ETLDTD week 4, day 4 -- thursday 7/24/8

[tempus vernum]

Attitude shift: harnessing the power of unity
Reason: to focus on connecting instead of trying to be special
Discipline skill: encouragement
Discipline value: inter dependence

Reading -- Chapter on encouragement (ch 8 p 121 to 163)

Check the Weekly reading
Challenge - p 264 to 265
Power of unityp 47-50
Intro to skill of Encouragement - p 58 and 59
Chapter on encouragement p 121 to p 163

[tempus vernum]

For me today, my goal is going to be praise 5 times a day, maintain my composure because I am tired

After a running high I was up past 1am and it's only 6am now so it may be tough. HOwever, we don't have too much on out schedule for today. Nothing that has a certain time except dinner at my mom's and t ball and that's in the evening and dh will be there to help. For some reason when I and tired mornings are worst

I forgot to report in my lengthy book like post last night , that I praised the older children several times yesterday. I still need to work on this but it's a start I am having a hard time praising savana - this week has been a tough one for her. She's in a contrary stage the last few months and "do you want to do it yourself or should I help you do it?" was my key discipline tool. This week that tool's not working so she is having lots of meltdowns. I need to work on praising her today as I continue with the older ones.

Just for curiosity sake, I HS our kids and I work with them on piano every day (I know how to play a bit). Is the one on one time during those times "enough" or do I need more than that? Just wondering. I spend about 15 minutes with each child alone 2 x's a day (Language arts and piano lessons). NOt counting svana - she needs more one on one time with me. I can't decide if I think it's enough or not We do other stuff alone too. LIke yesterday Luke and I sat in the hot tub alone, played checkers alone. Alyssa and I had about a 5minute talk about friendships. Just kind of thinking aloud.

Praying today is a successful day for all of us

[Radosny Matka]

Originally Posted by SonshineMama

Just for curiosity sake, I HS our kids and I work with them on piano every day (I know how to play a bit). Is the one on one time during those times "enough" or do I need more than that? Just wondering. I spend about 15 minutes with each child alone 2 x's a day (Language arts and piano lessons). NOt counting svana - she needs more one on one time with me. I can't decide if I think it's enough or not We do other stuff alone too. LIke yesterday Luke and I sat in the hot tub alone, played checkers alone. Alyssa and I had about a 5minute talk about friendships. Just kind of thinking aloud.

I think that the alone time with the piano is great. I also think they would benefit from some additional alone time that doesn't revolve around schooltime activities, i.e. something that just you and they do. Everyone gets piano time. Stuff like playing checkers and talking alone is perfect!


Not sure what today's goals are - probably just to survive the day. Today is messy party day, so the kids are really excited (that happens at 1:00). This morning, as I was waking up, Nathaniel accidently jumped on my head. Being 1/2 asleep, I kinda shouted. He got mad, stuck his tongue out at me and said, "I'm going downstairs." About 5 minutes later, he came upstairs and apologized for jumping on my head. I told him I knew it was an accident, and that I was sorry I shouted. Such progress, really, for us, that is HUGE progress.

I'm doing really well encouraging Nathaniel. He is an easy kid to encourage, and he is eating it up like crazy. Patrick is a lot harder to encourage, so I need to watch him closer for times I can encourage. I almost feel like he doesn't *get* it yet. This morning I encouraged him for saying sorry when he accidently hurt Nathaniel. I got no response from him, but that could be becasue he has a different personality.



Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

[MamaMansa]

My goal today is to survive. I am just so irritable and tired. We had a hard time with my youngest DD leaving swimming lessons, and I got angry. I was able to maintain composure and not yell, but the internally struggle was getting the best of me. I am trying hard to refocus. I had to tell my kids that I needed 10 minutes of alone time when we got home so I could calm down. Here I sit, and it's 30 minutes later.

As I was thinking about my post yesterday that used her "script" (in the midst of trying to get out of the Y ), I'm now questioning whether or not that is to be used with children who are melting down and uncooperative. Thoughts? It's on page 207-208. It would just not have worked to start problem solving with a screaming 4-year-old. I ended up saying, "You have a choice. You can either walk with me to the locker to get dressed or I will carry you. If you choose for me to carry you, we will not have time for you to dry your swimsuit in the machine. If we can scoot over there fast, we'll have time. I know you like drying your swimsuit. What is your choice?" That isn't really a positive choice, but I wasn't in the mindset of removing the privilege of drying her swimsuit, I was in the mindset of thinking that if I needed to carry her and dress her thrashing about, I'd be heading straight for the door, without wanting to stick around for even one additional second. She then cooperated, but I still did not feel successful because of my internal anger. I know that stems from not getting enough sleep, but I dislike feeling like I'm in survival mode.

I also read that script in the book with fresh eyes just now, and am having trouble getting past......"you seem to be having a problem this morning." Does that rub anyone else the wrong way? Maybe it's my mood today, or memories of that word from childhood. It kind of almost sounds like it could come across as, "What's your problem?" if it was not used in the correct tone. I think I would struggle with mastering a positive tone with that word. Anyone else feel the same way? I've made a mental note to use the word "dilemma."

I have the same goal today to spend one-on-one time with each child. I've been better at encouraging, but want to keep working on it. I also want to reread a bunch of sections in the book, and spend some time meditating on it.

[The Tickle Momster]

I'm still here. Been a little behind in the reading. HOping to catch up tomorrow morning while the kids are at their last day of VBS.

I have managed to maintain my composure pretty consistently. Trouble times are when ds does not respond. Granted it's been during over the hsoulder instructions but that's usually cause another child needs my attention at that moment. I've been better about getting down on his level to give instructions. not always, but better.

[Amber]

I have recently discovered something about myself. I am able to parent better on the mornings that I go for a run before dh goes to work. The thing is, I loath running but I have been doing it for the past month or so 4 or so mornings a week. Running in the morning starts of this chain reaction for me...I am getting up by my choice (not the kids waking me up), on the days I run I drink more water and I tend to eat better. All of these things add up and I feel better, so I am acting better towards my kids.

Originally Posted by MamaMansa

As I was thinking about my post yesterday that used her "script" (in the midst of trying to get out of the Y ), I'm now questioning whether or not that is to be used with children who are melting down and uncooperative. Thoughts? It's on page 207-208. It would just not have worked to start problem solving with a screaming 4-year-old. I ended up saying, "You have a choice. You can either walk with me to the locker to get dressed or I will carry you. If you choose for me to carry you, we will not have time for you to dry your swimsuit in the machine. If we can scoot over there fast, we'll have time. I know you like drying your swimsuit. What is your choice?" That isn't really a positive choice, but I wasn't in the mindset of removing the privilege of drying her swimsuit, I was in the mindset of thinking that if I needed to carry her and dress her thrashing about, I'd be heading straight for the door, without wanting to stick around for even one additional second. She then cooperated, but I still did not feel successful because of my internal anger. I know that stems from not getting enough sleep, but I dislike feeling like I'm in survival mode.

I think you did just fine. I don't think that walk or be carried is a negative choice. I also don't think there is anything wrong with letting her know that if it takes too long you won't have time to use the drier.

ITU about the internal anger, but the outing was still successful because you were able to keep your composure even though you were feeling angry.

[Living My Dream]

I;m still here too just not online as much. I am LOVING the book and its helping me as well as my child...

I went to soft play todya with a group of mums and at one point all the mums moved to a table to have a coffee but i couldnt mvoe so ended up being sat on my own away from them i couldnt hear them or communicate with them. NOW, I couldve sat n felt sorry for myself and moaned inside but i chose to think that the moment was as it was and i relaxed and i looked up and saw my boy do amazing things on the play equipment with my DH.

Thank-you fo encouraging me to read this book

Originally Posted by MamaMansa

I also read that script in the book with fresh eyes just now, and am having trouble getting past......"you seem to be having a problem this morning." Does that rub anyone else the wrong way?

Rubs me the wrong way too. I posted something similar on another thread, and someone suggested that instead of labeling it a problem, I should just describe. Something like: "I see a child who is tossing toys around, has an angry face like this [make face], and has a gruff voice." I've had good success with that! It normally slows my dd down enough for us to problem-solve a way for her to help make herself feel better. (Usually involves a hug. )

I'm running into a problem. When my dd gets very upset, she will scream "I'm happy! I'm happy!" all the while screaming and otherwise very upset. I've tried saying that she wants to be happy, that I see tears running down a sad face, nothing at all, and "I hear you telling me that you're happy." All of those responses seem to provoke her. She tells me that she wants me to say that she's happy, but I don't feel comfortable doing that since she isn't happy at all. Any ideas?

Doing well on one-on-one time, but still struggling with disciplining my own thinking. Last night I missed our new mattress for dd2 being delivered because I had to make a choice: dh was on his way home, I thought he'd get home in normal time, dd2 was beyond exhausted, and I expected to be able to hear the mattress people when they came, so I chose to put dd2 to bed. Turns out I missed the delivery completely. I was so, so upset. I was afraid that I'd be charged for the missed delivery and dh had just told me the previous day that money was tight. I realized that I could choose to calm myself down, but I was too riled up to pivot. The evening did not go well. (But, in good news, they didn't charge me! )

One other thought, how often do you all encourage yourself? It hit me yesterday that while I'm pretty good encouraging my kids, I'm lousy when it comes to encouraging myself or dh. I loved what Bailey said about creating an environment of encouragement, not just throwing out individual encouraging words. So I'm going to try to say 5 encouraging things out loud to myself during the day and then to dh. Need to let the encouragement flow all around!

[KLin]

I am having a good day here. Had great time playing on the floor, memory games and coloring with my little munchie. Did a great job home educating DS1 today. Encouraging him to read out loud so I could 'help' when he gets stuck. He liked it that he was not doing it alone and getting frustrated. I set up the indoor bouncer in the playroom today when they were too full of energy. Instead of getting upset at them for running around I found a good alternative. They had so much fun and are now getting out cards to play together while I make dinner.

Oh, and I love being encouraging!!!

[Radosny Matka]

Honestly, MamaMansa, since you mentioned it, the senario you posted earlier kind of sounded like a lecture. I think for a child who is in the throws of a meltdown, it would be too many words all at once. For my kids in meltdown, the fewer words, the better. I'm sorry you had a rough day.

Originally Posted by Praise

Rubs me the wrong way too. I posted something similar on another thread, and someone suggested that instead of labeling it a problem, I should just describe. Something like: "I see a child who is tossing toys around, has an angry face like this [make face], and has a gruff voice." I've had good success with that! It normally slows my dd down enough for us to problem-solve a way for her to help make herself feel better. (Usually involves a hug. )

I do that too - just need to remember to do it more.

[MamaMansa]

Originally Posted by Radosny Matka

Honestly, MamaMansa, since you mentioned it, the senario you posted earlier kind of sounded like a lecture. I think for a child who is in the throws of a meltdown, it would be too many words all at once. For my kids in meltdown, the fewer words, the better. I'm sorry you had a rough day.

Well, it is the exact scenario the author uses when describing consequences and problem solving. I took the phrases she uses and condensed them to a readers digest version. It was not meant to be said all at once, but I'd assumed most people had probably read that part of the book and knew what I was talking about. Sorry for the confusion. I should have just referenced the page numbers.

I really do like her theory of putting problems back on the person who owns them, but not sure how to implement it quite yet.

[Living My Dream]

nevermind

[Radosny Matka]

Originally Posted by MamaMansa

Well, it is the exact scenario the author uses when describing consequences and problem solving. I took the phrases she uses and condensed them to a readers digest version. It was not meant to be said all at once, but I'd assumed most people had probably read that part of the book and knew what I was talking about. Sorry for the confusion. I should have just referenced the page numbers.

I really do like her theory of putting problems back on the person who owns them, but not sure how to implement it quite yet.

That makes perfect sense.

[tempus vernum]

week 4, day 5 here