts crying or they need something.
Today I had ds1 pick up his toys...whatever he wasn't playing with. I did dishes here and there whenever I had free time. Dinner was half way done when the baby needed me, so I had to wait for dh to get home to finish the rest.

[Heather Micaela]

BTDT - doing it everyday in fact. One thing I learned is not to tell my dh what I think I might get done today or he sees it as a balck and white to-do promise. But if I just say nothing, he is fine. I then throw in an "I did ____." For good measure.

And I never start dinner till dh gets home. Haven't since AL was born.

I have the poem in my siggy (and another similar one) hanging on my wall. I keep in mind that though both are important tending to children trumps housekeeping in "triage".

Of course you're having trouble, you're supposed to still be in bed with socks on your feet!

Do you have some crockpot recipes that y'all like? Those are typically quicker to throw together (longer cooking, but quicker to throw in the pot).

Do you have a sling? We're going to Guanajuato at the end of the month -- land of the dirt cheap rebozo. I'd be happy to pick one up for you if you'd like.

Originally Posted by Mama Calidad

Of course you're having trouble, you're supposed to still be in bed with socks on your feet!

Do you have some crockpot recipes that y'all like? Those are typically quicker to throw together (longer cooking, but quicker to throw in the pot).

Do you have a sling? We're going to Guanajuato at the end of the month -- land of the dirt cheap rebozo. I'd be happy to pick one up for you if you'd like.

oooo, how much are they?

Originally Posted by Lavender Lily

oooo, how much are they?

Less than $10. But seriously, I'd be happy to pick one up for you. Not sell you one.

[ShangriLewis]

Mine have a tiny more distance and my last baby was a huge handful. He didn't sleep, didn't nap...still full of energy. Always delegate to your husband anything he likes or doesn't mind doing. My dh doesn't mind doing the bathrooms so he gets that job.

I kept him in the sling and kept the others busy. If anyone slept, I slept. If I had to do dishes the boys could drag toys in the kitchen or play in the sink or play in the sprinkler outside the back window.

If I had laundry the boys got to pull out all the clothes and race them to the washer. Your 4 year old might have fun sorting.

I had playdough, rice bucket, lots of art supplies. As always, my biggest recommendation and most useful tool is the bathtub. Get some good bubbles, bath paints, bath crayons and put a chair close by.

As for food, don't cook unless another adult is home. Cook a lot that will last a few meals (you can freeze or just reheat). I actually had a microwave at the time and used that for reheating. Spaghetti can become a side dish if it gets boring ya know. Think of ways for the kids to help in the kitchen. Can they set the table? Can they tidy a drawer? My boys loved to wash the floors at that age. You can give them a spray bottle of water and some rags and let them clean anything they want.

[Heather Micaela]

I was wondering if your oldest is responsible enough to hold the baby when he wants attention but doesnt need to nurse? Maybe she could sit in the kitchen and hold him while you make dinner. (But I am thinking down the line a few months)

Originally Posted by ShangriLewis

IAs for food, don't cook unless another adult is home. Cook a lot that will last a few meals (you can freeze or just reheat).

Food prep is such a huge part of the Mothering equation. I find that if I can limit my frustration & anxiety here, the rest of the house can pretty much go to you-know-where in a handbasket for a season, and I'm ok. I agree with ShangriLewis on quantity cooking, I also ALWAYS prep the next days dinner after I clean up - or while I'm cleaning up. For example, tomorrrow we're having Tacos, so I will brown meat, and add seasoning (while I'm loading dishwasher) , shred cheese in my food processor if need be, and maybe cut lettuce - so that all I have to do is pull out and reheat. DH's works alot of hours, so I don't always have the benifit of more hands on deck during dinner prep hour. HTH

Originally Posted by Heather Micaela

I was wondering if your oldest is responsible enough to hold the baby when he wants attention but doesnt need to nurse? Maybe she could sit in the kitchen and hold him while you make dinner. (But I am thinking down the line a few months)

at this stage ds2 is very attached to me. Meaning no one does it for him.....not even dh. Dh feels bad that he can't sometime calm ds2 down. So during the day I can wear ds2. I like to have dinner ready before dh gets home so that it doesn't get too late and we can all hang out before everyone has to go to bed. For the kids, thats 8:00. Dh has to go to bed by 9:30, so there's no compomising there at all. But if I can't and dh is home, I have to let dh hold him and I have to take ds2 every now and then to calm him down. I normally let everyone eat, then when dh is done he takes ds2 so i can eat. But if we're lucky we can all eat together while ds2 sleeps or is happy laying down looking around.
During one of my Calgon moments today, dh called and I laid everything on him. He did say he would help out with laundry and dishes. He told me not to worry about getting everything done. Because at that point looking at crumbs on the floor were driving me crazy. as soon as ds2 went down for a micro nap I swept up the floor, gave the kids a bath, and made the bed. I think it was hormone induced.

Originally Posted by GretchenM

Food prep is such a huge part of the Mothering equation. I find that if I can limit my frustration & anxiety here, the rest of the house can pretty much go to you-know-where in a handbasket for a season, and I'm ok. I agree with ShangriLewis on quantity cooking, I also ALWAYS prep the next days dinner after I clean up - or while I'm cleaning up. For example, tomorrrow we're having Tacos, so I will brown meat, and add seasoning (while I'm loading dishwasher) , shred cheese in my food processor if need be, and maybe cut lettuce - so that all I have to do is pull out and reheat. DH's works alot of hours, so I don't always have the benifit of more hands on deck during dinner prep hour. HTH

so far this week all the meals have been quick pre meals. Nothing like what I was doing before ds2 came. Dh was totally on board with this b/c I told him I couldn't do all that right now and maybe not until I could juggle with everything again. I'll keep this in mind though for other meal ideas that may take some work.