ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8

tempus vernum · 07-17-2008, 06:28 AM

Week three

Attitude shift - Harnessing the Power of Free will
Reason; the only person you can make change is yourself
Discipline skill: choices
Value: COmmitment

Read pp 57 to 58 - an intro to choices - think about the chapter on choices and think about what you need to do today.

Review the challenge p 262 and 263 - how are you doing? What changes do you want to make?

CHeck the reading for the week
*p 45 to 46 Power of Free will
*p 57 and 58
*Ch 5
Did you read this? If yes, re-read what you need review on

Practice the power of free will p 46 or your cheat sheet
Practice "there's no time like the present" at the end of choices chapter -- p 119 -- add this to your cheat sheets if you need it

How it is going?

A housekeeping question?? after week 7, would anyone like to spend an extra week doing the reading not covered in the challenge and discussing it or should we start working this in - we could work on these on fridays and the weekend if no one wants to extend the challenge

*Ch 10 -- why children do what they do - the development of misbehavior
*Ch 11- loving guidance in action: solving the top disipline problems
*Epilogue
*the What if's page

tempus vernum · 07-17-2008, 06:38 AM

I just want to say overall I feel I am REALLY changing. It's evidenced in my response to my dh last night. I made popcorn and cheezy popcorn (w/nutritional yeast) and asked "did you get enough popcorn?" I was making a second batch for the children (they don't like the "cheez") and wanted to know if I should add nutritional yeats to half the batch.

His answer "Well, I only got one bowl" he wasn't mean but we both have a tendency to be passive agressive and not even recognize it

My response (pause while I thought about this) "I hear you saying that you wanted more than one bowl and would like me to make some more."
Him (sounding very humble) "yes, thank you"

In the past I would have nagged and said "can't you just ask me for more. Do you have to be rude about it? When you say that, I feel you are callingme a pig" Because I ate the rest of it

I ran 3 miles and showered and was RAVENOUS. RUnning more than 2 miles makes me starved

The entire thing made me feel I was floating on air

And I am working HARD AT offering positive choices. I even stopped myself last night during teethbrushing time from forcing "the hard way" on Luke. He was WAY overtired. We hung out with LisaM much of the day and then he swam and rode his bike while I ran. Hint to me and dh --- he needed an earlier bedtime but didn't get it

So it was time to brush and he wouldn't do it. I asked him if he would like me or daddy to brush for him. He said neither and went into full pout mode. I decided not to push the issue because knowing him it would have escalated. We have spent way too many times with him in full melt down mode. I decided "I don't want to force him. Its not worth it - he's too overtired to learn anything from this" and walked away

But the best part was -- he walked upstairs, got on his diaper and climbed in bed (he was still melting down left and right). We skipped read aloud time. As soon as he laid down and I did his bedtime ritual, he was asleep before I could even turn off the light

In the past, he would be sobbing and crying in the closet after a really long meltdown when I told him. "YOu must brush your teeth. You have not chosen, so I will choose for you." and proceeded to brush his teeth while he mauled me

Then we'd have to carry him upstairs and he'd be hitting and punching while I did it. Then he would hide in the closet and cry until read alouds were over when I'd carry him to bed.

So I feel it was a victory

This book really is helping me become the mom I want to be (again - I used to be that person

)

Today's goal - only offer positive choices. Focus on what I want more of. Own my own feelings.

MaiMama · 07-17-2008, 06:49 AM

I had a horrible night last night. I think I'm PMSing. I used assertive language, but it was really an overreaction. At the moment I was really proud of myself for using the "right" words, but if I think about it more, it wasn't the heart of the matter. She was needing me, and I was avoiding her.

I'm having a hard time with all of this. I guess I need to go back to the beginning.

I am lovable and loving. So are my kids.
I am in charge of me.
I can change myself, but no one else. (or God can change me--I get hazy on whether to believe I can make myself change, YKWIM?)
No one can make me angry without my permission.
Own my own upset.
Breathe and PIVOT. Choose to see things differently.
Make choices actively, don't just let life happen to me.

(At the moment, I chose to turn on the TV (first time for kids' shows in a long time) so I could work on this and make a call or two. I decided it was better than having them climb on me and feel left out.) In a little while, I will choose to turn it off.

More

tempus vernum · 07-17-2008, 07:26 AM

Well, the person who typed my earlier post has left the bulding or something - I am right in the middle of a MAJOR meltdown - the kids AND I. I keep trying to start over and I keep failing

It's awful here and i can't think of any way to turns things around.

The Tickle Momster · 07-17-2008, 08:23 AM

Jodi

Can you go outside? Go to a park? Read a book to the kids?

The moment is as it is. You can choose to see it differently.

You can do it!

The Tickle Momster · 07-17-2008, 08:28 AM

I just read pp 45 & 46. She talks about how society expects us to MAKE our kids mind and how we can't make anyone do anything. Does anyone else feel guilty when their kids don't 'mind' and you work towards compliance using this and the 5 steps. We know we are doing the right thing for our kids yet still feel guilty by society's standards? Does this even make sense to anyone?

I'm

so my thoughts are tougher to get out.

MamaMansa · 07-17-2008, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonshineMama

A housekeeping question?? after week 7, would anyone like to spend an extra week doing the reading not covered in the challenge and discussing it or should we start working this in - we could work on these on fridays and the weekend if no one wants to extend the challenge

*Ch 10 -- why children do what they do - the development of misbehavior
*Ch 11- loving guidance in action: solving the top disipline problems
*Epilogue
*the What if's page

Anything that extends the length of this challenge works for me.

Off to do the reading....

The Tickle Momster · 07-17-2008, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaMansa

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonshineMama

A housekeeping question?? after week 7, would anyone like to spend an extra week doing the reading not covered in the challenge and discussing it or should we start working this in - we could work on these on fridays and the weekend if no one wants to extend the challenge

*Ch 10 -- why children do what they do - the development of misbehavior
*Ch 11- loving guidance in action: solving the top disipline problems
*Epilogue
*the What if's page

Anything that extends the length of this challenge works for me.

Off to do the reading....

MamaMansa · 07-17-2008, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonshineMama

Well, the person who typed my earlier post has left the bulding or something - I am right in the middle of a MAJOR meltdown - the kids AND I. I keep trying to start over and I keep failing

It's awful here and i can't think of any way to turns things around.

Use the Power of Perception.

I often have to catch myself before thinking the day is "bad" or "awful" (which I do a LOT). Remember, this chapter has us focus on our own perceptions. I love the example they use about traffic......traffic can be "awful" or we can view it as, "a lot of cars on the road today."

I say this as I sit here alone in silence, drinking my coffee, with my DH off work, and the kids out and about with him.

When that's not the case, I can't tell you how many times I have to stop myself from labeling an entire day as "miserable" (ie. last Saturday, and the DD meltdown I was telling you about off list, LOL).

You can do it!

MamaMansa · 07-17-2008, 10:35 AM

I need help. Can we talk about choices a bit?

I have a DD(4) who continuously picks "C" when offered "A" or "B."

What are your standard responses to that? I repeat "A" and "B" and she either says "neither" or "C."

The Tickle Momster · 07-17-2008, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaMansa

I need help. Can we talk about choices a bit?

I have a DD(4) who continuously picks "C" when offered "A" or "B."

What are your standard responses to that? I repeat "A" and "B" and she either says "neither" or "C."

With dd 6.75 this morning, I told her she could ask for option C. If she did it respectfully, I would consider it. Not sure if that would work w/a 4 y/o.

If not, you can wait a few moments and pick for her.

The Tickle Momster · 07-17-2008, 11:33 AM

I came on to ask for help pivoting. DD1 is driving me nuts. She is questioning EVERYTHING! And no answer is good enough. I finally sent her to her room and said she could come down when she was ready to cooperate & help. Took her 45 minutes at least. She just came down. I just kept thinking, I don't want her around. ideas on how you pivot thru things like that?

07-17-2008, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaMansa

I need help. Can we talk about choices a bit?

I have a DD(4) who continuously picks "C" when offered "A" or "B."

What are your standard responses to that? I repeat "A" and "B" and she either says "neither" or "C."

We've had moderate success with 1) Stating the command first. For example, if I just say "Do you want your red or blue shirt?" dd may pick none. But if I say "You need to put a shirt on. Do you want your red or blue shirt?" then it seems to help. 2) Empathizing. I may say something like: "Aw, it's so hot. You really don't want to wear any shirt. Yeah, I sometimes feel like that. We need to go outside, so shirts are mandatory." 3) Pausing. I sometimes stop and think, and if I'm feeling playful try to come up with a 3rd option and state it like it is a huge compromise. "Weeeell, I suppose you could wear the orange shirt, but..." and then go overboard pretending I hope she doesn't pick that option.

More later.

Amber · 07-17-2008, 03:43 PM

I think my hormones are all out of whack, I must be PMSing or something. The things that were so easy for me to do last week just aren't happening this week

Both today and yesterday I have been hearing the words come out of my mouth and knowing that is not what I want to say to my kids

I took the boys to the Children's Museum today, and I was really surprised at the amount of passive language I heard parents using. I kept catching myself doing it too, then rewording my directions to the boys to be assertive.

Today my big goal is to make the time to reconnect with Cole. I've been doing good connecting with Kyle, but not so good doing it with Cole. For the next couple of days I am going to pour myself into him, and get good and connected. My other goal today is to stop before I say anything to my kids and filter out the crazy before I actually say anything

The Tickle Momster · 07-17-2008, 04:00 PM

Quote:

For the next couple of days I am going to pour myself into him, and get good and connected.

How do you do this?

07-17-2008, 06:28 AM	#1
tempus vernum Rose Garden I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 28,913	ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 Week three Attitude shift - Harnessing the Power of Free will Reason; the only person you can make change is yourself Discipline skill: choices Value: COmmitment Read pp 57 to 58 - an intro to choices - think about the chapter on choices and think about what you need to do today. Review the challenge p 262 and 263 - how are you doing? What changes do you want to make? CHeck the reading for the week p 45 to 46 Power of Free will p 57 and 58 Ch 5 Did you read this? If yes, re-read what you need review on Practice the power of free will p 46 or your cheat sheet Practice "there's no time like the present" at the end of choices chapter -- p 119 -- add this to your cheat sheets if you need it How it is going? A housekeeping question?? after week 7, would anyone like to spend an extra week doing the reading not covered in the challenge and discussing it or should we start working this in - we could work on these on fridays and the weekend if no one wants to extend the challenge Ch 10 -- why children do what they do - the development of misbehavior Ch 11- loving guidance in action: solving the top disipline problems Epilogue *the What if's page __________________ ~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ”

07-17-2008, 06:38 AM	#2
tempus vernum Rose Garden I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 28,913	Re: ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 I just want to say overall I feel I am REALLY changing. It's evidenced in my response to my dh last night. I made popcorn and cheezy popcorn (w/nutritional yeast) and asked "did you get enough popcorn?" I was making a second batch for the children (they don't like the "cheez") and wanted to know if I should add nutritional yeats to half the batch. His answer "Well, I only got one bowl" he wasn't mean but we both have a tendency to be passive agressive and not even recognize it My response (pause while I thought about this) "I hear you saying that you wanted more than one bowl and would like me to make some more." Him (sounding very humble) "yes, thank you" In the past I would have nagged and said "can't you just ask me for more. Do you have to be rude about it? When you say that, I feel you are callingme a pig" Because I ate the rest of it I ran 3 miles and showered and was RAVENOUS. RUnning more than 2 miles makes me starved The entire thing made me feel I was floating on air And I am working HARD AT offering positive choices. I even stopped myself last night during teethbrushing time from forcing "the hard way" on Luke. He was WAY overtired. We hung out with LisaM much of the day and then he swam and rode his bike while I ran. Hint to me and dh --- he needed an earlier bedtime but didn't get it So it was time to brush and he wouldn't do it. I asked him if he would like me or daddy to brush for him. He said neither and went into full pout mode. I decided not to push the issue because knowing him it would have escalated. We have spent way too many times with him in full melt down mode. I decided "I don't want to force him. Its not worth it - he's too overtired to learn anything from this" and walked away But the best part was -- he walked upstairs, got on his diaper and climbed in bed (he was still melting down left and right). We skipped read aloud time. As soon as he laid down and I did his bedtime ritual, he was asleep before I could even turn off the light In the past, he would be sobbing and crying in the closet after a really long meltdown when I told him. "YOu must brush your teeth. You have not chosen, so I will choose for you." and proceeded to brush his teeth while he mauled me Then we'd have to carry him upstairs and he'd be hitting and punching while I did it. Then he would hide in the closet and cry until read alouds were over when I'd carry him to bed. So I feel it was a victory This book really is helping me become the mom I want to be (again - I used to be that person ) Today's goal - only offer positive choices. Focus on what I want more of. Own my own feelings. __________________ ~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ”

07-17-2008, 06:49 AM	#3
MaiMama Rose Garden Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: DFW Posts: 5,564	Re: ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 I had a horrible night last night. I think I'm PMSing. I used assertive language, but it was really an overreaction. At the moment I was really proud of myself for using the "right" words, but if I think about it more, it wasn't the heart of the matter. She was needing me, and I was avoiding her. I'm having a hard time with all of this. I guess I need to go back to the beginning. I am lovable and loving. So are my kids. I am in charge of me. I can change myself, but no one else. (or God can change me--I get hazy on whether to believe I can make myself change, YKWIM?) No one can make me angry without my permission. Own my own upset. Breathe and PIVOT. Choose to see things differently. Make choices actively, don't just let life happen to me. (At the moment, I chose to turn on the TV (first time for kids' shows in a long time) so I could work on this and make a call or two. I decided it was better than having them climb on me and feel left out.) In a little while, I will choose to turn it off. More __________________ Mai Married to my love, Jimmy 3/9/2000 Grateful Mama to: Trinity Rain - The Matrix, 2004 Jackson Atreyu - The Neverending Story, 2006 Bella Adalyn - Twilight, 2009 and introducing: Lincoln Ambassador - Fringe, 12/16/2012 remembering Aviva Ata '08

07-17-2008, 07:26 AM	#4
tempus vernum Rose Garden I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 28,913	Re: ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 Well, the person who typed my earlier post has left the bulding or something - I am right in the middle of a MAJOR meltdown - the kids AND I. I keep trying to start over and I keep failing It's awful here and i can't think of any way to turns things around. __________________ ~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ”

07-17-2008, 08:23 AM	#5
The Tickle Momster Rose Garden previously mlrowley Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NW WA Posts: 17,952	Re: ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 Jodi Can you go outside? Go to a park? Read a book to the kids? The moment is as it is. You can choose to see it differently. You can do it! __________________ Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save

07-17-2008, 08:28 AM	#6
The Tickle Momster Rose Garden previously mlrowley Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NW WA Posts: 17,952	Re: ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 I just read pp 45 & 46. She talks about how society expects us to MAKE our kids mind and how we can't make anyone do anything. Does anyone else feel guilty when their kids don't 'mind' and you work towards compliance using this and the 5 steps. We know we are doing the right thing for our kids yet still feel guilty by society's standards? Does this even make sense to anyone? I'm so my thoughts are tougher to get out. __________________ Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save

07-17-2008, 10:35 AM	#10
MamaMansa Deactivated Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,333	Re: ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 I need help. Can we talk about choices a bit? I have a DD(4) who continuously picks "C" when offered "A" or "B." What are your standard responses to that? I repeat "A" and "B" and she either says "neither" or "C."

07-17-2008, 11:33 AM	#12
The Tickle Momster Rose Garden previously mlrowley Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NW WA Posts: 17,952	Re: ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 I came on to ask for help pivoting. DD1 is driving me nuts. She is questioning EVERYTHING! And no answer is good enough. I finally sent her to her room and said she could come down when she was ready to cooperate & help. Took her 45 minutes at least. She just came down. I just kept thinking, I don't want her around. ideas on how you pivot thru things like that? __________________ Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save

07-17-2008, 03:43 PM	#14
Amber Rose Garden Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: The rainy side of Washington. Posts: 18,232	Re: ETLDTD - week 3, day4 -- 7/17/8 I think my hormones are all out of whack, I must be PMSing or something. The things that were so easy for me to do last week just aren't happening this week Both today and yesterday I have been hearing the words come out of my mouth and knowing that is not what I want to say to my kids I took the boys to the Children's Museum today, and I was really surprised at the amount of passive language I heard parents using. I kept catching myself doing it too, then rewording my directions to the boys to be assertive. Today my big goal is to make the time to reconnect with Cole. I've been doing good connecting with Kyle, but not so good doing it with Cole. For the next couple of days I am going to pour myself into him, and get good and connected. My other goal today is to stop before I say anything to my kids and filter out the crazy before I actually say anything __________________ Amber ISFJ Wife to my wonderful DH And keeper of the boys Big M (6/03) Forever ours Dec 2012 C (6/04), Little M (10/05) Forever ours Dec 2012 K (5/06) Missing our foster daughter Miss A

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
Page Generation 0.12483 seconds Memory Usage 8,037KB Queries Executed 13 (?)
More Information
Template Usage: (1)SHOWTHREAD (1)ad_footer_end (1)ad_footer_start (1)ad_header_end (1)ad_header_logo (1)ad_navbar_below (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr (1)ad_showthread_firstpost (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_sig (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_start (7)bbcode_quote (1)cyb_flashimagebanners (1)footer (1)forumjump (1)forumrules (1)gobutton (1)header (1)headinclude (1)navbar (3)navbar_link (60)option (1)pagenav (1)pagenav_curpage (1)pagenav_pagelink (15)post_groan_box (1)post_groan_javascript (1)post_groan_navbar_search (15)post_thanks_box (1)post_thanks_javascript (1)post_thanks_navbar_search (15)postbit_legacy (14)postbit_onlinestatus (142)postbit_reputation (15)postbit_wrapper (4)showthread_bookmarksite (1)smqre_editor_button (1)spacer_close (1)spacer_open (1)tagbit_wrapper Phrase Groups Available: global inlinemod postbit posting reputationlevel showthread	Included Files: ./showthread.php ./global.php ./includes/init.php ./includes/class_core.php ./includes/config.php ./includes/functions.php ./includes/class_hook.php ./includes/functions_notice.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php ./includes/functions_bigthree.php ./includes/class_postbit.php ./includes/class_bbcode.php ./includes/functions_reputation.php ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php ./includes/functions_misc.php ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php ./includes/functions_post_groan.php Hooks Called: init_startup cache_permissions fetch_threadinfo_query fetch_threadinfo fetch_foruminfo style_fetch cache_templates global_start parse_templates fetch_musername notices_check_start global_setup_complete showthread_start template_groups template_safe_functions template_compile showthread_getinfo forumjump showthread_post_start showthread_query_postids showthread_query bbcode_fetch_tags bbcode_create showthread_postbit_create postbit_factory postbit_display_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end post_groan_function_groaned_already_start post_groan_function_groaned_already_end reputation_image bbcode_parse_start postbit_imicons bbcode_parse_complete_precache bbcode_parse_complete postbit_display_complete error_fetch pagenav_page pagenav_complete tag_fetchbit_complete forumrules showthread_bookmarkbit navbits navbits_complete showthread_complete
Messages: