ETLDTD - week 4, day 2 7/22/8

[tempus vernum]

Attitude shift: harnessing the power of unity
Reason: to focus on connecting instead of trying to be special
Discipline skill: encouragement
Discipline value: inter dependence

Reading --Power of unity

Check the Weekly reading
Challenge - p 264 to 265
Power of unityp 47-50
Intro to skill of Encouragement - p 58 and 59
Chapter on encouragement p 121 to p 163

What are you goals for the day?

Share your successes and your failures

[tempus vernum]

I actually completed my goals or decided not to do them yesterday
1. add “there’s no time like the present” end of each discipline skill chapter to cheat sheets
2. add p 77 to cheat sheets and continue to drop 2 beliefs from column A, pick up 2 from Column B -- decided to just review it instead of print it
3. print cheat sheets, note cards, and positive discipline 2 todos

I am feeling very content with where I am at. Overall, I am finally seeming to gain control of myself and not parent in anger or harshness. Even if its internal harshness, it was affecting me being too hard on the kids or having too high of expectations for them I am very happy with that.

Encouragement is not something I am very good at I am realizing. I realized I expect my kids to do what they are told - it's their job so why should I congratulate them Oi vey. So I am working hard at it. You can tell I'm not good at it the way my kids react when I praise them They just start beaming - But I forgive myself - I am not perfect and I have connected with these children in a mostly assertive way for years so . . . I must improve and not hold myself to a standard of perfection. I read her suggestion of 5 times a day per child and went WOw. That seems like a lot to me. I am trying hard to say "you did it. . . . " and then describe what I see.

I also am congratulating myself for not asking them "what did I tell you to do?" and waiting for an answer ALL DAY yesterday. I simply calmly gave the directive.

[tempus vernum]

Originally Posted by The Tickle Momster

I'm here. Haven't done last weeks reading yet.

Looking at the info for this week. . . it's gonna be a hard one. Connecting is something I really struggle with. To top it off, it's VBS week so we'll be getting out of the house by 8:30 every morning. (I get to come home with just Toby for 3 hours though. Looking forward to that. ) Not sure what reentry will be like each afternoon. I'm planning lunches to be cold salads that I can just pull from the fridge and serve. That will be helpful.

Me too It's not for lack of desire or intentions on my part. I am so high strung I tend to forget to connect and just keep moving along my day being busy It's really been a challenge for me since starting this challenge. I am improving a lot

Praying your day is enjoyable and hoping that we both improve this week on connecting

Originally Posted by Amber

This week is going to be a busy on for us. We are going on our first camping trip of the summer this weekend, and I usually feel rushed and stressed before something like this just trying to get everything together.

On a positive note. I had a date with Cole on Saturday and it was really fun. I was tempted to rush him through the morning to get dressed etc...but I sat back, took a deep breath and remembered that today was going to be about fun. I was able to change my approach and get him dressed and out the door.

Since this week will be busy, my main goal is to continue working on connecting with the boys and parenting face to face.

Amber, that is AWESOME that you had a date with Cole. Praying you also have a relaxing time and don't stress out in the preparations. Parenting face to face is hard - I tend to parent from above and give commands

Originally Posted by MamaMansa

This week I want to let go of being "right" and concentrate on connecting. I also want to spend individual time with each child daily, doing something they want to do, even if it's something I don't like (ie. Monopoly).

In general, I feel like things are going well here. More later....

Awesome goal Laura. I am glad things are going well

Originally Posted by Radosny Matka

Caught up on the reading. Just wanted to pop in and say I'm still here.


Jodi - yes, when I don't get enough sleep, it ain't pretty. I was up last night due to a major thunderstorm. It kept me awake when we kept losing and getting power. Then we were without power and it got too hot to sleep until it went back on at 2 in the morn. I'm heading to bed and will be back tomorrow.

Oh ya - yes, I do want another week to finish the chapters. Acutally, I want to start back again at week 1 and do it all over again - to help reinforce.

Sara, I am up for starting over on week 1 but not doing it myself. I would join a "redo" if someone else coordinated it. YOu don't have to do it like I have *hint, hint*. YOu could just post once a week even

[TraceMama]

I'm also still here, but haven't checked in for a while.

I'm still working on:
*parenting face to face --- I tend to give directives from above too
*assigning positive intent
*being assertive instead of passive
*making 5 minutes to be with each of my children each day
*connecting and encouraging

I am a relatively encouraging person by nature; however, I think I've pulled back a bit so as not to over-praise the dc. So, I need to make sure that I'm doing it at least 5 times a day. Also, being present with them would help me recognize what it is that they're achieving so that I can praise them. I have a tendency to get lost in the to-do list and the tasks that need completing (or, like yesterday, trying to figure out where to start with all that needs to be done here ) that I'm not really *with* them.

We've been doing the bedtime routine here and BlueEyes loves it. The first night I did it, he just snuggled into his bed and grinned from ear to ear and then asked, "Mommy, did you do that with me when I was a baby?"

Also, are the notes and addendums to the cheat sheets available or are they just personal references? I need all the help I can get.

[tempus vernum]

So glad things are going well

I'll PM you what I did. I basically typed up (with a few extra reminders) her "try it now" sections at the end of each chapter on discipline

[tempus vernum]

I almost forgot - the sermon on Sunday reminded me of this challenge.

He said
"No one makes you angry - own your own anger - blaming otherw ill only make it worse"
"WHen we are angry we are focused on short lived things. We are keeping our eyes on the insignificant"

These fell out of my bible and I wanted to share

[TraceMama]

Thanks for the notes and sounds like a good sermon!

[Radosny Matka]

I love this weeks lesson. It is fun! Really, it's the first time I've felt like this journey is fun. This morning, P built a tower out of legos, and I said, "Wow, Patrick, look at you. You built a tower that goes yellow, blue, red, yellow. How cool." He gave me a big smile. And later, we were jumping on the bed and P got hurt. N went over and rubbed his head. I said, "Nathaniel, I noticed how when Patrick got hurt, you rubbed his head. THat was compassionate." He gave me a HUGE smile and said "thank you." In the past, I would have said something like, "that was nice of you to help your brother." The ETLDTD way is so much better. Then N was showing P all about his toy and explaining it to him. I encouraged him then as well, and when we went back downstairs, he showed him another toy, and then offered him some of his special toys to play with!!! All from just a little encouragement and recognition!

[Radosny Matka]

Originally Posted by SonshineMama

Sara, I am up for starting over on week 1 but not doing it myself. I would join a "redo" if someone else coordinated it. YOu don't have to do it like I have *hint, hint*. YOu could just post once a week even

If I were to lead it, I would do a copy and paste of what you did each week. I'm terrible at these things. you are doing such a wonderful job leading this study. you so very much!

[KLin]

I have been lurking. I had oral surgery last week, and my DH and brother have helped me with life.

I do not have page numbers, I am reading on a Kindle, and I just read when I could and am on chapter 8.
I am doing so much better with the boys. They are responding wonderfully. Our life in general is improved. I had to stop often and think before reacting and have talked to the boys about why we need to accept eachothers feelings before reating to see how we can help. Not to be mad at the little brother when he is pouting or running away, but try to see how to help him find his words so we can help make things better.

I will review my reading with the posts to see where I should be.

[The Tickle Momster]

I'm here!

[The Tickle Momster]

I think this week will actually be good for us as far as connecting. I have all morning to get stuff done around the house. Then I can focus on the kids in the afternoon.

I haven't read the chapter yet. I will though. Maybe during rest time, instead of hanging out here.

Things going better here too. I realized today that while I spend a great deal of time (or so it feels like to me ) on the floor with the girls, about half of the time I'm spaced out. I'm there physically, and can even say all the right "encouraging" things on auto-pilot, but am not there mentally at all. So, I'm going to work on being mentally with the girls when I'm with them physically. It's not like I'm doing any great thinking that can't wait a few hours.

Dh agreed to read the book too! I told him that I'm having such a hard time with some of the principals, that I'd love if he read the book to help keep me accountable. The more I talked about it, the more interested he became. I'm really hoping that we can help each other break out of the passive roles. But, on a good note, I'm noticing more and more ways that what I say is passive.

[MamaMansa]

Long day, but I did manage to spend one-on-one time with each child alone. I'm just not a playful parent by nature, so it isn't always easy (DH is the "kid at heart" and the "fun" parent, LOL).

I love the encouragement, when I remember to do it but it's amazing the results it gets, the expressions on DD face when you encourage her after she's done something.

When we went to the hospital on Monday for the baby checkup DD was walking with the pram and when I said "stop" to cross the road she stopped, I said to her "you stopped when Mummy said stop! That's good listening" (spur of the moment couldn't think of a better word to describe it ) She looked so proud, and we we came up to the next crossing she started to go "hee hee" waiting for me to say stop again, when she stopped I encouraged her again and she did a proud of herself giggle

Today we went to an indoor playground for playgroup and DD had a bit of a meltdown as we were leaving, she wanted an icecream which I bought her, but then we were dropping a little girl and her Nana home as she got a lollipop, so NATURALLY Ketia wanted a lollipop too. But I stood my ground and told her that she had an icecream and couldn't have a lollipop too, and asked her if she wanted to walk to the car or me carry her, which she ignored and cried for a lollipop, so I carried her to the car, and I told her that she is sad because she wants a lollipop but she has an icecream. Eventually after much fighting (on her part) getting her into her car seat, Ella (the 3 year old we were taking home) said to her Nana that she would share her lollipop (jaw dropping at a 3 year old sharing a lolli), so her Nana opened the lollipop and Ella gave it to Ketia and she had a few licks and we told her to give some to Ella, which she did and Ella gave it back. It was so cute! I said to Ketia "It's nice of Ella to share her lollipop, you say thank you" (she didn't because she was still being a bit sensitive) When Ella got out of the car DS started to scream, I realised too late that he had been watching the whole thing and was probably waiting for his lick poor little boy. She eventually got over the lollipop and ate her ice cream when we got home.

Oh and I didn't lose my cool through the whole episode!!! Yay me!